First time ever!

I'm pregnant.

Holy crap!

Let me back up.

About 2.5 weeks ago we had a follow-up appointment with the urologist. All of DH's bloodwork came back good - hormone levels good, no CF. However, DH's volume was still quite low and once I told him that we don't have insurance for IVF, but do have it for IUI, we decided a plan of attack for increasing his volume. He said it was a possibility that DH has retrograde semen, when some goes back into the bladder. So, DH had another SA, which involved urine tests to see if there was sperm in the urine as well. We were waiting for those results, plus with the holidays we knew nothing would happen until after the first of the year.

In the meantime, my period was due right around Christmas. I had all my regular PMS symptoms - a wee bit of brown spotting, headaches, and cramps. But, my period never came. Since I'm charting, I knew that my longest cycle was 33 days. I decided I would wait until 34 days before I tested. No sense wasting a test since it was sure to come! Wednesday morning I took a test and in no time it was two lines. Two lines. I never got two lines before! I woke up DH and stuck the test in his face. He assumed it was negative, which was fair enough, until I pointed out that no, it's two lines. Pregnant. I called the clinic when I got into work and told her I got my first ever positive pregnancy test and I didn't know what to do since that's never happened to me before! Ha! She laughed and booked me in for a blood test on Thursday morning.

My HCG level was around 6,300 and my progesterone was high enough that I didn't need to go on that, thank goodness. I haven't heard very nice things about it. Today I am 5w2d. I haven't had very many symptoms which makes me really nervous. I've googled the crap out of that and had reassurance. I try to be really zen about things, thinking that I have no reason to believe that things aren't going okay, so I need to be at peace with that. I'm actually feeling really good physically! We don't have our ultrasound until 1/9, so I'll be on pins and needles until that happens. The only person we've told (okay, I told) was my parents. I told DH that I needed to tell my mom to switch up her prayer of increasing volume to a prayer that there's a heartbeat! Plus, I was dying to tell someone and now that I have I don't feel the need to open my front door and shout it to the world. He wants to wait to tell his parents until after the ultrasound.

This truly feels like a miracle to us. We were staring down the IVF barrel, stressed about how we could afford it. We are certainly not out of any woods just yet, but just the idea that we were able to do this on our own with his MFI is unbelievable. The scary thing is that it took 2.5 years for this to happen and if something goes wrong, how long would it take for it to happen again?

I would appreciate any prayers or positive thoughts that we have a heartbeat on the 9th. :)

A quick beta-HCG update and more...

I spoke to the clinic about my beta values recently. On June 2 I went there because AF was missing and my beta level was less than 1. On June 15, the day of my HPT BFP, my beta level was 1890. The doctors figured that I was about 4.5 weeks along at that point. So, I calculate I was around 17 or 18 DPO. Then two days later, my beta was up to 3380. If you look at the charts here, that seems to be pretty good. I know beta levels can be deceptive so I'm really waiting for my first ultrasound to see how things are progressing.

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The clinic called me today and my first pregnancy ultrasound will be on July 5th. I'll be just past 7 weeks then. I am pretty nervous about it. Mr. Pharmasaur is coming with me, thank goodness! Last year, our first ultrasound was pretty devastating. It was the first clue that something was wrong with the pregnancy and that it would end in miscarriage.

This is a different pregnancy and we are hoping for a much different outcome this time.

I've been trying to keep calm and relaxed and not to over think what could be happening. I've been doing some guided meditations from a CD I have which I am enjoying. I am also journaling and I find this helpful too. I even got a new cell phone to help keep me busy!

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I am focusing on staying positive and practicing all the patience I can muster until our ultrasound appointment. Please send us lots of sticky vibes!

Ahhh, spring...

I had my first allergy attack when I was about 13. Until that point, I'd been pretty carefree, cheerfully roaming the hills around our house and going on nature walks. But that spring, something changed. I don't know what triggered it - we'd lived in a rural area for years, so I'd been routinely exposed to plenty of plant spores and pollens, but that year I started having dramatic hayfever. I couldn't mow or even be in the vicinity of fresh cut grass (to this day, I can't understand why people like the way it smells - all it means to me is that my throat will start to close up), or be around blooming lilac, poplar trees, or any number of other plants. If I was exposed for longer than a couple minutes, I would spend the next several days gasping for air. When I moved to Australia it got even worse, presumably because of all of the unfamiliar plants sending out spores every year.

I struggled for years to find a good medication for my allergies, since most of them - even the ones that are marketed as "non-drowsy" - would send me into a drugged stupor. Eventually I found a medication that worked, and have spent the last few years blissfully frolicking outside in the spring...until now. Because when you're pregnant, you can't take allergy medication. There is one drug in Australia that is occasionally prescribed in severe allergy cases for low-risk pregnancies, but with the higher-risk cases such as myself (since I'm carrying twins), doctors are understandably reluctant to prescribe it, and I wouldn't be comfortable taking it even if it was on offer.

This season, I've been treating myself by taking paracetamol (which doesn't help with the allergies but does ease the tension headaches I get from fatigue and struggling to breathe), breathing steam from bowl of hot water, using a saline spray to help clear my nasal passages, and simply staying inside as much as I can. This was working fairly well until last night, when I had no choice but to spend several hours outside, and today I'm feeling the consequences. I could barely breathe last night and hardly slept (lying down exacerbates my breathing issues), and today it's an effort just to keep moving - it doesn't help that it's a dry, hot, windy spring day, perfect for torturing allergy sufferers.

