My Happy Ending

WARNING: This could get lengthy! (I started writing this several weeks ago and have had no time to finish. I am determined to share the story of how the little guy who was due to arrive November 4th, came home over two weeks early!)

In my last post I wrote about a Dr.'s apt. that I had on the 12th of October. I was admitted as an outpatient that day and had a slew of tests run to make sure that "Baby" was thriving, and he was. That following Friday, the 15th, I was told to go in for a blood pressure check at our small town clinic where they discovered that my blood pressure was continuing to rise. I was sent home (back to bed rest), put on some BP medication and asked to again do a 24 hour urine sample on Sunday.

Monday the 18th of October....

I got up that morning feeling really frustrated. The BP medication they had put me on was creating a whole new set of problems. While it was lowering my BP, it was also causing me to black out! I wasn't comfortable with that and decided to stop taking it on Sunday. (I knew there was no way I could take the medicine before driving myself to my Dr.'s apt. Monday morning.)

I handed in my urine sample which they tested while I was there and my protein count had doubled since the week before. My BP was once again elevated since I'd stopped taking the meds, I had gained a few more pounds and the swelling hadn't gotten any better. My Dr. suggested that we go ahead and start discussing my induction at that point. I asked a ton of questions and at the end of my appointment asked when I should come back to have my "Baby"... that's when the Dr. said that we should go ahead and do it that day.

I was a little surprised but after she explained to me that sending me home could only complicate things that much more, I decided that I needed to do what was not only best for "Baby" but for Mommy too! My husband had stayed at work since he was really busy and I truly thought if we were going to get induced, that it wouldn't be for a few days. I called him after they had admitted me and gave instructions of what to pack in the bag since I was planning on doing that that afternoon. He was really surprised too!

They began giving me pitocin around 10:30 am. When the Dr. had checked me that morning I was at a 3 so she was confident that the pitocin would get things started with no problem and it did. She came back and broke my water at noon and shortly after that my husband arrived.

The contractions were really intense from the start. I was very ready for my epidural when the time came to get it done. Since my contractions were a minute apart, it took a lot longer to get my epidural started then it had when I had DS. I was never comfortable enough to rest (much less sleep) and while the epi took the edge off, it didn't completely take the pain away like I remember from my first delivery.

Things went much faster this time around as I had expected they would. Every time the Dr. came in to check me I had gotten further along, no stalling or stopping took place that day and by 4:30 pm I was at a 10 and ready to push. The Dr. came in, the nurses set up the "Baby" station and I began what took a mere 20 minutes of pushing. At one point during labor the nurse asked me to lie on my right side because the "Baby's" heart rate was all over the place. When he was born the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck and one of his little feet... which was what was causing his heart rate to be all over the board.

He came into the world screaming, turned a beautiful shade of pink almost immediately and latched on like a pro after only a few minutes! I nursed him for awhile and when I had finished they checked him all over and handed him back to us. After a very long wait, we finally had the perfect little boy we'd been waiting for!

My blood pressure stabilized almost immediately after delivery, my carpal tunnel has disappeared, the swelling is gone and I've shaved off several pounds. I feel much better now that he is here and safe. Other than a "UTI" I feel almost back to my normal self again. I don't get much done other than nursing, pumping and changing diapers but I wouldn't have it any other way!

"Baby Craftysaur" or Maddox as we like to call him is almost 4 weeks old now. He is growing like a weed and developing quite a little personality! DS is absolutely in love with him and has been so sweet and gentle. We look forward to watching the boys grow up together and feel so blessed to finally have a sibling for our oldest son. It's been a long road from TTC, to the miscarriages, to the finally positive HPT that ended in a happy ending! Looking back I wouldn't change a thing! Sometimes the best gifts are worth the wait and in this case he definitely was!

So here I am ending my final post. I appreciate every one's kind and encouraging words along the way. I will continue to follow along in the rest of your journeys and continue to pray that each of you receive the happy ending you are all working so hard for!
Best of luck to you all... Craftysaur

Tests, Tests & More Tests

Baby Craftysaur at 37 weeks... this was taken during a biopysical profile ultrasound.

My Dr.'s appointment on Monday didn't quite turn out the way I had hoped or expected! I woke up that morning feeling very nauseous with a splitting headache. I ended up throwing up three times before it was time to leave! My blood pressure wasn't terribly high compared to what it had been but I was a little puffy and starting to get a little concerned because of the vomiting. I had it in my head that we would be having a baby this week... it's now Thursday and I am still pregnant and on bed rest!

I turned in my "jug 'o pee" from my 24 hour urine analysis, peed in the cup, got weighed and sent back for my routine check up. The nurse took my blood pressure, asked a few questions and sent in the doctor. The doctor asked how I'd been feeling, measured me, listened to the "Baby" and then admitted me as an out patient to Labor and Delivery.

She ordered a non stress test which is where the mother (me) is hooked up to the fetal monitor just as she would be if she were in labor, and the response of the fetal movements is observed. She also ordered a biophysical profile which generally evaluates, through the use of ultrasound, 4 aspects of life in the uterus: fetal breathing, fetal movement, fetal tone and amniotic fluid volume. I was also given an IV due to dehydration caused by the vomiting.

While the tests were being performed they drew blood to check and make sure my liver and kidneys were functioning normally and they are. They did find protein in my urine again but it was at a +2 which isn't high enough for them to be concerned at this stage in my pregnancy. The non stress test showed that the baby is doing just fine and that I am having contractions off and on but not enough to categorize me as being in "active labor". The biophysical profile had to be done twice because the first time the radiologist came in she was unable to pass us due to my very sleepy "Baby". After a snack and a cold drink he was ready to perform and passed with flying colors in the first 10 minutes!

