First time ever!

I'm pregnant.

Holy crap!

Let me back up.

About 2.5 weeks ago we had a follow-up appointment with the urologist. All of DH's bloodwork came back good - hormone levels good, no CF. However, DH's volume was still quite low and once I told him that we don't have insurance for IVF, but do have it for IUI, we decided a plan of attack for increasing his volume. He said it was a possibility that DH has retrograde semen, when some goes back into the bladder. So, DH had another SA, which involved urine tests to see if there was sperm in the urine as well. We were waiting for those results, plus with the holidays we knew nothing would happen until after the first of the year.

In the meantime, my period was due right around Christmas. I had all my regular PMS symptoms - a wee bit of brown spotting, headaches, and cramps. But, my period never came. Since I'm charting, I knew that my longest cycle was 33 days. I decided I would wait until 34 days before I tested. No sense wasting a test since it was sure to come! Wednesday morning I took a test and in no time it was two lines. Two lines. I never got two lines before! I woke up DH and stuck the test in his face. He assumed it was negative, which was fair enough, until I pointed out that no, it's two lines. Pregnant. I called the clinic when I got into work and told her I got my first ever positive pregnancy test and I didn't know what to do since that's never happened to me before! Ha! She laughed and booked me in for a blood test on Thursday morning.

My HCG level was around 6,300 and my progesterone was high enough that I didn't need to go on that, thank goodness. I haven't heard very nice things about it. Today I am 5w2d. I haven't had very many symptoms which makes me really nervous. I've googled the crap out of that and had reassurance. I try to be really zen about things, thinking that I have no reason to believe that things aren't going okay, so I need to be at peace with that. I'm actually feeling really good physically! We don't have our ultrasound until 1/9, so I'll be on pins and needles until that happens. The only person we've told (okay, I told) was my parents. I told DH that I needed to tell my mom to switch up her prayer of increasing volume to a prayer that there's a heartbeat! Plus, I was dying to tell someone and now that I have I don't feel the need to open my front door and shout it to the world. He wants to wait to tell his parents until after the ultrasound.

This truly feels like a miracle to us. We were staring down the IVF barrel, stressed about how we could afford it. We are certainly not out of any woods just yet, but just the idea that we were able to do this on our own with his MFI is unbelievable. The scary thing is that it took 2.5 years for this to happen and if something goes wrong, how long would it take for it to happen again?

I would appreciate any prayers or positive thoughts that we have a heartbeat on the 9th. :)

A miracle!

One year ago today, June 15, 2009, Mr. Pharmasaur and I got a BFP. Sadly, the pregnancy ended in miscarriage on July 24, 2009.

This morning I was on my way to the fertility clinic for blood work and an u/s to clear the way for me to get a prescription for Provera to start my missing AF.

I got up at 4:30 a.m. to POAS just for the fun of it and this is what I saw:


Needless to say, I wasn't able to get back to sleep! Actually, I did the internet test first. And I tried not to wake up Mr. Pharmasaur but I did wake him up at 5 a.m. and then neither of us could get back to sleep. Then I did the Shoppers Drug Mart test next and Mr. Pharmasaur took the picture of them together. The results were pretty instant. We were pretty shocked! And of course very happy.

So, the fertility clinic did an u/s and only saw a thick lining. The doctor said that it is still too early to see anything else yet. They did a beta-HCG and my level is 1,890 which the nurse said was very good. I am going for a follow up beta on Thursday. If all goes well, the clinic will want me back at 7 weeks for an early ultrasound.

The nurse told me that my doctor consulted with another doctor at the clinic "to figure out how this had happened" and that they figured I was about 4.5 weeks along.

I got the positive tests on CD52! I think I ovulated late in the cycle because I had a negative beta on June 2nd. We used 100 mg of Clomid on CD3-7 and I supposedly had an LH surge on CD8. I think I had another one later too!

We are trying not to get too excited until we get past a few firsts - the first ultrasound where we hope to see a heartbeat, the first point past beyond which I miscarried last year (10 weeks) and the first trimester. We plan on being cautious about telling family and friends for now.

Neither Mr. Pharmasaur nor I could believe we got this BFP one year to the day of our first one. We both feverently hope that the outcome this time will be a healthy baby.

Please send us lots of sticky baby dust! I really must go to bed now - it has been a very long and eventful day.