So I'm putting it out there: does anyone have any safe, baby-friendly allergy remedies? I've had a few friends recommend buying a neti pot (which I'm going to look for this weekend), and I've tried the local honey method in the past (it simply doesn't work for me). Anyone have any other hints?

For Mr Bibliosaur, with love

Dear Mr Bibliosaur,

I feel like I'm always writing about myself - how I'm feeling, how I'm doing, what I'm thinking, all that stuff. Which makes sense, because I'm the one this is physically happening to, but sometimes I forget that there's someone else involved with all of this, too: you, my wonderful husband.

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You been amazing during this pregnancy, and I can't begin to say how grateful I am. You're always there to give me an outlet for my fears and hopes, to take care of the house and our pets when I'm too exhausted to even think about moving from the couch, to patiently weather my constantly changing food cravings and aversions, and to encourage me when I'm feeling worried or overwhelmed with symptoms. I'm so touched by your thoughtfulness, like when you went on an interstate trip and returned with a present of some super sour handmade candy from a boutique candy store, just to help with my constant nausea. You have been so thoughtful and caring, and I honestly don't know what I'd do without your love and support.

So I just want to say - thank you, Mr Bibliosaur. I am SO lucky to have met and married you, and I wouldn't want to be doing this with anyone else in the world.

With all my love,
your Bibliosaur
(and the two little Bibliosaurs-on-the-way, too)

Telling the World

I'm thinking maybe I should've just hired this guy to come to work with me this morning!

So today I'm 10 weeks pregnant, and I chose that day to reveal to the world that we're having a baby!

I was really nervous about it...though I don't know why! Everyone has been overjoyed. Of course, we've already told close friends and family, a couple of co-workers each...even our City Council representative (to be fair, she's also a friend of ours). But today, we made it public. I started out by uploading a bunch of pictures of all the onesies and baby clothes we've collected so far (not a ton, but enough to get excited about!). I put those pics on Facebook a couple of days ago, but kept the album private and viewable only by me. I also prepared a blog entry for my personal blog, but waited to publish it. So this morning, before heading to work, I pulled the plug - I published the album on Facebook, posted a comment announcing the pregnancy, and published the blog entry.

When I got to work, I just started telling people. I wasn't sure how to go about it at first, but once I got the ball rolling, it was pretty easy. I work in an office with 50-something other people, and 95% of our staff is women - so you can imagine it's been a pretty fun environment for this kind of news! We have one other co-worker who's already pregnant, and she's due any day - so I'll just take over for her as the office Pregnant Lady.

I've had lots of smiles and hugs and happy conversations, and no less than three people told me that I'd made their day! Not to mention all the fun comments I've gotten on Facebook. Pregnancy announcements must've been must more sedate...and taken longer to spread...before the advent of the internet.

I've got another blog entry in me later on...we're currently searching for the right provider/delivery facility. But that's an entry for another day. For now, I'm just one smiley gal!

The Little Being at 15w2d

Here's the latest view of our Little Being. The doctor tried to get a peek at "the goods" and has guessed that it is a girl. She wasn't able to get a great shot, so we hope to get a better idea at our Level II Ultrasound next month. So we're not exactly running out to buy pink or blue things just yet!

One of my BFF's called yesterday to see how it all went. We had a nice chat. She's got three kids...all birthed totally naturally. No pain medications or even an episiotomy! WHOA! She's my hero. She wanted to know when she should come out (she's in CA) to throw me a shower. I told her that I didn't plan to have one since I am so new here that I don't have a community of friends outside of my coworkers and they will already be doing a little something for me at the office.

Talking with her made me sad that A) my closest sister-friends are so far away, especially at a time like this and B) that because I am new to this city and state that I will not get to participate in a baby shower for my first born. It's not so much the gifts, it's the camaraderie and fellowship of having your best girlfriends, aunties and cousins all together celebrating this passage of life to motherhood. I would fly out there, but really cannot justify spending the time or money to do so just to have some "girl time." So I guess I'll just have to be sure that I email and chat with with as much as possible over the next 6 months. Thank goodness my mother is here...I don't know what I'd do if it were just me and DH right now. I mean, he's wonderfully supportive, but sometimes a gal just needs women to relate to on certain things. If we are having a daughter, I know that is something she'll understand someday.

Morning Sickness

Aside from the overwhelming fatigue and frequent bathroom breaks, the first few weeks of my pregnancy weren't bad at all. As I approached the end of week 7, I figured that if I did not have any morning sickness by week 8, that I probably wouldn't have any at all during this pregnancy. For a short while I had a glimmer of hope that I was one of those lucky women who didn't get morning sickness.

The night of week 7 day 5 was like any other night. I went about my usual activities but eventually went to bed a bit earlier than usual due to the fatigue. I woke up in the middle of the night, around 3am, and had to go to the bathroom. This was par for the course, so I thought nothing of it. I basically stumbled out of bed in a haze, went to the bathroom, and then stumbled back into bed in the dark. Only this time, I had trouble falling back asleep.

