It's been awhile since I last posted..... mostly because there is nothing new going on. Each month passes with no second line showing up on the pregnancy test. The days seem to blend into each other and before I know it weeks have passed without a post from me!
We have another appointment scheduled for early June to visit with the doctor to talk about the next steps. I'll update after that appointment!
Until then, I wish those of you trying for a baby luck! :-)
Showing posts with label doctor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label doctor. Show all posts
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
My Body is a Temple...
I've been working really hard lately to make sure that I eat healthy, drink lots of water, take my many vitamins and get some exercise. I make sure to get plenty of sleep and to do things that make me happy so that my mind stays occupied.
I am fine when I don't think about how long we've been trying. I am fine when I don't have to listen to people talk about their children. However, I have this nagging feeling that something is going on with my lady parts despite my treating my body like a temple. So, I have made an appointment with my OB/GYN. I am going to go in and tell her about my concerns and we'll go from there. I'll keep you posted!
I am fine when I don't think about how long we've been trying. I am fine when I don't have to listen to people talk about their children. However, I have this nagging feeling that something is going on with my lady parts despite my treating my body like a temple. So, I have made an appointment with my OB/GYN. I am going to go in and tell her about my concerns and we'll go from there. I'll keep you posted!
Friday, December 4, 2009
A Second Opinion
Yesterday, I met with my former OB-GYN and it was a much more pleasant, positive, and informing experience.
When we first arrived, we sat and talked for a few moments about if we wanted to get pregnant, when I last took birth control, when my last period was, anything that's been going on, the cramps, etc.
He left the room for a few minutes so that I could undress and get ready for an exam.
Mr. Joggersaur insisted on staying in the room with me... just in case anything was wrong.
Part of me was thankful, and part of me was slightly embarassed.
The doctor came back in and performed my exam. It was like a normal pap, except when everything was in place, he says, "Let's get a better look at your cervix." And shoves whatever they use down there even farther up in my cervix causing me to cringe.
He looked around, takes a sample, and feels around.
At this point, I couldn't even look at Mr. Joggersaur, because it's moments like this (when I'm completely uncomfortable) that I'm slightly immature, and would have totally busted out laughing.
When the exam is finished, the doctor leaves so I can get dressed and to put the sample under a microscope.
He returns and we talk for quite awhile.
He said my cervix looked really good. There was no swelling, no abnormalities, and everything felt good. And my cervical mucus sample looked good. He said it was thick.
He suggested that some of my cramping could be trapped air from frequent sex and maybe even changing positions, or it could be from emotions (good or bad stresses), and even bowel obstruction.
I was in with him for almost an hour.
I left with a perscription for progesterone to get things going. Instructions on how to take my basal body temp, because even though my cycles have been regular for awhile, it's only been a year since they were irregular. He suggested taking Citrucel for regular bowel function. And to keep taking my pre-natal vitamin.
After we left the dr's office, we went to the nearest Walgreens to stock up on supplies.
We bought a good themometer, a can of Citrucel, and ibuprofin.
I immediately popped in a couple of ibuprofin. The dr said I could take up to 2400 mg a day. The dr I saw the other day told me not to take anything!
After the pills were down, I started playing with the themometer on the long drive back "to the city".
Once home, I read all the instructions for the Citrucel and proceeded to take my first dose.
It said it would take 12-72 hours to take effect.
Let me tell you, it did not take that long.
Less than two before I was in the potty.
The first trip wasn't too bad. The second trip was only slightly painful. But the third trip was excrutiating!
I was completely drained after so much pooping. And I hurt in the same spot I had been hurting for weeks.
I told Mr. Joggersaur I wouldn't be taking that any more because there couldn't be anything left in me. He said you are taking it every single day, just like the dr said.
But I did get him to agree to taking just 1/2 a scoop instead of 1.
I took my temperature this morning and marked it down on the charts the dr gave me, but I will probably be setting up a fertility friend chart in the near future.
When we first arrived, we sat and talked for a few moments about if we wanted to get pregnant, when I last took birth control, when my last period was, anything that's been going on, the cramps, etc.
He left the room for a few minutes so that I could undress and get ready for an exam.
Mr. Joggersaur insisted on staying in the room with me... just in case anything was wrong.
Part of me was thankful, and part of me was slightly embarassed.
The doctor came back in and performed my exam. It was like a normal pap, except when everything was in place, he says, "Let's get a better look at your cervix." And shoves whatever they use down there even farther up in my cervix causing me to cringe.
He looked around, takes a sample, and feels around.
At this point, I couldn't even look at Mr. Joggersaur, because it's moments like this (when I'm completely uncomfortable) that I'm slightly immature, and would have totally busted out laughing.
When the exam is finished, the doctor leaves so I can get dressed and to put the sample under a microscope.
He returns and we talk for quite awhile.
He said my cervix looked really good. There was no swelling, no abnormalities, and everything felt good. And my cervical mucus sample looked good. He said it was thick.
He suggested that some of my cramping could be trapped air from frequent sex and maybe even changing positions, or it could be from emotions (good or bad stresses), and even bowel obstruction.
I was in with him for almost an hour.
I left with a perscription for progesterone to get things going. Instructions on how to take my basal body temp, because even though my cycles have been regular for awhile, it's only been a year since they were irregular. He suggested taking Citrucel for regular bowel function. And to keep taking my pre-natal vitamin.
After we left the dr's office, we went to the nearest Walgreens to stock up on supplies.
We bought a good themometer, a can of Citrucel, and ibuprofin.
I immediately popped in a couple of ibuprofin. The dr said I could take up to 2400 mg a day. The dr I saw the other day told me not to take anything!
After the pills were down, I started playing with the themometer on the long drive back "to the city".