After about 4 hours or so I was dismissed, told to go home and remain on bed rest for another week and come back next Monday for more fun and games! I got the results of my 24 hour urine analysis back yesterday and I am being asked to retake that test... YUCK! Apparently the volume of urine was much lower than they liked to see. I can't tell you how many times I have tried to tell my nurses and doctors that I have been having trouble peeing. I will fill up on fluids this Sunday and again pee in my little jug only to blow up like a balloon from the retaining of the fluids and sit on the toilet for hours on end because of the pressure from not being able to pass much urine... YAY ME!

They are also considering another non stress test for Monday to check out the "little man" and make sure he is still doing OK. Hopefully we will have an answer as to whether or not I need to be induced next week. As far along as I am now, I am not sure I even want to mess with an induction as long as he's doing OK. I am feeling much better today and am tired of the testing and retesting and would honestly rather have labor set in on it's own between now and then. I am anxious to meet our Baby but as long as he's healthy on the inside, I say why not keep him that way and can we do it w/out remaining on bed rest... PLEASE!

I would love to hear some feedback from those of you who have been induced whether it be because of preeclampsia or other health related issues. What week were you induced and why? Were your baby's lungs fully mature upon delivery? Were your contractions that much more uncomfortable due to the induction? And finally, were you able to have a vaginal delivery w/out it turning into a C-section?

T-minus 21 hours!

I'm going to try to keep this as short as I can...it's a bit long and complicated, sorry!

So after I saw my gestational diabetes doctor on Thursday, I went up to the local hospital to see the alternate high risk doctor. He said that if it was up to him, he'd induce me that night...but it wasn't. The problem was that my hospital couldn't handle my birth because it was too complicated (this is after my other doctor and all of the nurses telling me numerous times that it wouldn't pose a problem - I was NOT amused). My case had to be transferred to an alternate hospital, which is about a 45-minute drive away.

So we went up there Thursday night; I couldn't see their high risk specialist until the next day, so I got to spend a cozy night in THE most uncomfortable hospital bed ever (I mean seriously, insanely uncomfortable).

I saw the specialist the next day, and she felt that there was no need for an emergency induction because my blood pressure, while high, was still only just over the limit and my GD was well managed. So she scheduled me for an induction 5 days later but said she wanted to keep me in the hospital for observation until then. Joy.

The reason for the delayed scheduling is because although this hospital is larger than the one in my town, it's still not huge by any means, and she wanted to make sure that it would take place on a day when I would have all of the staff to myself vs sharing them with another induction (there were already inductions scheduled for the two days prior to mine). I guess that's the one disadvantage to staying relatively local vs going to Sydney (the nearest major city), where I'd almost certainly have been induced the same night I arrived.

I was pretty upset about all of this...not just having to stay in the hospital or having to wait to be induced, but also because I'm already so uncomfortable (the skin on my stomach is so tight that I can barely even stand the feeling of a sheet on it - even that hurts). But obviously, there wasn't much I could do about it.

After spending two nights in the hospital, the specialist told me that because my blood pressure wasn't getting any worse - it had actually dropped down to just below the limit and seemed to be staying there - she would release me so I could go home to wait until the induction, as I'd almost certainly be less stressed and more relaxed and comfortable. They gave me a laundry list of symptoms to look out for, and if I experience even a single one of them we have to head back to the hospital. I also have to get my blood pressure checked daily at my local hospital to make sure it doesn't spike.

So that's where we are now - the induction is starting at lunchtime tomorrow, only 21 hours away! I'll be 38.5 weeks by then, and no one - including yours truly - can believe that we've made it this far (and honestly we probably shouldn't have been allowed to get this far because of all my complications, but that's really neither here nor there at this point). But at least they won't be considered preemies, although they'll probably still be a bit smaller than a singleton - it also means it's unlikely that they'll have any health problems, which means we'll be able to transfer back to my local hospital a day or so after the birth (much better for Mr Bibliosaur since he won't have to drive back and forth all the time).

Please send happy thoughts and good vibes and labor dust and everything else that you can spare! There isn't any wireless internet access in the hospital that I'm aware of, so the next time you hear from me, the Bibliosaur babies will have made their debut!

OMG...I could be getting induced!

I just got home from seeing the doctor who is overseeing my gestational diabetes. While I was there, he asked me what the plan was, and that conversation got him all riled up and pissed off at the hospital...

Me: "The plan?"
Him: "Right. You know, for the birth. You're very nearly 38 weeks."
Me: "Oh. Well...there isn't one."
Him (after a long pause): "What do you mean?"
Me: "Well I saw Dr S [my OBGYN] yesterday, and he thinks I need to be induced, but it's not up to him - it's up to the doctors at the hospital. And Dr H [high risk doctor that I see at the hospital clinic] is still on vacation and will be for a while longer, so I'm seeing other doctors until then. It's a different doctor every week, depending on who is filling in for him."
Him: "So...who is making this decision?"
Me: "I don't know. Whoever is there at my appointment next week, I guess? Maybe?"
Him: "But you don't know who that will be."
Me: "No."
Him: "And they may or may not decide to induce you next week."
Me: "Right."
Him: "Do they know you have GD?"
Me: "Yes."
Him: "And they know you're having twins, right?"
Me: "Yes, of course."
(another long pause)
Him: "RIGHT. Look, I don't usually get mixed up in the obstetrics side of things, but I'm going to call the hospital right now. This is ridiculous - you don't have anyone caring for your case!"

So he called the hospital, talked to the head nurse and gave her a rundown of the situation, then asked to be transferred to Dr N. I'd never been told about this doctor, but apparently he's another high risk specialist like Dr H. My GD doctor told Dr N: "She is 37.5 weeks pregnant with twins. She has gestational diabetes. Her blood pressure has shot up to 150/90. She has edema. She is clearly extremely uncomfortable and struggling. She needs someone to make a decision about her case - NOW."

