Babies, babies everywhere!

I've always been someone who takes a peak at babies when they pass or enjoys watching shows about babies. It really seems that in this past month I've become hypersensitive to babies being EVERYWHERE! Pregnant celebrities are coming out of the woodwork. Even characters on my favorite sitcoms are talking about having their (fake) babies! Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled that some of my very good friends are pregnant or have had their babies. It's the Face.book acquaintances constantly jabbering on about their pregnancies or all the random women I see when I'm out in town that either annoy me (the FB ones) or make me feel sad (the randomers). Then of course there are the days that I have to walk past the maternity hospital and I see expectant moms standing outside having their last smoke before they go in for their appointment. Disgusting.

I think these feelings all come from the fact that I was feeling very hopeful this past month. The month before that? Not so much. We were traveling separately and the timing was off by the time we were together again. But this past cycle? I'll admit I got my hopes up. I was hoping for a Christmas miracle baby. To see DH's disappointment when I told him this cycle didn't work broke off a piece of my heart. Here is my chart:

Looks pretty perfect to me! Boo!

We had agreed that if it didn't happen during this cycle, DH would go to have some testing done. He has an appointment for next week, but it falls on day 16 of my current cycle (I typically ovulate between days 14 and 16) and since we'd have to abstain for 3-5 days prior I'm thinking about pushing it back a few days. Otherwise this cycle will be a total bust.

Well, AF showed up

It has been about two weeks since I last posted and AF did indeed rear her ugly head! She continues to visit me even though her arrival is not welcome and her stay is not fun! I've had terrible cramps and a heavy flow. I am ready for it to be done so we can go head and start up again.

The week I get AF is the worst. I probably could have cried when I started it, but for some reason I didn't. I actually haven't cried in a long while about our situation. I don't know if this is a good thing or if at some point I will just lose it. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Anyway, when AF comes I am in a terrible mood. I don't want to talk to anyone. I am angry at my body and just want to punch something. So, you could say, that going to work is quite difficult when you're expected to be smiley and happy.

I am typically very open about personal things in my life. I don't mind talking about sex, or my period or my body, or anything of that nature with my good friends. Lately, though, I can't even seem to talk about what we are going through and how hard it is because the truth of the matter is that unless you've gone through this, you DON'T know what we are going through. You don't know HOW I FEEL. End of story. I don't want to see you turn your head to the side and "feel sorry" for me. I don't want to hear you say "it will happen". I don't want any of that so I just don't talk about it. Which is fine for most people but some people want to know what is going on and so, I'll start to open up and then I get one of things I just mentioned and I'll be so annoyed I even started sharing.

Well, here we go with cycle #10.

If someone else says "It will happen" to me I just might lose it!

Lately I feel like this woman. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs when people say things to me in regards to trying to get pregnant.

Things I hear that make me want to scream:

1. "It will happen"
2. "Don't think about it and BAM it will happen"
3. "Stop stressing out about it, that is why it isn't happening"
4. "You're young, don't worry about it"
5. "Have more sex"
6. "Just get drunk and then have sex, that worked for us"
   

What do people say to you that makes you have to bite your tongue?

I had to buy another pack of tampons because AF did in fact come. Although, it wasn't on Day 13 (after O) like I thought it would be, it came the following day. Regardless, the cramps are there as a constant reminder that a new cycle has started. There is nothing I can do about it so I'll just have to suck it up and enjoy the Holidays! We'll be able to start the New Year off with a bang. Literally. ;-)

40 kazillion sperm can't get me pregnant

So we did this 30 in 30 challenge (being intimate 30x in 30days) and got more than 1/2 in BEFORE O.

I got my OPKs in 3 days before my spike, got pretty lines, and I ovulated beautifully, right on time.

Perfect charting spike said I O'd and my temp stayed up...

4 days ago I started spotting. On/Off. Test. On/Off. Test.

Today at about 1 am I started AF in full.

I guess 40 kazillion sperm can't get me pregnant...

