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Showing posts with label BFN. Show all posts
Showing posts with label BFN. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Are Your HPT's Laughing at You Too?!



When we first started TTC, I bought HPT's monthly and used them monthly! Every time was the same, another BFN followed by a visit from AF! The last time I used a test I vowed to not do it again until I felt I had a valid reason... only, my valid reasons always seem to get the best of me! So once again, I unwrapped the last of the stockpile in our medicine cabinet and prayed for two lines... and like every other failed attempt, got a BFN!

TwoWeekWait.com is a wonderful site full of good advice for those of us TTC. I stumbled across this earlier this morning and I swear whoever came up with it must have a camera in my bathroom! Follow these 15 easy steps and you too could look as hopeless as me when taking a HPT!


Step 1...Pee on the stick. (must be sure to hold it under urine stream for a heartbeat longer than recommended just to be sure).

Step 2...Stare at stick while you continue peeing. Feel heart jump when urine passes over the spot where the line would be and it hitches for a second, then gets a dark line...then keeps going, taking your dark line with it to the test window.

Step 3...Place on bathroom counter. Pretend not to stare at it. Let's try to give yourself busy work to keep from looking at it. In fact, your toilet now gets cleaned once per day.

Step 4...Tell yourself you are expecting a BFN. Then start to mist up when you see that it is, in fact, a BFN. Stare at the blank spot for a full minute before picking it up.

Step 5...First, go to window and check it under day light.

Step 6...Now, stand on toilet to be closer to light in ceiling. Check strip.

Step 7...Close one eye. Squint other eye.

Step 8...Turn on several lamps around house. Hold strip under lamp. Check strip.

Step 9...Hold strip OVER lamp. Check strip.

Step 10...Hold strip in front of lamp so light shines THROUGH strip, just in case.

Step 11...Pull stick apart. Hesitate for a heartbeat when you realize you are holding the still wet "wick" in one hand, then continue the destruction.

Step 12...Repeat Steps 5-9.

Step 13...Throw stick away.

Step 14...Pick stick back up out of trash.

Step 15...Repeat Steps 12 and 13 the rest of the day!

Monday, February 15, 2010

DUH!

CD 26 and 7 Euros later.....

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Sometimes I just sigh…

At least 3 times a week my sweet little 5 year old girl says. “Mommy, I REALLY want a brother or a sister. Everyone at gymnastics class has a brother or a sister!”

*SIGH*

What do you say to that? Usually it's something like, “I know sweetie, I really want that too, just keep praying.” I’ve tried many times to put this 'having kids thing' in terms that she can understand. This has proven to be very difficult, especially when I myself don’t fully understand why we haven’t had another child by now.

One thing I do know is that through it all I have become more patient and have grown stronger in my faith, which is always a good thing. Perseverance isn’t something you are born with; it’s something you can only learn through experience.

I know in time, our next perfect child will come. The child itself will be perfect for us, as will the timing. That’s what happened to us the first time around with our DD. I wasn’t very patient back then when it came to having a child. I wanted to get pregnant so badly, and if I had had my way back then, we would’ve had a baby months earlier. And that little one wouldn’t have been the DD that I love and adore and who came at the absolute best time. My consolation in all of this is that I am growing and becoming a more mature adult, a more faithful Christian and that MY timing isn’t always the best timing.

A song comes to mind…







“You can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need!”





Looking in hindsight, I am very glad that DH and I have had this many years with just our DD. It’s been wonderful to focus fully on raising her through the early years of her life. I’m also a pretty laid back mommy who really loves her sleep & peaceful morning routine, so I’m not sure how I’d do with a big ol’ brood of little ones running around.





I’m NO Michelle Duggar, that's for sure.

When we finally do have another child, our DD will be at least 6 years old and will definitely be a big help to her mommy! She’s very much a little mother herself who constantly wants to help around the house.

Ahhh…I can just see it now. “Sweetie, can you change the baby’s diaper?” To which she will reply, “Sure, mommy! I’d LOVE to!” Maybe that’s wishful thinking, but then again, maybe not. She has been known to say "Mommy, maybe you'll have twin babies, and then I can feed one, and you can feed one!" Sounds like a brilliant plan.

