Riding the Emotional Roller Coaster

That's right. I am riding this crazy roller coaster of emotions. Last week I was feeling great about where I am at in life. Mr. Relaxasaur and I had a "check in" talk. We like to keep our lines of communication open and every now and then we like to make sure we are both good and happy with our relationship. We went out to a nice dinner and talked about the what ifs of TTC. We said that if we didn't have any kids in the next five years we would move the city and try city life for a while and then consider adoption. I try to tell myself that for me children aren't everything. But I don't think I will know for sure until we are faced with the real possiblity of never.

Source

As we wait for our results from my hubby's sperm analysis I started to worry a little that we can't have kids. The longer we have to wait the more my mind freaks me out. The other day for no reason whatsoever I cried four times about nothing. It was a tough day and then I tell myself not to try to not worry until we get the results. We took the test almost 3 weeks ago and the results have been sitting in my doctor's office for a week and I have been calling everyday and she will not call me back. Her secretary called and asked me to call the place where we got the testing done and get the results from them. So I called them and they said they only conduct the tests and they don't keep the results in the office and to call my doctor for them. So I call my doctor back and of course her assistant said the same thing she has been saying all week that the doctor will call me when she gets a chance. Then last night her assistant calls and says my Dr. wants me to get the results from the lab and I again explain they don't have them and it is really starting to piss me off. So I told her to fax me the results and she said she would tomorrow after the doctor comes in.

I knew this wouldn't happen so I called today and talked to a different woman and asked her to get my file together including the sperm test results because I would be picking them up and switching to a new doctor. I explained that I also have been wanting come in and get tested for PCOS and the other assistant kept telling me to talk to the doctor about it when she called me back, which I didn't understand why she wouldn't just set me up and appointment, plus I wasn't getting called back so how can I talk to the doctor. So this woman asked me when my appointment was with the other doctor and I told her Dec. 31st. She asked me if I wanted to come in on Monday for a consultation for my irregular cycle and get my husbands lab results at the same time. I figure I have nothing to loose. Then she tells me she can't really tell me the results without the doctor signing off but she say that it states Mr. Relaxasaur is advised to see a urologist.

So I am assuming something is wrong. My heart sank. Not for me but for my husband. See he loves children, he works with kids for a living and does want to be a father someday. We don't know what is wrong yet I will find out Monday so until then we are trying to stay positive but it is hard to not wonder about our future. I do know that this is going to be a long weekend. On top of all that I stopped acupuncture. I wasn't seeing any changes in my cycle, my energy is better but I didn't want to continue spending the money until we know for sure that we can have children of our own. I am currently on cycle day 43. Plus, I found someone who specializes in fertility acupuncture and Chinese herbal medicine, and is also an obgyn so when and if I continue I will switch practitioners. That is about all that has been happening my household and I will post an update after I get the results back.

Thanks for reading and have a nice weekend.

I believe in miracles

Today I had my 11th acupuncture session. Last week I debated about going again because I just didn´t feel anything last time, and I felt like I would never get pregnant.

I don´t know what happened, but as I sat in the recliner today with all 14 of the needles, I felt something. I felt strangely calm, and I felt a gentle tingling sensation where the needles in my belly were. I felt the energy flowing and felt completely relaxed and at peace with my situation. It popped into my head that I believe in miracles. I do believe that God works in mysterious ways. I don´t know if I will have a miracle baby or not, but I believe in miracles which gives me hope. Hope that things might just work out for me. Maybe that means having a biological child, and maybe it doesn´t. I don´t know. But I believe in miracles, and I believe that there is still hope for me. Hope. That´s a feeling I haven´t felt in a long, long time. I feel that today´s session was money well spent. And on that note I will end today´s post. Full of hope and peace.