So, Mr. Dreamersaur wants to order Zumba for me since I'm loving it from the infomercials. I love to dance, so it's right up my alley. If I can't get pregnant I'll just get skinny! Still TTC for sure... just focusing on me for a change.

The 2ww is over....

and my body is totally rubbing my face in it! It's throwing every single PMS symptom my way: headache for 2 days, cramps, hot one minute, cold the next, nausea and diarrhea. Those last two are not common for me, so I'm not sure what's going on there. It could be slight food poisoning, but my husband hasn't felt unwell at all. I had a HUGE temperature spike yesterday morning (1 whole degree C) which was really unusual. My thermometer even beeped at me funny. I tossed and turned and I was awake most of the night, so it's probably not the most accurate reading. This morning it dropped slightly (but still not below the baseline) and FF reset me to a new cycle. My husband was away last night (thankfully allowing me to toss and turn to my heart's content), and I was trying to hold out taking a pregnancy test until he was back. But, the nausea was driving me insane and I just had to know. It was negative, of course, and my flow started in earnest today.

It's disappointing since we did everything right this cycle. I guess it's on to the next one! Now if I just had an apple to relieve this craving....

Waiting...........

Today is CD43 and I am still waiting for AF to arrive after my first Clomid cycle. My beta-HCG blood test was negative.

When we saw the fertility specialist on May 17th, she did not recommend continuing with Clomid for the next cycle. I didn't respond very well to it, which is not a surprise as my FSH was 14. The doctor recommended that we try injectable fertility medications. Specifically, Puregon (Follistim in the USA) to stimulate my ovaries, Orgalutran (ganirelix) to hold off my LH surge until the follicle(s) get to the right size and Ovidrel (HCG) to trigger ovulation when the time is right. This past cycle, I had my LH surge too early - at CD8 when my follicle was still quite small. The doctor also suggested that we consider using IUI instead of timed intercourse with the injectable medications.

Mr. Pharmasaur and I had previously said we wouldn't use Clomid. Then we said we wouldn't use injectable drugs. We talked and thought about this decision for several days before we decided to try the injectable drugs. We also agreed that after using the drugs, we would like to increase our conception chances by using IUI. There is nothing wrong with Mr. Pharmasaur's sperm analysis, but the IUI will be effective in by-passing my cervical fluid which has not been very abundant lately.

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I went to the fertility clinic again this past week to get some help in locating my missing AF. My progesterone level was 14 and my endometrial lining was thick which means that AF is on her way soon, I hope! The fertility specialist checked my thyroid hormones again and decided to increase my medication. I hope this gets the levels where they should be and keeps them there. I will get the test repeated in about a month or so to see if it is working.

I have the injectable medications ready to go. Now, all we need is AF and a CD3 blood level of FSH lower than 14 to go ahead. Wish us luck!

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I Have a Secret

I have a secret and I'm finally ready to share it w/ you all! After a year and a half of trying.... I'M PREGNANT! I am still very early (only 8 weeks today) but since we have made it past the dreaded week 7 (which in the past has been a not so lucky week for us), I feel I can finally breathe a sigh of relief and share my oh so exciting news!

I have known now for about 3 weeks but have been really hesitant to share considering my past experiences. When AF was late, I thought nothing of it because of my recent weight loss. After a week or two I started feeling really crumby and decided to bite the bullet and take an HPT which turned out to be positive. Even w/ that positive result, I still was a little nervous about getting too excited.

I called my Dr. right away and tried to make an appointment. The nurse that I spoke to felt since I was still so early that there was no point in making an appointment until I tested positive in the Dr.'s office, then we could go from there. (As you can imagine, I was a little annoyed w/ this response but decided to go ahead and do as she had advised and go in and take the urine test.)

I was scheduled to go in on a Friday and do the test. That morning, I spoke to one of my girlfriends and told her what was going on. She works in a doctor's office and gave me a bit of advice on what she thought I should do. I called the office right away that morning and asked to speak to a Dr. when I came in. I explained to the receptionist that I have had a few previous complications and would feel much more at ease if I was able to actually talk to someone that day. I was given an appointment w/ no questions asked, and blood work was done that day!