So I'm seeing Dr N at 4.45pm today. My GD doctor told me to be prepared to be admitted, just in case they decide I need to go in tonight (!!!). Of course, Dr N may want to schedule it for tomorrow (!!!), or - you never know - he may even decide I can wait until next week (which is still a yaaay because at least a decision would have been made!).

I'm equal parts excited and terrified that this could be happening so soon...on the one hand, I am SO READY for these babies to be born, and on the other hand, I'm utterly petrified at the thought! It almost makes me want to go, "Wait! Maybe they can stay in there another 10 or 15 years. Let's all just sit down and talk - we can negotiate!" (Mr Bibliosaur, by the way, is beside himself at the idea that he could get to meet his sons so soon - he has been SO eager and impatient for these little ones to be born!)

So please send some good vibes or happy thoughts or whatever else you can spare that everything will go smoothly, no matter what Dr N decides. Honestly, it's just nice to have someone who will actually be able to make a decision about my case!

Pressing the Panic Button

I'm currently at 39 weeks and starting to feel the anxiety kicking in. My hormones haven't been too bad, but lately they seem to be changing and kicking into high gear. I feel scared about the birth now, and felt so comfortable about it before! I am constantly worrying about how my decisions are going to affect others rather than focusing on how I am feeling, and I know that it's not helping or healthy. I'm trying to stop by actually telling the people I'm having trouble with what is going on with me.

Since my last post (two weeks ago, I believe) I have had three appointments. The first was a great consultation at my house to make sure that if I were to want to stay home to deliver I could. Everything on that front is just fine. Our rental house will be suitable and my midwife would like to discuss inducing if I go later than ten days which is right at the end of the month (May 1) anyway. We will labour at home for as long as possible and then decide when the time comes whether to head to the hospital or stay at home. I would LOVE to stay at home, but this is where the thinking of others plays in. I know that I can list probably at least five people that will actually be angry at us if we were to make that decision. I should not have to think about that, but yet it occupies much of my thoughts.

My next appointment was interesting as I surprised myself by agreeing to an internal when I thought I would say no unless absolutely necessary. It was a positive experience. My midwife was incredibly gentle and even though my cervix is posterior she managed to do what she needed to without any pain. She said that the baby's head is down so low that it was almost difficult to get past it to even reach my cervix! I obviously googled posterior cervix to make sure I understood what she was explaining about it, and it's both common and nothing to worry about. Apparently, the cervix can move about with ease and tends to come forward during active labour.

Then at my most recent appointment I surprised myself yet again and agreed to strip my membranes. I am concerned that this will be a big baby and from what I could research about stripping the membranes it can help bring on labour if you are close already and doesn't seem to be unhealthy with a pregnancy that is progressing normally (such as no placenta previa etc.). Because my cervix is still posterior it was a tad more difficult to accomplish, and interestingly it didn't actually hurt, but there was alot of pressure in my tummy at the front. I bled alot and there was a moment of concern, but as I had just had an ultrasound we knew that my placenta was nowhere near the danger zone. I stopped bleeding fairly soon after, and everything was fine.

Then I had cramps through the night (normal) and woke up to my mucous plug coming out! Wow, I know it's normal, but that was pretty gross... That was yesterday morning so now I'm just waiting to see what will happen next :)

In the crazy life areas our rental house is being shown now, and it's terribly annoying to have to make sure that I tidy up constantly when I'm EX.HAUST.ED. Especially because I am still working full time (plus some OT) and there is really no time between trying to finish last minute things, working, and both houses...

Our rental house is mainly packed but for what we are still using... the new house is coming along great but as with all renos it could be faster... could always go faster.... I am almost done all the main cleaning but it's so difficult to do when there is still some of our stuff in there! Ryan thinks that the painting should be done this week, so I hope to get our stuff moved by the end of the weekend (the stuff we aren't using) and therefore create less to worry about later...

Physically I feel good once I am up and out of bed in the morning, but nighttimes are getting progressively worse. My pelvis and hips seem to lock up in the night and I can't get out of bed without some serious work. It hurts so badly and it's a sharp breath-taking pain that shocks me pretty badly when I'm half asleep and dying to pee. In some ways I need to have some major discomfort because I'm still comfortable enough at this point to keep the little guy inside for another month or so... I need to start to feel that agonizing get this kid out of me- I'll do anything feeling so that I will ready for labour. Right now I feel like work and the house are too crazy to throw the kid in the mix right now!

Have a good week everyone and I'll update again soon!

My Top Must-Haves for L&D and the First Week at Home

Last week I posted what we packed for the hospital. Even though we only live a half mile away, we packed in a way that wouldn't require anyone to dash home to get one last thing. I also wasn't 100% whether or not I'd end up with a c-section and a four to five night stay or just be there for two nights recovering from a vaginal delivery. Therefore I did over pack in the clothing department. Everything else we actually used. My top five must-haves for labor and delivery (besides a supportive husband and mother and our awesome doula) are:


1. Birthing/Yoga Ball

2. Alternative attire to the hospital gown ( I wore a sarong and bra top for L&D and my own button front PJ's for post partum)


3. Mellow/soothing music

4. Sleep Mask (I had one from an international flight amenities kit)...kept out the light from the fluorescent overhead lights and also helped me stay "in the zone" when nurses/staff would come in and check the monitor, IV, etc.

5. Massage (I was extra lucky...not only did I have the doula working her magic, but also my mother, who is a certified Rolfer.) I had two massages the week before my delivery (one was the night before). Then, while in labor, there was someone constantly massaging at least one part of me (back, shoulders, legs, feet, hands, etc.) It really helped me work through the pain of labor and relax both physically and mentally.