Once home, I read all the instructions for the Citrucel and proceeded to take my first dose.
It said it would take 12-72 hours to take effect.
Let me tell you, it did not take that long.
Less than two before I was in the potty.
The first trip wasn't too bad. The second trip was only slightly painful. But the third trip was excrutiating!
I was completely drained after so much pooping. And I hurt in the same spot I had been hurting for weeks.
I told Mr. Joggersaur I wouldn't be taking that any more because there couldn't be anything left in me. He said you are taking it every single day, just like the dr said.
But I did get him to agree to taking just 1/2 a scoop instead of 1.
I took my temperature this morning and marked it down on the charts the dr gave me, but I will probably be setting up a fertility friend chart in the near future.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Cycle #3 - Update 2
Today is CD17 and I have not yet detected an LH surge. If my cycle is long, like the last one, then it is entirely possible that it is still coming. I'm not feeling like I'm ovulating or about to ovulate though. I used to be able to tell from ovulation cramping and cervical mucus. Now, I have no idea. Perhaps my body is still adjusting after my miscarriage in July. I am committed to using the OPKs until at least CD20. Hopefully by then, my body will give me some clues about what is happening.
image source
image source
I just got back from my new family doctor's office. I had my yearly physical and I was surprised at my reaction today. When I saw the examining table and paper gown, I wanted to burst into tears. Then I realized the last time I was on an examining table, in a paper gown, I was going through my miscarriage and follow up appointment. I guess these emotional flashbacks will continue for some time.
However, today was different. I liked this new doctor and I felt comfortable with her. I felt that she really listened to me and took time to explain what she was doing. This support is a big contrast to how I felt with my previous cold, impersonal family doctor. I am really glad that I made the switch.
I expressed concern about my irregular cycles. She did some testing for thyroid hormones, FSH, LH and Prolactin. She also did the pap test and tests for chlamydia and gonorrhea. When I expressed my concerns about pelvic inflammatory disease (due to my previous use of an IUD), she assured me that I would have symptoms with that infection. That eased my mind a bit. She also encouraged me to continue with my regular dental appointments and eye examinations, which I am going to follow-up with soon. I feel like she really cares about my health.
image source
All of these tests and doctors visits leads me to gratitude that my health care is covered (for the most part) here in Ontario. I hope that this path leads to our goal of a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby.
However, today was different. I liked this new doctor and I felt comfortable with her. I felt that she really listened to me and took time to explain what she was doing. This support is a big contrast to how I felt with my previous cold, impersonal family doctor. I am really glad that I made the switch.
I expressed concern about my irregular cycles. She did some testing for thyroid hormones, FSH, LH and Prolactin. She also did the pap test and tests for chlamydia and gonorrhea. When I expressed my concerns about pelvic inflammatory disease (due to my previous use of an IUD), she assured me that I would have symptoms with that infection. That eased my mind a bit. She also encouraged me to continue with my regular dental appointments and eye examinations, which I am going to follow-up with soon. I feel like she really cares about my health.
image source
My new family doctor is going to gather all the test results and then refer me to a gynecologist. The gynecologist can further investigate to determine if there are any medical reasons for my irregular cycles. In addition, she can also look for any possible barriers to conception.
All of these tests and doctors visits leads me to gratitude that my health care is covered (for the most part) here in Ontario. I hope that this path leads to our goal of a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
My miscarriage
Two months ago today, I had a miscarriage. A "missed miscarriage" actually. Our baby stopped growing at five weeks and I miscarried at ten weeks. I never realized before how devastating this experience was to a woman, to her partner and to their relationship.
At our nine week ultrasound, Mr. Pharmasaur and I were looking forward to seeing our baby for the first time. Instead, I was alone in a small, cramped examining room with an ultrasound tech who wouldn't say anything. Just that she needed to schedule another ultrasound in two weeks. I told Mr. Pharmasaur on the way to the car what had happened. How could we possibly wait two weeks to find out?
We went back to the clinic and asked to see my family doctor. After a short wait, she told us that the ultrasound technician hadn't seen a heartbeat and it was just a waiting game now. She gave me a requisition for a HCG test which we got done right away. What a horrible weekend that was. The waiting was agonizing. Not knowing if I was carrying a live fetus or not was so heartbreaking and stressful. I think we started our grieving that weekend.
The next week of waiting was no easier for us. I saw my family doctor again, plus had a Midwifery information session and two appointments with the Ob-Gyn. I had two more HCG levels done. On the Wednesday, I knew that the levels were falling and that this pregnancy would not continue for much longer. At that point I was waiting to miscarry.
In the space of one week, I had a total of five ultrasounds. Three were abdominal and two were vaginal. I felt so violated and devastated.
The only place where I received some support was at the Midwifery Clinic. Even though it was the first time I had seen them, they gave me their on call numbers. They told me to call anytime if I had any questions or concerns. They encouraged me to call if I was miscarrying and needed to talk with someone.
I started to miscarry on the Thursday night and it was completed in the Ob-Gyn's office the next morning. Our baby was gone. I was in shock. I still remember driving to the Indigo bookstore afterward, looking for some information or comfort in books about miscarriage. I was numb with disbelief.
Mr. Pharmasaur and I handled the grief differently. He wanted to get busy and not think about it too much. I wanted to commemorate our baby's short life, grieve and cry. We did hold a memorial service, just the two of us, about a week after the miscarriage. I think Mr. Pharmasaur was reluctant to do this at first. I hope it helped with his healing process as I know it helped me with mine.
We were just on a European vacation for two weeks and I brought along some books to read. In one of the books, a character has an ultrasound and sees an image of her baby on the screen. This triggered tears and grief for me again. It also triggers anger - why did this happen to us? We thought we were so lucky to be able to conceive so quickly. Then it turned out we were not lucky at all.
