Meet Baby Citysaur!

Introducing Benjamin James, aka Baby Citysaur. Born 3/10/10 at 6:24 PM. Weighing in at 7 lbs 15oz, 20 1/4 inches long.

I mentioned in my last post that our midwife wanted us to kick start labor on Wednesday...well kick start we certainly did! We started out at 8:45 AM with her stripping my membranes. Then we did some nipple stimulation and took an hour power walk. At 11:30 AM, the midwife broke my water. We did more walking as we went out to have lunch and gather our bags at home, then back to the birth center. By the time we arrived back at the birth center at 1:30 PM, I was having contractions that were 2 minutes apart and was most definitely in labor!

Not the most flattering picture of me, but here we are, in the early part of active labor, just after arriving at the birth center. I did not look this good as the day progressed!

I won't go into the whole, explicitly detailed birth story, but I'll summarize from here. I labored for about 3 hours before pushing, exploring various positions including the birth ball, the shower, the tub, and hanging off the bedpost. About 4:30 or so, I went to the bathroom at the suggestion of the birth assistant, and I started to feel the urge to push. Pushing lasted about two hours, and was the most exhausting part of the experience. The only downside to not going into spontaneous labor was that Ben hadn't quite descended, so I had to work extra hard at getting him down. That part was difficult, because every time I'd make progress during a contraction, he'd slip back when I went to rest in between.

Eventually, after pushing for a while in the tub and hanging off the bedpost, I got into the bed to conserve energy. I almost had to go back to the bedpost, but when I realized they were about to make me get out of bed, I gave it everything I had, and he began to crown. And that's when things got serious.

Ben came out with the cord wrapped tightly around his neck. He was fine until right at the end, when his heart rate plummeted. When the midwife looked at me and said that we had to get him out now, and that I had to push without the help of a contraction, I knew she meant business. Even though I was beyond the point of exhaustion, I found the strength to get him out fast. They cut and clamped the cord from around his neck as soon as he crowned, and then a few pushes later, he was born. Daddy got to catch him, and he put Ben on my belly, but a split second later, the midwife whisked him away to the resuscitation table to work on him. He was born in distress - white as a sheet, depressed heart rate, elevated breathing and low body temperature. Daddy helped the midwife, and after 45 long minutes, he was finally up to snuff. They placed him on my belly and I fell in love!

Family portrait...that's my mom (Ben's Nana) in the pink, and my father in the picture. He couldn't be with us physically, but he was definitely there in spirit!

I want to say thank you to everyone who has followed my pregnancy journey here. I've really appreciated the support, and I've enjoyed sharing everything with you all. I don't want to say this is my last post ever (because I may still have a few things to wrap up as I gather my thoughts in the next few weeks)...and perhaps I shall continue on Littlesaur? Time will tell, I suppose!

The end is near?

So when I last left off, our midwife was telling us we had a big baby, and sent us in for a growth ultrasound for "size greater than dates". The ultrasound confirmed her suspicions, as much as it was able to. The tech was great at explaining to us that the weight measurement is just a guess, because they can't see fatty tissue, only bone. But all his bone measurements, including his skull, were measuring ahead as well. In sum, they put me at 15 days ahead of my due date, which would technically put me at 40 weeks...today.

There's a possibility that, had we chosen to go with a traditional hospital birth, we'd be talking to our doctor right now about inducing. Thankfully, we didn't go that route. We're delivering at a birth center, and that word hasn't even been brought up. Instead, they moved tomorrow's 38 week appointment from the afternoon to the morning, and they're going to "do some things" at said appointment to hopefully kick-start labor. Then send Mr. Citysaur and me home with some "homework".

Now, to most people, I've just been telling them that I'm not being induced, they're just going to do some voodoo magic on me. It's easier (and not TMI) to explain that way, especially to coworkers. But as this is a pregnancy blog, how about the real truth? I'm not 100%, because the midwife went over this rather quickly last week, but I believe the voodoo magic includes massaging the cervix and stripping the membranes. I'm not sure what else the midwife has up her sleeve, but I'm pretty sure I caught mention of those two at least.

So, perhaps Homer is right, and the end is near. I'm off work tomorrow, because after the appointment, we're supposed to go home and see if anything progresses. I was already 2 CM dilated as of last Thursday, so it's not totally out of the question that this could work. But even if it doesn't, I think it's likely he'll be coming some time in the next couple of weeks. It's still just a waiting game!

Big Baby?

My midwife suspects that I'm growing a large baby. Hopefully not quite as large as the statue above, however.

Yesterday I had my 37-week check-up. According to some sources, I'm now officially full term. Other sources prefer to call that near term, and peg actual full term at 38 weeks. Either way you look at it, I'm pretty darn close to having this baby. And if you listen to my midwife, he's pretty much ready to come out!