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I layed there for some time, and then I started to feel a bit uneasy. Initially, it didn't even occur to me that this could be morning sickness... until the feeling became so overwhelming that I realized that I was about to throw up. Fortunately, I made it to the bathroom on time; unfortunately, I did not make it to the toilet in time! Ick! I did make it to the sink at least, but cleaning up chunky vomit from the sink isn't nearly as pleasant as simply flushing the toilet :(

From this night on, I found myself with a general sense of nausea all the time. It wasn't just in the morning, but was an all day kind of feeling - "morning" sickness really is such a misnomer. Often, it was worse at night, actually. I found that keeping my stomach full with frequent small snacks helped, as did eating sour candy. So much so that I went and bought some sour candy in bulk. I've heard some women feel better when they eat/drink ginger, but I did not try that. Thankfully, I had no further episodes of vomiting after that first one. Relatively speaking, I think I had a pretty mild case of morning sickness. I am not sure how some women manage who vomit multiple times a day - I guess there really isn't anything you can do but live with it, but still... just the constant nausea was enough to make me question whether I wanted to go through another pregnancy :/

The one thing about the morning sickness that made me feel better was that it was an indication that all was well with the baby and that the pregnancy was progressing as it should. It gave me a little more peace of mind as we waited for our 9 week ultrasound (which could not come soon enough!).

While the wait was unbearably long, it was all worth it when we saw our little peanut on the ultrasound! I was amazed at how much detail we could see on the ultrasound so early on... we could see little arms and legs!

We were also able to hear and see the heartbeat for the first time! It was so exciting and yet so surreal. It was hard to believe that I had this little being growing inside me... I had begun to develop the smallest little baby bump by 9 weeks. No one could tell, but I could tell by how tight my pants were starting to become. Other than that, the constant mild nausea was the only proof I had that I really had a baby growing inside me...

Guess what?

I'm...



That's right...the Citysaurs got their BFP!

Funnily enough, Sunday night I was feeling our chances were pretty dismal. My chart had displayed not one, but two huge dips below the coverline.

When I temped Monday morning, and saw it shoot way back up...I just couldn't hold out. I groggily looked at Mr. Citysaur at said "Should I test?" He said "Go for it!"

We started with an old Target test I had leftover from some time last year. It's one of those "two lines if you're pregnant" tests...and I got a very faint line. I told DH "They say a line is a line." We decided to go ahead and test again with the digital I'd just purchased last week. I drank a bunch of a water and tested again 20 minutes later, and - lo and behold - I got my BFP!

It really hasn't sunk in yet for me. On the other hand, Mr. Citysaur has been busy telling people left and right! The deal was, we each got one person to tell right away. His was supposed to be his sister...mine was my best friend. I e-mailed the picture to my friend, who called as I was finishing up my shower. She's extremely excited, and can't wait to be an "Aunt." DH, on the other hand, not only called his sister at lunch, but also told his physical therapist (he's recovering from ACL surgery), his graduate school professor, AND his best friend. Somehow, his one person turned into 4!

So I'm cautiously optimistic...ecstatic...and so very, very thankful that it happened so quickly for us. I know we won't be out of the woods for a long time (or ever, really, once you have kids, right?). But I can't help feeling like this BFP happened right away for a reason. I feel that my father is meant to know this baby...to at least get to see little baby Citysaur before he passes away. I'm not tying all my happiness to that thought, but it sure would be nice. Stick, baby, stick!

Finally?

So after months and months of TTC, numerous OPKs, an IF diagnosis of anovulation, two rounds of fertility treatment, multiple dates with the "dildo cam," and dozens of HPTs, I finally saw a second line!!! I have to admit that I was impatient and tested early, even though I wasn't supposed to. You see, when you receive a trigger shot, the hCG slowly leaves your system in the urine. Because a HPT checks for hCG, this can cause false positives. The hCG leaves the body at an averag rate of 1,000 units per day. Most women receive 10,000 units, meaning an average of 10 days before the trigger is gone. My doctor instructed me not to test early to avoid false positives, and told me I could test with FMU 14 days after the trigger.

For those who habitually POAS and are too anxious to wait a full two weeks, you can "test out the trigger," meaning you can POAS daily until the positive line disappears, then continue to POAS until you (hopefully) see another positive pop up. Otherwise, if you POAS early you have no idea if it's a true positive or false positive. I have seen some women report that the trigger is out of their system as early as 3-4 days after the trigger, and others that found it didn't completely leave their body until 13 days later. Hence my doctor's recommendation to wait 14 days.

Of course I decided to be cheap and did not test out the trigger (even though you can get HPTs at the Dollar Tree that are among the most sensitive). If you recall, most women ovulate 24-36 hours after receiving the trigger shot. I thought I felt what might be ovulation 2 days after I received the injection, and then a thermal shift on my chart confirmed it. So when I POAS 10 days after the trigger, it was about 8DPO. That is really, really early to be testing - if you don't believe me, see the stats here. But, I just couldn't resist because during this cycle, I started to feel some mild cramping during the 2ww. I normally only get cramps after AF has showed up, not before, and was wishfully thinking that these cramps could be a sign of implantation. So I POAS at just 8DPO and lo behold, after a few minutes, I saw a line. It was a very very very faint line, so much so that I was squinting and holding it out at arm's length to figure out if it was really a line, or just my eyes fooling me. I've always heard that "a line is a line" and you're PG regardless of how light or dark the line is. There's really no such thing as "sort of" PG; either you're PG or you're not. At this point, I was kicking myself for not testing the trigger out. At 10 days post trigger, this very well could be the last bit of hCG injection leaving my system... or, it could be a sign of pregnancy!!! I had no way of knowing if it was simply wishful thinking or reality, so I put away the pee sticks for a few days and resolved not to test again until 12DPO, 14 days after the trigger, as my doctor had originally instructed me.