Goodbye again, our sweet angel. You will not be forgotten.
At our nine week ultrasound, Mr. Pharmasaur and I were looking forward to seeing our baby for the first time. Instead, I was alone in a small, cramped examining room with an ultrasound tech who wouldn't say anything. Just that she needed to schedule another ultrasound in two weeks. I told Mr. Pharmasaur on the way to the car what had happened. How could we possibly wait two weeks to find out?
We went back to the clinic and asked to see my family doctor. After a short wait, she told us that the ultrasound technician hadn't seen a heartbeat and it was just a waiting game now. She gave me a requisition for a HCG test which we got done right away. What a horrible weekend that was. The waiting was agonizing. Not knowing if I was carrying a live fetus or not was so heartbreaking and stressful. I think we started our grieving that weekend.
The next week of waiting was no easier for us. I saw my family doctor again, plus had a Midwifery information session and two appointments with the Ob-Gyn. I had two more HCG levels done. On the Wednesday, I knew that the levels were falling and that this pregnancy would not continue for much longer. At that point I was waiting to miscarry.
In the space of one week, I had a total of five ultrasounds. Three were abdominal and two were vaginal. I felt so violated and devastated.
The only place where I received some support was at the Midwifery Clinic. Even though it was the first time I had seen them, they gave me their on call numbers. They told me to call anytime if I had any questions or concerns. They encouraged me to call if I was miscarrying and needed to talk with someone.
I started to miscarry on the Thursday night and it was completed in the Ob-Gyn's office the next morning. Our baby was gone. I was in shock. I still remember driving to the Indigo bookstore afterward, looking for some information or comfort in books about miscarriage. I was numb with disbelief.
Mr. Pharmasaur and I handled the grief differently. He wanted to get busy and not think about it too much. I wanted to commemorate our baby's short life, grieve and cry. We did hold a memorial service, just the two of us, about a week after the miscarriage. I think Mr. Pharmasaur was reluctant to do this at first. I hope it helped with his healing process as I know it helped me with mine.
We were just on a European vacation for two weeks and I brought along some books to read. In one of the books, a character has an ultrasound and sees an image of her baby on the screen. This triggered tears and grief for me again. It also triggers anger - why did this happen to us? We thought we were so lucky to be able to conceive so quickly. Then it turned out we were not lucky at all.
Goodbye again, our sweet angel. You will not be forgotten.
Friday, September 4, 2009
No answers, more waiting...
Well, I had my OBGYN appointment. My first meeting with this doctor, who will take over my prenatal care from this point forward.
Aaaaaaaaaaaand she didn't have a copy of my latest ultrasound report. And for some reason, couldn't get it while I was there. Which means... no answers. And more waiting.
So totally anti-climactic. I was really hoping for some answers. She made me feel a little silly by saying that even if they were able to pinpoint a reason for the bleeding, I wouldn't be treated any differently. The commonly accepted treatment for bleeding is bed rest. Which is what I continue to do.
I dunno, am I silly for wanting to know what's causing this bleeding? Especially the hemorrhage I had that sent me to the Emerg in an ambulance??
The silver lining is that she seemed really nice (if not a little rushed, but I think I was her last appointment before lunch) and she didn't mention the dreaded word "miscarriage", not once. In fact, she seemed quite positive this pregnancy can and will progress normally since the baby has been growing on target to date and his/her heartbeat is nice and strong. I feel so relieved every time I hear our baby's heartbeat on the Doppler...
And so, I wait. For another two weeks until I have to see her again.
Fingers crossed the bleeding stops!!
Aaaaaaaaaaaand she didn't have a copy of my latest ultrasound report. And for some reason, couldn't get it while I was there. Which means... no answers. And more waiting.
So totally anti-climactic. I was really hoping for some answers. She made me feel a little silly by saying that even if they were able to pinpoint a reason for the bleeding, I wouldn't be treated any differently. The commonly accepted treatment for bleeding is bed rest. Which is what I continue to do.
I dunno, am I silly for wanting to know what's causing this bleeding? Especially the hemorrhage I had that sent me to the Emerg in an ambulance??
The silver lining is that she seemed really nice (if not a little rushed, but I think I was her last appointment before lunch) and she didn't mention the dreaded word "miscarriage", not once. In fact, she seemed quite positive this pregnancy can and will progress normally since the baby has been growing on target to date and his/her heartbeat is nice and strong. I feel so relieved every time I hear our baby's heartbeat on the Doppler...
And so, I wait. For another two weeks until I have to see her again.
Fingers crossed the bleeding stops!!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Playing the waiting game
Well, I've finally found a few minutes to sit in front of the computer and write about my first prenatal appointment on Monday.
It was largely uneventful. We went through my family history, Mr. Legalosaur's family history, and then an annual physical. Including the lovely internal exam and pap … that we all love to hate. I got a bunch of requisitions for all sorts of medical tests, including a full STD panel (oh joy!) and blood typing.
She didn't bring the Doppler into the office with her. I asked if we might try to find the baby's heartbeat, explaining that I knew the chances at this point in the game were only 50/50 of being successful, and promising that I wouldn't freak out if we couldn't find it. She agreed that we could give it a whirl, but with my retroverted uterus and the stage of gestation, she didn't hold out much hope.
Unfortunately, she was right and we were not able to find the heartbeat with the Doppler. My uterus is still snug within the pelvic cavity and she thinks the baby was just hiding. She did tell me my placenta sounded very healthy, and that the size of my uterus for 11 weeks is excellent. Since there's no ultrasound machine in that office, that was that.