I’m also very excited for my DD to participate in my next pregnancy. Involving her in things like having a countdown, showing her fruit pictures of how big the baby is at any given time, having her help me decorate the nursery, etc. etc. I’m really looking forward to it all.

In other news... an update!

I actually do have some good info to report. AF hasn’t made her unwelcome appearance yet! I’m on cycle day 33, approximately 11 DPO and there are still no signs of our least favorite Auntie. My temperature has been steadily high, so at this point I’m encouraged.

I probably need a smack on the hand though because I POAS at 9 DPO.

Bravo Foxtrot November. Duh.


I know... silly, silly, silly me. If I have any defense at all, it’s that I bought a multi pack of OPK’s and pregnancy test strips so I do have quite a few. At least I didn’t waste much money appeasing my curiosity.

My answer will come, sooner or later. It always does.

Thursday, December 31, 2009

Cycle 4 - CD38 and counting....

My irregular periods are continuing this cycle. I am currently on CD38 and no AF yet. I did an HPT yesterday and got another BFN. I guess I didn't ovulate around CD9 or 10 like I originally thought. I have been having PMS symptoms that could have been pregnancy symptoms for about 2 weeks now. Sigh. Nothing to do but keep waiting for AF to arrive so we can get back to TTC.

I have a doctor's appointment coming up this Monday. I am going to tell her about my very irregular cycles and see if there were any unusual hormone levels from my physical in November. I also have a gynecologist appointment booked for February. Perhaps she will be able to investigate further.

I am looking forward to 2010. I am not going to miss 2009 at all. It has been a tough year.

Happy New Year to everyone! Wishing you Happiness & Health in 2010.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Holiday Blues

For many years, the holidays have been a difficult time for me. I have bittersweet memories from when I was a kid. I associate the holidays with family and this time of year reminds me of my parents' separation and eventual divorce. Feelings of sadness and loss often come up for me at this time of the year.

This year I am grieving a different kind of loss. I can't help but thinking of the baby that we lost in July. If the pregnancy had progressed, I would have been 32 weeks pregnant on Christmas Day. In the month that I knew that I was pregnant, I did dare think ahead to Christmas. I wondered what it would be like to celebrate the holidays while carrying our newest family member. Lately, I have been feeling the loss quite acutely. It is really hard for me to let go of those hopes and dreams.

So I need to focus on today instead. It is CD26. I thought I ovulated around CD 9 or 10 this month. I got a little bit hopeful and did a couple of tests over the past week. They are BFN. So I don't think we conceived this cycle. I know it isn't over until AF shows but I don't feel pregnant. I am glad that we bought the ClearBlue Fertilty monitor. As soon as AF shows, I intend to pore over the instruction booklet. Then I need to move forward into a new cycle of TTC.

Soon, it will be a new year and I am glad. This past year has been very difficult - a rollercoaster of high and lows. I can't say I'm sorry to leave this year behind.

All the best to you and your families this holiday season. I wish you all much health, happiness and joy in the coming year.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Today has been brought to you by the letter F



And that´s F for fail, as in failed the pregnancy test. So all these zits that make my face look like this
have been for nothing. I knew that this cycle was a long shot, but with all the zits, tender breasts, feeling icky this morning and no spotting and no sign of Flo this CD 28, I thought I might be KU. Nope.
So how did I celebrate this negative pregnancy test? I broke out the antibiotics the doctor presribed for me on Wed, which I had been holding out on taking "just in case" I might be KU. So I wasted two whole days on the road to recovery for nothing. I hope the meds kick in soon so I can knock this hacking cough and get on with life and ttc.
I mean there´s always this next cycle, right?

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

A Little Update on Me

I'm not even sure what to post...

I have not had a period since we started trying the first of October.
I have had negative results on about half a dozen home pregnancy tests.
I have had no symptoms of AF or pregnancy, except cramps and lots of them.
I have gotten kind of depressed because nothing is going on, which makes it hard to keep at it.
I have gained about 5lbs.
I have cut way back on workouts, down to like 2 a week.

