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Showing posts with label infertility. Show all posts
Showing posts with label infertility. Show all posts

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Surfacing....

It's been a busy few months around the Eiresaur house. We moved to a new country, I started working, and we finally got health insurance! Woohoo! With all of these new things, unfortunately, one of them is not a pregnancy. With our newly acquired health insurance we were finally able to start fertility treatments in October. Samples of all sorts were given and from the outset the doctor seemed to think we'd be successful doing an IUI. Well...
  • The swabs came back positive for a bacterial infection - DH and I were put on antibiotics.
  • I had an HSG. - It came back inconclusive because the muscles around my tubes contracted so badly that it didn't show pooling (aka blockage), nor did it go all the way through the end of the tube. - If needed again, I'll be taking stronger drugs!
  • The blood came back showing I was in grey area for immunity to German Measles. - I was revaccinated and we're currently in the 4 week waiting period.
  • DH's semen sample tested positive for E.coli. That's right, E.coli. - DH put on more antibiotics.
  • DH's semen analyses (he's had two) are not great. The second was worst than the first. In the second one the volume was so low they wouldn't have done an IUI with it. - Referred to a urologist. - Nurse pronounces that it's okay, because we can still do IVF with ICSI! Dollar signs are swirling around my head while I hear this.
  • Urologist discovers DH only has one vas deferens and he's missing his left kidney. - Apparently this shouldn't affect his fertility (stuff is actually coming through per semen sample), but it's a little freaky nonetheless.
  • Next up is me being retested for the bacterial infection and retested for the German measles immunity. DH had blood drawn at the urologist and he has a follow-up appointment next in 3 weeks. He also needs to do another S/A to be the 'tie-breaker'.

My dream is that DH's volume miraculously goes up. Our insurance covers IUI, but not IVF. We'd have to do some serious shifting around to make that happen.

I've been hesitant to post all of this, mainly because this is a blog for pregnant people, not infertiles. Each month I hope that I can actually come on here to announce good news, but who knows if that will ever happen. :(

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Losing Sleep

I am not a sound sleeper as it is and now with the thoughts of our baby fate in my head sleep is even harder to come by.

We have to make a choice. We have to decide what method is going to be our next step. Do we choose IUI? Do we choose egg freezing? Do we choose IVF? How do you know what is good for you emotionally, physically and financially? Well, with a lot of thought and research and discussion.

I have endometriosis and listed above are the choices given to us by our RE. Our fabulous RE. I am so grateful to be working with such a confident, knowledgeable, kind person.

We are giving ourselves a couple of months to come to a decision before moving forward. This is grand yet difficult all at the same time.

Monday, February 14, 2011

The post I've been trying to write for awhile.

It has been about month since my last post. I swear every day I think about posting and sharing what is going on with us, with you, but I can't seem to get the words in just the right order. I can't seem to find the energy to try and explain where we stand. So, it is now that I'll attempt to do just that and I hope you'll understand if things are out of order or don't make sense.

I went and saw my Ob/Gyn. She is fantastic and I am so blessed to have a wonderful Dr. We sat and chatted about what was going on. I told her about my cycles and how they've changed. I know over time cycles change but what I noticed wasn't something I thought was good... lots of clotting during my period, intense backache and cramps. We decided to go ahead and do some blood work and set up an appointment for an internal ultrasound and an appointment afterward to discuss the results.

Day 3 blood work came back good. My day 21 blood work came back good as well. My ultrasound showed that I had a cyst on the right ovary. I have a history of cysts so this wasn't out of the ordinary. There was fluid around my uterus that the doctor believed to have some blood in it. This made my doctor do some thinking. After some more discussion about what was going on we determined that endometriosis is the culprit.

From what I understand, the only way to get a true diagnosis of endometriosis is to go in by ways of laparoscopy and biopsy the uterus to look at the tissues. This is not something we'll be doing just yet.

My doctor has put me on progesterone suppositories (yuck!). I start using them once I've ovulated and wait until when I would get my period to test. I know when I get my period because I've become pretty regular, and I chart my cycles. I'll go through the progesterone for about 3 or 4 cycles and then we'll go from there. I've heard good stories about this working for women and I am hopeful that it will work for us.