I went back on Monday morning to do another round of blood tests and everything came back looking good. My progesterone and estrogen levels were where they needed to be and my HCG was rising. I was then given an appointment to come back on Friday of this week (tomorrow). I am looking forward to my appointment, every chance that I get to see my Dr. gives me a little bit more confidence that this time we will go full-term.

This pregnancy has been a little different compared to my previous pregnancies. I have been really sick this time... when I'm not nauseous I have diarrhea! I'm not complaining though... the more sick I feel, the more tender my boobs are, the more I fall asleep on the couch, the better I feel about finally getting to be a Mommy again!

Trying to go with the 'Flo

Last night, I burst into tears after watching an episode of Law & Order, SVU. I looked at my husband and said "I guess my period is coming." I've felt teary off and on for a couple of days now. Today at work, I was absent-minded and I was dropping things more frequently. I also feel fatigued and irritable. These are all calling cards of my old "friend" Aunt Flo.

My temperature hasn't dropped yet. I suspect it may do that tomorrow or within a few days. AF will be here the day after the temperature drop. My CBFM has given me low fertility readings everyday so far this cycle. I sometimes cling to the small hope that I may have had a short LH surge and that the machine missed it.

TTC and charting has certainly helped me to get to know my body a lot better. My cycles have been so irregular lately that I'm glad I have these advance warning signals of AF.

Last cycle, I didn't even have a chance to use a HPT before AF showed up. It looks like the same thing may happen again. This is very disappointing, to say the least. However, I would much rather have these shorter cycles (today is CD18) than a long, drawn out 53 day cycle. We are able to start trying again so much sooner with the shorter cycles. I feel like we need all the chances we can get.

One exciting bit of news - I got a Fertility Specialist appointment for next week! They had some cancellations otherwise I would have been waiting a few months. I really hope that the FS can help us to conceive. I am starting to get discouraged that we won't be able to get pregnant again.

Are Your HPT's Laughing at You Too?!

When we first started TTC, I bought HPT's monthly and used them monthly! Every time was the same, another BFN followed by a visit from AF! The last time I used a test I vowed to not do it again until I felt I had a valid reason... only, my valid reasons always seem to get the best of me! So once again, I unwrapped the last of the stockpile in our medicine cabinet and prayed for two lines... and like every other failed attempt, got a BFN!

TwoWeekWait.com is a wonderful site full of good advice for those of us TTC. I stumbled across this earlier this morning and I swear whoever came up with it must have a camera in my bathroom! Follow these 15 easy steps and you too could look as hopeless as me when taking a HPT!


Step 1...Pee on the stick. (must be sure to hold it under urine stream for a heartbeat longer than recommended just to be sure).

Step 2...Stare at stick while you continue peeing. Feel heart jump when urine passes over the spot where the line would be and it hitches for a second, then gets a dark line...then keeps going, taking your dark line with it to the test window.

Step 3...Place on bathroom counter. Pretend not to stare at it. Let's try to give yourself busy work to keep from looking at it. In fact, your toilet now gets cleaned once per day.

Step 4...Tell yourself you are expecting a BFN. Then start to mist up when you see that it is, in fact, a BFN. Stare at the blank spot for a full minute before picking it up.

Step 5...First, go to window and check it under day light.

Step 6...Now, stand on toilet to be closer to light in ceiling. Check strip.

Step 7...Close one eye. Squint other eye.

Step 8...Turn on several lamps around house. Hold strip under lamp. Check strip.

Step 9...Hold strip OVER lamp. Check strip.

Step 10...Hold strip in front of lamp so light shines THROUGH strip, just in case.

Step 11...Pull stick apart. Hesitate for a heartbeat when you realize you are holding the still wet "wick" in one hand, then continue the destruction.