Despite her encouraging words, I still feel like I'm hanging in limbo, or my own special form of purgatory. She told me last time, with my miscarriage, just a day before we found out our babe died three weeks earlier, that everything looked good and felt absolutely normal. This just proves to me how little we humans really know about pregnancy and gestation, despite thinking that we're all that and a bag of chips. (And I really do trust my doctor, she's a good physician, so I'm not convinced that it was human error last time.)
So now what? What else...? I wait. Wait until I go back on Tuesday to try again. At least she's letting me come in weekly to see if we can catch the heartbeat. I know some doctors send you away for a good 4 weeks before seeing you again. I couldn't deal with that.
Being that I've waited so long to tell my parents and my sister about this pregnancy, I've decided to just wait until we can find the heartbeart before sharing the news. I still don't feel like telling them, especially dealing with my mother asking me if I'm eating properly and telling me what to do. And with no ultrasound on the horizon except for the one I have scheduled at 19 weeks, the heartbeat is all I can rely on until then…
It's going to be a loooooooong next 6 days…
It was largely uneventful. We went through my family history, Mr. Legalosaur's family history, and then an annual physical. Including the lovely internal exam and pap … that we all love to hate. I got a bunch of requisitions for all sorts of medical tests, including a full STD panel (oh joy!) and blood typing.
She didn't bring the Doppler into the office with her. I asked if we might try to find the baby's heartbeat, explaining that I knew the chances at this point in the game were only 50/50 of being successful, and promising that I wouldn't freak out if we couldn't find it. She agreed that we could give it a whirl, but with my retroverted uterus and the stage of gestation, she didn't hold out much hope.
Unfortunately, she was right and we were not able to find the heartbeat with the Doppler. My uterus is still snug within the pelvic cavity and she thinks the baby was just hiding. She did tell me my placenta sounded very healthy, and that the size of my uterus for 11 weeks is excellent. Since there's no ultrasound machine in that office, that was that.
Despite her encouraging words, I still feel like I'm hanging in limbo, or my own special form of purgatory. She told me last time, with my miscarriage, just a day before we found out our babe died three weeks earlier, that everything looked good and felt absolutely normal. This just proves to me how little we humans really know about pregnancy and gestation, despite thinking that we're all that and a bag of chips. (And I really do trust my doctor, she's a good physician, so I'm not convinced that it was human error last time.)
So now what? What else...? I wait. Wait until I go back on Tuesday to try again. At least she's letting me come in weekly to see if we can catch the heartbeat. I know some doctors send you away for a good 4 weeks before seeing you again. I couldn't deal with that.
Being that I've waited so long to tell my parents and my sister about this pregnancy, I've decided to just wait until we can find the heartbeart before sharing the news. I still don't feel like telling them, especially dealing with my mother asking me if I'm eating properly and telling me what to do. And with no ultrasound on the horizon except for the one I have scheduled at 19 weeks, the heartbeat is all I can rely on until then…
It's going to be a loooooooong next 6 days…
Friday, June 26, 2009
Our trip to the ER yesterday
I was sitting at my desk yesterday before lunch, just minding my own business and doing a little bit of work.
All of a sudden, I felt a bit of a "gush" and wetness down there. At first I thought maybe I had leaked somehow, but that didn't make much sense since I hadn't sneezed or even coughed.
So I got up and ran to the bathroom. I sat on the toilet and bent down to pee. What I saw freaked the HECK outta me! A rush of pinky-red blood came gushing out with my pee.
All I could think was oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god! When I wiped, there was even more pinky-red blood on the toilet paper. The water in the toilet bowl was pink with blood. I was in shock, just numb, and I basically froze. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. Memories of my miscarriage from March came rushing back to me.
I went back to my office, and the first thing I did was phone Mr. Legalosaur. He asked me what I wanted to do, but I didn't really know what to do.
My first instinct was to run to the ER, but I wondered if that was a bit of overkill. I had been to the doctor with our first pregnancy after bleeding, and I knew there was nothing she could do except check the cervix to see if it was closed or not. Which really means nothing at all. I needed some proof NOW that everything was okay... or that all was lost.
I hung up on Mr. Legalosaur and phoned the stupid ultrasound lab to see if they had any cancellations that afternoon or the day after. The first appointment they had was still the end of August, so there was no point in holding out any hope for them.
At that point I decided that the ER was probably the best way to go, although I was not looking forward to sitting in the waiting room all afternoon... And I did feel like it was a bit of an overreaction, but I had never bled this much even when I first found out we had miscarried, so I was worried.
I phoned Mr. Legalosaur and he came to get me from work. We drove to the ER. I went pee when we first got there, and there was still quite a bit of pink blood.
The ER was actually very amazing. Within 30 minutes of me walking in there, we had a room. The ER doc didn't really think an ultrasound was warranted, being that I'm "only 6 weeks along" and "early miscarriages are very common". However, after explaining that we had a missed miscarriage in March, and assuring him that I *knew* the ultrasound might not show us anything, he decided to let us have the ultrasound.
So, I got a ride on my wheelie bed over to the radiology department. (I thought it strange that they wouldn't let me walk, but I wasn't complaining.) They took me into an ultrasound room within 10 minutes of arriving. The dildo-cam was primed and we were good to go.
The ultrasound tech, well, she was AMAZING. I loved her. She was so good with me, especially with my nerves because of our last horrible ultrasound experience (where we found out our baby had died weeks earlier, and the radiologist was quite callous about the miscarriage diagnosis). She wouldn't let Mr. Legalosaur in at first, but she did tell me in a whispered voice that "I'm not allowed to tell you anything, so you never heard this from me, but I see a heart beat. Your baby is alive right now."
You don't understand how I cried when I heard those words. From relief, mostly. And a little from fear, because I wish they could tell me everything would be okay, but I know nobody has a crystal ball...
