Difficult

I have to say, this pregnancy has been more difficult than my first one, in so many ways.

It's more physically difficult, as I'm feeling the effects of fatigue, nausea and odd pains much earlier. But I take comfort in the increased symptoms, which I take as a sign that all is well with our growing bean.

One thing that surprised me in both pregnancies is the amount of cramping and pain that your abdomen feels, even at only 4 weeks along. You actually get period-like cramps which make you run to the bathroom to check to make sure AF hasn't come and it was all just a dream. Also, I talked to my doctor because I was concerned about stabbing pains I was getting near my ovaries. She said that it's likely cyst pain, because your ovaries create a cyst after ovulation that can linger for a while. I hope that's all that it is, but the worrywart in me cannot help but wonder if it's something more, like an indication of a possible ectopic pregnancy.

It's also more emotionally difficult. I know I'm just so much more nervous about this pregnancy because of our miscarriage the first time around. The first time I got pregnant, it just didn't feel real to me until much later in the game, like around week 9. Now all the bonding feelings and worry have started much earlier than last time. I try to stay calm, cool and collected and not worry too much. I don't want all these stress emotions and hormones to affect the baby in any way. But there are still those moments that creep up on me and I succumb to the terror of "what if's".