Feeling Emotional

It seems this week I have hit all the emotions, happy, hopeful, frustrated, worried, angry, and impatient. I was happy because this last week was supposed to be the end of my acupuncture treatments. I am feeling twinges in my uterus and ovary area and was hopeful it was moving my cycle along. I went in on Thursday in a great mood because Mr. Relaxasaur and I had bought our first real Christmas tree and decorated the house. I was feeling very jolly. Then Dr. Frank tells me he still wants to see me twice a week for the next four weeks. He said I should be getting my period any day now, which is something he has said a few times. He said if not this weekend then definitely next week. He wants me to spend another 600 dollars on top of the money I have already spent for the previous 13 treatments. I made the appointments but I have yet to pay and I don't think I want to; at least not with him. I am not sure he has treated anyone else for fertility. His wife usually does the fertility treatments and she is out on maternity leave. I also thought about seeing him for chiropractic care but I found out he is going out of network after the new year. I will keep my appointment for Monday because its too late to cancel it and then I want to find other options. Don't get me wrong I feel better, I have more energy, and I am sleeping better, but I don't think it has done anything for my long cycles. I am on day 31 with no signs of ovulation. I am thinking of finding an acupuncturist who specializes in fertility.

Source

With that said I am also thinking of finding a new obgyn again. I really like the one I have now but she doesn't know how to help my cycles. When I told her my cycles were 77 days she didn't even blink. Josh went and got his "boys" tested two weeks ago and the results have been in her office since wed and she wont call me back with the results despite me calling her everyday. The same thing happened when I wanted to get the results from my last pap which was back in August and I still don't know them. I think she is better with std's than fertility. I also want to get a second opinion on my HPV. She told me if I were older she would take my cervix out and it makes me wonder what another doctor would do. I want to find someone who can do some tests to test me for PCOS because my insurance wont cover a reproductive endocrinologist. Finding two new people to help me are at the top of my list and is something I plan to take care of on Monday since it is the weekend and offices are closed.

I have been reading The Infertility Cure and it has helped me figure out what kind of foods can help my body balanced. It shows where I should apply acupressure, and breathing techniques. I have been using a warming pad on my pelvic area. I would really like to do things as natural as possible before I have to rely on any prescriptions, or medical intervention. I am trying to give up caffeine, and sugars, and processed foods. It is not easy but I am taking it one step at a time.

Cycle 2 Update

I'm cruising along in my second cycle and continuing with the acupuncture treatments. I have 4 left and it has been wonderful. I feel so great when I am done like I am floating on a cloud. I heard the euphoric/relaxed feeling has been compared to a runners high. If this is true I am seriously thinking of taking up running. I also have so much more energy. Or I should say I actually have energy. I would normally feel sluggish all day but now I can just go, go, go. I also feel twinges of sorts from my uterus and my ovaries. My energy being stirred up makes me so thirsty. I have been drinking much more water than normal. I swear I go through at least a gallon a day which makes me go to the bathroom a million times a day.

This is how I feel during acupuncture (Source)

The other day we went over to our friends house and I went to bathroom about 4 times in the two hours we were over there and she was joking that I go much more than her and she is the one that is pregnant. It is funny because all of her symptoms are a part of my everyday life. She was telling me that she hates being pregnant. She doesn't like all the sickness and tired feeling that comes along with it. Normally I might be upset about her statement but she doesn't really know that we are going through acupuncture, or what we are going through to try to have a baby. I didn't want to tell her because I didn't want her to have any feelings of guilt because she got knocked up on accident. I just finally told my mom that we were doing this and that we would be starting to try real soon. We were also finally able to get Mr. Relaxasaur a referral to get his sperm checked out. We got up early last Friday so we should have the results this week sometime so cross your fingers for good swimmers.

I do have a question for all you lovely women out there. My last period was just a couple days of light brown spotting it started November 4th and ended on the 6th and if my cycles don't change it looks like my next ovulation will come on New Years Eve. I am not sure if this will effect this our chances of conceiving this cycle. I am wondering if we should not even try until I get a solid period. Does anybody have any advice? I would appreciate it.

Feeling Great

Who thought I would look forward to having needles stuck in my skin. But I do. I see Dr. Frank three times a week and I just finished my first week and I feel great. I have so much more energy or I should say I actually have energy. Through out the week I can feel twinges in my uterus and near my ovaries. I feel happy and rested and I am wondering why I haven't done this sooner. Even as I type this I can feel the energy flowing in my pelvic region.