The most frustrating part of all of this, is I was having regular periods before we started trying. All I can think of, is what if we missed our chance!??!

Monday, November 9, 2009

Six week wait??!?!

It looks like I will have six week wait!

Yes, six weeks.

What the mess? I'm usually a regular gal, well, I have been for about the last year.

I don't know why AF has yet to show...Well, I didn't until this weekend.

Last week, I was completely under the weather. I mean, complete and total exhaustion set in every other day. I was having tons of EWCM and crazy dreams every night since around the 30th of October. I thought for sure, I must be. I even had cramps for four weeks. Little sporadic ones, something was going on down there. I was TWO WEEKS LATE and everything.

So, I tested Saturday morning.

BIG. FAT. NEGATIVE.

I went to my parent's house that day to help get ready for an upcoming family get together, and cramps kicked in full swing.

This is so weird. So Mr. Joggersaur wouldn't let me lift anything, "just in case".

Later that day, it happened.

No, not AF, a change in my CM... FINALLY! It was finally that cloudy gunky stuff, instead of the EWCM.

The only charting I have been doing was my CM, moods, etc. And this was the first time I had a change since my last period in September. And then none Sunday or Monday, which means, I probably ovulated this weekend.

I told Mr. Joggersaur, and he was like, "So we have to wait TWO MORE WEEKS?!!?"

I went back over the last month, and tried to figure out what could have tied things up...
A flu shot just a couple of days before I was supposed to "O".
A cold I got after a race the weekend before I was supposed to "O".
I had horrible mood swings due to stress at work, causing the Mr and I to argue.
Being overly anxious about TTC.

Really, it all seems pretty petty in comparison to other things going on... but at least now I know.

Thinking of Legalosaur and her little one!!

Monday, November 2, 2009

Still waiting...

I went to take another hpt last Friday, and for some reason, I couldn't pee! I had to go so bad, and couldn't muster up a good pee for my hpt.

I went back to sleep, and debated about taking another test. But chose not to.

I don't think I could take another negative...

We went away for the weekend and I left the hpt at home and brought the tampons.

Mr. Joggersaur has been in a funky mood, causing me to be in a funky mood.

We've gone through a lot of changes in the seven months we've been married and I think it finally all hit him. Not only that, but it's been raining for weeks here.

Being away did us some good. We got to talk about things a little more, we took in some fresh air, and we released some major adrenaline by going four wheeling.

And as of today, AF is 9 days late, which is odd, since I have had a very normal cycle for the last 10-12 months. And still no symptoms.

If she doesn't show up by the weekend, I will be making an appointment with my doctor.

Until then, I will be (trying) to eat healthy and exercise... but I would really like to take a nap instead. :)

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Frustrated

AF was due to arrive Oct 24th - Oct 25th. She usually fluctuates a day.

So, overly eager to test, waiting two weeks has been so stinking hard, I tested after work.

BIG. FAT. NEGATIVE.

Granted, I hadn't planned to test until Halloween, and it could be because I tested in the afternoon and I drink tons of water all day long...

But I am frustrated.

Not with the fact it was negative, I didn't expect to get a BFP the first month we tried, but with the fact AF hasn't come yet.

Nor have I had ANY regular symptoms of her arrival.

No sore breasts, no mood swings, no cravings... but I have had very low backpain (almost like a pain in the butt), TONS of EWCM, sporadic light cramps for the past week and a half, and acne, which I haven't had in ages!

I haven't had anything going on that should alter her arrival (that I know of!)... grrrr!

WHAT IS GOING ON??!?!?

I haven't done a test with the FMU yet, because Mr. Joggersaur and I are on different schedules, and I would hate to wake him up with good news to have to dart out the door, because I know him, and he'll want to enjoy the moment for awhile, and then call his parents. I am off work Friday morning, and will test again if she hasn't shown up.

Advice? Thoughts? Suggestions?

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Testing

Testing....one....two.....three....

Actually, only I've only done one test (so far.) I was really, really trying to wait until several days after Aunt Flo was due. Yesterday morning I had a backache similar to when I was pregnant. So, I got hopeful, and a tiny bit excited. Then I bought a 2 pack of these on the way to work:


And I did a quick test before I started work (so it wasn't first morning urine, which I know is better, especially if you are testing early.)