Step 12...Repeat Steps 5-9.

Step 13...Throw stick away.

Step 14...Pick stick back up out of trash.

Step 15...Repeat Steps 12 and 13 the rest of the day!

On to Cycle #7.....

Mr. Pharmasaur and I have returned from Mexico where we had a nice, relaxing holiday.


We didn't invite AF along on our trip, but I was prepared, just in case she decided to join us. A few days into the trip, I had several days of spotting and at first, I was hopeful that it was implantation bleeding. I religiously kept taking my BBT while on vacation. That means I was taking my temp at 4:45 a.m. local time each morning! When I saw my temperature take a nose dive on the Saturday morning, I knew that AF would be visiting on Sunday morning. And she did. We flew home Sunday morning so she wasn't too much of an inconvenience while we were on our trip. Except for the spotting. I was disappointed that I didn't even get to take a HPT this cycle. My CBFM gave me a peak reading for the first time last cycle. FF thought I O'd on CD11 and said our intercourse timing was good. So, I got my hopes up and started to get excited at the possibility of maybe getting pregnant again.

You can take a peek at my FF chart here if you are interested.

So this is now Cycle #7 of TTC since the miscarriage on July 24, 2009. On February 24, we were in Mexico and it was the first time I didn't think of the anniversary date of the miscarriage. I remembered when we got back home and I felt guilty for not thinking of it on the actual date. I was distracted by being on holiday and perhaps I am starting to heal from the loss. But I still get teary and wistful thinking about the precious baby that we lost. And I sometimes still feel angry, frustrated and question "Why us?" I wish no one ever had to go through this devastating experience.

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I had seen a gynecologist on February 9th who was referring me to a fertility specialist. I called the Fertility Clinic today and they have no record of the referral. So, I need to call the gynecologist back and ask them to fax the clinic. I imagine it will take several months to get an appointment with them and I'm not getting any younger!

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I made an appointment for next week with a Naturopath who specializes in fertility issues. I think she will probably make nutrition and lifestyle recommendations. She also uses a lot of acupuncture and homeopathy in her practice. I imagine she will also recommend some supplements for me to take. I am doing everything I can think of now, so Mr. Pharmasaur and I have agreed to take these next steps.

I will continue to use my CBFM, chart on FF including my BBT, and do the BD every other day (at least!) until my O is confirmed by FF.

Any other tips you can share that helped you to conceive would be most welcomed!

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2 week wait and on vacation

I am officially in the two week wait now. FF says I can test on March 4th at 18 DPO. I'm not sure I can wait that long. I was thinking of maybe testing on March 1st at 15 DPO. I started to have swollen, tender breasts yesterday and today. I'm trying not to get too excited as this has happened before and been part of my PMS leading to the visit of AF. I am not spotting yet, and for that I am very grateful - I have had 7 days of spotting before AF for the last 2 cycles. I will not miss the spotting at all!

Starting today, Mr. Pharmasaur and I are on a one week vacation. We leave for Mexico early tomorrow morning! I think fun on the beach and sightseeing will help the 2WW pass much quicker. I really hope that AF stays away at least for the week we're away. I didn't invite her along on our trip! Of course, I'd love it if AF stays away much, much longer than that!

I've got to run and get packed for the trip. I will post an update soon after I get back. Keep your fingers crossed for us!

And she´s here, yet again.

After having a complete and total meltdown on Wednesday, Aunt Flo came for her scheduled monthly visit late Thursday evening. Now that she´s actually here, I feel a lot less emotional and am probably a more pleasant person to be around. I´m bummed that she found her way to my house yet again, but such is life. I had been denying the fact that there might be a problem here, but after 12 cycles being busts, I think it´s time to look at reality. I got pregnant very quickly and easily each time before, needing no more than 3 cycles to do so, so something is off.