I don't want to think about surgery and medicine that I would have to take after that would make it so we had to wait 6 months before we could continue trying. I don't want to think about any of this. I hate how I am constantly reminded that everyone around me can get pregnant and I can't. It makes me feel... I can't even find words to tell you how it makes me feel. I hate this. I wouldn't wish upon anyone. We've only been going through this for not even a year yet... I can't imagine what it would be like to be years into this process. I don't know how those of you going through the infertility battle do it. I really don't.

My husband has been amazing and I am so thankful to have him by my side. I just wish I didn't have to feel so guilty for not giving him the baby he deserves.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

I have been looking at Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) as a natural way to help with some of my "ailments" from body aches & pains, migraines, and infertility. I came across a local practitioner in Cary, NC and have been talking to her about things to help without ever having met her. I plan on starting a Arvigo/Maya Abdominal Therapy Massage session with her in March.

This massage technique is to restore blood-flow to the womb and I've also read that it may help if I have any scarring in my tubes, I know I have in my uterus. AT this point any natural techniques I can use to not spend thousands on exploratory surgery is my goal.

In the mean time she suggested this anti-inflammatory diet for me in order to cleanse my body of toxins and to figure out what my triggers are. She sent it along with a list of food to eat, not to eat, and those that cause inflammation, and decrease inflammation.

I have made a transition to this diet and over the past two weeks I have felt AMAZING!! Since I can't get my hands on any free-range and/or grass-fed meats right now I'm going mostly vegan with an occasional 3oz of reg grilled chicken.... and I have my one mug of coffee a day.. hey.. a girl has to have her coffee!!! I splurged over the weekend going to Carolina Ale House to watch UFC, and I really felt a difference the next few days, so I'm really trying to stick by it.

Bonus: I've lost 5 lbs since I started it 12 days ago :)

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Merry Christmas, Love AF

Well, it wasn't quite Christmas.. she waited till the 26th to ruin my holiday. I know I've reached the point where I haven't much hope, but she still ruins my day.

You see up until CD 27 I had this beautiful chart:


Perfect in every way.. clear ovulation, beautiful rise, "dip" that everyone on my message boards was SURE was an implantation dip... then she struck. My one consolation: I switched from B^ to a B-complex for my luteal phase defect and it seemed to work half decent. I didn't have days of spotting before AF showed.

And the witch didn't show alone.. she brought a whole family of migraines with her who plague me daily so far this cycle... since I didn't want HER I surly don't want her stowaways. CD4 and I'm sick of it.

I'm going back to soy isoflavones this month. I do ovulate but I would like some stronger, larger follies in the event that one is caught.

Cycle #16 TTC#3... here we go again.

~dreamersaur

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

40 kazillion sperm can't get me pregnant

So we did this 30 in 30 challenge (being intimate 30x in 30days) and got more than 1/2 in BEFORE O.

I got my OPKs in 3 days before my spike, got pretty lines, and I ovulated beautifully, right on time.

Perfect charting spike said I O'd and my temp stayed up...

4 days ago I started spotting. On/Off. Test. On/Off. Test.

Today at about 1 am I started AF in full.

I guess 40 kazillion sperm can't get me pregnant...

So, Mr. Dreamersaur wants to order Zumba for me since I'm loving it from the infomercials. I love to dance, so it's right up my alley. If I can't get pregnant I'll just get skinny! Still TTC for sure... just focusing on me for a change.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Cycle 13 TTC #3

Well, cycle 12 was a bust with AF knocking down the door at 11dpo.

So I'm starting all over again.

I feel slightly better about how I feel because I finally sat down and talked to daddy dreamersaur about it. I need answers, and without insurance it is going to come down to saving more money to get the testing done I need.

The first thing I want to do is get an HSG done. That's a test to see if my tube is blocked. If that is the problem.. well I'm done for. I can't afford a surgery to unblock it and I sure as hell can't afford IVF. If that is the problem well.. there will be a long drawn out rant about the unfairness of life and my TTC career is officially over.

If it isn't a blocked tube I need to do blood work for my thyroid again, test for PCOS, stand on my head? Maybe a real FSH level test? I used the one that came in my box of First Response pregnancy tests and "passed" but it's an indicator only. I'm not "old" but I'm pushing "advanced maternal age". I'm willing to test anything at this point.

Maybe my baby maker is just on it's last lap.. fun to drive but otherwise not very practical?

It can't be just plain old stupid bad luck.. I'm not THAT cursed!


