Meet Baby Citysaur!

Introducing Benjamin James, aka Baby Citysaur. Born 3/10/10 at 6:24 PM. Weighing in at 7 lbs 15oz, 20 1/4 inches long.

I mentioned in my last post that our midwife wanted us to kick start labor on Wednesday...well kick start we certainly did! We started out at 8:45 AM with her stripping my membranes. Then we did some nipple stimulation and took an hour power walk. At 11:30 AM, the midwife broke my water. We did more walking as we went out to have lunch and gather our bags at home, then back to the birth center. By the time we arrived back at the birth center at 1:30 PM, I was having contractions that were 2 minutes apart and was most definitely in labor!

Not the most flattering picture of me, but here we are, in the early part of active labor, just after arriving at the birth center. I did not look this good as the day progressed!

I won't go into the whole, explicitly detailed birth story, but I'll summarize from here. I labored for about 3 hours before pushing, exploring various positions including the birth ball, the shower, the tub, and hanging off the bedpost. About 4:30 or so, I went to the bathroom at the suggestion of the birth assistant, and I started to feel the urge to push. Pushing lasted about two hours, and was the most exhausting part of the experience. The only downside to not going into spontaneous labor was that Ben hadn't quite descended, so I had to work extra hard at getting him down. That part was difficult, because every time I'd make progress during a contraction, he'd slip back when I went to rest in between.

Eventually, after pushing for a while in the tub and hanging off the bedpost, I got into the bed to conserve energy. I almost had to go back to the bedpost, but when I realized they were about to make me get out of bed, I gave it everything I had, and he began to crown. And that's when things got serious.

Ben came out with the cord wrapped tightly around his neck. He was fine until right at the end, when his heart rate plummeted. When the midwife looked at me and said that we had to get him out now, and that I had to push without the help of a contraction, I knew she meant business. Even though I was beyond the point of exhaustion, I found the strength to get him out fast. They cut and clamped the cord from around his neck as soon as he crowned, and then a few pushes later, he was born. Daddy got to catch him, and he put Ben on my belly, but a split second later, the midwife whisked him away to the resuscitation table to work on him. He was born in distress - white as a sheet, depressed heart rate, elevated breathing and low body temperature. Daddy helped the midwife, and after 45 long minutes, he was finally up to snuff. They placed him on my belly and I fell in love!

Family portrait...that's my mom (Ben's Nana) in the pink, and my father in the picture. He couldn't be with us physically, but he was definitely there in spirit!

I want to say thank you to everyone who has followed my pregnancy journey here. I've really appreciated the support, and I've enjoyed sharing everything with you all. I don't want to say this is my last post ever (because I may still have a few things to wrap up as I gather my thoughts in the next few weeks)...and perhaps I shall continue on Littlesaur? Time will tell, I suppose!

The end is near?

So when I last left off, our midwife was telling us we had a big baby, and sent us in for a growth ultrasound for "size greater than dates". The ultrasound confirmed her suspicions, as much as it was able to. The tech was great at explaining to us that the weight measurement is just a guess, because they can't see fatty tissue, only bone. But all his bone measurements, including his skull, were measuring ahead as well. In sum, they put me at 15 days ahead of my due date, which would technically put me at 40 weeks...today.

There's a possibility that, had we chosen to go with a traditional hospital birth, we'd be talking to our doctor right now about inducing. Thankfully, we didn't go that route. We're delivering at a birth center, and that word hasn't even been brought up. Instead, they moved tomorrow's 38 week appointment from the afternoon to the morning, and they're going to "do some things" at said appointment to hopefully kick-start labor. Then send Mr. Citysaur and me home with some "homework".

Now, to most people, I've just been telling them that I'm not being induced, they're just going to do some voodoo magic on me. It's easier (and not TMI) to explain that way, especially to coworkers. But as this is a pregnancy blog, how about the real truth? I'm not 100%, because the midwife went over this rather quickly last week, but I believe the voodoo magic includes massaging the cervix and stripping the membranes. I'm not sure what else the midwife has up her sleeve, but I'm pretty sure I caught mention of those two at least.

So, perhaps Homer is right, and the end is near. I'm off work tomorrow, because after the appointment, we're supposed to go home and see if anything progresses. I was already 2 CM dilated as of last Thursday, so it's not totally out of the question that this could work. But even if it doesn't, I think it's likely he'll be coming some time in the next couple of weeks. It's still just a waiting game!

The Best Appointment in History, and 32 Weeks! Hurray!!