Here is how my appointments go:

I walk in and fill out a progress report. Then they take me back to a dimly lit room with a massage table. They heat the table as I roll my pants to above my knee and roll my sleeves to the elbow. Then Dr. Frank comes and in and we talk about how I have been feeling and how I should be feeling. We talk about my stress levels (low), my job, my eating habits (getting better). We also just talk about everyday normal things like how the Bears suck right now. While we are talking we inserts the needles in my legs, stomach, arms, face, and head. He attaches an electric current to 4 of the points in my legs and ankles. Then he points a heat lamp towards my pelvis, puts on soothing music and leaves me be. I lay there for about 20 minutes and its great. I leave flying on a cloud. He also gave me 3 vitamins to take 3 times a day with food. I am taking a multi-vitamin called catalyn, a vitamin B supplement called cataplex B, and finally symplex F for healthy functioning of multi organs including my ovaries. I still have 8 more treatments left until we talk about our next move.


Also, in my last post I mentioned Mr. Relaxasaur was going to get his sperm tested but that was a bust. We did like we were supposed to; have sex 3-5 days prior and then abstain from sexual activity for 48 hours prior. We woke up at 6:30 am which is nowhere near the time I normally wake up. We arrive at the office and they have no record of our appointment. Plus, they tell us even if we did have our apt they would not see us with out a referral. I told the receptionist that I when I made the appointment I told the woman we didn't have a referral and she said it wouldn't be a problem. Turns out she was wrong. So we were sent home only to receive a phone call saying they found our apt and they made it for the wrong day but without a Dr.'s order they weren't going to see us. It was too early for all that crap and I was a little crabby. Today, I called my gyno and she will send over an order tonight so I will call tomorrow and reschedule.


Has anybody heard from legalosaur? I think about her and keep her in my prayers.

Needles, and Electric Current, and Medical Tape, Oh My!

At the beginning of trying for a baby I thought how hard can it be. You just have sex at the right time of the month and voila you are pregnant. I am not entirely ignorant when it comes to procreating. I was aware that some unlucky women have problems. I just never thought it would be me. I was thinking maybe it would take me two or three cycles. I have since learned for most women it is not that easy, and congrats to all those who were able to conceive right away. There are so many different factors that affect us. For me, it is my unusually long cycles which are followed with a very, very light period. It is all opposite of what I need in order to become pregnant and even stay pregnant.

If you have read my last post then you know my insurance won't cover any fertility treatments. I was pretty bummed and thought I should just wait and continue doing nothing until my cycles regulate themselves. I think this cycle just ended after 78 days with 1 to 2 days of light brown spotting. Then with a some help from Chocosaur (thank you!) I decided I needed a new plan other than sitting around waiting for my body to fix itself. I need to be proactive. Your probably wondering what do needles, electric currents, and heat lamps have to do with this post. Well, I have decided to proceed with acupuncture. I found this wonderful Chiropractor (Dr. Frank) who specialized in Tradition Chinese Medicine (TCM) - his practice is 5 minutes from my house. The best part is after I meet the deductible, my insurance will cover acupuncture. I probably should have waited until after the new year so I wont have to pay my deductible again, but like I said earlier I am really impatient.

Source

I started my first treatment last Thursday. Dr. Frank started off by feeling my uterus, fallopian tubes, and my ovaries - don't worry, he did it through my stomach no clothes came off. He said that he couldn't feel any scarring so that is good. He also looked at my tongue. Then he got started with the needles and instead of doing a full body he did a initial treatment to get my body ready for the full treatments. It didn't really hurt but I did feel a couple of the needles go in. Then he attached an electric current to three of the needles in my foot and leg. Turn down the lights and let me relax for 20-30 minutes.


After the needles came out he put medical tape around the middle of my feet and told me to leave it on until my next treatment which was today. So I had that tape on my feet all weekend which was really annoying, especially when I spent about 14 hours on my feet yesterday. Today, when he took it off I asked him why he taped them in the first place and he told me there was a pressure point on the foot he couldn't stick a needle in. Anyway, after my first visit I felt so relaxed and then came a burst of energy and it felt good. Even Mr. Relaxasaur noticed a change in my moods over the phone. Dr Frank sent me home with a 250 questionnaire in which he will use to analyze my habits and health so tomorrow we can talk about exercise, and nutrition, and vitamins. I have my third treatment tomorrow so I will tell you about today's treatment after tomorrow's appt. Also, Mr Relaxasaur goes tomorrow morning to get his sperm tested, so cross your fingers all is good.