Until next time.....
dreamersaur

Monday, October 4, 2010

I've got the "almost a year" blues...

I'm sorry I haven't posted more often lately. I've been in a serious TTC funk.

So October 24 is one year TTC. What does that mean for THIS cycle, my 12th since beginning TTC. That means I' am 12 dpo and scared to death to test. I don't want to see a lonely single line this month. I think I may just fall to pieces if I do. Any other month I'd have been testing since 8dpo.

My chart is okay this month (link in sidebar). I ovulated close to a week late, and my post-o temps are really fluctuating. But I'm not taking any supplements and my LP is still more than 10 days so I guess that is a bonus, especially since I went 100% natural this month with no supplements at all to help O or my LPD (luteal phase defect). Maybe my body is straitening out just a little??

How do the women who TTC for 2-3-4-5 years do it!! I'm pushing one year and I am so ready to just give up!

Can everyone who is so inclined throw a little positive baby dust and prayers my way?? I'd love to be posting here as a real pregosaur and not just a TTCosaur....

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Waiting...........

Today is CD43 and I am still waiting for AF to arrive after my first Clomid cycle. My beta-HCG blood test was negative.

When we saw the fertility specialist on May 17th, she did not recommend continuing with Clomid for the next cycle. I didn't respond very well to it, which is not a surprise as my FSH was 14. The doctor recommended that we try injectable fertility medications. Specifically, Puregon (Follistim in the USA) to stimulate my ovaries, Orgalutran (ganirelix) to hold off my LH surge until the follicle(s) get to the right size and Ovidrel (HCG) to trigger ovulation when the time is right. This past cycle, I had my LH surge too early - at CD8 when my follicle was still quite small. The doctor also suggested that we consider using IUI instead of timed intercourse with the injectable medications.

Mr. Pharmasaur and I had previously said we wouldn't use Clomid. Then we said we wouldn't use injectable drugs. We talked and thought about this decision for several days before we decided to try the injectable drugs. We also agreed that after using the drugs, we would like to increase our conception chances by using IUI. There is nothing wrong with Mr. Pharmasaur's sperm analysis, but the IUI will be effective in by-passing my cervical fluid which has not been very abundant lately.

I went to the fertility clinic again this past week to get some help in locating my missing AF. My progesterone level was 14 and my endometrial lining was thick which means that AF is on her way soon, I hope! The fertility specialist checked my thyroid hormones again and decided to increase my medication. I hope this gets the levels where they should be and keeps them there. I will get the test repeated in about a month or so to see if it is working.

I have the injectable medications ready to go. Now, all we need is AF and a CD3 blood level of FSH lower than 14 to go ahead. Wish us luck!

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Huge decisions

This past week I made a HUGE decision about where to go with our TTC journey. After last cycle's m/c my doctor recommended that DH and I go to an RE (infertility specialist) and start further treatment with her. She mentions that Clomid would be a good place to start.

I said that sounded great and then went home and really started researching our options. They did not make me happy. I am a very "Green" person. I reduced the amount of chemicals I have in my home, I always try to use homeopathic remedies before getting prescriptions, and all of this IF treatment in general made me feel very nervous. But I really, really, really want a baby and I'm willing to do pretty much anything!

Then a few days ago I learned that there is a new birth center opening up in my town. I decided to contact them to see if I can start doing Well-Woman care there (I'm due for a Pap, fun times!) and they invited me over to meet them and speak with them about that. I showed up and this place was FANTASTIC! I really got a good vibe from it.

As we chatted more they mentioned that there are lots of fertility options out there for women who are looking to try a more natural route to having a baby and dealing with IF issues. After leaving the center I made the decision to NOT go to the RE appointment and instead will be switching completely to the center and midwife care. I figure it's worth a shot and something I am way more comfortable with. I figured if I still don't get pregnant in 6 months or so I can always just go back to the RE and explore my other options. But for now I am so happy that I have found a solution that I am more comfortable with and am SO excited for!

So hopefully I have more updates in the future as we start exploring these options. Again, I'm sorry I've been such a bad 'saur, I just rarely have anything to talk about since we haven't been able to conceive yet.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

No Flo No!!

She came, she saw, she conquered. She is Auntie Flo, the conquered one is me. Bottom line is that this sucks.... oh, and please pass the extra strength Tylenol.
I shake my fist and say "CURSE YOU AUNT FLO SCUM!!!"