I. AM. SO. RELIEVED.

I could hardly wait to write this post! I have sounded so unlike myself in my last posts that I was hardly recognizable, even to me! Now I am filled with hope and joy, and much more ME!

I had my midwife appointment yesterday afternoon, and had written down all the burning questions that I felt I could not live another day without asking. I didn't even have to. I mentioned at the beginning of the appointment that I had some concerns about the actual process of my labour, my midwife took it from there and led me through the exact experience of birth I had dreamed for. I actually had tears in my eyes I was that relieved.

Now, I don't for one second live in the delusion that everything goes exactly as planned. I am not that foolish, but if things come up that I would prefer to avoid I would like to be informed and an active participant in the decision making process. I truly believe that my midwives are exactly what I need.

Some of the burning questions I had included:

Q. Will I be able to stay at home for as long as possible until we go to the hospital?

A. Yes, in fact we can even plan tentatively for a home birth just in case you change your mind at the last minute and don't want to leave because you are laboring so well at home. When your contractions become regular one of the midwives will come to your house to be with you and help you make the decision when the right time to leave would be.

Q. What will the experience be like upon arriving to the hospital? Will I be checked internally a thousand times and have people in and out of my room constantly?

A. No. You go straight past admitting into a room after signing one document and won't have to see anyone but the midwife (barring complications) until the time to push. When that time comes a nurse will come in to be a second pair of hands.

Q. Will the baby be taken from me and have tests and the weight done immediately or will I be able to hold the baby and potentially nurse if the baby wants?

A. Absolutely not. The only time the baby would be taken away is if there are respiratory concerns and the baby is struggling to breathe, and even then it would be taken to the warmer which is very close to you. The baby comes out and is placed on you and all tests and weight etc will be done fairly leisurely. There is no hurry.

So to confirm there will be no "scrubbing" down of the vernix, and I can just let us both relax and "bond"?

A. While the midwife takes care of any tears and delivers the placenta the baby will be with you and your husband.



Wow. Everything that I was so scared to have happen aren't the way these ladies think at all. I am so incredibly thankful that I chose them and that they have such a great working relationship with the hospital I chose. The weight has been completely lifted from my shoulders and I no longer am thinking about having to "protect" myself while I am most vulnerable. I feel confident and reassured that my body will have the patience and guidance I need to be able to deliver naturally and as enjoyably as possible. I feel so happy.

If my appointment could get any better after that.... I would have been so surprised! And of course it did!!!!

My blood pressure was within normal range on the first try. This has NEVER happened it always takes three tries for it not to be super high.

The baby is no longer breech! He is head down and low which indicates that he fits well in my pelvis! So, at the risk of sounding incredibly rude...... All of the people in my life that have been using the "scare tactics" to inform me that I "would" be having a C-Section- YOU can suck it! Ahhhhhhh that felt good.

Also, I am measuring normally again! I am 32 weeks and measuring 33 cm so I'm not far off exactly where I should be :)

Then things got even better! Without even asking my midwife volunteered that my weight gain is completely within normal range and that I have gained only baby so far! I feel like a giant heifer, but it certainly felt good not to be incredibly worried about it for a while. I have gained 23 pounds in total so far, but I was a little heavy before I got pregnant.

My appointments start every two weeks now, and it felt like I would never get to this stage, and unfortunately was actually even dreading getting to this stage. I feel much different now. I feel calm and ready to take on both the challenge of labour, but also motherhood. I feel like this baby and I are on the same side now rather that fighting against each other. I feel like it's time to start embracing the joys of this pregnancy rather than focusing on the negative. Because realistically it's a miracle that it even happened and a much unexpected one as well.


Thank you for everyone's comments on my last post. I am still grieving, but I know it will get better. I am still struck by the force of missing him when I least expect it. I love you and miss you Mister Monster and I just hope you are having a great time in cat heaven :)

My miscarriage

Two months ago today, I had a miscarriage. A "missed miscarriage" actually. Our baby stopped growing at five weeks and I miscarried at ten weeks. I never realized before how devastating this experience was to a woman, to her partner and to their relationship.

At our nine week ultrasound, Mr. Pharmasaur and I were looking forward to seeing our baby for the first time. Instead, I was alone in a small, cramped examining room with an ultrasound tech who wouldn't say anything. Just that she needed to schedule another ultrasound in two weeks. I told Mr. Pharmasaur on the way to the car what had happened. How could we possibly wait two weeks to find out?