The ultrasound tech left to talk to the radiologist, but not before letting Mr. Legalosaur in to be with me. I told him what she had told me. He almost didn't believe me, I think. I know at the ultrasound with our first pregnancy, he thought everything was just fine, and he was blindsided from the bad news just as much as I was. This time, I'm pretty sure he was prepared for bad news, but was surprised by good news. Poor guy, it's not been easy on him, for either of us.
After a couple of minutes, the tech came back. She said the radiologist didn't feel the need to speak with us, so we were done and the ER doc would explain the results with us. But before we went back to the ER, she would let us see the heart beat even though she wasn't supposed to, and only if we wanted to.
Wanted to? UM HECK YA!
So we got to watch our baby's flickering heart beat for about a minute. It was amazing, just beautiful. She told us that the rate was 139 beats per minute, which is wonderful for how far along we are. She also said that we were measuring about 3 days ahead, so that we were measuring at 6 weeks 5 days. Mr. Legalosaur and I just grasped each others' hands, and the tears were running down my cheeks.
I asked for a picture of our little blob, but they don't give pictures in the hospital labs, so we walked away empty-handed. But I don't care, because I GOT TO SEE MY LIVE BABY and that's enough for me.
When we got back to the ER, we found out that I have what is called a "subchorionic hemorrhage" and that's what is causing the bleeding. Apparently it's quite common, and it doesn't increase your risk of miscarriage. The vast majority of the time, it just resolves itself. So, basically, I'm just monitoring the bleeding and if it gets much worse or tissue is passed, then I need to go back to the ER.
All in all, we were in and out of the ER in about 4 hours, which is super amazing. I thought we would be sitting in the waiting room for about 4 hours, not be in an out in that time. I am so grateful that they were so efficient.
Today, there's still some bleeding, but it's brown and much less than yesterday. I'm on bed rest until the end of the weekend, at least until the bleeding stops.
No matter what the outcome, I'm just so glad I got to see our baby, live on the ultrasound screen. I will cherish that memory for the rest of my life. Of course, I really hope that everything will be okay this time around. But I know how fleeting human life can be... All I know is that today I am pregnant and I love my baby more than ever before.
All of a sudden, I felt a bit of a "gush" and wetness down there. At first I thought maybe I had leaked somehow, but that didn't make much sense since I hadn't sneezed or even coughed.
So I got up and ran to the bathroom. I sat on the toilet and bent down to pee. What I saw freaked the HECK outta me! A rush of pinky-red blood came gushing out with my pee.
All I could think was oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god! When I wiped, there was even more pinky-red blood on the toilet paper. The water in the toilet bowl was pink with blood. I was in shock, just numb, and I basically froze. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. Memories of my miscarriage from March came rushing back to me.
I went back to my office, and the first thing I did was phone Mr. Legalosaur. He asked me what I wanted to do, but I didn't really know what to do.
My first instinct was to run to the ER, but I wondered if that was a bit of overkill. I had been to the doctor with our first pregnancy after bleeding, and I knew there was nothing she could do except check the cervix to see if it was closed or not. Which really means nothing at all. I needed some proof NOW that everything was okay... or that all was lost.
I hung up on Mr. Legalosaur and phoned the stupid ultrasound lab to see if they had any cancellations that afternoon or the day after. The first appointment they had was still the end of August, so there was no point in holding out any hope for them.
At that point I decided that the ER was probably the best way to go, although I was not looking forward to sitting in the waiting room all afternoon... And I did feel like it was a bit of an overreaction, but I had never bled this much even when I first found out we had miscarried, so I was worried.
I phoned Mr. Legalosaur and he came to get me from work. We drove to the ER. I went pee when we first got there, and there was still quite a bit of pink blood.
The ER was actually very amazing. Within 30 minutes of me walking in there, we had a room. The ER doc didn't really think an ultrasound was warranted, being that I'm "only 6 weeks along" and "early miscarriages are very common". However, after explaining that we had a missed miscarriage in March, and assuring him that I *knew* the ultrasound might not show us anything, he decided to let us have the ultrasound.
So, I got a ride on my wheelie bed over to the radiology department. (I thought it strange that they wouldn't let me walk, but I wasn't complaining.) They took me into an ultrasound room within 10 minutes of arriving. The dildo-cam was primed and we were good to go.
The ultrasound tech, well, she was AMAZING. I loved her. She was so good with me, especially with my nerves because of our last horrible ultrasound experience (where we found out our baby had died weeks earlier, and the radiologist was quite callous about the miscarriage diagnosis). She wouldn't let Mr. Legalosaur in at first, but she did tell me in a whispered voice that "I'm not allowed to tell you anything, so you never heard this from me, but I see a heart beat. Your baby is alive right now."
You don't understand how I cried when I heard those words. From relief, mostly. And a little from fear, because I wish they could tell me everything would be okay, but I know nobody has a crystal ball...
The ultrasound tech left to talk to the radiologist, but not before letting Mr. Legalosaur in to be with me. I told him what she had told me. He almost didn't believe me, I think. I know at the ultrasound with our first pregnancy, he thought everything was just fine, and he was blindsided from the bad news just as much as I was. This time, I'm pretty sure he was prepared for bad news, but was surprised by good news. Poor guy, it's not been easy on him, for either of us.
After a couple of minutes, the tech came back. She said the radiologist didn't feel the need to speak with us, so we were done and the ER doc would explain the results with us. But before we went back to the ER, she would let us see the heart beat even though she wasn't supposed to, and only if we wanted to.
Wanted to? UM HECK YA!
So we got to watch our baby's flickering heart beat for about a minute. It was amazing, just beautiful. She told us that the rate was 139 beats per minute, which is wonderful for how far along we are. She also said that we were measuring about 3 days ahead, so that we were measuring at 6 weeks 5 days. Mr. Legalosaur and I just grasped each others' hands, and the tears were running down my cheeks.