The luck of the Irish

Today I am pregnant and I love my baby. This is my new mantra. I called my ob/gyn this morning and was able to get in for an appt. this afternoon. She said she would be working on getting in touch with the University Clinic in town so that I can be seen by one of their doctors and hopefully get in on a study. I´ll be asking her about starting progesterone supps. because I´ve heard they can´t hurt and might help. The same is true of low-dose Aspirin which I assume I´ll be put on again because of my clotting risk. I don´t know about starting heparin shots, but I know it standard practice for someone with a clotting disorder and a risk of recurrent miscarriage. All things to find out. I have no idea if she will do a beta draw, but I suspect not since I`ve never had one before. Maybe that´s a good thing, and maybe not. I´ll just have to wait and see. I´m counting down the hours until my appt. at 4.30. Will it come soon enough?

Grief

Grief is really an odd thing, because just when you think you´re past it, it comes back to haunt you. I´ve been rocking along so well since we got the dog. I have not felt the need to cry for weeks now, but today is different. Today the tears just keep coming and coming and coming. A year ago today I found out I was pregnant. I was terrified, excited, nervous and everything else when I saw the faint, faint pink line show up on my el cheapo test. I peed on two more el cheapo tests before running to the drugstore to pick up "a good one" and try it out. They all came back positive. I plotted how to tell my DH who was out of town. I went to the bookstore and found a pregnancy book especially for daddys and got it for him. When he came home on the sixth of December I put it in his shoe for Nikolaus. We hugged and cried, hoping and praying that this would be our sticky baby. Alas, this was not to be.

And so here I sit a whole year later. No new pregnancy, no new baby to hold, but a heart suddenly heavy again with grief. Mourning what could have been. I was sure our baby would be a girl. "Her" due date was August 15th. I planned and plotted in my head that maybe she would come early and be born on my birthday, or maybe a bit later and be born on Mr. Lillysaur´s birthday. I prayed that she would not be born on my mother-in-law´s birthday.....Our joy was short-lived. A week before Christmas I started to bleed. The doctor gave me progesterone to try and help it, if possible. But Christmas Eve the inevitable happened and we lost our baby.

This Christmas season is full of those memories and of our empty nest. I know Ralphie would love to have a little Lillysaur to herd and watch out for, but for now he will have to put up with just me.

Frustrated

AF was due to arrive Oct 24th - Oct 25th. She usually fluctuates a day.

So, overly eager to test, waiting two weeks has been so stinking hard, I tested after work.

BIG. FAT. NEGATIVE.

Granted, I hadn't planned to test until Halloween, and it could be because I tested in the afternoon and I drink tons of water all day long...

But I am frustrated.

Not with the fact it was negative, I didn't expect to get a BFP the first month we tried, but with the fact AF hasn't come yet.

Nor have I had ANY regular symptoms of her arrival.

No sore breasts, no mood swings, no cravings... but I have had very low backpain (almost like a pain in the butt), TONS of EWCM, sporadic light cramps for the past week and a half, and acne, which I haven't had in ages!

I haven't had anything going on that should alter her arrival (that I know of!)... grrrr!

WHAT IS GOING ON??!?!?

I haven't done a test with the FMU yet, because Mr. Joggersaur and I are on different schedules, and I would hate to wake him up with good news to have to dart out the door, because I know him, and he'll want to enjoy the moment for awhile, and then call his parents. I am off work Friday morning, and will test again if she hasn't shown up.

Advice? Thoughts? Suggestions?

From happy to sad in a mere 24 hours...

So I actually got a BFP Saturday. I couldn't believe that there was a second line there, but there was, although it was very very faint. I cannot even describe the excitement after waiting through a 44 day long cycle and growing more and more impatient each day. I was awake early to drive 3 hours to spend the weekend with my sister, who's due with her third child in November, and I thought it was perfect timing. My husband was gone Fri-Sun on a business trip, so unfortunately I was all alone to see it happen. I called my sister and explained to her what happened, of course she was overjoyed. I posted the picture of the test on FF and pretty much everyone could see the second line. I was so happy. All throughout the drive, I kept thinking about how wonderful the new baby would be and how I would tell my husband, parents, friends, and coworkers. I thought about how my life had completely changed in one morning and it was an unbelievable feeling.

When I arrived at my sister's house, she looked at the test and saw the second line as well. Even my 4 year old niece could see it. We spent the day at a pumpkin patch and I picked out three pumpkins, one for me, one for DH, and a little tiny one. I planned to put them on the front porch and tell him that the small one represented the baby that I had just found out I was carrying. I was so overwhelmed the entire day and still couldn't believe the positive, so we went to the dollar store and bought more tests. I took one in the afternoon and it was very faint, but there. I went to bed elated.