Now, I do take this with a grain of salt, because any estimate of fetal size is a guess - perhaps an educated one, but still a guess. But yesterday at my appointment, after palpating my uterus rather extensively, the midwife told me she thinks Baby Ben is already approaching 8 lbs. We have a growth ultrasound scheduled for tomorrow afternoon - but again, I've heard plenty of stories of people who were told after an u/s they were going to have a large baby, and the baby ended up weighing 1-2 lbs less at birth than what they were told.

So, I'm staying calm and not getting up in arms about it. I'm going for the ultrasound, and am actually pretty excited about it. We've only had one other, and I honestly thought that would be it. So we're excited to get to see our son (and, you know, double check that he really is our son) one last time before delivery.

Due date is three weeks from today, and if this large baby thing is true, they'd like to see me go early rather than late. I wouldn't mind that either way, honestly. But since we're using a birth center, they won't be inducing any time soon. So it's still a waiting game, either way. Come on, (Big?) Ben! We want to meet you!

Ben's Nursery: The Pictures

I spent a good part of the day working on the nursery, and it's basically finished now! We still have a few odds and ends to get, and we'll probably hang some more pictures on the wall at some point, but for the most part, it's done! Here are the pictures...

The wall across from the door...here you can see the crib, the color block painting we did, the letters I painted and hung over the crib, the glider/ottoman, and the hanging stuffed animal display to the right.

Close up of the crib. Only thing missing here is the crib skirt, which my mom is making out of some old curtains she originally made for my dorm room in college. Turns out M&Ms fabric is now considered "vintage" (I'm guessing there was a big clamp-down on unlicensed M&M stuff) and is verrry expensive now. Lucky we already had some!


A close-up of the stuffed animal storage. I got this years ago from IKEA, but this is the first time it's been used. I put a few Easter goodies in there for now (Snoopy and a couple of Easter M's)...then we have a stuffed Sneetch, and finally, in the bottom two slots, Ben's first stuffed toys of his own that we've been given as gifts.

Close-up of the glider corner. The blanket behind Clifford is a Peanuts blanket I used as a kid. The colors matched, so I decided to put it out. On the shelf, we have some plush M&Ms, a really cute handmade lunchbox I got from a friend at our shower, some posable M&Ms, a little train toy, and the stuffed Moose from If You Give a Moose a Muffin. Clifford, Sneetches, the Moose...can you tell we're a literary bunch? My mom's a librarian, and when I was growing up she was a children's librarian - so she instilled in me a love for good children's literature.

The blank corner where our changing table/dresser will go. It's currently being handmade by Ben's GranPoppy (Mr. Citysaur's dad). They'll bring it up next month.

The wall opposite the crib - just to the right of the main door. We have an M&Ms cuckoo clock, some dispensers, a shelf of children's books, and on the bottom, some socks and bibs that are waiting for the dresser, the bumbo, and the hamper. And if you look very closely, in the middle on the top shelf, you'll see a clay sculpture. It's a star-bellied sneetch dancing with a plain-bellied sneetch, and my late father sculpted it for me. I figured it would be nice for Ben to have something of his grandfather in the room.

The wall we didn't paint - because it's taken up by this huge door, which leads to bathroom/closet/utility room.

Close-up of the crib.

And finally, the floor covering - a patchwork of four different rugs I found online.

So there you have it - a tour of our nursery!

Baby Ben's Nursery: The Concept

Central Theme: M&Ms

Reason: Bright, bold colors, good for baby boy or girl (I've had the concept since before the pregnancy even began). Also, I collected M&Ms memorabilia in college and used it to decorate my dorm room...so I already had a ton of stuff we could use for decor. Though I knew it would be a bit difficult to find officially licensed M&Ms stuff for certain items (crib sheets, hamper, etc.), the good news is, most anything in a solid primary color will work.

What we have so far: A white crib (DaVinci Emily 4-in-1 from Target)A white glider/ottoman combo with blue fabric - got it second-hand off of Craigslist.

Two white bookshelves for storage.

We decided to go with white furniture because the room is on the small side, and closed-in as well (no windows) - so we didn't want to put a bunch of black furniture in there along with all the bright colors, feeling like that might overwhelm the small (10' x 12') space.

Floor covering: The flooring in the room is hardwood (original hardwood flooring from 1929, when the building was opened as a department store). My mom wanted something a little softer for the baby's room. We searched high and low for affordable carpet tile that would fit the room, but never could find anything we were both happy with. A couple of weeks ago, I started looking at rugs, and I found a set of oh-so-adorable M&Ms/sport-themed rugs. They had one each for baseball, football, soccer, and basketball.

Since the rugs are already a mosaic, I thought it might be cute to get one of each and make a giant mosaic rug out of them. They're slightly larger than 3' x 4' each, so altogether the big rug should be about 6 1/2' x 9 2/3 ' - not too bad, and should cover most of the open space in the center of the room.