I asked for a picture of our little blob, but they don't give pictures in the hospital labs, so we walked away empty-handed. But I don't care, because I GOT TO SEE MY LIVE BABY and that's enough for me.
When we got back to the ER, we found out that I have what is called a "subchorionic hemorrhage" and that's what is causing the bleeding. Apparently it's quite common, and it doesn't increase your risk of miscarriage. The vast majority of the time, it just resolves itself. So, basically, I'm just monitoring the bleeding and if it gets much worse or tissue is passed, then I need to go back to the ER.
All in all, we were in and out of the ER in about 4 hours, which is super amazing. I thought we would be sitting in the waiting room for about 4 hours, not be in an out in that time. I am so grateful that they were so efficient.
Today, there's still some bleeding, but it's brown and much less than yesterday. I'm on bed rest until the end of the weekend, at least until the bleeding stops.
No matter what the outcome, I'm just so glad I got to see our baby, live on the ultrasound screen. I will cherish that memory for the rest of my life. Of course, I really hope that everything will be okay this time around. But I know how fleeting human life can be... All I know is that today I am pregnant and I love my baby more than ever before.
Monday, June 15, 2009
11w to 12w in 2 days
We had our first antenatal appointment today and found out that I'm measuring 11w6d! My new EDD is December 29, 2009. I think Poptart just might take after their Dad and is just really tall!
Those bright white spots on the top picture are bones; that's why it looks like a creepy skull!
Poptart looked much more baby-esque this time and looked like they were trying to bite their fingernails. We were at the hospital for 3 hours and I'd say 80% of that was waiting. I also found out that my scan today is the ONLY scan I get for my entire pregnancy. WTF! I may lose my mind!
My next appointment is July 23rd and the midwife says she'll try to get me an appt. with the consultant and I can plead with him for a second scan. If not, we've decided to pay out of pocket for a private one.
So when you see a twelve week update tomorrow, only two days after my 11 week, you'll know why :)
Monday, June 8, 2009
Free healthcare for all ... with a catch!
For the most part, I'm very very thankful that we have free healthcare here in Canada. But it's not without its limitations, which I've blogged about before.
Today I saw my doctor to find out where we go from here, after our BFP this past weekend.
For one, when I asked for HCG levels to make sure it's doubling appropriately every 72h, she looked at me like I had two heads. Apparently, this is not a normal request and she never orders HCG levels.
After some begging and foot-stamping, she decided I could have my HCG levels drawn, but I should be aware that the results may be "inconclusive or even stressful" for me.
Ummmmmmmmmmmm, okay? How was my miscarriage in March not stressful? Riiiight. I do realize that the doubling won't really tell me that this pregnancy will progress healthily, but I still need a little bit of assurance that things are okay right NOW.
And then, there's the little issue of the ultrasound. Because my cycles haven't been exactly clockwork in the past two months, I qualify for a dating ultrasound to find out exactly how far along I am. Good news! I can have my ultrasound in week 7 instead of waiting until week 9.
Well, that sounds great - what am I bitching about then? The issue is booking the ultrasound with the aforementioned special ultrasound clinics with bouncers named Bubba. The ABSOLUTE earliest they can "squeeze" me in for a dating ultrasound is 7:45 am on July 21, 2009. When I will be in week 10. Is that not INSANE!!?!?!??!??
I now have to phone every day and find out if there's a cancellation that will mean I can get in earlier. I am all too cognizant that any cancellation will likely be a result of some poor woman having her ultrasound cancelled due to miscarriage.
Oh, and I wasn't able to go to the lab today to get my HCG levels drawn either. Because there are no appointments available until tomorrow.
Le sigh.
Like I said, the free healthcare thang certainly has it perks. But considering how much us poor over-taxed Canadians pay in taxes and monthly healthcare premiums, I would think that the whole machine would be a little bit more well oiled.
Today I saw my doctor to find out where we go from here, after our BFP this past weekend.
For one, when I asked for HCG levels to make sure it's doubling appropriately every 72h, she looked at me like I had two heads. Apparently, this is not a normal request and she never orders HCG levels.
After some begging and foot-stamping, she decided I could have my HCG levels drawn, but I should be aware that the results may be "inconclusive or even stressful" for me.
Ummmmmmmmmmmm, okay? How was my miscarriage in March not stressful? Riiiight. I do realize that the doubling won't really tell me that this pregnancy will progress healthily, but I still need a little bit of assurance that things are okay right NOW.
And then, there's the little issue of the ultrasound. Because my cycles haven't been exactly clockwork in the past two months, I qualify for a dating ultrasound to find out exactly how far along I am. Good news! I can have my ultrasound in week 7 instead of waiting until week 9.
Well, that sounds great - what am I bitching about then? The issue is booking the ultrasound with the aforementioned special ultrasound clinics with bouncers named Bubba. The ABSOLUTE earliest they can "squeeze" me in for a dating ultrasound is 7:45 am on July 21, 2009. When I will be in week 10. Is that not INSANE!!?!?!??!??
I now have to phone every day and find out if there's a cancellation that will mean I can get in earlier. I am all too cognizant that any cancellation will likely be a result of some poor woman having her ultrasound cancelled due to miscarriage.
Oh, and I wasn't able to go to the lab today to get my HCG levels drawn either. Because there are no appointments available until tomorrow.
Le sigh.
Like I said, the free healthcare thang certainly has it perks. But considering how much us poor over-taxed Canadians pay in taxes and monthly healthcare premiums, I would think that the whole machine would be a little bit more well oiled.