I guess I feel a little better now.

I had pretty high hopes for this cycle...I didn't start until 14dpo, but a couple of days before AF showed up my temps began to drop. That's always a pretty good indicator.






Here's my complete chart for last month:





So, here we go again. Time to save up energy for some serious BDing.

Mr. Shortysaur and I discussed whether I should do another round of clomid or not, and I think we've decided to try it one more time. Third times a charm, right? I was going back and forth about whether I should take it again because the first month it messed with my temps, and the second one it threw my O date into left field. DH said maybe my body will have adjusted to it after the first two times, and hopefully the third time things will be a little more regular when it comes to O. Sounds like good logic to me! My sweetie is always so supportive, logical and even keeled... I just love that man of mine!





The last time I went to the doctor, he said that we should try clomid for 4-5 months, then if nothing happens, we should come back and explore having a laproscopy to look for things like endometriosis. Up until this point all the tests say we are totally normal and healthy, and I have no other symptoms to suggest anything is wrong other than infertility. So DH and I decided that we're not going have any more intervention or tests after this last round of clomid, unless in the future I start having serious pain or something else to indicate that there is something wrong.

I decided early on that if all the tests say we're healthy, then it's just a matter waiting on God for the right timing. As I've said in previous posts, it's all about faith for me and I believe that if we are meant to have another child then it will happen at the perfect time. I know I'm being refined and tested through this whole process and I feel priviledged that this experience is making me a better person and a more loving mother for my sweet little girl and for my children that are yet to be...

Don't get me wrong, it is not easy to stay focused on those aspects. I could never do it without my wonderful husband. For example, DH came to the rescue on the morning that AF showed up when I was feeling pretty down. Before he left for work he said to me that he had been thinking all morning about how thankful he is for all that we have, and that we always need to remember to be thankful no matter what because we are so blessed already. He always says exactly what I need to hear at the perfect time. After he left I prayed for peace in my heart and a wonderful sense of calm came over me. I actually ended up having a really good day, amazingly enough.

In all honesty I'm often tempted to give up on ttc all together, but I always change my mind. I can never lose hope that the desire of our hearts will be fulfilled someday and that we should keep at it until we are triumphant!


And so the journey continues...

Monday, December 28, 2009

I've Been A Bad, Bad 'saur!

I am SO sorry! I have been a horrible, horrible 'saur! I can't believe it's been two months since my last update... I should be sent to the Time Out Chair.
Honestly, I think the big reason is that I have nothing to update you on! I am still recovering from my operation and we can't BD until my March cycle at the earliest, but I think we're going to wait until my April cycle. I'm actually going away this summer... TO CAMP! Haha, I figured if I can't have a kid I may as well become one. I don't mind being PG while there, but I'd rather not be that far along when I have to head out there in May. Yes, I am driving from California to Minnesota! I'm crazy, I know!
However, just because we're not trying to have a baby doesn't mean we can't have a little fun and have some fun, fun fertility drama, right?

I am the blond with the green tank top in the back row. And if you can't tell I am about to poo myself. This was taken on the Tower of Terror at California Adventures the weekend before Thanksgiving. I was actually ovulating that day and I swear I was a HUGE emotional wreck, moreso then I usually am. :) So while standing in line waiting to get on this ride my mind just started messing with me and I got sooooo terrified! My sister-in-law (sitting to my right) and my husband (guy in the red shirt in the middle) made me go on. And I proceeded to practically have a heart attack. But it was fun... until I got off the ride and realized I was shaking so hard my teeth were vibrating and I had to go lie down!

And it just so happens that my mother-in-law gave DH and I a hotel room for the night as our Christmas gift. After my extremely stressed out day at C.A. he decided to relax me with a nice massage and foot rub and.... yeah. You know how that story ends, right? Well here's a twist... we had a CONDOM BREAK! Aaaaahh!!! I seriously didn't think condoms really broke, but it did. But here's the real kicker- DH didn't tell me right away.

Flash forward to about 5 days later we are chatting and he mentions this. I honestly didn't think much of it at the time because I forgot I'd been ovulating that weekend. But then CD11 came and went. That's when AF usually starts now-a-days. Then 12DPO came and went. 13DPO, 14DPO, and 15DPO did the same. At this point I was CD33 and suddenly realized "Ah!! I'm late!!!"