Those next 4 days were pure torture!!! I could not stop thinking about it, and almost POAS each subsequent morning. The only thing stopping me was the fact that I only had one HPT left. If I POAS and it was negative, I'd have to either go out and buy more, or wait for AF to show up. So I resolved to wait the full 4 days. That fourth morning I awoke and ran straight to the bathroom and POAS. This time, instead of it taking a few minutes to show up, the beautiful pink line showed up before the control line even popped up! There was no question about it now - I was PG! After countless HPTs, I finally got to see a BFP!!! It was one of the most exciting days of my life, and will probably only be trumped by the day the baby is born.

I called the doctor and came in to get my blood drawn for a beta and found that my beta was 237 at 12DPO and then 735 at 14DPO. Using this beta calculator, the doubling time was 1.22 days, meaning that although rare, my BFP at 8DPO was in fact real and not a false positive from the hCG injection (it was probably about 25 at 8DPO, just high enough to be picked up by most HPTs). Using another beta calculator, I was a bit curious to find out if we were having a singleton, or if we were having twins. Unlike most couples, we had the opportunity to see my follicles before ovulation so we knew I only have one mature follie - or at least one visible follie. Sometimes they can be elusive and missed on u/s, or the embryo could have split after conception, yielding identical twins. There is absolutely no scientific evidence to prove that higher betas correspond to multiples, but I still couldn't help but wonder...

I feel so fortunate that we were able to conceive after just two courses of treatment. When you are first diagnosed as infertile, it's hard not to wonder if you'll ever get PG... and if you do, how far you'll have to go with the treatments to get there. We feel so very blessed with this baby and although it wasn't an easy journey, we know that it will help us appreciate the baby that much more.

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12 weeks

As you move into the second trimester, baby shifts into the growth and maturation stage. After weeks in the critical development stage, almost all of baby's systems are fully formed.

How your baby's growing:

The most dramatic development this week: reflexes. Your baby's fingers will soon begin to open and close, their toes will curl, their eye muscles will clench, and their mouth will make sucking movements. In fact, if you prod your abdomen, your baby will squirm in response, although you won't be able to feel it.

Their intestines, which have grown so fast that they protrude into the umbilical cord, will start to move into their abdominal cavity about now, and his kidneys will begin excreting urine into their bladder. Meanwhile, nerve cells are multiplying rapidly, and in your baby's brain, synapses are forming furiously.

Their face looks unquestionably human: His eyes have moved from the sides to the front of their head, and their ears are right where they should be. From crown to rump, your baby-to-be is just over 2 inches long and weighs half an ounce.

Information from BabyCentre and The Bump.

Random shenanigans

So I'm not really qualified to be a "pregosaur" anymore since I'm not KU, but I thought I'd post a site that was of help when I was KU with baby shopasaur.

It's always hard when you're shopping for your LO because there are so many options out there-- how do you know which is the safest and best bang for your buck? (Well, that's the problem that Mr. Shopasaur and I had--- we didn't want to spend 1k on something that we could have purchased for 200$, nor did we want to buy something cheap just to find out that it was made poorly, or something of that sort)

This website helped a lot -- they kind of rank things based off of what magazines, online reviews, user reviews, etc. say

One last thing--- congratulations to photosaur and divasaur!!! So excited to read your posts about being KU.

To be completely honest, I kinda sorta miss being KU, sometimes. Hah! I think I didn't appreciate my pregnancy at all-- pretty much b!tched and moaned when people would ask me how I was doing (hated feeling fat and hot, clothes didn't fit but didn't want to buy anything, etc), but the day after Baby Shopasaur came out I suddenly felt an intense longing to be KU again. (NO, I do NOT want another little one anytime soon!) You have your little one all to yourself for nine long months, feeling them kick and move and even get hiccups, and all of a sudden they're out and it's all over.. . oh well. One day [possibly] I will want another one and I will def. view my pregnancy differently. I think I will feel more connected to the next one, if that makes any sense.

Hope everyone has wonderful, healthy and happy nine months. :) Soak it up!

Oh-- one more thing-- ENJOY YOUR SLEEP! I know that it's impossible to really 'appreciate and enjoy' sleep until it's taken away from you, but WOW, sleep deprivation is brutal.

I know better

Than to test early, but did that stop me? No. And of course this is what I got:

A BFN

At 12 dpo with cramping and some spotting, what did I expect? I´m not quite sure what to make of the spotting this cycle and the last because it´s definitely not typical of my cycles, but who knows. I give up. So on Monday I can call the RE to schedule Mr. Lillysaur´s SA and the pentetration test for CD 13. By then I should know when CD 13 is. Sigh.

Worry Wart

Yesterday my mind started filling with all of the things that could go wrong with our baby. From development to delivery and beyond. I am generally not a worry wart and yet, yesterday I could not get these thoughts out of mind. What if something is wrong with the baby? What if he or she is not developing properly? What if he or she is born with a severe mental or physical handicap? What will we do? How we will handle it? What if we have a perfectly healthy baby only to lose them to SIDs or some other sort of fatal condition? What about an accidental death?What if this baby has a perfectly normal childhood only to die as a teen or a young adult?

I was so riled up by evening that I burst into tears when Mr. Divasaur gave me a goodnight kiss and whispered, as he does each night now, "thank you for carrying our baby." His reaction was odd to me when I started bawling and blurting out all of the things that had weighed so heavily on my mind and heart. He said, "why are you focusing on the negative? I am sure most mothers-to-be are only sending positive thoughts to their babies. You need to as well. You're going to stress yourself and the baby out by thinking this way."