I went to my dermatologist yesterday to get some new acne cream since my face has been going berserk the last few months around O, and she started asking questions. First, she asked if I was still trying, then she asked how long I had been trying this time, then she asked how old I was, and then she dropped the bomb. She told me that while I´m not old, I´m not young either, and that while it´s ok to try for a year on my own, I shouldn't try any longer. She pointed out that with my history it´s time to head in to the gyno and have a sit-down. It´s time to start looking into what might be causing this delay in getting pregnant. Maybe it´s time to do some hormone therapy, and maybe it´s time to look at doing a lap. I don´t know what she will tell me, but at the urging of my dermatologist, I´m going to make another appt. to talk to my gynecologist about what´s going on. It´s time to start moving forward. So as I move on to cycle 26 or was it 27, it´s time to do something.

Discouraged and Determined

What a crazy cycle #5 turned out to be! I started using my CBEFM on CD6 and used it until CD18 and saw the same thing everyday:

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Translation: 13 days straight of low fertility.

I was charting my temperature which seemed to be doing some really weird things. Since it was my first month charting, I didn't know what to expect. Plus, I had a cold and I wasn't getting a very good night's sleep for about a week. I did open a Fertility Friend account. Even FF didn't know what to make of me! I got a little message that said my ovulation couldn't be pinpointed to a 24 hour time period but I may have ovulated somewhere between CD5-11. Gee, thanks!

Surprisingly, my cycle #5 was only 18 days long!

My theory is that I probably ovulated on CD5. I started using the CBFM on CD6. Therefore, the monitor had no chance to detect any hormone changes because it was all over by then. I started feeling PMS symptoms on CD12 and started to spot then as well. I thought that it was impossible AF could be on her way. Mr. Pharmasaur thought she was and he was right. I am finding I do like charting my BBT. I could tell by my temperature drop that AF really was on her way the next day.

I am pretty discouraged and frustrated about my crazy cycles - 27, 32, 21, 53 and 18 days long since the miscarriage.

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I did buy some Preseed. Mr. Pharmasaur and I tried it out once and liked it. But between my cold and my short cycle, there wasn't much BDing this month.

I am going to see a gynecologist this coming Tuesday. I am bringing all my charting info with me and will try to get some answers.

So, it is on to Cycle #6 for me. The plan is to keep using the "Big Guns" - PreSeed, charting on FF with BBT and CM info and the CBEFM. I think we need to start to BD every other day as soon as AF has gone, which will be very soon. I am feeling determined to start fresh this cycle.

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No Flo No!!

She came, she saw, she conquered. She is Auntie Flo, the conquered one is me. Bottom line is that this sucks.... oh, and please pass the extra strength Tylenol.

I shake my fist and say "CURSE YOU AUNT FLO SCUM!!!"

I guess I feel a little better now.

I had pretty high hopes for this cycle...I didn't start until 14dpo, but a couple of days before AF showed up my temps began to drop. That's always a pretty good indicator.

Here's my complete chart for last month:

So, here we go again. Time to save up energy for some serious BDing.

Mr. Shortysaur and I discussed whether I should do another round of clomid or not, and I think we've decided to try it one more time. Third times a charm, right? I was going back and forth about whether I should take it again because the first month it messed with my temps, and the second one it threw my O date into left field. DH said maybe my body will have adjusted to it after the first two times, and hopefully the third time things will be a little more regular when it comes to O. Sounds like good logic to me! My sweetie is always so supportive, logical and even keeled... I just love that man of mine!

The last time I went to the doctor, he said that we should try clomid for 4-5 months, then if nothing happens, we should come back and explore having a laproscopy to look for things like endometriosis. Up until this point all the tests say we are totally normal and healthy, and I have no other symptoms to suggest anything is wrong other than infertility. So DH and I decided that we're not going have any more intervention or tests after this last round of clomid, unless in the future I start having serious pain or something else to indicate that there is something wrong.

I decided early on that if all the tests say we're healthy, then it's just a matter waiting on God for the right timing. As I've said in previous posts, it's all about faith for me and I believe that if we are meant to have another child then it will happen at the perfect time. I know I'm being refined and tested through this whole process and I feel priviledged that this experience is making me a better person and a more loving mother for my sweet little girl and for my children that are yet to be...