Of course I tested. Once a pee-on-a-stick maniac, always a POAS maniac! It was negative. I was both relieved and disappointed. I know having a baby at this point in my recovery would probably lead to a m/c, but there was that little hope in me that if I was pregnant maybe it would be OK! I wouldn't be able to go to camp, but that was the last thing I cared about at the time.

The next days (16DPO and CD34) AF finally came. I didn't bother going to the doctor because I figured this was the result of my operation messing with my cycles, so I don't really know what caused AF to delay her visit to me. It does give me hope that maybe my LPD has self-corrected, but only time will tell.

The only other thing that has changes is I finally admitted that I have infertility issues. Until now I just referred to them as "obstacles", but when I realized in October that we have been TTC for a year I finally started thinking of our "obstacles" as "infertility". When you make this realization it sort of changes the game a bit. Suddenly the books you read, the doctors you speak to, and the way you view conception changes. It's hard to explain, but it just makes things different. I'm hoping this realization will help us when we get to BD again in March/April, but, again, only time will tell.

I have been meaning to read some pregnancy books and write a review of them, but I've kind of been trying to get TTC off of my mind. Though I imagine that will be difficult when I spend all of next weekend babysitting my 2 month old nephew. Stay tuned... I'm sure I'll have some tales to share from that! And I promise to not be a bad 'saur ever again!!!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

A little Bummed

Today I looked into fertility clinics in my area and made two appointments at two locations to deal with my long cycles. I am currently on day 77 and I think I might actually be close to ending this cycle. I have been so tired lately and today I woke up with tender breasts. I have also been a little nauseous but I think I am just worn down from a long weekend. I took a pregnancy test with my FMU and I got a negative. Anyway, I thought I should call my insurance and see what is covered and it turns out infertility is not covered under my husbands insurance. It goes with out saying that I was disappointed.

At first I felt like this


I haven't canceled my appointments yet but I will before the end of the day so someone else can use them. I think right now it is just in our best interest to keep TTC with out any intervention. I don't want to put a limit on the length of time we try before we do pay out of pocket because that would make it a little more stressful. So we will just have fun and enjoy all the extra baby dancing when it comes time and like I said before I just bought a crap load of ovulation tests so when it becomes time I will start using those. Speaking of ovulation tests do any of you awesome ladies out there have any advice on when I should start testing? I am pretty sure my luteal phase is 14 days so should I start testing after day 35?

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

An Update of Sorts

There's something growing in my uterus... and it's not a baby.


Sorry to be so graphic! But that's basically my latest news. After having a few interesting things happen this past summer I decided to consult a doctor who decided to do a thorough exam of my reproductive system and found a uterine myoma that had decided to make it's home in my uterus and he thought that it was growing. I sort of pictured that phlem guy from the Musinex commercials when she told me this, which kind of made the news even more disturbing because now I'm stuck with this visualization of the phlem guy living (and growing) in my uterus.

Fast forward to two months later. I went in for another exam, and sure enough, the little booger is growing. The doctor decides this may be what caused my chemical pregnancy (the one I thought was LPD and later learned was a CP which I don't think I ever mentioned here) and may be the reason my husband and I have not gotten pregnant even though we haven't used any form of birth control our entire marriage (and here I thought we were just good at timing while TTA and were having bad luck with TTC). She did say there was a chance we could still concieve with it, so we kept trying hoping for the best, but to no avail.

So now, the doctor wants to do surgery. I'm told it's not a major surgery and will take all of 5 minutes to do and involves putting a scope through my cervix and using a little hoop to cut it away. I'll be awake the whole time and, get this, I CAN WATCH IT! On a monitor. She said she'd point it in my direction so I could see, too. I'm fairly certain I will pass on this because I'll be freaked out by the fact that there is a scope being shoved through my cervix. Because that can't feel good, even when numbed up.

The original surgery was planned for two months ago, but guess who decided to pay a visit four days late meaning she was still around when I was supposed to have the surgery? That's right! My favorite Aunt. So we had to reschedule for last month. And wouldn't you believe it? The NIGHT before my sugery (seriously about 10 hours before) she shows up 4 days EARLY!!! Wench. So we rushed to find an opening in the doc's schedule and the surgery is now planned for this Friday. It's comfortably in the middle of my cycle (I am ovulating this week) so hopefully AF won't decide to do something crazy and show up in the next couple of days and we can get this over with this week.