An u/s & a Pain in the Ass
Seriously couldn't they come up with a less obvious and horrible name for a salve? This is what the doctor prescribed me for a new and not so pleasant pregnancy symptom I've acquired.
On Friday we had another ultrasound, which moved up my EDD to January 3rd and I was officially released from the early pregnancy clinic to the "normal" pregnancy service. I have my first official antenatal appointment on the 15th.
Poptart waved at us and according to DH did "the worm" or as the tech said wriggling about. If you scroll down half the page, sort of like this. Still not super baby looking, but you can make out a head and an arm, sorta gummybear looking. I didn't have the best angle so I didn't see too much, hopefully I can see more Monday.
Friday, May 29, 2009
What's up, doc?
Because I am horribly impatient, I called my doctor's office first thing Tuesday morning to see if there had been any cancellations over the long weekend so I could get in to see her sooner than July. There weren't but the girl said she'd keep an eye out for me and let me know if anything opened up. She called me back the next day and told me there was a cancellation and she scheduled me for Thursday morning. So yesterday, I was able to see my actual OB/GYN to discuss my irregular cycles.
I explained to her pretty much exactly what I told the nurse practitioner and she said what the NP said - that if I'm not menstruating regularly, I'm also not ovulating regularly and it'll make it harder to time intercourse for conception. For now, she ordered lab work (I know, not CD3, but I wasn't thinking about it and forgot to ask) and I have to go back in July to discuss the results. She already mentioned Clomid for helping with ovulation. I'm definitely hoping not to go down that road just yet. If I'm not KU this cycle (I'm 6dpo right now), then I think I'll keep on with the vitex and maybe start acupuncture so that hopefully I'll O at a reasonable time the next couple cycles. (Or at least a few cycles from now, since I know it may take several months to be effective.)
I know it's a long shot (despite pretty good timing), but please send me some baby dust! I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed that Bibliosaur and I will be BFP buddies!
I explained to her pretty much exactly what I told the nurse practitioner and she said what the NP said - that if I'm not menstruating regularly, I'm also not ovulating regularly and it'll make it harder to time intercourse for conception. For now, she ordered lab work (I know, not CD3, but I wasn't thinking about it and forgot to ask) and I have to go back in July to discuss the results. She already mentioned Clomid for helping with ovulation. I'm definitely hoping not to go down that road just yet. If I'm not KU this cycle (I'm 6dpo right now), then I think I'll keep on with the vitex and maybe start acupuncture so that hopefully I'll O at a reasonable time the next couple cycles. (Or at least a few cycles from now, since I know it may take several months to be effective.)
I know it's a long shot (despite pretty good timing), but please send me some baby dust! I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed that Bibliosaur and I will be BFP buddies!
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
First Appointment
I had my first doctor's appointment today, although I only saw the nurse, not the doctor. They confirmed my pregnancy with a urine test and ordered blood tests (for hGC quantity, STDs, blood type, etc.) and another urine test (for proteins, etc.). I should have the results in a couple of days.
I was worried because most doctors date the pregnancy according to the last menstrual period (LMP) which would put me at nearly 6 weeks pregnant, rather than 4 weeks and 2 days. I brought out my printed FF chart and convinced her that there's no way I am that far along and that I know that I ovulated around May 10th. So she put that down on my chart instead. Thank goodness for charting! I cannot imagine going through the first trimester and being told that my baby was measuring slow/under expected growth just because they'd mis-dated conception.
My next appointment is June 17th and I will have a vaginal ultrasound (u/s) as well as my annual exam (Pap and breast exam). They should be able to specifically date the baby then too. Turns out that my doc does u/s at every exam, so we'll get lots of peeks at Baby Divasaur!
We've told our immediate families and best friends the big news and it's slowly starting to sink in that we're having a baby! I am already starting to formulate when/how I will tell my staff at work (I am one of the big bosses) and how I will delegate the work load during my mat leave. Luckily, it will be a slow(ish) time for my department. I hope to hold out until 13 weeks to announce my pregnancy, but we have a huge board meeting just before my 8th week (a few days before) and part of me feels like I should do it before that meeting since decisions for the next 12 months get made at that meeting. We shall see about that. One coworker just had a baby and told everyone when she was only 5 weeks along. I work with all women, so they are more intuitive and family friendly. I won't be surprised if someone guesses I am KU before I tell. They already have noticed that I have given up coffee and have drastically changed my eating habits.
Speaking of which, the nausea kicked in full force today (I woke up feeling queasy and it has come in waves all day) so my appetite is severely stunted. Basically anything lemon is making me feel better. So I am loving my sparkling lemon water (La Croix) and sucking on lemon drops (hard candies). No-salt Saltine crackers are helping too. I am trying to take in some protein at each meal...but it's a challenge. Egg whites, grilled chicken breast and fat free Greek yogurt are my go-to right now. My sense of smell is heightened and the odors wafting from the work lunch room today made me feel very ill. Here's hoping I can keep this all under wraps for 8 more weeks!
I was worried because most doctors date the pregnancy according to the last menstrual period (LMP) which would put me at nearly 6 weeks pregnant, rather than 4 weeks and 2 days. I brought out my printed FF chart and convinced her that there's no way I am that far along and that I know that I ovulated around May 10th. So she put that down on my chart instead. Thank goodness for charting! I cannot imagine going through the first trimester and being told that my baby was measuring slow/under expected growth just because they'd mis-dated conception.
My next appointment is June 17th and I will have a vaginal ultrasound (u/s) as well as my annual exam (Pap and breast exam). They should be able to specifically date the baby then too. Turns out that my doc does u/s at every exam, so we'll get lots of peeks at Baby Divasaur!