Paint: As I previously mentioned, the nursery is an interior room, with no windows of its own. This isn't too bad, because the door is a huge loft-style door, and it opens out to our living room, which is very narrow, and lined with windows. So there's plenty of natural light only a few feet away from the nursery. But I still wanted to take this into account when choosing how to paint the room. Add to that the fact that we're renting, and I really didn't want to paint a whole bunch just to have to leave it behind some day.


I decided on a color-block pattern...sort of similar to what you see above...but not nearly as extensive. We're only doing one row of 9-inch blocks around the top of the walls - and only three walls at that, because the fourth wall, the one that leads from the nursery to the bathroom/closet area, is taken up by another of those huge loft doors that I mentioned earlier.

Our color blocks will alternate: red - blue - yellow - green. I left out orange, even though there is, technically, an orange M&M character. Why? Because I just don't like the color orange. That's why!

Misc.: As I mentioned, I have plenty of M&Ms stuff for decor. I also bought the traditional wooden letters to spell out "Benjamin" over the crib. Those will be painted in the same color pattern as the blocks.

I have two wonderful girlfriends coming over on Sunday to help me paint. I'm so lucky to have such good friends! Mr. Citysaur could do the painting, but he's plenty busy with classwork for his graduate school classes, so I'm trying to keep his load as light as possible. He will be helping me prepare the area by moving furniture and taping off our design on Saturday, though!

Unfortunately, the room won't be finished for a while, because our dresser/changing table combo is currently being handcrafted by my father-in-law, who lives 300 miles away. Likely, we won't get it until they come up for the family shower next month.

But I promise to get some results pictures up as soon as it starts looking like something!

Two months away...

I know I've been a bad 'Saur and haven't posted in a while. Truth be told, it's been difficult thinking of things to post about when everything's been going so well!

So what has been going on? How about a quick wrap-up of baby-related events...

Friday, my sister-in-law (who is 20 weeks pregnant) had her big ultrasound, and we found out she's having another baby girl!

We're so excited for them, and can't wait to meet our new niece, Macy, in June! And I know our 4-year-old niece, Haley, is going to be a wonderful Big Sister.

Yesterday was our first baby shower, hosted by three of my awesome girlfriends. I had such a great time, laughing, visiting, and opening presents. Mr. Citysaur got to come along, and he enjoyed it as well. We got a lot of great stuff, including tons of oh-so-adorable baby boy clothes. I don't have any pictures to share because one of the hostesses was going to town with her super-fancy Nikon camera, so I didn't even bother getting my camera out. I'll just wait for her pictures!

Today is January 24...which means we're exactly two months away from our due date of March 24! Because things don't exactly line up months-to-weeks, I won't be 32 weeks/8 months pregnant until Wednesday...but the reality of being only two months away from the due date is definitely hitting me today!

We still have lots of baby stuff to get done - like painting the nursery (hoping to get that done next weekend), deciding whose insurance he's going to go on, installing the carseat, and packing a bag for the birth center. We still have two Bradley birth classes left. And likely, two more showers to go. I know my mom and aunt are throwing us one in March (I'll be 38 weeks at that shower...hope the baby stays put until after then!)...and there's a good chance I'll get one at work too.

I have a feeling things are going to go fast from now until this baby comes...so I'm just buckling down and getting ready for the ride!

Also, I'm sending out lots of luck and good labor vibes to Divasaur for her induction tomorrow! I know it's not the birth experience you were hoping for, D, but I'm so excited that you'll be meeting Libby in about a day!

Moving right along

...in the pregnancy, that is.

Approaching 30 weeks now, and I've been using my time to make a baby to-do list, and then start to get things checked off of it.

Like...choosing a daycare! Unfortunately, there's just no way around it - Mr. Citysaur and I will have to send our son to daycare full time, from the time he's about 8 weeks old. Such is the nature of our lives, where we can't afford to live off only one salary, and I'm only able to cobble together 8 weeks of maternity leave.

Yes, as a counterpoint to Bibliosaur's post about maternity leave, I am on the other end of the spectrum. My company, a mid-size nonprofit in the US, has virtually no maternity leave to speak of. I guess I'm lucky that we're at least large enough that I'm covered by the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA), but all that really does is protect my job for up to 12 weeks of maternity leave - without pay. I'm required by my employer to use all available sick and vacation leave, then I get one week of paid leave per year of service on top of that, per my company's short term disability policy. Since I haven't yet hit my 2-year anniversary with the company, and won't until July, that means 1 week. I have purchased an additional short term disability policy, and I'll get a tad more than two weeks worth of pay from that. With all of this, I'll have about 7 weeks of paid time, and I'm saving up money now so that I can afford that eighth week.

Anyway, back to daycare...

We toured a facility just a few blocks from our apartment, the only one in our downtown area that's not church-affiliated, back in November. We both loved it but it was just a tad on the expensive side. It took a while, but we figured out the finances, and at the end of the year, we put down our deposit! I'm excited to have a place I feel comfortable with to send my son to when the time comes.