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WHOA?! Am I the only one that thinks these things? Am I already a horrible mother because I am considering the negative odds that are out there? He was annoyed with me for dwelling on the negative. And he followed it with, "no one expects that their child will have a challenge or an issue. Everyone expects a healthy baby. Even still, people manage to make the best of the circumstances they are dealt, no matter what they are, and we will too." I know he's right. But am I selfish in that I don't wish to be the person that has to meet those challenges? And even more so, that I don't want my child to have to deal with any of that? Is that so wrong? I feel confused and awful for having these thoughts and feelings right now. Especially if it's not normal to be thinking and feeling this way. I want to be positive, to send my little growing being every white light and positive vibe possible. I spend sometime everyday meditating and doing so. But I cannot quell my fears right now. I am hoping when I get to see the little being on the u/s next week I might feel a little better. But for now, I am not going to lie. I am worried.

First Craving

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Today I am 6 weeks and the little being is the size of a sweet pea. How cute! According to BabyCenter.com:

This week's major developments: The nose, mouth, and ears that you'll spend so much time kissing in eight months are beginning to take shape. If you could see into your uterus, you'd find an oversize head and dark spots where your baby's eyes and nostrils are starting to form. His emerging ears are marked by small depressions on the sides of the head, and his arms and legs by protruding buds. His heart is beating about 100 to 160 times a minute — almost twice as fast as yours — and blood is beginning to course through his body. His intestines are developing, and the bud of tissue that will give rise to his lungs has appeared. His pituitary gland is forming, as are the rest of his brain, muscles, and bones. Right now, your baby is a quarter of an inch long, about the size of a lentil bean.

And last night I had my first bonafide, gotta-have-it, food craving. What was it?
Black beans with cheddar cheese and sour cream. I mean, I needed to have it and now! So funny. And SO good. It truly hit the spot in a way that I cannot describe. And since I used low-sodium, organic black beans with reduced fat cheddar cheese and light sour cream, it was a half-way decent choice packed with fiber and protein.

My appetite has been good despite waves of nausea. Oddly enough I get nauseas either just upon rising or in the late afternoon around 3 p.m. The later bout generally turns off my appetite for the evening and I have been know to just have toast and scrambled eggs for dinner.

Mr. Divasaur is concerned that I am not eating well-balanced meals, but I've assured him that as long as I am eating he need not worry. I am getting fruits and veggies during the day but in the late afternoon/evening I have no taste for them. Since my BFP I have dropped 3 lbs. I am sure it's just due to an increased metabolism with the little being on board now.

My doc is okay with me maintaining or losing during the first trimester since I am overweight. In fact I am only to gain 15-20 lbs. over all and most of that should come on during the third trimester. So far so good. I have managed to walk on my treadmill twice this week. My boobs are so sore that it hurts to put them in a sports bra to do it and, in general, I am really fatigued. But I hope to increase it to 3-4 times/week minimum. Maybe once I get my nausea under control. I have managed not to barf and am hoping to keep it that way. Lemon candies seem to really help.

Aside from fatigue, nausea, sore breasts (although less so now than two weeks ago), weepiness and frequent urination, I am doing fairly well, I think. My UTI is gone now and my yeast infection is well on it's way out too. The spotting stopped as soon as I started treating it with Monistat3. Mr. Divasaur's been a real trooper...he picked it up from the drugstore after work at 11 p.m. so I could start it that night and not delay another day. What a man! I cannot wait until everything is all cleared up and we can spend some "married time" together. It's been a while. He's been nothing but understanding though and just wants me to feel good and for the baby to be healthy. That makes three of us.

My Vag Hates Me

Sorry to be so blunt, but it's true. First the UTI, now? A lovely yeast infection to accompany it. Despite my best efforts to mitigate it with eating tons of yogurt while taking these antibiotics, I now have some lovely flora and fauna invading my vag. To make matters worse it has caused me to have some faint, light brown spotting. UGH!

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I've called the doctor and they told me to go ahead with an OTC treatment and that the spotting is most likely due to the infection irritating my cervix. I sure hope so. Any pregnant woman will tell you that spotting is the last thing they ever hope to see. I don't have cramping and feel fine, so I am going to go with my doctor on this and chalk it up to the yeastie beasties. YUCK! I have had like two yeast infections in my entire life! And only one UTI prior to this. Apparently both are fairly common in pregnancy due to the raging hormones. Pregnancy is not fun "down there!" Needlesstosay, Mr. Divasaur is going to be waiting even longer for some sexy time.

Lab Results

I am 5w4d today. A couple of days ago I finally heard back from the doctor's office about my blood and urine work from last week. My beta at 16DPO was 1331! So that's good and strong. We won't know until my first u/s on June 17th whether that's one baby or two. I am really hoping for a singleton as much as my husband and family want me to carry twins!

In addition, it was discovered that I have an asymptomatic UTI. So bizzare. I have only had one in my life and I knew something was wrong. This time? Nothing. Or nothing obvious. I am peeing more frequently, but I chalked that up to being newly pregnant. I must have gotten on the marathon flight back to the US where I only used the restroom once in 12 hours! Sitting in the middle on an overnight trans-Pacific flight is not cool.