Unfortunately this is what I saw:

source

That is what I suspected. Although part of me is hoping I tested too early. Aunt Flo was due yesterday and has not shown up yet. So, I will wait until Saturday and test again if she does not visit. Honestly!

Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Yup, you got it. It´s the mean pee stick .....12DPO and that thing is stark white. You know I realize that if I were 18 and still in high school I would be thrilled by this, but I´m 31 and married, been trying for two years and had multiple miscarriages. It´s time for two pink lines again.

I know it´s too early to hope that the accupuncture is working (I just had my third session today) but I sure had hoped for a miricle. My chart looks so promising. I know it´s not over till the biotch shows...

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Lesson 1

Lesson 1: A watched pot never boils, and a watched pee stick never turns pink

That shouldn´t be hard to remember should it? Oh, but it´s hard to resist the urge she says as she sits here typing and staring at the STARK WHITE pee stick. Yup, 12 dpo and another BFN.

Why did I test? Because my boobs hurt like heck, I have a zit the size of Mt. Fuji on my chin, I´m feeling super tired and bloated. Reason enough to tempt fate and POAS I thought. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Monday, August 31, 2009

11 DPO!

...and a BFN. Shock, surprise, not really. Well, actually I thought "maybe just maybe" because my breasts are so tender and my stomach was feeling about like it did for my other pregnancies. But no, nothing at all. I´m not positive that I´m 11dpo, it could only be 10dpo, or I could be 12 dpo and have missed the trying window, but I feel based on my + OPK that I must be 10dpo minimum, and a much more likely 11dpo. You see, I´m one of those weird people who has a 28 day cycle most of the time. I know, hate me for it. I hate myself for it sometimes. Everything is so like clock work except this pregnancy thing. I haven´t quite gotten the hang of the pregnancy thing yet. Guess I´ll have to "work" on that some more.

To that end the DH and I have decided that I should make an appt. with my regular gyno and bring her up to speed on all the tests we´ve had done and then run the lap idea by her and see what she thinks. The more I read about it, the less enthused I am to have it done. Is it really, really the best way? I don´t know, and it never hurts to get a second opinion on it.

In the mean time I´m still hoping that it was just too early to test and that come Friday I´ll be seeing pink.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

On to Cycle # 6 I go...

AF arrived this afternoon. I am not terribly upset, since I have been mentally preparing myself for BFN's every month, but still a little morose.


I am giving it one more month before DH gets his next SA. Until then, I plan to continue acucpuncture and wear a medal of Rita of Cascia, the patron saint of infertility. Hey, at this point, I don't see the harm.

Monday, June 29, 2009

14 dpo. No AF. Still BFN.

It's 14dpo.

Temp is still up - a bit higher than yesterday, in fact.

No spotting.

No Aunt Flo - she was due to arrive yesterday or today.

Q-Tip test
was totally clean, and it usually gives me a 24-hour warning before Aunt Flo shows.

Another BFN from one of my lucky HPTs this morning - and I mean total BFN, not even a maybe-sorta faint line. Nothing. Zip. Zero. Zilch.

Here's how my chart is looking, for you chart stalkers out there (you know who you are lol!):.

*sigh* This is getting stupid.

So here's the plan. I'm going to the store today and buying the most sensitive test I can find, then I'm using that sucker every day until I either get a BFP or Aunt Flo shows up. I know that sometimes it just takes a while for a positive test to show (when I googled it this morning, I found tons of examples of ladies who didn't get a + until AF was well over a week overdue), but it's still frustrating. I just want to know either way, you know?

Help me stay hopeful - has anyone out there had multiple BFNs before getting a late BFP?

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Well, my temperature rose

Not only did it rise, but it rose by a LOT:

Look at that spike! I was so excited when I got that this morning, and as per my plan from yesterday, I took a pregnancy test.

It was negative. Not even a glimmer of a hint of a notion of a faint line. Nothin'.