We went back to the clinic and asked to see my family doctor. After a short wait, she told us that the ultrasound technician hadn't seen a heartbeat and it was just a waiting game now. She gave me a requisition for a HCG test which we got done right away. What a horrible weekend that was. The waiting was agonizing. Not knowing if I was carrying a live fetus or not was so heartbreaking and stressful. I think we started our grieving that weekend.

The next week of waiting was no easier for us. I saw my family doctor again, plus had a Midwifery information session and two appointments with the Ob-Gyn. I had two more HCG levels done. On the Wednesday, I knew that the levels were falling and that this pregnancy would not continue for much longer. At that point I was waiting to miscarry.

In the space of one week, I had a total of five ultrasounds. Three were abdominal and two were vaginal. I felt so violated and devastated.

The only place where I received some support was at the Midwifery Clinic. Even though it was the first time I had seen them, they gave me their on call numbers. They told me to call anytime if I had any questions or concerns. They encouraged me to call if I was miscarrying and needed to talk with someone.

I started to miscarry on the Thursday night and it was completed in the Ob-Gyn's office the next morning. Our baby was gone. I was in shock. I still remember driving to the Indigo bookstore afterward, looking for some information or comfort in books about miscarriage. I was numb with disbelief.

Mr. Pharmasaur and I handled the grief differently. He wanted to get busy and not think about it too much. I wanted to commemorate our baby's short life, grieve and cry. We did hold a memorial service, just the two of us, about a week after the miscarriage. I think Mr. Pharmasaur was reluctant to do this at first. I hope it helped with his healing process as I know it helped me with mine.

We were just on a European vacation for two weeks and I brought along some books to read. In one of the books, a character has an ultrasound and sees an image of her baby on the screen. This triggered tears and grief for me again. It also triggers anger - why did this happen to us? We thought we were so lucky to be able to conceive so quickly. Then it turned out we were not lucky at all.

Goodbye again, our sweet angel. You will not be forgotten.

We have a heartbeat!

Twelve weeks, five days...and we finally got to hear our little baby's heartbeat!

Allow me to start at the beginning...

Today was our first appointment with a midwife at the Birth Center we chose a few weeks ago. After signing a couple more pieces of paperwork, we were sent right in to see the midwife. No waiting, no reception area with baby magazines or TVs playing medical infomercials or fancy aquariums (I've seen all at various OB offices over the years)...just a "go right in!" So we sat on the big, fluffy couch in the exam room while the midwife talked over my medical history, asked a few questions, then walked us through some pregnancy basics.

After that, it was on to the exam table for the requisite blodd pressure check (just fine) and then, what we were waiting for...out came the fetal doppler!

She felt around for a while without much success, other than some placental sounds. We readjusted, searched a little more, and then BINGO! A heartbeat!

I was in such utter shock that I didn't even think to cry - though normally I cry at everything!

I've read that fetuses sometimes don't like the doppler wand, and ours was no exception. Our little one kept squirming away every time the midwife would start to get a reading. Finally we got a good fifteen seconds or so - long enough to get a reading of 166 BPM. I borrowed a digital recorder from work, so I even got a good recording of the moment, which I have listened to approximately 80 bazillion times since then.

The other big news to come out of the appointment wasn't really news at all. The midwife wants me to watch what I eat, especially concentrating on getting plenty of protein and dairy, and limiting my intake of sugars. I have struggled with my weight all my life, and I've already put on a few pounds - more than I should be gaining in the first trimester. She also urged me to get back to exercising, and not to wait until I got my energy back - because then I'd put it off forever.

Mr. Citysaur heard all of this, and he especially took it to heart. We hadn't been back home twenty minutes when he found an elliptical machine for sale on craigslist and was offering to buy it for me. Luckily, it hadn't been claimed yet, and a couple of hours later, we were on our way to go pick it up!

I've already had my first workout on it, and now I have no excuses for not staying in shape!

A heartbeat and an elliptical of my very own - I think I'd call this day a success.

Exploring all our options

I'm not quite 12 weeks pregnant yet, and already I've run the gamut of prenatal healthcare options.

(As an aside, did you know this is what a color gamut looks like? I sure didn't, until I looked it up. Thanks, Google images!)

I started out with a visit to my OB/Gyn right after I got my BFP. I'd only seen that doctor once prior to that visit, for my yearly exam in February. I didn't have insurance at my previous job, so up until a year ago, I used my local Planned Parenthood for all my gynocological and birth control needs. So right around 4 weeks, I visited the OB's office, and had a great chat with the nurse, PIAC, and got blood drawn for bloodwork. Then she sent me on my way.

At that point, I began reading and researching childbirth. I was already pretty sure I wanted a natural childbirth. I found out from a co-worker that our local hospital has lovely birthing suites and there are midwives that deliver there - so I began to look into that option further.