Aside from diapers and wipes, the car seat to get home from the hospital and of course, my
husband home from work this week and half of next, these are my Top 5 Gotta-have-'em when the baby comes home items:


1. Nursing Pillow (Boppy or My Brest Friend...I have both and use the Boppy in my rocking chair and the Brest Friend for nursing in bed or the living room)

2. Moby Wrap or similar (we DIY's our own for $21 which gave us two...one to wash, one to wear. Or in our case, one for me and one for Daddy).


3. Breastfeeding friendly tops and tanks (I only had two nursing tops and wish I had more before coming home from the hospital.)


4. Rocker/Recliner...mine swivels which is an added bonus!


5. Swaddling blankets, burp clothes and baby blankets


I am also going to add nightlights. We've installed them in our room, the baby's room, bathroom and kitchen. That way I can navigate through our home with our LO in the middle of the night without switching on overhead lights. It helps me to stay safe and also feel more "rested" despite not really getting a long stretch of sleep.


We are also glad we decided to use disposable diapers and wipes until the baby passed all of her meconium. It's just been easier to transition from the hospital to home. Especially since Mr. Divasaur just learned how to diaper a baby from the nursery staff at the hospital. We've been using Pamper's Swaddlers in NB (the hospital sent us home with Size 1 but we already had the NB size on hand and are preferring its fit to the Size 1's on our 8 lb. baby). We were using natural bamboo, unscented disposable wipes from Walgreen's in a Lionsheart Wipes Warmer. Genius! Our LO is not a huge fan of being changed and the warm wipes help calm her down. After her meconium passed on day 6, we transitioned to our cloth diaper and wipe stash. We're using cloth wipes with water in our wipes warmer and it's working beautifully. It seems that our LO is actually preferring cloth...she fusses a lot less now that we're not using disposables any more.


Things I have tried to use this week but am realizing are not for us:


1. Miracle Blanket (my baby likes her hands by her face when she's swaddled since that's how she was positioned in uetero). Also other "pre-formed" swaddlers...we're sticking with big, thin flannel and stretch cotton blankets.


2. Speaking of which, the cute flannel "receiving blankets" that you typically can get are TOO small to successfully swaddle a newborn. At least in our case. So we've been using them to "line" the bigger ones we got from the hospital and make the swaddling warmer. Other than that, I guess I'll be using them for changing diapers and mopping up spit-up.



3. Newborn clothing that goes over the head is not convenient with a brand new baby. Especially one that needs to be naked to nurse (she's too cozy otherwise and just dozes off...so I strip her down to her diaper, get her latched on and then cover her up with a blanket or wrap/carrier).


I got several gowns that are like a t-shirt on top and a long with elastic on the bottom because I was advised that these are great for a new baby. Same with onesies...the kind that go over the head and snap in the crotch. But before her belly button was in the clear, it was a pain to use those gowns and onesies. For the first week....I was loving the few kimono-style wrap and snap styled t-shirts that we have. They stayed off her belly button perfectly and it was easy to open them up, lay her on top and dress her. Way more easy than jostling her around to get something over her head, across her belly button and down.



Also, my DH has large hands and is having a hard time with little buttons and snaps. Again, in time I'm sure he'll feel more confident with them...but he is most comfortable with a sleeper we have that has a zipper up the front. I don't like it as well because the metal pull ends up right under our LO's chin and I feel it might dig into her or something.

Other than that, all I can say is for the first week home really plan on staying flexible and adjusting all expectations. I have had to give myself little pep talks all week that there's no one way to do this...despite all the advice available from friends, family, books and web sites. For me, it's about staying in the moment and tuning into my LO's cues. I am lucky because she is a really easy baby. She only fusses when she's hungry or has a wet/dirty diaper. So I am learning as I go. And always remembering that the first three months is basically the "fourth trimester" for her. So my days and nights are filled with lots of snuggles, kisses, breastfeeding and diaper changing. I know that this time will flash in a blink of the eye so I plan to embrace every moment of it, even though it means my eyes are blinking less than they used to before she arrived. I am now grateful for those sleepless nights of the third trimester. It's as if they helped "reset" my body clock for what's an acceptable amount of sleep/rest with which to function.

Here she is!

Technically speaking today would have been my fortieth week post...today is Libby's EDD. But instead of wishing and hoping for labor to begin, I am writing this with a sleepy five-day-old Libby sleeping on my chest in her baby wrap carrier (our DIY Moby). She's been breast feeding like a champ since she was 2 minutes old. My milk came in yesterday and instead of feeding every 45-60 minutes we are enjoying a good feeding session followed by 2-3 hours of angelic sleep!



Born January 25, 2010 at 7:04 p.m.
8 lbs., 4 oz. and 19.75 inches long

So, without further ado...here's my recollection of her birth story. My doula is writing one for us too and I'll be sure to post it once I get it from her, since my details are a little fuzzy.

01.24.10
Day before the induction. I spent a lot of time meditating and visualizing a safe and happy birth for me and for Libby. I did have some anxiety about what was to come the next day and let the tears come freely. I got a massage that evening and slept more soundly than I had in months!

01.25.10
3:30 a.m. - awoke...showered and had a light breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast.