Thanks for reading! Good Luck to all the ladies TTC.

Breezing through the 2WW

I cannot belive that I am already halfway through the 2WW today! Wow, how did that happen? This is how it happened:


We got a dog! I´ve spent most of my adult life and all of my childhood wanting a dog, and now I convinced Mr. Lillysaur to adopt one. I´ve been working on him for the last two years, so this was a big thing. The little guy came home with us last Friday after we signed the adoption papers at the shelter. He´s about six months old, so truly my baby. We spend lots of time going on walks (I´ve already lost some weight!!!) and playing or just hanging out together. Between the dog and the acupuncture I feel so utterly relaxed and happy that the 2WW didn´t really hit me until I decided to look at FF, which I´ve neglected the past couple of days. I suppose I´ll return to temping eventually, like maybe Wed., but I´m in no rush for now. I have my fur baby to keep me company and distract me. I think he´ll make a great family dog when the time comes, but till then I´m enjoying him.

Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Yup, you got it. It´s the mean pee stick .....12DPO and that thing is stark white. You know I realize that if I were 18 and still in high school I would be thrilled by this, but I´m 31 and married, been trying for two years and had multiple miscarriages. It´s time for two pink lines again.

I know it´s too early to hope that the accupuncture is working (I just had my third session today) but I sure had hoped for a miricle. My chart looks so promising. I know it´s not over till the biotch shows...

Are you postive?

Yes, I´m positive I got a postive OPK today! whoot. Mr. Lillysaur and I have been timing it right, so I think we have a shot this month. I sure hope so.

My visit with the gynocologist on Monday went well. She took a good 15 minutes of her time or so to talk to me, which is unheard of in the patient/doctor world most of the time. Thank goodness I´m privately insured, because I´m sure that was a bit of extra incentive for her. Not that she wouldn´t otherwise take time for her patients.

We talked about my fears and how that might be affecting my fertility and future pregnancies, and we talked about my options. She seemed to understand without my saying so, that after TWO years of this, I´m ready for something to happen. She suggested that if I´m not back in her office knocked up in a couple of cycles that we should look at moving on to clomid to up the ante and some progesterone so thicken my lining and support implantation.

We talked about doing a lap, and she told me that she honestly would wait about 6 more months before moving on to that. She also told me she felt that a lap wouldn´t really tell us anything. I´m healthy and I´ve been pregnant several times. It´s still surgery, and there is still a risk that goes with it.

We talked about acupuncture and regulating my cycle. She offered to do three trial sessions for me to see how I like it and if it might be something for me. I went yesterday for my first one, and I have to say I think it did something. I don´t know what, but I felt very relaxed and very tired after it. I´m going back next week for the next session.

She asked me about my sports. Told me she thought I needed to get out more and do more sports, that that would help with the stress and help my body regulate itself. She even suggested a dog. Score. Mr. Lillysaur and I have been talking about this, and I´m glad she´s on my side! Maybe I can wear Mr. Lillysaur down slowly. He´s still convinced that as soon as we get a dog I´ll get knocked up and that a dog and a baby would be too much at one time. Sigh.

So for the moment Mr. Lillysaur and I are busy giving it our best, hoping things will shape up soon, and happy knowing that the gyno is on board with us, and ready to get that phone call as soon as I´m knocked up so she can make sure I don´t need anything.

Acupuncture decision

I have decided to go ahead and go to acupuncture this cycle. I am too afraid that my cycle will get screwed up if I do not continue to use the herbs prescribed to me. I know that may be crazy, but all I know is acupuncture has worked for me, and it is some sort of a security blanket in TTC for me that I am unwilling to let go of at this point.

To compromise, I will be only going once a week to ease up on the financial constraints. I will keep you posted on my progress this month. My next appointment is tomorrow.

To acupuncture or not acupuncture; that is the question...

So, as I have mentioned before, I have been seeing an acupuncturist since March 2009 to treat my long cycles. My cycles have gone from 54 days to 32 days in a matter of 4 months. I do believe acupuncture aided in this, and I am a huge advocate.