What else have we done? Well, we chose a pediatrician!

This decision was actually even easier. After reading in several different places about how we should interview pediatricians, and ask all these questions, and see if our philosophies matched up, I was getting really stressed out about the decision. We already had a frontrunner - the consulting physician for our birth center. A co-worker also chose her for their son. I got myself so worked up over the decision that I called my mom a bit frantic the other day, wondering what I should do. She calmed me down and told me not to worry about all that consultation stuff. She said that it sounded like my decision was already made anyway, and that we should just go with the doctor we had the recommendations for, and if we really didn't like her after a visit or two, we could worry about finding someone else then. It made sense, and took all the stress out of the decision. So, we have a pediatrician!

In other pregnancy news, my weight seems to be holding steady, and my second one-hour glucose test came back in the clear, so that was good news! I'm continuing on my diet plan and exercising - doing all I can to hopefully steer clear of preeclampsia, which runs in my family. I have another check-up on Wednesday - every two weeks now!

Hello Third Trimester!

Tomorrow marks 28 weeks of pregnancy...7 months...and a solid entry into the ranks of the Third Trimester!

I had a check-up last Wednesday, and it went really well! At the appointment, I weighed in at 2 lbs less than my previous appointment - hooray! The midwife was really pleased with how well I've adopted the new diet, especially in light of it being the holidays!

Everything else was ship-shape - baby's measuring right where he should be, blood pressure is good, and at least for now, he's sitting solidly head-down. Let's just hope he stays that way when delivery time comes!

Before I left, I got my second helping of that lovely electric-orange drink for the Glucose Tolerance Test (GTT), aka the 1-hour test for gestational diabetes. Since we were on our way out of town, the drink went into our fridge for a few days. Yesterday morning, like a good girl, I downed the sickly-sweet tonic, waited an hour, and had my blood drawn. They're supposed to have the results back today, so I'm patiently waiting for the phone to ring.

I took the test once already, around 20 weeks. Since I'm overweight, the midwife wanted me to test early, just to be on the safe side. At that point, my results came back abnormally low...so I'm curious to see what these results bring.

Other than that, I'm just marching right along through this pregnancy. Back aches are pretty common these days (especially after a couple of 5-hour car rides over Christmas). Insomnia seems to be my new best friend (or worst enemy), and 4 AM is when it hits. Several times over the last couple of weeks, I've woken up at 4 AM and been completely unable to go back to sleep. Guess I'm just getting a taste of what's to come! But overall, things have been pretty good, and I'm so very thankful for that!

Going well so far

You may remember that at our last appointment, the midwife was a bit concerned with my rapid weight gain. I had gained 10 lbs in one month, putting me up 25 lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight (which was still a good bit above where I really should've been anyway). Add to that my family history of pre-eclampsia and being at a higher risk of gestational diabetes, and the midwife was quite ready to put the breaks on my weight gain.

She prescribed a diet heavy in proteins, and light on carbohydrates. Whole grains okay. Veggies good. Fruits okay, as long as they were lower on the glycemic index.

So I started the new eating plan immediately - right before Thanksgiving. I made it through Thanksgiving with only a taste of apple pie and not a bit of any other dessert. After that first week, it got immeasurably easier.
I spent half of my college years on Weight Watchers, so I'm used to restricted eating. But this time around is much easier, I must say. Because I'm eating lots of protein and good carbs, I stay full longer. I snack frequently - but now it's things like almonds, hummus with whole grain crackers, or an apple. And amazingly, even during pregnancy, my appetite has gone down. I'm no longer eating everything in sight!

I stepped on the scale about a week ago, and I was already down 4 lbs from my last appointment! Considering how much extra weight I had on me, this is definitely a good thing! I know I've been eating plenty, and baby Citysaur is definitely growing in there. We have another appointment next week, and I think the midwife will be very pleased!
Honestly, I believe the key to my success this time is the source of my motivation. I'm no longer doing this for me. Now I'm doing it for our little baby, and it really does amaze me what a huge difference that makes! It's Christmastime, and that means lots and lots of sweets - everywhere. Cookies and fudge and pies and cakes, all over the place. Sweet treats almost every day at work. And so far, I have resisted every bit of it! The only splurge I've had this whole time was a piece of the top layer of our wedding cake at our anniversary celebration last weekend. (It was quite yummy!) I don't think I've ever been this good at the holidays before!
I really hope all this will keep me healthy the rest of the pregnancy, and allow us to have the birth experience we're hoping for - not to mention keeping our baby boy healthy as well! I suppose time will tell, but I at least feel good that I'm doing the best that I can for him now.

Reflecting

As if the holidays aren't naturally a time of reflection, Mr. Citysaur and I are coming up on our one-year anniversary, which is causing me to reflect back and think on where I was this time last year, and everything that has happened in the year since.

One year ago today, I was finishing up my last day of work before my long vacation for the wedding and honeymoon.