5:00 a.m. - report to hospital





6:00 a.m. - I changed into my birthing attire...a cotton sarong (bought a few yards of fabric, washed it and finished the edges with the sewing machine) and a hook-front, cotton tank bra (similar to a sports bra...it's by Leading Lady® ). I was adamant not to wear the scratchy hospital gown. I hate wearing nightgowns and wasn't going to do it just because I was in the hospital! Pitocin started - 2 cm



First and only bare belly shot

7:30 a.m. - Mild contractions start and the doctor ruptured my membranes. It was the oddest sensation ever...warm liquid just gushed forth. I was up and laboring on the birthing ball, standing over the bedside and getting counter pressure on my back from my mom and doula and sat on the bed in a "throne" position (the back up as high as possible and the foot of the bed dropped down so I could sit with my feet on the lower portion.) I breathed through the contractions as they came and chatted when they weren't there. We had mellow music on in the back ground and the mood was light.

12:00 p.m. - Contractions had increased in intensity and I was having tons of back labor. Baby was obviously still face up. I was checked and thinking that by now I surely must be closer to 5 cm. They said 3 cm and 80% effaced and I was pretty upset that this is all I had progressed. They increased the Pitocin and I started to cry and express my doubts about being able to continue without pain medication.

3:30 p.m. - I was laboring with intense contractions. At this point they were 60-90 seconds long and coming every 1-2 minutes. I had my eyes closed and asked that the overhead lights be turned off.I was sure that I must be close to 5 cm by now! I was checked and told that I was 4 cm and still not very thinned. The contractions were becoming unbearable because my legs were spasming with each one. So as I was trying to relax and breath my legs were clamping closed and almost "seizing"...I was shaking uncontrollably.

4:15 p.m. - The next 45 minutes (between 3:30-4:15 p.m.) was rough. Despite doing my best to stay with my breathing and coping techniques,I couldn't get on top of them because my legs were just taking over my body and not allowing me to relax. After much struggle, I finally begged for the epidural. It seemed like an eternity before I got it. I worked through another 15 minutes of hard contractions and then I finally got it. I have to say, it wasn't scary like I imagined and it felt like a dream...my legs stopped quivering enough for me to sleep for an hour.

5:30 p.m. - After an incredibly deep sleep, I was finally 7 cm and fully dilated...my legs still continued to tremble with every contraction, but I felt no pain! Upper body starts shaking though with each contraction so I still know when they're coming!




My mom, husband and I just before pushing began.

6:15 p.m. - Time to push! Worked with the awesome nurse of the day to "practice push" until the doctor arrived. The "practice" ones were easy and she crowned immediately. No pain, just pressure, which I was glad to have the sensation to know what I was doing. Doctor arrived and in 4 pushes (I did 4 sets of breathe and push for 4 times each, I wanted her OUT!)





My husband and doula watching the baby being born. They were both tearing up!
7:04 p.m. - Libby was born! They put her on my chest immediately and within minutes she was latched on and nursing. She knew exactly what to do. It was amazing.

Our first family photo just seconds after Libby was born.

From here the details get very blurry for me. I had a very tough 3rd stage and lost a lot of blood. They worked on me for 45 minutes. My placenta came out swiftly but with some was retained (doctor doesn't think so) or a piece of my uterine lining came out with it. Apparently there were buckets of fresh blood being removed as well as being mopped off the floor. I remember none of this (no one was panicked or saying things that sounded urgent). I do remember the look on our doula's face and that my mom and Joseph took Libby to the warmer and were tending to her. Now I know they were distracting themselves from seeing me bleeding. I am fuzzy on these details but there was my doctor and the nurse, both inside of me with tools scraping my lining and massaging my uterus. It was very intense and it made me projectile vomit (imagine the Heimlich from within)! My blood pressure dropped to 84/43. They administered some shot of medicine in my leg and I heard the Doctor say, "800 of Cytotec"...

Anyway, long story short...they got my uterus to finally tighten up. It took about 45 minutes - hour. After that I am not sure what happened. I did have Libby back on my breast. And then I slept, I think. I awoke and the epi was out, etc. I am not sure how long that was...it was around 9 p.m. or so. I did have one fainting spell in the bathroom but other than that, I was stable and pretty much "back to normal" by 11 p.m. I had a grilled cheese sandwich and french fries! They were delicious!

So in the end...I was incredibly grateful to be in hospital. I did have the vaginal birth I wanted and labored without pain meds fror 12 hours. Ultimately, the epidural was the right choice...it allowed Libby to be born quickly and also enabled me to get through that horrible stage three scenario. Had I not had the epi I would have been rushed to the OR and fully sedated. And had they not been able to stop the bleeding my doctor said the only option was to have my uterus removed! Very scary stuff.

But all in all...I have no real memory of that and I feel great. Libby is so wonderful...she's a fantastic nurser and basically has been teaching me what to do. Mr. Divasaur has been so hands on with her and we're making a great team.

Thanks to all of your 'Saurs and blog followers for all of the wonderful support...from before we decided to TTC and all the way through this pregnancy as well as L&D! You are the best!

Thirty-Nine Weeks

Today I am thirty-nine weeks and one day pregnant and it's my last day of this pregnancy. I will be induced tomorrow at 5 a.m. and plan to meet our little girl tomorrow. Mr. Divasaur is adorable...he purchased 4 dozen birthday cupcakes in chocolate and vanilla to share with the staff at the hospital tomorrow. They are the same cupcakes I bought to announce my pregnancy at work! And he keeps singing the Happy Birthday Song. He's positively giddy. Several times today he's said, "honey...we're having a baby TOMORROW!"

I, on the other hand, am vacillating between calm composure and overwhelming anxiety. I am nervous about what could or could not happen tomorrow. To me. And to my baby. I am praying that everything happens the best way that it can. And trying to meditate and be positive. I have resting a lot and it's felt good to just cat nap when I need to sleep. Mr. Divasaur and I went to a movie and have eaten at a couple of our favorite restaurants. We've taking walks and given extra attention to our furbabies, who are super clingy right now. We've also updated our Birth Plan (to include that fact that I will now be induced), shopped for last minute baby things (Lanisoh, Soothies Gel Breast Pads and infant finger nail clippers), and finally packed our hospital bags. Yes, there's two. One with clothing and toiletries and the other with extras such as bath sheets, pillows, comfort measures (massage lotions, tools, etc.), camera, laptop, etc.