Don't get me wrong, it is not easy to stay focused on those aspects. I could never do it without my wonderful husband. For example, DH came to the rescue on the morning that AF showed up when I was feeling pretty down. Before he left for work he said to me that he had been thinking all morning about how thankful he is for all that we have, and that we always need to remember to be thankful no matter what because we are so blessed already. He always says exactly what I need to hear at the perfect time. After he left I prayed for peace in my heart and a wonderful sense of calm came over me. I actually ended up having a really good day, amazingly enough.

In all honesty I'm often tempted to give up on ttc all together, but I always change my mind. I can never lose hope that the desire of our hearts will be fulfilled someday and that we should keep at it until we are triumphant!

And so the journey continues...

Getting out the "big guns" for Cycle 5

After 6 days of disappointing spotting, AF decided to arrive after 52 days! At first, I was excited. Finally I could get on with TTC and stop wondering (for at least a couple of weeks) what was going on with my body. Then, I felt kind of like this:

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Perhaps because AF had been away for a while, it was not a very pleasant visit.

This is Cycle #5 of TTC since my miscarriage. So, now we are getting out the "big guns".

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I started using the ClearBlue Easy Fertility Monitor this week. I was very excited about this, much like Lillysaur has mentioned in her recent post. I was also in a hurry to get my monitor so I could begin using it ASAP. Since my previous cycle had been 21 days, I hoped the monitor would get to me in time to start using it for my next cycle. Ironically, the monitor sat here for several weeks while I waited for AF!

Using the CBEFM feels like a new beginning for me. It is my understanding that the monitor tracks 2 hormones, both estrogen and LH, instead of just LH like the traditional OPK tests. This could give me the heads up on up to 6 fertile days per cycle as opposed to 2 with the OPK strips. Well, that is the theory anyway. I'm not sure what my body is actually doing or not doing. I hope the CBEFM will help to clarify this for us. I feel like I have access to more information about my cycle now. This gives me renewed hope that we really can conceive again.

Since I am not sure if I am really ovulating, I have gotten out another "big gun":

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I was against taking my BBT for the longest time. I now think that this information is too valuable to ignore any longer. So, my alarm is set for 5:45 a.m. each day to do this deed. I've only done this for 2 days now so it isn't too bad yet. I am also toying with the idea of setting up a Fertility Friend account. It seems like this is another "big gun" in the TTC arsenal that has helped a lot of women conceive.

I am drinking a cup of green tea and pomegranate juice every day faithfully. I am considering purchasing some PreSeed in case Mr. Pharmasaur and I need a little help with the BD process. And of course, BDing needs to be a very regular activity in the next week or two!

If I do appear to be ovulating, I will stock up on pineapples and munch on those daily. Luckily, I love pineapple!

I have no idea how long this cycle will be. My longest cycle recently was 52 days and my shortest cycle was 21 days. This is why I am pulling out all the "big guns" for TTC on Cycle #5.

Does anyone else have any other tried and true TTC suggestions they'd like to share? I'm all ears!

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Sometimes I just sigh…

At least 3 times a week my sweet little 5 year old girl says. “Mommy, I REALLY want a brother or a sister. Everyone at gymnastics class has a brother or a sister!”

*SIGH*

What do you say to that? Usually it's something like, “I know sweetie, I really want that too, just keep praying.” I’ve tried many times to put this 'having kids thing' in terms that she can understand. This has proven to be very difficult, especially when I myself don’t fully understand why we haven’t had another child by now.

One thing I do know is that through it all I have become more patient and have grown stronger in my faith, which is always a good thing. Perseverance isn’t something you are born with; it’s something you can only learn through experience.