I was anxious and excited, and could hardly focus on work at all.

One year ago this coming Monday, I married the love of my live. December 14, 2008 was one of the most wonderful days I've had the pleasure of experiencing.

One year ago today, we were both excited about our upcoming honeymoon to New York City. We hadn't yet visited Central Park, or walked the Brooklyn Bridge...

hadn't fallen in love with the City of our dreams, and we didn't know for sure that one day we'd end up there. It hasn't happened yet, but we know it will. And we still miss that city every single day.

One year ago today, I had no idea my father had lung cancer. He was about to walk me down the aisle, and dance with me to What a Wonderful World. We had no idea that he wouldn't live to see the one-year anniversary of that day.

One year ago today, I knew I wanted to start a family, and hopefully soon. I had no idea just how soon we would actually get that joyous news that we were going to be parents. And I certainly didn't imagine that while celebrating our one-year anniversary, I would be six months pregnant.

A lot has happened in the last year. It's been full of the highest highs and the lowest lows. I've tried my best to take everything in stride and remain grounded and stable. I know with a baby on the way, 2010 promises to be full of plenty more surprises. Here's to the next year!
And to my wonderful, amazing husband - thank you so very much for being by my side throughout this tumultuous year. I know it hasn't always been easy, but I am so proud of us and how we've grown even closer because of everything. I cannot wait to raise our son together. I know you are going to be the best daddy ever!

Slowing it down...

My weight gain, that is.

Mr. Citysaur and I went to see the midwife for our latest check-up yesterday, and almost everything was great. Baby's measuring well, heart rate sounded good, everything was right on track. Except, of course, for the weight gain.

I'm a little embarrassed to admit this, but at 23 weeks, I'm up 25 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight. I've had a weight problem my entire life, so I'm really not surprised. Disappointed, yes, but not surprised.

Here I must say, I absolutely LOVE our midwives! There are two that practice at the birth center, and the one we saw yesterday was wonderful. She took out lots of time yesterday to sit and talk with us about our concerns, and then hers as well. She explained clearly and directly, but without being condescending, that I absolutely must not continue to gain weight at this rate. She said that if I do, we will not be giving birth at the birth center - and will most likely have complications that will result in a much less pleasant birth experience than what we're hoping for.

But in addition to all of that, she spent plenty of time explaining what I needed to do differently. She's putting me on a diet. She wants me to watch my carbs and eliminate all sweets. That's right - all sweets, two days before Thanksgiving and a month before Christmas. I should more or less eat like I'm on the South Beach diet. And I need to be exercising every single day.

It's all fairly elementary stuff, and I know I can handle it. I lost 80 pounds in college on Weight Watchers - so I know I can do it. And this time, it isn't just for me - it's for our son too.

The Bradley Method

We had our first Bradley Method class yesterday afternoon. Our sessions started early due to the holidays. Our instructor condenses the classes into 8 weekly meetings that usually run 8 weeks in a row. Due to the holidays, we'll have two classes this month, two classes next month, three in January, and the last one in February.

Eight sessions of 2.5 hours each = 20 hours of childbirth instruction. That's a lot of talking about childbirth! I learned yesterday, however, that we'll not only talk about childbirth, relaxation techniques, and all those typical things, but we'll also discuss nutrition, exercise, breastfeeding, and newborn care.

Our instructor is the local childbirth guru. In addition to teaching Bradley classes, she is also a Doula, a Doula trainer, and a lactation consultant. As she put it, childbirth is her business! And she had lots of fun props, like these:

Of the seven couples in our class, five are giving birth at the local Birth Center, and it was nice to not feel like we were in the minority for once. One couple giving birth there even has our same due date!

Yesterday's class was pretty introductory, though we did get into a few relaxation techniques and she gave the partners some good tips and tricks for pressure point pain relief. Part of our homework for next week is that the non-pregnant partners get a massage every night. Mr. Citysaur really liked that assignment! Oh, and did I mention we have two workbooks full of information?! I'll be doing most of the reading, since Mr. Citysaur is pretty busy with his four graduate classes on top of working full-time. I'm lucky I got enough of his time to attend the classes.

Back to normal?

Things are slowly getting back to normal in the Citysaur household, after a jarring and emotional week last week. I was swamped at work when I returned on Monday - I was gone a week and a day, and walked out in the middle of a work day with virtually no notice. But I'm getting back into the swing of things, both at work and at home.

I'm 21 weeks today, and I finally got around to taking a new belly pic, my first since week 17.