Turns out in order to be delivered by a midwife at the hospital, you have to change practices. (That may seem obvious, but I was all new at this, so it was a revelation to me). So, that's what I did. I found the practice - an office of 8 OBs and 2 midwives - called for an appointment, and filled out the paperwork to have my records sent over from my OB's office.

At a day shy of 9 weeks pregnant, DH and I went in for our appointment with our "medwife." A medwife is a term for midwives who often work in a practice with doctors and treat labor management more like a doctor would. I didn't know the term until after our visit, but it definitely fits. The midwife was perfectly nice, and it's quite possible we could've had exactly the childbirth experience we wanted with her and her midwife partner - but after leaving the appointment, Mr. Citysaur and I both felt slightly uneasy. Some of the things she said during the course of the appointment just didn't match up with our philosophies of childbirth as a natural human event - and that wasn't at all what we were expecting.

So, I went home and did even more research. Fortunately, I like this research thing. I finally decided to visit the local Birth Center, a mere 3 blocks away from the hospital, and only one mile from our home. It started with filling out their online insurance information form. Two days later, I got a phone call from a very helpful employee, who spent a good twenty minutes on the phone with me, explaining what my insurance would cover, what our costs would be, and when payments would be due. She then answered some of my other questions about the Birth Center, and signed me up for the group tour later that week. I was already at ease, and very excited about my tour.

The day of the tour, I excitedly pulled up and parked on the curb - then passed a laboring couple strolling along the garden path outside the facility - housed in a charming turn-of-the-century two story home in an historic neighborhood. I walked in with a huge grin on my face and a feeling of nervous anticipation. The tour was everything I hoped it would be. We had to go a little quickly, so the laboring couple could take over the main birthing suite, but we still had plenty of time to see everything. After the tour, our tour group (a good mix of moms-to-be with and without dads-to-be in tow) sat in the parlor and had our questions answered by the tour leader - who happened to be one of the two midwives. As she began answering questions, I started to feel like a bobblehead - every one of her answers made me nod enthusiastically in agreement. We had finally found a match for our hippie/natural birth philosophies!

Before ending the tour, the midwife told us we were welcome to sign up for an appointment if we liked what we saw. I was the first person in line! I was able to get an appointment for the same day I had my other follow-up appointment scheduled - next Monday - which is fortunate, because Mr. Citysaur and I both have the day off already. I called him on the way home and gave him the recap (he wasn't able to take the mid-day tour with me due to work), and he couldn't have been happier.

So to recap, that's three different practitioners, with three different birthing philosophies. Lots and lots of paperwork - a new set for every practice. I kind of feel like this guy. But all definitely worth it!

I went on the tour the day after I outed myself at work/to the general public, and those two events together combined to bring such a wonderful feeling of peace about this pregnancy - one I hadn't felt until then. We are now one week away from our first appointment with the Birth Center, and I can't wait to finally hear our little baby's heartbeat!

Why do they call it morning sickness...

...when it happens at 6:oo in the evening? I had my first experience with this lovely pregnancy symptom on Sunday. Can't say that I enjoyed it - but on the positive side, it was a reassuring sign that things are going as they should in there!

On Tuesday, Mr. Citysaur and I headed for my first appointment with our midwife. I switched practices so we could deliver with a midwife. The practice we chose has eight OBs and 2 midwives, and the midwives share patients. We'll rotate between the two of them for our prenatal visits - and also have one visit with an OB at some point.

Overall, we liked the midwife. We were both a little surprised by how entrenched in the System she was. We chose a midwife so we could avoid some of that and have someone who would be supportive of our plan for a natural birth. She'll still be that, but she did say a few things about pain meds that were a little surprising. I suppose it's understandable, considering that she's in a practice full of OBs and has rights at the local hospital (where we'll be delivering). However, if we were too concerned about it, we could always go a few blocks down the street to the local Birth Center. I think we'll stick with what we've got.

We didn't get to hear the heartbeat or have an ultrasound at this appointment. Barring any complications, we'll only get one ultrasound, and we're saving that one for The Big One. Our follow-up appointment is set for the 14th, and we've been assured that we'll get to hear the heartbeat then!

Lastly, I read a great book this week that I'd recommend to anyone who's interested in the history of birth and birthing methods throughout the ages. It's called "Birth: The Surprising History of How We Are Born" by Tina Cassidy. Though some of the stories are pretty startling, I gained a lot of perspective from reading this book. It's a fairly quick read, and I found it fascinating.