Here's what's in our bags:

Purse with ID, insurance card and epidural registration card

Clothing for me:
Sports bras and sarong (for L&D)
Fleece Robe
PJs (three pair of button front tops/drawstring pants)
Nursing Tanks
Socks
Crocs (for shower, walking the halls, etc.)
Uggs
velour hoodie/sweatsuit (one in pink; one in black)
Granny panties

Clothing for baby:
NB sized outfit with hat, socks, onesie, etc.
0-3 sized outfit with hat, socks, onesie, etc.
Bunting
Outfit for first photo (hospital photo)
Swaddling Blankets

Clothing for hubby:
Lounge clothes
Shoes
Socks
T-shirts
Underwear
Glasses & Contacts
Swim trunks (for assisting in shower)

Electronics:
Camera with charger and USB cord
Laptop with charger
Cell Phone with charger

Extras:
CDs for labor/post partum (or use laptop with AccuRadio.com)
Bath sheets (2 - one for me; one for DH)
Birthing Ball
Bath mat (for birthing ball and/or shower)
Snacks/drinks for mom, hubby & doula
Cupcakes for nurses/staff
Moby Wrap
Notebook/pen
Pillows (body pillow, king sized pillow and one smaller one)
Extra blanket for hubby
Change for vending machines/cash for cafeteria
Car seat
Birth plan (several copies)
Tennis balls and other massage tools/items
Massage lotion/oil
Essential oil (Grapefruit)
Hard candies
Breath mints
My Brest Friend Pillow
Travel Neck Pillow

Toiletries:
Glasses and contacts
Contact Solution
Lip Balm
Lotion
Make-up
Hair products
Hair clips and headbands, etc.
Lanisoh
Q-tips
Neti Pot
Vaseline
Tucks Pads
Eye drops
Toothbrushes and Toothpaste
Nail file/baby nail clippers for baby

We live 5 minutes from the hospital so if there's something I want and didn't pack, I'll send my mom back to get it. That said, I've packed with the possibility that I will have to stay 4 nights in case my induction leads to a c-section. I am hoping for a vaginal birth and to check out after 24 or 48 hours at the most. We shall see. DH plans to stay with us as long as we're in the hospital, even though I've told him that if he's not sleeping well that I'd prefer he go home and sleep in our bed and come back in the morning. Again we'll just have to play it all by ear.

So there you have it. I cannot believe that this time last year we had just decided that we were ready to start our family and now, a year later, we're preparing to meet our baby girl. It's amazing. And what a wild ride. While the end of my first pregnancy is near, I am sure that this is just the beginning of what will certainly be a life-changing journey.

Thirty-Eight Weeks

This is my thirty-eighth and last week of pregnancy. I will be induced on Monday morning at 5 a.m. at 39w2d. I cannot believe that the end is almost near. I decided to start my maternity leave this week and it's been a real blessing. I've been able to rest and relax, take care of little last minute to-do items like scheduling our baby's first doctor's appointment, her first photo shoot, get her books and toys organized, bottles sanitized, etc. We've installed the baby monitor in her crib (we went with the AngelCare Movement and Sound Monitor) and the Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper (original size) next to our bed. She'll nap in the crib and sleep nights in our room in the co-sleeper. I also managed to hit up some local consignment stores and scored a brand-new, in the package, activity playmat for $13 as well as some cute cotton sleepers, and adorable Amy Coe knit cap and booties for very little money. Score!

My husband has been off this week too (since we initially thought yesterday would be our induction date) and we've been enjoying sleeping in, taking daily walks together and just enjoying our remaining days of couple time without a baby.

Unfortunately, this week has also brought some added stress from family issues. They say that life changing events like weddings, funerals and births tend to bring out the worst in some family members. And I can attest, it's true. This week has stirred up drama with our mothers. And it's hit me extra hard, I think, because I am about to become a mother myself.

Without getting into the big, gory details, it boils down to this: both my DH and I are adult children of alcoholics/addicts. And even though our mother's are sober (technically, that is...they don't drink alcohol anymore), they both continue to exhibit dysfunctional behavior that affects their mental, physical and emotional health. And their actions (or sometimes lack of action) continues to negatively impact us.

I don't know why I am surprised that just as we are preparing to become parents, a huge life step, they have both come up with ways to pull the attention towards them and yet again, put us in the position of having to parent our parents. My husband and I are doing our best to cope, draw clear boundaries and not get too sucked into their dramas. It's tough though and it's really making me take stock of my own wishes for parenting our children.

In the back of my mind I have always known that becoming a mother would stir this stuff up. I guess I just didn't anticipate that it would be at the same time I am bringing my baby into this world. So my husband and I are talking, talking, talking and if need be, I plan to meet with a counselor. The last thing I want is to have these feelings, along with everything that comes along with being a new mother, to overwhelm me and lead to depression or emotional shut down. Thankfully, I am off work for several weeks and will have the time to do whatever to takes to manage all of this stuff.

That said, in addition to all of this emotional turmoil, I am waffling between feeling excited to meet our little girl and anxious that we're not ready. I am pretty sure this is normal. With all of this time off, I have re-read La Leche League's "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" and re-worked our birth plan to include the issues that induction brings. I have spent time visualizing how I hope our birth goes and am also mentally prepared for what may happen...like a c-section. At the end of the day, I know none of it is really in my control and that as long as Libby and I are healthy and safe that is all that really matters.