I know in time, our next perfect child will come. The child itself will be perfect for us, as will the timing. That’s what happened to us the first time around with our DD. I wasn’t very patient back then when it came to having a child. I wanted to get pregnant so badly, and if I had had my way back then, we would’ve had a baby months earlier. And that little one wouldn’t have been the DD that I love and adore and who came at the absolute best time. My consolation in all of this is that I am growing and becoming a more mature adult, a more faithful Christian and that MY timing isn’t always the best timing.

A song comes to mind…







“You can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need!”





Looking in hindsight, I am very glad that DH and I have had this many years with just our DD. It’s been wonderful to focus fully on raising her through the early years of her life. I’m also a pretty laid back mommy who really loves her sleep & peaceful morning routine, so I’m not sure how I’d do with a big ol’ brood of little ones running around.

I’m NO Michelle Duggar, that's for sure.

When we finally do have another child, our DD will be at least 6 years old and will definitely be a big help to her mommy! She’s very much a little mother herself who constantly wants to help around the house.

Ahhh…I can just see it now. “Sweetie, can you change the baby’s diaper?” To which she will reply, “Sure, mommy! I’d LOVE to!” Maybe that’s wishful thinking, but then again, maybe not. She has been known to say "Mommy, maybe you'll have twin babies, and then I can feed one, and you can feed one!" Sounds like a brilliant plan.

I’m also very excited for my DD to participate in my next pregnancy. Involving her in things like having a countdown, showing her fruit pictures of how big the baby is at any given time, having her help me decorate the nursery, etc. etc. I’m really looking forward to it all.

In other news... an update!

I actually do have some good info to report. AF hasn’t made her unwelcome appearance yet! I’m on cycle day 33, approximately 11 DPO and there are still no signs of our least favorite Auntie. My temperature has been steadily high, so at this point I’m encouraged.

I probably need a smack on the hand though because I POAS at 9 DPO.

Bravo Foxtrot November. Duh.


I know... silly, silly, silly me. If I have any defense at all, it’s that I bought a multi pack of OPK’s and pregnancy test strips so I do have quite a few. At least I didn’t waste much money appeasing my curiosity.

My answer will come, sooner or later. It always does.

Spot, Spot.... Who's there?

Could it be you, Aunt Flo?

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Today is CD47 and I've had a little bit of spotting. I am actually hoping that AF is finally on her way. My cycles have been all over the place since my miscarriage in July. Cycle 4 has been the longest one so far and I'm losing patience!

I saw my family doctor this past Monday to review the results of my physical in November. I'm glad I made the appointment to see her as the lab hadn't entered by blood work in the computer. My doctor called the lab right away and had them fax over the results. My hormone levels were normal then. The only concern was my iron was on the low side. I had stopped taking the prenatal vitamins for a while and just continued with folic acid supplements. I have since resumed taking the prenatal vitamins and I hope my iron level is back up.

My doctor ordered a blood beta-HCG test and gave me a prescription for Provera to start my period. Since my doctor was going away on Tuesday, she told me to see the doctor who was covering for her on Friday evening.

I must admit, I have taken a few HPTs this cycle to see if I could possibly be pregnant. They were all BFN so I was pretty sure that the blood test would be negative as well. I did see the doctor last night and the blood test was negative.

This doctor recommended waiting for 3 months without a period before taking the Provera. As we are actively TTC, she was concerned that if I conceived recently, the Provera would be harmful to the pregnancy. Mr. Pharmasaur and I were concerned about this too. The doctor recommended that I go to see a gynecologist soon as time is of the essence at our age. So, it is back to waiting for AF again.

Luckily, I do have an appointment with a gynecologist for February 9th. I have heard lots of positive feedback about her which I find encouraging. I hope she can help us too! I was out today with a friend for coffee whom I remembered had seen the same gynecologist a while back. I asked my friend about the doctor and it turns out she was very impressed by her. And she has an appointment with her on the same day that I do, one hour before mine! So, we are going to meet up for lunch and support each other after our appointments. Strange how some things just seem meant to be, isn't it?