Anyway, I have been prescribed a week's worth of antibiotics that is supposed to clear it all up for me. Sadly that means no boom-boom with Mr. Divasaur, which is a pity, since I was finally feeling like giving it a go. We haven't had sex since 3DPO, mainly because I was out of town for a week, got my BFP and then was not feeling sexy at all with my sore bewbies, waves of nausea and extreme fatigue. This week has been a bit better and I have actually been thinking we'd give it a shot. Guess we'll have to wait a little longer. I just pray that when we do I don't bleed afterwards. Realistically, I know it's a possibility and I know it's fairly "normal," but emotionally, I don't know if I can handle spotting right now, even if it's just due to sex irritating my cervix. So we shall see.

Five Weeks

Today marks the beginning of week five and the second month of pregnancy. According to Babycenter:

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The big development this week: Your baby's brain is beginning to grow! It develops from the neural tube, a structure that will also spawn your baby's spinal cord, nerves, and backbone. Since folic acid helps prevent neural tube defects such as spina bifida, you can see why it's so important to take it while trying to conceive and early in pregnancy. In the meantime, the primitive placenta and umbilical cord, which deliver nourishment and oxygen to your baby, are already on the job.

Deep in your uterus your embryo is growing at a furious pace. At this point, he's about the size of a sesame seed, and he looks more like a tiny tadpole than a human. He's now made up of three layers — the ectoderm, the mesoderm, and the endoderm — which will later form all of his organs and tissues.

The neural tube — from which your baby's brain, spinal cord, nerves, and backbone will sprout — is starting to develop in the top layer, called the ectoderm. This layer will also give rise to his skin, hair, nails, mammary and sweat glands, and tooth enamel.

His heart and circulatory system begin to form in the middle layer, or mesoderm. (This week, in fact, his tiny heart begins to divide into chambers and beat and pump blood.) The mesoderm will also form your baby's muscles, cartilage, bone, and subcutaneous (under skin) tissue.

The third layer, or endoderm, will house his lungs, intestines, and rudimentary urinary system, as well as his thyroid, liver, and pancreas. In the meantime, the primitive placenta and umbilical cord, which deliver nourishment and oxygen to your baby, are already on the job.

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My bewbies continue to be sore, but it's less than before (thank goodness). No more contemplation of wearing a bra in the shower! I have been crying spontaneously off and on for the past three days. I don't know why. I am not feeling particularly sad or anxious. It just comes over me and I break down. I feel bad because it happened while I was on the phone this morning with Mr. Divasaur while he was at work. It's hard for him to hear me cry.

Mornings, upon waking and evenings, right before bed are the worst as far as nausea is concerned. It's surprising how a little "seed" can cause so many symptoms! In the mornings it almost feels like a hang over. I have cotton mouth and nausea. I have water and saltines by the bed to help. My appetite was done a completely 180! Two weeks ago I couldn't eat enough! The past few days, nothing is really that appealing and I have to remind myself to eat. I am mostly eating fresh fruit with plain yogurt or cottage cheese and a little flax-pumpkin seed granola. I am loving fresh strawberries, blueberries, peaches and bananas.

I have also discovered that I like V8 vegetable juice (low sodium) which is bizarre to me because I normally cannot stand it. Mr. Divasaur drinks it all the time and I am usually like, "blech!" But I gave it a try since I am not feeling veggies right now and have found that not only can I stand it but I actually like it. Weird. Even though meat and veggies aren't appealing to me right now, I am making myself eat them at least once a day. Mostly grilled chicken or turkey breast and dark, green leafy veggies or a garden salad. I was craving Asian food this weekend so I had a California Roll and Seaweed Salad with Sesame Seeds. YUM! Today it was Thai Spring Rolls with Peanut Sauce and Chinese Lettuce Wraps.

I have been having random sharp, electric pinching pains in my nether regions...some gals call this lightning crotch. Apparently it affects most women in their third trimester. It's not really painful, just more startling than anything. But the time it hits, it's over. I also felt a little sciatica today, but through some stretching I managed to work it out. I had sciatica really badly in my early 20's and through chiropractic care I worked it out. It hasn't really bothered me in ten years or so. So I am hoping it won't flare up as my pregnancy progresses.

Speaking of progress, that's probably what lingers on my mind the most. Will it progress? I am trying to meditate daily and be positive. But there are moments when darker thoughts creep in about the future of this baby and even myself. Life is so fragile and every day on the Internet message boards there is a woman posting about a miscarriage, stillborn or even infant death. It's tragic and reminds me that I cannot take anything for granted. There's so much about TTC and being PG that is beyond my control. I am sure the same can be said for parenting. So I am doing my best to grow and find a way to accept this. It's a challenge for this type-A, plans-everything personality. Everyday I am humbled and amazed by this journey to motherhood.

Not pregnant anymore. . .

Not sure if this is my last "pregosaur" blog, b/c I don't qualify as TTC or KU anymore! Yep, you heard me. . . as soon as I accepted that Baby Shopasaur would come when she wanted to, she made her arrival the very next day. Ironic, huh? I wish I could tell you which of the many old wives tales we tried actually worked, but I tried so many that it could have been any of them. (Or none of them, for that matter).