According to BabyCenter, here's what's happening this week:

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Your baby has really plumped up. She weighs about 6.8 pounds and she's over 19 1/2 inches long (like a leek). She has a firm grasp, which you'll soon be able to test when you hold her hand for the first time! Her organs have matured and are ready for life outside the womb.

Wondering what color your baby's eyes will be? You may not be able to tell right away. If she's born with brown eyes, they'll likely stay brown. If she's born with steel gray or dark blue eyes, they may stay gray or blue or turn green, hazel, or brown by the time she's 9 months old. That's because a child's irises (the colored part of the eye) may gain more pigment in the months after she's born, but they usually won't get "lighter" or more blue. (Green, hazel, and brown eyes have more pigment than gray or blue eyes.)

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Induction Rescheduled

I've just returned from my appointment with the OB/GYN...she's agreed to reschedule our induction to next Monday. So January 25th it will be...5 a.m. Unless Libby decides between now and then to debut on her own (I am so praying for that)! I am so glad I asked if there was any risk in waiting. If I hadn't I am sure I'd still be on schedule to induce this Wednesday even though my cervix is only 2 cm.

Since my blood sugars are good she's comfortable with delaying the induction. And, Libby measured 7 lbs. 2 oz. today whereas last week we were told 7 lbs. 8 oz. so obviously this is not an exact science (sort of frustrating, really) and I would just love to give her as much time as possible, in case the measurements are really off. No need to bring a preemie into this world for less than pressing reasons.

With delaying 5 days (from this Wednesday to next Monday) I will not need cervical softening (Cervidil or Cytotec), so we'll just start with a low dose of Pitocin and then she'll break my water. Again, more interventions than I had hoped for, but certainly less to start with than if we tried to do it this week. She has also turned sunny-side up (again) so I have week to get her turn over. I see lots of pelvic rocking and hanging my belly in my future.

That said, I've already started my maternity leave (as of today) and considered going back into work this week, but honestly I am beat! I am not sleeping well and I am just going to take this week to prepare for labor and delivery and bringing home our baby girl.

Thirty-Seven Weeks

I am actually 38 weeks pregnant today, but I hadn't done my 37 week post yet. And in 4 days (or less) I won't be pregnant anymore. I cannot believe it. This last 4-5 weeks have just flown by! And oddly enough, she may just decide to come on her own. On Friday I lost my mucus plug and had my bloody show. I have been feeling more and more pressure down low and have had 3-4 contractions and hour for 1-2 hours. So maybe I will be able to avoid my induction after all? Only time will tell for sure.

This past week I have wrapped up things at my office in anticipation of my maternity leave beginning. It's weird to think I'll be off for 10 weeks! The last time I had that length of time off was the summer break of my freshman year in high school! So...that'll be strange. Of course, I'll be busy figuring out all the things that new mothers need to figure out. I have been feeling overwhelmed by some of that! I mean, I know I am prepared. But at the same time I have that feeling I used to get right before final exams in college...knowing I had studied and was prepared and yet, I still had a nagging thought in my head, "I hope I am ready."

The good news is, mothering is a process...and I know I will just have to learn along the way. I have recently read "The No Cry Sleep-Solution" and "The Baby Whisperer" and have realized that I just need to pick and chose what works for me, my husband and most of all, our daughter. There is no one way to do this!

I am also a multi-tasker so I have been really talking to myself about being okay with "just" being there for my baby. Breast-feeding and not doing anything else (reading, talking on the phone, watching TV, etc.). Napping often. I want to take these first weeks to just get to know my baby and for her to get to know me. I'll never have this time again. So I plan to embrace it. And cry if I need to...and ask my DH and mom for help. And let my DH figure things out for himself too. I've already promised him that he will not hear "you're not doing it right" out of my mouth. I want him to feel empowered as a dad to learn about his daughter the same way I need to learn about her. Thankfully, he's taking two weeks off of work to be home. He'll have school a few hours a week, but otherwise, we'll all be home together. And our furbabies will need to adjust too and I want to be sure give them the attention they'll be needing as well. So these next few days are about getting ready to bring the baby home.

According to BabyCenter, here's what's happening this week:

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Congratulations — your baby is full term! This means that if your baby arrives now, his lungs should be fully mature and ready to adjust to life outside the womb, even though your due date is still three weeks away.

Your baby weighs 6 1/3 pounds and measures a bit over 19 inches, head to heel (like a stalk of Swiss chard). Many babies have a full head of hair at birth, with locks from 1/2 inch to 1 1/2 inches long. But don't be surprised if your baby's hair isn't the same color as yours. Dark-haired couples are sometimes thrown for a loop when their children come out as blonds or redheads, and fair-haired couples have been surprised by Elvis look-alikes. And then, of course, some babies sport only peach fuzz.

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Delivery Date Scheduled

Wow. It's here. We know when we're going to have our baby girl. I just got back from my weekly appt. and the baby is measuring 7 lbs. 8 oz. (up from 6 lbs. 3 oz. last week). Having gestational diabetes that requires insulin to control it has prompted my doctor to go ahead and schedule us for an induction for next Wednesday, 01.20.10.

I am feeling very overwhelmed...just returned from my OB appt. and have scheduled an induction for next Wednesday 01.20.10. Baby is measuring 7 lbs. 8 oz. today (up from 6 lbs. 3 oz. last week) and is doing well, but my doc doesn't want me to go past 39 weeks because she's afraid the baby will get too big and that with my insulin-dependent gestational diabetes that my placenta is aging faster than someone who doesn't have GD and use insulin.