After the surgery she wants me to wait 2-3 months to make sure everything is checking out OK. This puts us on a December/January TTC timeline now. Which actually works out because by that point DH and I will be living in the same cities again which means we won't be running up (or down) to the same city just to TTC. Which kind of takes the fun out of it, but makes things a whole lot easier!

So now we have a timeline. January. On my January cycle we will TTC again. Until then I get to enjoy the sensation of having a scope shoved through my cervix and the aftermath of said action. Oh joy.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

I've been a bad 'Saur....

I know. I haven't updated at all. I am sorry if you missed me!

Well, obviously, I am not KU from last cycle. DH and I decided to go ahead and get his follow up SA done. We got the results back yesterday, and DH's morphology went from 1 % in April to 6% this time around. An improvement, but not enough to be considered 'normal.'

My OB-GYN referred us to an RE. This RE happens to be the doctor who delivered Bellesaur 26 years ago when he was just beginning his career! LOL. I have a good feeling about the fertility clinic, and we have our first appointment with Dr. K on September 8th. I will keep y'all posted.

In the meantime, I probably will not have much to post, since I will no longer be analyzing my chart everyday. I am still temping, but I have no expectations of getting KU on my own.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

On to Cycle # 6 I go...

AF arrived this afternoon. I am not terribly upset, since I have been mentally preparing myself for BFN's every month, but still a little morose.


I am giving it one more month before DH gets his next SA. Until then, I plan to continue acucpuncture and wear a medal of Rita of Cascia, the patron saint of infertility. Hey, at this point, I don't see the harm.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Finally?

So after months and months of TTC, numerous OPKs, an IF diagnosis of anovulation, two rounds of fertility treatment, multiple dates with the "dildo cam," and dozens of HPTs, I finally saw a second line!!! I have to admit that I was impatient and tested early, even though I wasn't supposed to. You see, when you receive a trigger shot, the hCG slowly leaves your system in the urine. Because a HPT checks for hCG, this can cause false positives. The hCG leaves the body at an averag rate of 1,000 units per day. Most women receive 10,000 units, meaning an average of 10 days before the trigger is gone. My doctor instructed me not to test early to avoid false positives, and told me I could test with FMU 14 days after the trigger.

For those who habitually POAS and are too anxious to wait a full two weeks, you can "test out the trigger," meaning you can POAS daily until the positive line disappears, then continue to POAS until you (hopefully) see another positive pop up. Otherwise, if you POAS early you have no idea if it's a true positive or false positive. I have seen some women report that the trigger is out of their system as early as 3-4 days after the trigger, and others that found it didn't completely leave their body until 13 days later. Hence my doctor's recommendation to wait 14 days.

Of course I decided to be cheap and did not test out the trigger (even though you can get HPTs at the Dollar Tree that are among the most sensitive). If you recall, most women ovulate 24-36 hours after receiving the trigger shot. I thought I felt what might be ovulation 2 days after I received the injection, and then a thermal shift on my chart confirmed it. So when I POAS 10 days after the trigger, it was about 8DPO. That is really, really early to be testing - if you don't believe me, see the stats here. But, I just couldn't resist because during this cycle, I started to feel some mild cramping during the 2ww. I normally only get cramps after AF has showed up, not before, and was wishfully thinking that these cramps could be a sign of implantation. So I POAS at just 8DPO and lo behold, after a few minutes, I saw a line. It was a very very very faint line, so much so that I was squinting and holding it out at arm's length to figure out if it was really a line, or just my eyes fooling me. I've always heard that "a line is a line" and you're PG regardless of how light or dark the line is. There's really no such thing as "sort of" PG; either you're PG or you're not. At this point, I was kicking myself for not testing the trigger out. At 10 days post trigger, this very well could be the last bit of hCG injection leaving my system... or, it could be a sign of pregnancy!!! I had no way of knowing if it was simply wishful thinking or reality, so I put away the pee sticks for a few days and resolved not to test again until 12DPO, 14 days after the trigger, as my doctor had originally instructed me.

Those next 4 days were pure torture!!! I could not stop thinking about it, and almost POAS each subsequent morning. The only thing stopping me was the fact that I only had one HPT left. If I POAS and it was negative, I'd have to either go out and buy more, or wait for AF to show up. So I resolved to wait the full 4 days. That fourth morning I awoke and ran straight to the bathroom and POAS. This time, instead of it taking a few minutes to show up, the beautiful pink line showed up before the control line even popped up! There was no question about it now - I was PG! After countless HPTs, I finally got to see a BFP!!! It was one of the most exciting days of my life, and will probably only be trumped by the day the baby is born.