Here's my dilemna. Acupuncture is not covered in our insurance, so I have been paying a nice $45 a pop each time I go in, which has added up quickly. Mr. Bellesaur and I feel like perhaps I need to take a break to save money, since we may be TTC for much longer than originally anticipated. Don't get me wrong, we will be ok financially if I continue to go, but it might be wiser to spend that money on other TTC related things, perhaps future treatments for Mr. Bellesaur, since he seems to be the one with the infertility issues.

Plus, we are not even 100% that Mr. Bellesaur is healthy yet, and if he is not, then what is the point? Without healthy sperm, all the acupuncture in the world can't get me KU.

I have fears about quitting acupuncture. What if my cycles go right back to being outrageously long once I quit? What if acupuncture was the only reason I was beginning to be regular again?

I am confused as to what the best thing to do. I would love to hear your opinions on what I should do.

Dude, where's my egg?

I'm on CD38 with no sign of O and it's driving_me_crazy. For the past couple weeks I've been staring at my chart as if somehow that's going to change it. I started perusing FF's chart gallery to see if there's still hope for me to O and get a BFP this cycle. I even POAS a week ago thinking maybe my chart was just not showing O due to my crazy wake times, which this cycle have ranged from 6 am to 4 pm. I've only had one day of EWCM on CD27 but I've had no positive OPKs yet and no thermal shift. What gives?




I know a lot of people believe that it can take up to a year to regulate your cycle once you go off BCP but I don't think that is the norm. I found this answer regarding fertility after birth control from Amos Grunebaum, MD, medical director of the WebMD Fertility Center:

The birth control pill works by preventing ovulation. Once you stop taking the pill, the hormones are out of your body quickly, usually within a couple of days. When the hormones are gone your body needs to start again on its own to function. That mean it will start producing follicles again, which eventually lead you to ovulate. Everybody acts differently, some may take a couple of weeks to ovulate, other may take some months, but in general your body should be in "normal mode" within less than two to three months after stopping the pill. So if you now ovulate normally, that means your body is back to its normal rhythm.

Now, if you had problems with ovulation before you started the pill then the same issues may still be there. Some women take the pill for irregular periods and ovulation, and you cannot expect this to change once you stop the pill.

I've also read that if you had irregular cycles before BCP and you still have them after going off the pill, it's best to see your doctor to rule out any issues. I know it's only been 4 months but I decided to make an appointment to see my doctor since my cycles seem to be getting longer. (No flaming, please!) I just don't want to waste any time if there is some kind of hormonal imbalance going on. Then again, I also don't want to jump into taking prescription medications to regulate my system. I guess I just want to know what the heck is going on.

In the last couple of days I've become a Googling fool, scouring the internets for information on irregular and long cycles. Lots of doctors are pretty quick to prescribe Clomid if your charts show you seem to be ovulating, your timing is good, and you haven't conceived in a year or so. Obviously I don't expect to go down that road any time soon but I wanted to share some information I discovered. Apparently, some insurance companies label you "infertile" and if you ever try to apply for individual insurance this may be considered a pre-existing condition and you may be uninsurable.

Before I would ever consider prescription medications, I would definitely want to try natural remedies to help regulate my system. One that has sparked my interest is vitex or chasteberry. It's an herbal supplement that is supposed to help regulate hormones and promote normal ovulation. A 2004 study published in the Journal of Reproductive Medicine showed a significant increase in conception rates in a group of women taking a supplement called Fertility Blend, which included vitex. (Read the abstract here or the entire article here.) Vitex is available at health food stores so I think I may pick some up. It's worth a shot if it'll help shorten and regulate my cycle!

Finally, I'm also considering acupuncture. I'm hoping it'll be the all encompassing treatment for all that ails me, such as low back pain, fatigue, and now, my irregular cycles. I figure it can't hurt (well, it can if you hate needles, but you know what I mean). From what I've heard, it's very relaxing once you get past the slight discomfort, and gives you a general sense of well-being. I could definitely use that, TTC or not!


So what about you? Have you tried any of these alternative fertility boosters? Thoughts? Suggestions?