We've told our immediate families and best friends the big news and it's slowly starting to sink in that we're having a baby! I am already starting to formulate when/how I will tell my staff at work (I am one of the big bosses) and how I will delegate the work load during my mat leave. Luckily, it will be a slow(ish) time for my department. I hope to hold out until 13 weeks to announce my pregnancy, but we have a huge board meeting just before my 8th week (a few days before) and part of me feels like I should do it before that meeting since decisions for the next 12 months get made at that meeting. We shall see about that. One coworker just had a baby and told everyone when she was only 5 weeks along. I work with all women, so they are more intuitive and family friendly. I won't be surprised if someone guesses I am KU before I tell. They already have noticed that I have given up coffee and have drastically changed my eating habits.
Speaking of which, the nausea kicked in full force today (I woke up feeling queasy and it has come in waves all day) so my appetite is severely stunted. Basically anything lemon is making me feel better. So I am loving my sparkling lemon water (La Croix) and sucking on lemon drops (hard candies). No-salt Saltine crackers are helping too. I am trying to take in some protein at each meal...but it's a challenge. Egg whites, grilled chicken breast and fat free Greek yogurt are my go-to right now. My sense of smell is heightened and the odors wafting from the work lunch room today made me feel very ill. Here's hoping I can keep this all under wraps for 8 more weeks!
Saturday, May 23, 2009
The Poptart is out of the Toaster
That's my feeble attempt to personalize the phrase "the cat is out of the bag." In other words our parents and sisters know we are pregnant.
Mr. Blondiesaur and I went yesterday and I had my first "regular" through the stomach ultrasound. The tech said everything was looking great and we could see a strong heartbeat, although she said at this stage they don't say what the heartbeat is in numbers. She also said you could see the brain developing; Mr. Blondiesaur said he saw that, I honestly didn't.
We are keeping it just to parents and our sisters for now and have put everyone on a strict gag order until after 12 weeks. I tried sending my parents and sister u/s pics and then calling and saying "did you get my email" but it totally didn't work and I just told them anyway. Mr. Blondiesaur told his sister over the phone and we told his Mom and Dad in person.
Mr. Blondiesaur and I went yesterday and I had my first "regular" through the stomach ultrasound. The tech said everything was looking great and we could see a strong heartbeat, although she said at this stage they don't say what the heartbeat is in numbers. She also said you could see the brain developing; Mr. Blondiesaur said he saw that, I honestly didn't.We are keeping it just to parents and our sisters for now and have put everyone on a strict gag order until after 12 weeks. I tried sending my parents and sister u/s pics and then calling and saying "did you get my email" but it totally didn't work and I just told them anyway. Mr. Blondiesaur told his sister over the phone and we told his Mom and Dad in person. Next scan is June 5th, so 9w4d, hopefully it will look more baby-esque. It's starting to sink in a little more since we've now told people, but still not 100% real. You may have noticed that I kept updating my FF chart after my BFP. I wanted to see how many DPO I am just so I know when I'm past the day I got my first negative test with my m/c. I know that wasn't they day I miscarried, but it is still nice to feel like I've passed that time.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Flutter, flutter
That's the Poptart, 5w3d. This time you could see a yolk sac, a teeny-tiny fleck of a baby and wait for it.....the beginnings a heartbeat! It was slow, which is normal this early, but it was there. You could see a flutter of "light" every few seconds.
This means I now have a 90% chance of having a "normal" pregnancy. I'm still nervous, but to see how much things have changed in just a week and that everything is progressing well is great news.
I've been having some issues with feeling nauseous, dizzy and of course tired. My boobs are still sore and I'm permanently cutting glass; luckily my bras are padded and hide my THO. I don't want to complain too much though since symptoms are a sign things are going well.
This means I now have a 90% chance of having a "normal" pregnancy. I'm still nervous, but to see how much things have changed in just a week and that everything is progressing well is great news.
I've been having some issues with feeling nauseous, dizzy and of course tired. My boobs are still sore and I'm permanently cutting glass; luckily my bras are padded and hide my THO. I don't want to complain too much though since symptoms are a sign things are going well.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Phew!
I met with my Doctor on March 30th to discuss where to go next after what was technically my 2nd m/c. She and I decided I should be referred on to gynaecology for further testing to figure out what is going on. She advised this could take anywhere up to 8 weeks unless I had private insurance and could go private (all health care is public and free here).
8 weeks is a long time to a Blondiesaur; actually anything more than a week is a long time to me! Luckily I have private insurance, but when I called I was disappointed to hear that you needed 3 m/c for them to cover it. I told the insurance handler, thanks but I'd rather he not send me out the paperwork just in case as I'm hoping not to have a 3rd.
8 weeks is a long time to a Blondiesaur; actually anything more than a week is a long time to me! Luckily I have private insurance, but when I called I was disappointed to hear that you needed 3 m/c for them to cover it. I told the insurance handler, thanks but I'd rather he not send me out the paperwork just in case as I'm hoping not to have a 3rd.So I waited to get a letter through the mail for my referral and waited and then waited some more until this Wednesday when I decided to call and check up. My Doctor's office said they send the referral on April 3rd (why wait 4 days?) and to call Gyno. So I called Gyno and the woman was very nice but told me she had no record of my appointment and on further inspection no record of my referral, but she had re-requested it from my Doctor.
This put me into panic mode. Does this mean I would now have to wait 8 weeks from now or 8 weeks for the 1st missing referral? So I made sure to call back on Thursday and make sure the referral has arrived.
I call Gyno, who says they actually aren't the right department and they forward me to the Pre-Pregnancy Clinic who are amazing! Not only do I have an appointment for April 30th, but I could have had one on Tuesday if I didn't have work commitments.
April 30th is actually perfect because I will be 17DPO and will know one way or the other what has happened with this cycle. Phew! One less thing to stress about in the 2ww!