I called the doctor and came in to get my blood drawn for a beta and found that my beta was 237 at 12DPO and then 735 at 14DPO. Using this beta calculator, the doubling time was 1.22 days, meaning that although rare, my BFP at 8DPO was in fact real and not a false positive from the hCG injection (it was probably about 25 at 8DPO, just high enough to be picked up by most HPTs). Using another beta calculator, I was a bit curious to find out if we were having a singleton, or if we were having twins. Unlike most couples, we had the opportunity to see my follicles before ovulation so we knew I only have one mature follie - or at least one visible follie. Sometimes they can be elusive and missed on u/s, or the embryo could have split after conception, yielding identical twins. There is absolutely no scientific evidence to prove that higher betas correspond to multiples, but I still couldn't help but wonder...

I feel so fortunate that we were able to conceive after just two courses of treatment. When you are first diagnosed as infertile, it's hard not to wonder if you'll ever get PG... and if you do, how far you'll have to go with the treatments to get there. We feel so very blessed with this baby and although it wasn't an easy journey, we know that it will help us appreciate the baby that much more.

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Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Acupuncture decision

I have decided to go ahead and go to acupuncture this cycle. I am too afraid that my cycle will get screwed up if I do not continue to use the herbs prescribed to me. I know that may be crazy, but all I know is acupuncture has worked for me, and it is some sort of a security blanket in TTC for me that I am unwilling to let go of at this point.

To compromise, I will be only going once a week to ease up on the financial constraints. I will keep you posted on my progress this month. My next appointment is tomorrow.

Friday, June 19, 2009

To acupuncture or not acupuncture; that is the question...

So, as I have mentioned before, I have been seeing an acupuncturist since March 2009 to treat my long cycles. My cycles have gone from 54 days to 32 days in a matter of 4 months. I do believe acupuncture aided in this, and I am a huge advocate.

Here's my dilemna. Acupuncture is not covered in our insurance, so I have been paying a nice $45 a pop each time I go in, which has added up quickly. Mr. Bellesaur and I feel like perhaps I need to take a break to save money, since we may be TTC for much longer than originally anticipated. Don't get me wrong, we will be ok financially if I continue to go, but it might be wiser to spend that money on other TTC related things, perhaps future treatments for Mr. Bellesaur, since he seems to be the one with the infertility issues.

Plus, we are not even 100% that Mr. Bellesaur is healthy yet, and if he is not, then what is the point? Without healthy sperm, all the acupuncture in the world can't get me KU.

I have fears about quitting acupuncture. What if my cycles go right back to being outrageously long once I quit? What if acupuncture was the only reason I was beginning to be regular again?

I am confused as to what the best thing to do. I would love to hear your opinions on what I should do.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Hello Cycle # 5

Well, I didn't even get the opportunity to test this week. AF came in the wee hours of 12 DPO with a screaming vengeance. I was woken up by my cramps, and was curled in the fetus position begging for relief for about 2 hours.

I am not crushed; as you know from my previous posts, I was expecting this to a degree. I am going to use my OVWatch again this month. I used it in Cycle # 3, but forgot to order a new sensor in time to use for Cycle # 4. Since my cycles seem to be getting closer to normal (32 days total for # 4), I am hoping it won't be off like it was for Cycle # 3. I also will begin taking Red Raspberry Leaf tablets in conjunction with my B-6 and Chinese herbs, to try and further regulate my cycle. Adding these new things each month gives me hope, something to experiment with and look forward to seeing the results.

On one hand, I am trying to stay positive. However, don't be fooled. There is a voice in the back of mind that is saying, what if Mr. Bellesaur is not well? What if his morphology is abnormal still? While I know there was only a 20% chance of getting KU even with well timed intercourse, it is still hard not to wonder if my odds are even slimmer than that. Mr. Bellesaur goes back for his SA next week, and I am terrified. I am afraid to hear the results. I am scared that the morphology will be bad still, and it won't be something we can treat. I have many unfounded fears, but I am trying to keep them at bay.

So, here's to my new cycle. Let's hope my fears are ridiculous and unfounded.