*sigh* This is what I get for testing on 12dpo instead of waiting until 14dpo as I was originally planning for this cycle. Although 12dpo is a common test date and fairly accurate, there's still a good chance that it could be a false negative, especially given my temps. That said, I was using an Australian early response test that's supposed to be sensitive to 25mIU*, so it could just as easily be correct that I'm not knocked up, since many pregnant women would have a hCG level of 40-100mIU by this stage (assuming of course that implantation takes place around days 7-9):

Days Past Ovulation Typical hCG Level
Less than 5 DPO 1-2 mIU
5 DPO 2-5 mIU
6 DPO 4-10 mIU
7 DPO 8-20 mIU
8 DPO 10-25 mIU
9 DPO 15-30 mIU
10 DPO 20-50 mIU
12 DPO 40-100 mIU
16 DPO 200-400 mIU
20 DPO 220-800 mIU
Chart from here.

For the past few cycles, I've started spotting on 12dpo before Aunt Flo shows up in full force on 14dpo, so we'll see what happens for the next couple of days. If I see any spotting today (no matter how tiny), I'm declaring myself out for this cycle. If I don't, well...I have eight lucky HPTs that I can try in a couple days!

* You can check out how low your HPT can test here.

Monday, June 15, 2009

More Waiting...

Before we started our first medicated cycle, I had already mapped out how I thought things would proceed over the next few months. According to my calculations, if we were unsuccessful the first time, then we would have to sit it out the next cycle due to a vacation we had already planned. After all the waiting we had been through, the last thing I wanted to do was sit through a break cycle. So I prayed and prayed that my 2ww would end with good news.



Image Source

In a way, it did, just not how I imagined. The femara seemed to have regulated my cycle pretty well, because instead of the usual 35+ day cycles that I typically have, AF showed up and I ended up with a 29 day cycle. Even though I had tried to mentally prepare myself for this, as with every cycle, I could not help but feel extreme disappointment that yet again we were without a baby. The good news was that between getting AF really late the last time, combined with the fact that I had a shorter 29 day cycle this time, we wouldn't have to sit the next cycle out. We could go on our vacation and do my first follie scan after we got back. I was sad, but at least we could do another medicated cycle immediately without any further waiting.
Getting disheartened of failing cycle after cycle, I asked the doctor about the possibility of doing an IUI (intrauterine insemination) instead of just timed intercourse. Some women have what's called "hostile" CM that kills the majority of the sperm before they get to the uterus. A post-coital test can be done to determine if you have hostile CM, or you can simply do an IUI and have the sperm injected directly into the uterus to bypass the CM. An IUI also allows a higher number of sperm to be in the uterus, whereas with TI only the best and strongest swimmers make it through. The doctor said that all things being equal, doing an IUI would increase our chances of conception by 6% with each cycle. With the procedure costing about $300-400 and us having to pay OOP (out of pocket) for fertility treatments, we opted to try one or two more TI cycles before moving on to IUIs.

Image Source

Before starting our next cycle, the doctor had me come in for a baseline ultrasound to check for cysts that may have developed during the previous cycle. This is typically done on CD3, but due to my schedule I came in on CD2. A lot of women wonder what it's going to be like getting a transvaginal ultrasound during your period. Thankfully, it's all in a day's work for the doctors, so it's more awkward for you than anyone else. It's like getting your first pap smear - the doctor doesn't even think twice about it, but for you, you're nervous/anxious and aren't sure what to expect. Rest assured that no one (except you) is even thinking twice about the fact that you are bleeding. The nurse puts an absorbent sheet under you before the doctor comes in, so you don't have to worry about bleeding on anything. I had already talked to some other women who had been through this, so I knew what to expect. The ultrasound took all of one minute, but all I could think about was whether I was leaking onto the pad and what the ultrasound wand would look like when she pulled it out. She was so quick about it, though, that I didn't even really get a chance to see the probe cover before she threw it away. The good news was that all looked normal on my scan and I did not have any cysts. So we had a green light to move forward with the cycle and start meds.