I've had this shirt in my closet for a while (ever since the big maternity shopping spree) but today was the first day I wore it to work. Because it's fitted, it needed a bit of a belly before I actually looked pregnant in it and not just fat. I tried it on this morning and figured I looked pregnant enough, so it passed the test. :o)

In other news, our crib was delivered last week, and Mr. Citysaur had it put together in about an hour! It's lucky that we were actually both off work that day, as the UPS guy called me when he came to deliver it. Because the box was so big, he didn't want to just leave it in our building office. We have a good UPS guy! Here's the finished product, sans mattress and bedding and all of that fun stuff, of course:


We also moved the spare futon out of the nursery finally, and we'll be getting rid of it this weekend - no place to keep it in our 2-bedroom loft! And on Sunday, I found a glider and ottoman on craigslist for a great price, so that also has a home in the nursery now. It's slowly coming together, though we still have quite a bit of work to do yet. My father-in-law is building us a changing table/dresser combo, my mom is buying us some carpet tiles to lay down over the hardwood floors, and of course then there's all the decorating! But I feel pretty good about where we are in the process at this point.
On the opposite end of the spectrum from where we are on the nursery is how I've felt lately about all the decisions we have left to make! I had a bit of a freak-out session last night when I started to think about all the big, major decisions we have to make - and soon! Where will Benjamin stay when I return to work? What pediatrician will we take him to? How am I going to fit pumping into my work schedule, and where in the world am I going to do it, when I work out of a cubicle? What school will we send him to, eventually?


That's the one decision, ironically, that sent me into the biggest panic, and it's the one that's the farthest away. We live downtown in a mid-size city that isn't used to having families living downtown yet. Our inner-city schools leave a little to be desired...sometimes a lot. Most families in our area flee to the suburbs when it's time to send the kids to school. But Mr. Citysaur and I are different. We want a different experience for our child - not so different that I want to send my child to a struggling school where drugs and guns and gangs are daily issues though. However, the likelihood is that we'll leave this city altogether before Ben is school-aged anyway - so therein lies the irony of why that particular decision sent me over the edge!

I finally just told myself to calm down and take things one at a time, so that's what I'm doing. First up on the list? Find a pediatrician!

Circle of Life

On Monday the 26th, we found out we were having a boy.

By the end of the day, our little boy had a name. Baby Citysaur will be Benjamin James.

On Thursday the 29th, I got a message from my mom while I was at work that my stepdad only had a few more days at most. I broke down, I sobbed. My coworkers picked up the pieces of me and one of them drove me to my parents' house.

For two nights I slept on a spare bed at my parents' house...waiting.

At 6:12 AM on Saturday, October 31st, the hospice nurse woke me up and I went into my father's room. My mom was by his side, and he had already taken his last breath. She said it was peaceful, and we know that he was never in pain.

Within an hour, the house was filled with family members, there to pay last respects before his body was taken to the funeral home.

My heart hurts, more than I could ever imagine.

But I am also comforted. Outside of any religious beliefs, I just know that a part of my father will live on in our son. I believe that in this Circle of Life, my son has been chosen to take his place on this earth, to carry on his legacy.

My task is to teach Ben all about his grandfather, and how to honor his legacy and live up to the huge shadow that has been left behind. To teach him to honor and respect and most of all love the way that my father did.

May you rest with the Angels, Wayne. I will always love you.

Baby Citysaur...

That's right - snips, snails and puppy dog tails - that's what our little boy is made of!

The ultrasound yesterday (possibly our only of the pregnancy) was everything I hoped for. The u/s tech was wonderful and so very sweet. She explained everything as she scanned all the organs. They had a huge screen hanging up so we could all see the action (me, Mr. Citysaur, Nana [my mom], and my best friend). I can't even describe the feeling I had when our baby's image popped up on the screen. Everything looked great according to the u/s tech, and heartrate is a healthy 156, which was confirmed by the midwife at my appointment at the Birth Center right after the u/s.

The moment she told us it was a he was wonderful. Mr. Citysaur had inadvertently referred to our baby as a "he" early on during the u/s, and when it came time to check out the parts (thank you for not being shy, little boy!), the tech said "Well, dad, it looks like you were right!" I think I'll remember that moment the rest of my life.

I'm going to leave with a poem. And I'm going to wish Nana a Happy Birthday - today is her birthday!

A Boy's World
By Rea Williams

The world was made for little boys

With infinite wonders and myriad joys

As he explores the source of brooks

Or recorded lore in interesting books.

As he trails fierce bears imaginary

Or listens quietly for the wild canary,

There are trees to climb - birds to hear,

Animals to greet with love - not fear.

He tramps the woods, fields and streams

Dreaming those wondrous boyhood dreams,

Of conquering worlds - as yet unknown

In that far off day when he is grown,

To manhood stature with noble goal

Imbued with nature's gentle soul.

In the cool of evening or midday sun

Knowing that all of life is one -

Knowing with all its strife and noise

The world was made for little boys.

Tomorrow's the big day!

I am so excited for our big ultrasound tomorrow, I can hardly stand it!

I took the whole day off work - I know I didn't really need to, but I just felt like it, and I had plenty of vacation time, so I did it! I'm glad to have another day to sleep in, and time to clean the loft before my mom and best friend show up.