I am hopeful that AF is really on her way and that we can start to TTC again soon. I am still waiting to use the new Clearblue Fertility Monitor that we got last month. I was hoping I would get a BFP this month so I haven't even opened the package yet. I thought it would be easier to sell a sealed unit! I will open it up and pore over the instruction booklet as soon as AF officially arrives.

I also think I will have to stop being so stubborn and start charting my BBT. I have heard so many women sharing about how helpful it is. I keep resisting the thought of setting my alarm for 5:45 a.m. on the weekends!

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But, sometimes the process of TTC involves making some tough decisions and sacrifices. The results will be worth it!

Good News

Happy New Year to all! I hope everyone had a great time during their celebrations. As of last post I left off by describing my consultation with the RE. They drew blood to check to see if I had ovulated. I got the call a few days later and sure enough I am ovulating!! I figured I was because I can feel the pain and pinpoint my exact time of ovulation but it was nice to get it confirmed. This past Wednesday morning marked two weeks since I ovulated and my period came. I never thought this would excite me but because I have to get more testing on cycle day three I was ready to get the show on the road so to speak. Aunt Flo surprised me by being a regular period and not just spotting. This is the first "real" period I have had since coming off birth control seven months ago. More good news is this cycle lasted 63 days instead of the normal 75-77 days. I wonder if it is because acupuncture or if I am getting back to a more regular cycle, I know that 63 days isn't regular but for me it is closer. Before I was on birth control my cycles came about every other month.

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I go in the RE tomorrow for more blood work and then next week for a saline ultrasound which I hear is a good time. Mr. Relaxasaur has to repeat his sperm analysis next week as well as go in for blood work. This cycle is the first time we will actually TTC so our plan is to have sex every other day so we don't miss my ovulation. All of this is based on the all the tests coming back with positive results. So we are keeping our fingers crossed!


***Update***

I just got back from my appointment and I thought I was just getting blood work done but they also surprised me an ultrasound. I have never had one and heard about the "dildo cam" from other blogs. It wasn't bad at first but then she had to keep applying pressure to different regions of my pelvis. It felt like period cramps but went away as soon as she was done. During the ultrasound the tech did ask if I have regular periods which made me wonder if she always asks that question or if she saw something. I don't know why I didn't ask but I am guessing they will tell me if I have anything wrong after they collect all the data. My next appointment is for next Thursday which is when Mr. Relaxasaur will repeating his sperm analysis.

Cycle 4 - CD38 and counting....

My irregular periods are continuing this cycle. I am currently on CD38 and no AF yet. I did an HPT yesterday and got another BFN. I guess I didn't ovulate around CD9 or 10 like I originally thought. I have been having PMS symptoms that could have been pregnancy symptoms for about 2 weeks now. Sigh. Nothing to do but keep waiting for AF to arrive so we can get back to TTC.

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I have a doctor's appointment coming up this Monday. I am going to tell her about my very irregular cycles and see if there were any unusual hormone levels from my physical in November. I also have a gynecologist appointment booked for February. Perhaps she will be able to investigate further.

I am looking forward to 2010. I am not going to miss 2009 at all. It has been a tough year.

Happy New Year to everyone! Wishing you Happiness & Health in 2010.

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When will Aunt Flo come to visit?

I really don't have much of an idea!

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Originally, on this cycle #4, I wasn't going to use any OPKs. Shortly after AF ended last time, I thought I had some signals of ovulation. So I did do a few OPK tests this month. And I think(hope!) I ovulated around CD9 or 10. The test line got the darkest I've ever seen it on CD9 and then went back to a faint line the next day. However, it was not equal to or darker than the control line. I have seen several women reporting online that their tests don't get that dark either. I have my fingers crossed that I actually did ovulate this cycle. I think that would be the first time since my miscarriage in July.

I'm not sure how long my luteal phase is though. Which means AF could really come anytime between tomorrow and Christmas Day. My last 3 cycles were 27, 32 and 21 days long. TTC is such a waiting game isn't it?