Here is a little survey I thought might be interesting-- a recap of my pregnancy
1. Experience any morning sickness? None at all during my pregnancy. Felt like throwing up during labor (after the epidural), but I slept it off. . . and I think the wonderful nurses gave me something to help with nausea
2. The most important question for some women: How much did you gain total? I'll admit, I let myself go. I PROBABLY gained 38-40 pounds. The last appt. I had I gained 37 pounds, and I was supposed to have another doctor's appt. the day that Baby Shopasaur was born, so I'm not sure how much I gained within that week.
3. Exercise? I exercised all the up until about 25 weeks. Mr. Shopasaur and I would walk about a mile 3 times a week, or I would elliptical for 20 minutes. I also walked at the very, very end of my pregnancy, hoping to get the little booger out.
4. Cravings? Nothing specific. When people ask me this, I tell them that I craved everything in sight. I ate ice cream, cake, pie, cookies, poptarts (had a strawberry poptart and milk almost every.single.day since I found out I was KU)
5. Did you take a babymoon? Not officially, but I did fly to Vegas very early into my pregnancy for work and Mr. Shopasaur met up with me. We went to a few bars and I drank soda.
6. Stretch marks? I was relatively lucky and had NO stretch marks until the very last week of pregnancy. . . all around my belly button. Ick. Nothing too severe though.
7. Did you take the epidural? I did. I took it early and didn't feel ANY pain throughout the labor. I didn't like not being able to move my legs (or feel them, for that matter). I couldn't even move myself up or down/side to side, but it's hard to compare because I don't know how painful the actual labor would have been w.o it.
8. How long were you in labor for? My water broke at 4:30 in the morning and Baby Shopasaur came out at 7:35pm. It was a long day of WAITING.
9. What was it like to have your water break? From what I understand, not many women experience their water breaking. I went to use the bathroom in the morning, and while I was washing my hands, felt like I had peed myself all over again. Of course, I thought it was discharge or something, so I put a pad on and went back to bed, but I still felt like I was "leaking." It definitely wasn't a huge gush like they show in the movies.
10. Were you still working? Of course. I was 38 weeks and had gone to work thursday during the day and school at night, then gave birth on friday.
11. Any advice for KU women? Nope. Every pregnancy/labor/birth is different--- nobody's advice applied to me and I wouldn't expect my 'advice' to apply to anyone else!
12. Episiotomy? Totally TMI, but yep. Baby Shopasaur was a whopping 8lbs 6 oz and I'm only 5'2". . . there's no way she would have fit without it! I'd say the episiotomy was one of the worst parts of the birth experience as the epidural had worn off by then. :(
13. What now? I'm left with a jiggly, jello-y stomach. Was told not to exercise for 6 weeks due to the episiotomy, but I'm getting anxious the weight won't come off. Lost about 20ish pounds so far, and still have twenty to go!! (Yikes-- should have watched my weight gain a LITTLE closer, eh?) I'm also left with the most gorgeous baby girl in the entire world (though I am a tad biased), with two dimples and grey eyes (am told they will most likely change over time) who is the absolute love of my life, next to Mr. Shopasaur. [He, incidentally has proven to be the most amazing father and husband over the past two weeks. I know now, more than ever, that I married the right person. Hope every KU lady is as lucky as I am!]

That's it, I think. Unless you ladies have any questions about my own personal experience. . . feel free to email or something! Good luck everyone with your pregnancies and TTC. :)

Feeling Pregnant

Tomorrow marks one week since we found out we're expecting and what a week it's been. It's unbelievable in so many ways! We have now told all of our immediate family members and closest friends. And I have told who knows how many folks in cyberspace! I was almost outed by one of them on Facebook. Not cool. Thankfully I caught the congratulatory wall post before anyone else did. YIKES! I still hope to keep it under wraps at work and I have a lot of colleagues on FB.

My office is 100% female (26 of us) and I am just waiting for someone's intuition to kick in and ask me if I am KU. I am 4w4d today and am definitely feeling pregnant. I actually awoke on Monday (4w) with mild nausea. It has come and gone in waves all week. Surely the frequent trips to the restroom are going to tell on me soon enough. As long as it doesn't develop into trips to vomit, I will be so grateful.

Here's a rundown of my symptoms at 4 weeks pregnant:

BREASTS
In addition, my breasts are incredibly sore and hot. I feel as if they've been used by a heavyweight boxer for sparring practice. I have large bewbies (40DDD/E) and while they're not bigger, they feel heavier and fuller. And sore. It was so bad last night that I actually opted to ice them down with the gel packs I usually use in my soft-side cooler. Ah! Sweet relief! Who knew that icing down my bewbies could feel so good? I did it over the shelf-bra tank that has been my uniform since last weekend (I am sleeping in them these days to help the soreness).

Maybe I need to get some of these?!

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APPETITE
Last week I had a raging appetite and this week? Not so much. I am sure the nausea has a lot to do with it. So I am eating small meals 5-6 times a day. Oddly, white carbs are almost repulsive to me (they're normally my craving during AF)! I cannot even think about eating rice or pasta or cereal. Lean protein and fresh fruit are what I crave. Gimme some plain yogurt and sliced strawberries, please! Or hard boiled eggs and a peach. I am not much of a juice drinker, but I have to admit that I am loving my pulp-free, calcium-and-D-enhanced OJ in the mornings. I remember last year when my BFF was pregnant...she was addicted to fruit smoothies. Now I know why! I have managed to avoid them this week, but they're sounding super yummy right about now.

JOINTS
My hips, knees and ankles are achy like right before I get the flu. In fact my ankle has been rolling so easily that I have relegated myself to flats this week after nearly killing myself by stumbling in the parking lot at work. I have a repaired anterior-cruciate ligament on my left knee and it feels particularly achy. I cannot help but worry that if it's feeling like this at just 4 weeks what 36 more are going to do to it! On top of that, my wrists are also sore and Doctor Google led me to resources that say carpal tunnel is more prevalent in pregnant women. Great! Now I am going to have to curb my online habit.