Yesterday was my birthday, and what a wonderful birthday it was! It began with a scavenger hunt around downtown. Our team of four competed against nine other teams. We didn't win, but we had a great time!

After resting and getting ready, Mr. Citysaur and I headed out for my birthday dinner with a bunch of friends. Dinner was delicious, and a lot of fun. I adored having that many of my friends together in one place. After dinner, we headed down the street to catch an improv comedy show. Again, a great time was had by all - and I even got to go onstage and help out during the show! I was part of a skit where the actors couldn't move unless I moved them - and by the end of the routine, there were four people on stage, each waiting for me to move them! It was rather exhausting, but so much fun!

Here I am, cracking up while trying to move Jason, one of the actors.

After the show, Mr. Citysaur and I went to talk to Jason, and when he found out I was pregnant, he started apologizing. My silly husband told him it was no big deal, as long as they didn't punch me in the stomach!

Overall, a really wonderful birthday - and now I'm officially 29 years old. I can't wait for our ultrasound tomorrow. My mom and best friend are coming along with us, and we're all really excited about it!

18 weeks? No way!

Every week that goes by, this pregnancy thing becomes more and more incredible to me. For years, I have dreamed about being pregnant - and it's simultaneously better than and nothing like what I thought it would be!

I am very blessed to be having a fairly easy pregnancy, so far. No spotting, no morning sickness (except that one episode around 6 or 7 weeks), no major problems thus far. I am so very grateful for this. I have plenty of other stuff going on in my life, so it's a huge relief not to be dealing with pregnancy-related issues on top of that. What I have been dealing with so far are the very normal pregnancy side effects - having trouble finding a comfortable sleeping position, getting up at least twice a night to pee, and a relatively new symptom that popped up within the last week - heartburn! Tums used to make me gag, but they're already becoming my friend.

The other big issue I've been dealing with is emotions and mood swings. I'm trying my best to keep it under control, but I know Mr. Citysaur has been putting up with a lot more than normal lately. I was in the middle of a rant a couple of days ago, and he interrupted me (kindly) and asked (sweetly) if this was my crazy hormones talking. I proceeded to tell him that yes, it was, but I just couldn't help it! I was already an emotional person before becoming pregnant - I've always worn my emotions on my sleeve - so between that, the pregnancy hormones, and the emotional baggage I've got right now - I'm kind of a mess. I'm very lucky that my wonderful husband is so understanding of this. He has been my rock during this whole process. I don't know where I'd be without him by my side.

And lastly, I'm trying to prepare myself mentally and emotionally for the impending death of my father. He told us last Friday that he's ready to go - and though I knew he was probably feeling that way, it was still a blow to hear him say it. And it looks like he's developing pneumonia and an infection - which will likely speed up the end of his life. But I think I'm as ready as I'll ever be to face it and get on with the grieving process. I love my father dearly, but I know he doesn't want to live like this, and I respect the fact that he is ready to move on. I'm going over to my parents' house tonight to spend some time with him, and in the mean time, I keep my cell phone next to me at all times, just waiting for the inevitable phone call from my mom.

However, I just can't end a post that way...so I have to pull it back around to the positive. Five more days until our big ultrasound! And three more days until my birthday! It should be a fun day of celebrating - an official scavenger hunt sponsored by our local downtown business group in the afternoon, a late dinner with friends, followed by an improv comedy show. I'll try to remember to take pictures and post about it after. And of course there will be a follow-up post on Monday's big ultrasound!

Focus on the Positive

Focus on the positive. That's my new mantra. I've had too much bad news recently (all related to my father, who is dying of lung cancer) - and I decided that the only way I could go through all this and keep my sanity was to focus on the positive.

The latest bad news came about a week ago. My mom called while Mr. Citysaur was in class for the evening, and told me that my father is now officially bedridden. He had been rapidly losing strength, and he finally just didn't have it in him to get out of bed anymore. This news came as a shock to me, since I had just been over there the previous weekend, and I was able to wheel him into the living room without much difficulty. The next day, hospice ordered a hospital bed for his room, and that's where he's been ever since. I don't know why this news hit me so hard, but it did. I broke down that night and cried my eyes out. My dogs comforted me, and I got over the worst of it, but I was still a mess the next day at work.

Mr. Citysaur and I spent the day at my parents house last weekend, and though it was good to see my family, I didn't spend much time with my father, because we had other relatives in from out of town, and I wanted to give them a chance to visit. It was the first time where he really looked like a cancer patient to me. I can tell his body is starting to give out, and though he swears he wants to hang on until March to "meet our baby", as he said on Saturday, I must admit I have my doubts.

But as I said, I've been focusing on the positive. So ever since I got over the emotional shock of the latest news, I haven't been crying. I've been excited, and happy, and reveling in the fact that I'm having a great time in my second trimester.