My next appt. is on Monday morning to assess the situation...today I was still just 1finger dialated (well she said 1.5 fingers now...and it hurt like heck...I pray that the baby coming out hurts less than the doctor's hand being shoved in!) and my cervix was thick. No wonder, I am only 37 weeks, 4 days and with only 5% of first babies come by their EDD, it's very early for me still. At that point we'll discuss the induction process. We'll check my cervix again (and see if there's been any progress). I am hoping I am a candidate for Cervidil, rather than Cytotec, but right now my doc is leaning towards Cytotec. I'd prefer neither, but I really feel that cervadil is the lesser of two evils. So on Monday, I'll be making my wishes known about that. I am also worried because my Bishop's Score right now is not favorable for an induction, which can mean that in all likelihood it will progress to a c-section. I am trying to stay positive and keep my eye on the prize...finally holding Libby in my arms.

That said, I am having very mixed emotions. I am thrilled to know that we'll be meeting our daughter very, very soon. But I am very upset that my natural birth plan is completely unraveling. I know when I got the GD dx that this could be a consideration but now that it's here I am feeling very sad that my body will not be allowed to go into labor and birth my baby on it's own. I am also very afraid of what could potentially go wrong, especially with all of the medical interventions that are being planned.

As I have posted, DH and I attended Bradley Birth Classes and have hired our instructor to be our doula (she's certified and also an RN). All of this has been in preparation to go totally unmedicated with little or no interventions. Being diagnosed with gestational diabetes at 28 weeks and then starting insulin at 30 weeks have been a total game changer. Now, my focus is trying to avoid a c-section and I am trying to mentally prepare for an induction and most likely, the need for an epidural and of course, the possibility that all of it can end up in a c-section.

So on Monday I'll have more details...will we use Cytotec or Cervidil to ripen my cervix? Will I need to go in on Tuesday night or can I just go in on Wednesday? What I do know is this...my labor and delivery will involve the use of Pitocin, which I really, really, really didn't not want to have to do. So now, I am mentally preparing for all of this and also changing my goal from going naturally to now, just trying to deliver vaginally so that I don't end up with a c-section. Again, I know c-sections happen everyday and that they aren't the end of the world, but I really don't want one at all. I also want to be sure that even if my delivery doesn't go as I wished that post-partum does. This means breastfeeding right away and having baby in my room at all times. If she has blood sugar issues I want them to test her for them in our room. And if she needs glucose supplementation I don't want them administering it with a bottle.

At the end of the day, I am mainly focusing on the fact that by this time next week I will be a mommy and finally be holding my precious baby girl in my arms. The rest? I guess I am just going to have to suck it up and deal. I pray that everything goes as well as it possibly can go and that there are no complications for me or for her. Positive vibes are welcomed!

I Don't Like This Game...

... the waiting game, that is. Today is my due date and there are still no promising signs of labor on the horizon. I've had contractions for the last 3 weeks. Earlier in my pregnancy, I had asked another pregnant mom how she was able to differentiate Braxton Hicks contractions from real contractions (I've been having BH contractions since week 20). She said that real contractions sort of take your breath away and the pain is very similar to bad cramping during your period. My uterus gets so hard and tight with the BH contractions I was concerned that I wouldn't be able to discern the difference, but once I started having real contractions, I definitely knew what they were.

One evening a few weeks ago I started having contractions 15 minutes apart for an hour, then 10 minutes apart for an hour, and then they just stopped. I swore after that happened that I was going to see the doctor at 37 weeks and she would tell me that I was dilated and ready to deliver this baby soon! Alas, I was not.

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Then there was another evening when I had contractions every 5 minutes for an hour. They say to call if you have contractions every 5 minutes lasting for over an hour, or if your water breaks, so I thought surely I was going into labor. Silly me, because as soon as the one hour mark hit, the contractions stopped! Still, with all those contractions I thought I would definitely be at least a little dilated at my next appointment at 39 weeks but all the doctor could tell me was that my cervix was starting to soften.

I just went in again yesterday at 39 weeks and 6 days and I'm apparently making some progress. Not much, but a little....today I was "a fingertip dilated" and my cervix is softer than it was previously. The baby has dropped a little further and my doctor said she could easily break my water at this point if she wanted to. She also said she could feel my pelvis "opening up." So, the baby could come at any time now, or she could take her sweet little time.

At this point, I am so ready for this baby to be here. I can hardly walk anywhere without getting winded (though I'm trying to walk a lot to induce labor) and I just cannot get comfortable enough at night to get some decent sleep. I toss and turn, and once I am finally able to fall asleep, I am woken up by the urge to pee again. I've heard lots of moms say that this is common and it's nature's way of getting you used to all the sleepless nights that come with taking care of a newborn. That's probably true, but that doesn't change the fact that I would love to get a good night's sleep right now!

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Only 5% of all babies are actually born on their due date - most are born somewhere between 38-42 weeks. I can't reliably wait on my water to break as an indication of the start of labor, as only 8% of pregnant women have their water break before they go into labor. So for now, I just get to hang around, over-analyzing every contraction and wondering when this baby will come.

We've decided to schedule an induction for next Monday if the baby doesn't come on her own sooner. I will be 40 weeks and 5 days at that point. It's my understanding that some doctors won't even induce labor until after 41 weeks, but my doctor said that she doesn't like to let her patients go beyond 41 weeks because the baby's risk of meconium aspiration are much higher then. We had originally discussed inducing as early as tomorrow, but have decided to give the baby some more time to come out on her own.

If you do some research or ask around, you'll find all sort of methods out there that are supposed to induce labor. Shopasaur blogged about it here. I'm not entirely sure that I believe in any of them, but we're going to give some of those methods a shot (can't really hurt, right? Except for the castor oil - blech!). We'd really prefer for this baby to come in her own time, but if it's better for her to be induced next week then that's what we'll do. Either way, you should be hearing an announcement from us any day now...