THIRST
I am drinking 3 liters of filtered water each day with ease. I am so thirsty! It's the only way I can keep my mouth from feeling dry.

BATHROOM
Lots of water means lots of pee! I am officially heading to the restroom about every 90 minutes. And my usual confidence in feeling that "I can hold it" is beginning to leave me. It has made my meetings at work quite interesting. And I am not getting up in the night to pee, but I know that day is coming. One the other end of things, I have to say that despite my perchance for fruit it's not helping in the regularity department. I used to rely upon coffee to help that situation, but since that's out I have got to figure something out that works. Prunes, perhaps?

FATIGUE
Speaking of work, I did spill the beans to one coworker. She and I are on the executive team together and were traveling overseas together last week. She commented on how she thought she was still jet lagged and asked if I had still been feeling tired since getting back. I said, "Yes, but it's probably because I am pregnant." She was so happy. And I am glad to have told her. She's my mom's age and has three daughters my age. She knew we were TTC and I trust her. Plus I am glad I've told her because we have two more business trips before the end of my first trimester and I feel relieved knowing that she knows.

I am trying really hard not too come home and crash on the couch. It's so difficult! Yesterday I manged to pull it off but then passed out at 9 p.m. I slept hard too. Thankfully I awoke feeling energetic and was able to walk a mile on the treadmill this morning (I had meant to do it yesterday after work but was so dragging)! I hope to walk everyday and start some pregnancy yoga classes a couple times of week too.

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MOODINESS
My emotions have been swinging from irritable to weepy to happy to impatient. I cried while watching "So You Think You Can Dance" last night. How lame is that? (That I cried, not that I watched it. I know that's pretty lame.) I also find myself getting short with my dogs if they're being needy or even my hubby. That makes me feel bad. So I am trying my best to check myself when I am feeling cranky.

SKIN
My face looks worse than it did when I was teenager. I was lucky back then...narry a pimple, except under major stress and then it was a teeny, tiny thing. In my 20's I would get the one big, scary zit right before AF. Now that I am KU my face is just going nuts! I am so sad...I feel ugly. On top of it, my cheeks are flush. Is that the glow everyone talks about? It looks more like embarrassment over having a face that looks like a 17-year-old fast food fry basket worker.

HAIR
Maybe it's just me, but I swear my hair is growing faster. I already have roots even though my hair was cut and colored just about two weeks ago. On top of that, I am having to shave my underarms and legs everyday! Are they sprouting overnight? I normally only need to shave every other day or every two days. WTF? I have been sporting a short, post-wedding 'do for almost a year now (my hair used to be long) and now I am wondering if I should grow it out while I am pg. No matter, I know I will need to embrace my gray hair that loves to sparkle at my temples. I am so desperate to cover it, but know I need to wait until the second trimester. To cap it off, I have naturally curly hair and it's being really wacky right now. I hope a new, more humectant conditioner will tame it's wild and unruly ways.

GAS/BLOAT
The silver lining in all of this is that, happily, both my gassiness and bloat have left me for now. What a blessing, considering everything else that I am dealing with in the bodily functions department.

First Appointment

I had my first doctor's appointment today, although I only saw the nurse, not the doctor. They confirmed my pregnancy with a urine test and ordered blood tests (for hGC quantity, STDs, blood type, etc.) and another urine test (for proteins, etc.). I should have the results in a couple of days.

I was worried because most doctors date the pregnancy according to the last menstrual period (LMP) which would put me at nearly 6 weeks pregnant, rather than 4 weeks and 2 days. I brought out my printed FF chart and convinced her that there's no way I am that far along and that I know that I ovulated around May 10th. So she put that down on my chart instead. Thank goodness for charting! I cannot imagine going through the first trimester and being told that my baby was measuring slow/under expected growth just because they'd mis-dated conception.

My next appointment is June 17th and I will have a vaginal ultrasound (u/s) as well as my annual exam (Pap and breast exam). They should be able to specifically date the baby then too. Turns out that my doc does u/s at every exam, so we'll get lots of peeks at Baby Divasaur!

We've told our immediate families and best friends the big news and it's slowly starting to sink in that we're having a baby! I am already starting to formulate when/how I will tell my staff at work (I am one of the big bosses) and how I will delegate the work load during my mat leave. Luckily, it will be a slow(ish) time for my department. I hope to hold out until 13 weeks to announce my pregnancy, but we have a huge board meeting just before my 8th week (a few days before) and part of me feels like I should do it before that meeting since decisions for the next 12 months get made at that meeting. We shall see about that. One coworker just had a baby and told everyone when she was only 5 weeks along. I work with all women, so they are more intuitive and family friendly. I won't be surprised if someone guesses I am KU before I tell. They already have noticed that I have given up coffee and have drastically changed my eating habits.

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Speaking of which, the nausea kicked in full force today (I woke up feeling queasy and it has come in waves all day) so my appetite is severely stunted. Basically anything lemon is making me feel better. So I am loving my sparkling lemon water (La Croix) and sucking on lemon drops (hard candies). No-salt Saltine crackers are helping too. I am trying to take in some protein at each meal...but it's a challenge. Egg whites, grilled chicken breast and fat free Greek yogurt are my go-to right now. My sense of smell is heightened and the odors wafting from the work lunch room today made me feel very ill. Here's hoping I can keep this all under wraps for 8 more weeks!