Tomorrow, I'm taking the day off work and spending it with my mom. We're going to the Just Between Friends sale in the town where my parents live. Thank you, Divasaur, for telling me about JBF! After that, we're going home to check on my father, then out to lunch. My mom never gets to go out to eat anymore, and since I'm saving my pennies for baby Citysaur, neither do I - so we're both pretty excited about it! And if we're up for it, we're going to catch an afternoon showing of Where the Wild Things Are. This has special meaning, as my mom used to read it to me when I was a little girl. I'm excited to share the experience with her.

Oh, and as if that's not enough to look forward to...my birthday is in 9 days, and our big ultrasound is in 11 days!! Focusing on the positive sure is easier when you have so many positives to focus on!

My Sixteen Week Update

Like Luckysaur, I also just hit the sixteen week mark. It's kinda starting to feel real now! Though I'm technically not showing yet (I just look like a stuffed turkey), I definitely feel bigger. I know that as a "bigger gal" (I'm a 14/16 in US sizes), certain things could take a little longer for me - like showing and feeling movement. But Mr. Citysaur told me this morning he can definitely tell a difference. That made me happy!

We have less than three weeks now until our Big Ultrasound, and I can't wait to finally get to see little Citysaur and find out whether we're having a little boy or a little girl! Most of my close friends and family are convinced it's a boy...I guess we'll find out soon!

Another "this is real moment" has been seeing my calendar fill up with baby items. I got my appointment card/pregnancy bible in the mail from the Birth Center this week - it's this nifty little chart I'm supposed to bring to every appointment where they write in all my vitals, etc., and then I carry it with me at all times. Do all practices do that? I thought it was a nice touch. It also had all my future appointments in it - they told us at our first appointment they'd be doing that, and just to give them a call if we had conflicts with any of the appointments. Luckily, we didn't have any issues except with our one required Saturday class.

Because, you see, since we have chosen to take the plunge and deliver naturally at a Birth Center, they strongly urged us to take a Bradley Method class with the local natural birth guru. That's eight Saturday sessions, each one lasting 2 1/2 hours. If I don't know how to birth a kid by the end of all that, then I'm officially an idiot! Those classes start mid-November. Usually they do eight back-to-back Saturdays, but we have lots of breaks due to the holidays. So our final class isn't until February 6 - which is when the Birth Center had us scheduled for their Saturday class. Even though the times didn't conflict, I just didn't think I could handle five hours of baby class on one day, and I'm sure Mr. Citysaur would've thrown a fit, since he's still in graduate school and Saturdays are his study days!

So between all of my classes and appointments, my schedule is quickly being taken over by this teeny-tiny baby. I suppose I'd better get used to it, huh?



I also had one other bit of homework - something both the midwife and the Childbirth educator asked me to do. I have to keep a complete food diary for a week. I know this is for the good of the baby, so I'm doing it and being faithful and honest about it, but it does feel a tiny bit invasive to me. However, I know I signed up for this natural thing, and this all goes into that philosophy - so food diary it is.

Beyond that, I have to say, so far this pregnancy is going along swimmingly. I couldn't be happier with it all! Even the discomfort at night and the few boughts of heartburn I've had - all totally worth it. Now I'm off to go knock on some wood for good luck, after I've said all that...

Shopping Spree!

A couple of weeks ago, I received such a wonderful gift, I'm still amazed by it.

It started with a simple girl's lunch with my best friend Lindsey and her mom, who's long been a second mom to me. I met at their house, and we went out to a local tex-mex restaurant. In the middle of enjoying my taco salad, Lindsey told me there was a reason they brought me out today. They had a surprise for me. Knowing how much stress I'd been under, dealing with my father's cancer, they wanted to do something nice for me - to pamper me and make me feel special.

The surprise? They took me on a maternity clothes shopping spree! They'd even scouted out the best locations in the area for affordable, stylish maternity clothes. Of course, I started crying when they told me. I still can't believe how blessed I am to have people in my life that care enough to take care of me like this!

After lunch, we headed to the mall, and our destination:



I spent a few minutes just looking around the store. It wasn't a huge space, but they sure did pack a lot of great clothes in that store! After getting the lay of the land, I started picking out clothes to try on and filling up the dressing room. Once I felt like I had enough options laid out, I headed to the dressing room to start trying on clothes. First up? My best friend helped me put on the belly pillow. Here I am freaking out about seeing how big I was with that thing on!

Here's one of the outfits I tried on. (I got used to the belly pretty quickly).


(I got the sweater, but left the jeans for another trip. I focused on getting clothes I could wear to work, since I mostly hang out in comfy clothes on the weekend.)

When all was said and done, I walked out with five tops and three pairs of pants - and didn't spend a cent. It was such a blessing, and one that will carry through the rest of my pregnancy (and a bit beyond, as I work on fitting back into my old clothes afterward!).

I'm at fifteen weeks now...after the shopping trip, I threw caution to the wind and just started rocking my maternity clothes early. Let me tell you, I am so glad I did! Maternity pants are the greatest invention since sliced bread. Hooray!