Image Source


We ended up having a great vacation, which helped take my mind off the wait until my next ultrasound. I was supposed to go in on CD12, but did not get back from my trip until CD13. I felt pretty good going into this appointment because I knew I had responded fairly well the last time. The only change I was hoping for was a few more follies. Last time, I only had one mature follie, and if we could stimulate two or three to develop, I figured I might have a better chance of conceiving this time. The five minutes I spent waiting in the exam room for the doctor to come in seemed like an eternity. When she finally came in, I so anxious to find out what was "brewing" inside me! She scanned my ovaries and again I had just one lonely follie developing. The big shocker this time, though, was the fact that my follie was already 24mm! I was surprised I hadn't already ovulated on my own (though if I had, we would have been ok because we starting BD'ing during our trip just in case). My lining was a nice, thick 13mm so the stage was set and perfect for implantation. Without any scheduling conflicts this go around, the doctor went ahead and gave me an injection of Novarel (hCG) to trigger ovulation. 95% of women will ovulate when given this injection, usually between 24-36 hours after the injection (though some women ovulate earlier and some a little later). The doctor said that she normally instructs her patients to BD every other night after the trigger, but I had such a nice, large follie that she wanted us to BD every night for the next 3 nights. We diligently followed doctor's orders, but just to be on the safe side, we BD'ed for the next 4 nights instead of just 3. In all our months TTC, I had never ever felt myself ovulate before, but this time I swore I felt a mildly painful twinge in the area of my ovary two days after the trigger. Was that really ovulation? I'm not entirely sure. What I was sure about was how torturous this 2ww, like all the previous ones, was going to be...


Image Source

Thursday, June 11, 2009

I know better

Than to test early, but did that stop me? No. And of course this is what I got:

A BFN

At 12 dpo with cramping and some spotting, what did I expect? I´m not quite sure what to make of the spotting this cycle and the last because it´s definitely not typical of my cycles, but who knows. I give up. So on Monday I can call the RE to schedule Mr. Lillysaur´s SA and the pentetration test for CD 13. By then I should know when CD 13 is. Sigh.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

PSA: this is why you shouldn't test early

Photosaur and I must share a brain, because I caved in and tested early too.

There's a reason most people shouldn't test at 10dpo...especially if you decide to test in the evening and then have to hold your pee for 4-5 hours in order to simulate first morning urine.* I swear I nearly piddled all over myself before I could get my pants down when it was finally time to POAS.

Oh, and it was negative. I'm not surprised and I'm actually not terribly disappointed - if you think that taking a test early and seeing a negative is going to crush you, then I absolutely wouldn't recommend you do it, but I knew that if I'm knocked up, the odds of getting a BFP yesterday evening were tiny. I just needed to get the POAS fever out of my system (hey, I'm not temping - I need something to obsess over!), thereby allowing myself to relax until I take the real test on Saturday.

To get all scientific on you for a minute, here's why it's recommended that you wait to test until at least 12dpo:

HPT accuracy DPO (on a standard 25mIU test)
10 dpo : 35%
11 dpo : 51%
12 dpo : 62%
13 dpo : 68%
14 dpo : 74%
15 dpo : 80%
16 dpo : 88%
17 dpo : 92%
18 dpo : 99%

As you can see, most tests are wildly inaccurate at 10dpo - they do come back positive for some people (like Photosaur, yaaay!), but for the most part they will show a negative regardless of whether you're knocked up or not. This is why I'm not disheartened - there is absolutely a chance that I'm pregnant and it's just way too early to tell with a HPT.

But seriously, the difficulty of holding your pee for that long is the real reason you shouldn't test early - forget false negatives, it just freaking hurts by the time you're done holding all of that in! Most of the time I think to myself, "I have to pee on that thing for 10 seconds? That's so long!" This time...well yeah, I had NO PROBLEM meeting the 10 second mark. Aren't you glad I'm here to overshare?

Bring on Saturday and 13dpo!

* For anyone wondering why I'd test in the evening: even though it's generally recommended that you test in the morning, it has nothing to do with actually being the morning - the issue is that you need pee that's been in your body for a long time and absorbed all those hormones without being diluted, and since it's easier not to pee or drink during the night, the first pee of the day is generally the most concentrated. Holding your pee for 4-5 hours and not drinking much will have pretty much the same effect.