Well, I woke up this morning to take my temperature and it had dropped dramatically. I just had a gut feeling that something was not right. However, I got up and faithfully took both my FRER and dollar store test. The FRER still had a second line, but it was fainter than the day before. The dollar store test definitely had a second line, although faint. After taking the tests, I noticed some very very light spotting, but not like anything that AF usually does. I began to get worried, but figured that since there was still a second line and AF had not come, I was okay. I went back to lie down in bed for a while.

When I got up again, there wasn't any more blood, but I was still worried. I showed my sister the tests and she definitely saw lines. I told her about the temperature drop and how I was still worried, but she thought everything was fine. I walked back upstairs to get dressed and continued to have hope.

Yet, when I used the restroom, AF definitely came. I couldn't believe my eyes. There I'd been in the same bathroom just 2 hours before looking at positive tests and here I was bleeding. Unbelievable. I immediately went back downstairs and broke down crying with my sister. I just knew it was over.

After doing some research online, it appears to have been a chemical pregnancy. Apparently, extremely common, although most women don't even find out if they don't test before AF comes. I wish I hadn't tested, I wish I hadn't already imagined this baby and all that would change in my life. I wish I hadn't seen the second line, the sadness of having a BFN would be much better than this.

I called my DH later on and told him what happened. Thank goodness I have a husband who is so understanding and supportive. He just told me that we'd just have to keep trying and that it would happen eventually. Of course he's right, but it was still hard to hear. I talked to my mom and dad later also, and my mom just told me that there may have just been some chromosomal defect or something that prevented it from sticking. Again, it was hard to hear.

I know that I only knew I was pregnant for a day, but that day was long enough to imagine all the could change and all the happiness it would bring. It was long enough to envision taking my baby places and watching him or her grow. It was long enough to pick out three pumpkins that I thought would represent our growing family.

I know it was only there for a short time, but I still lost something that I won't ever forget.

Positively Positive

There's no doubt in my mind anymore...





Mr. Luckysaur went out of town after our little experiment the other day. I was hoping to be able to surprise him with our positive result when he came back. Apparently he has been just as excited and anxious to find out if we are having a baby because he checked out my FF chart last night (I knew that I should have waited to enter the positive result!). Poof...there goes my little plan of giving him the happy news when he got home. I still have this waiting for him (on his computer, because I know he will see it there)...

In case your interested these are the symptoms that I've had up to this point:

• Fatigue- mostly in the evening
• Gas- not unusual for me
• Bloating- could be beacause of the gas or the fact that I haven't made it to the gym as often because of the fatigue
• Cramping- AF-like cramping that I've had on and off (mostly on) since ovulation

Baby Luckysaur's estimated due date- March 24, 2010!

Guess what?

I'm...



That's right...the Citysaurs got their BFP!

Funnily enough, Sunday night I was feeling our chances were pretty dismal. My chart had displayed not one, but two huge dips below the coverline.

When I temped Monday morning, and saw it shoot way back up...I just couldn't hold out. I groggily looked at Mr. Citysaur at said "Should I test?" He said "Go for it!"

We started with an old Target test I had leftover from some time last year. It's one of those "two lines if you're pregnant" tests...and I got a very faint line. I told DH "They say a line is a line." We decided to go ahead and test again with the digital I'd just purchased last week. I drank a bunch of a water and tested again 20 minutes later, and - lo and behold - I got my BFP!

It really hasn't sunk in yet for me. On the other hand, Mr. Citysaur has been busy telling people left and right! The deal was, we each got one person to tell right away. His was supposed to be his sister...mine was my best friend. I e-mailed the picture to my friend, who called as I was finishing up my shower. She's extremely excited, and can't wait to be an "Aunt." DH, on the other hand, not only called his sister at lunch, but also told his physical therapist (he's recovering from ACL surgery), his graduate school professor, AND his best friend. Somehow, his one person turned into 4!

So I'm cautiously optimistic...ecstatic...and so very, very thankful that it happened so quickly for us. I know we won't be out of the woods for a long time (or ever, really, once you have kids, right?). But I can't help feeling like this BFP happened right away for a reason. I feel that my father is meant to know this baby...to at least get to see little baby Citysaur before he passes away. I'm not tying all my happiness to that thought, but it sure would be nice. Stick, baby, stick!

Positive...I think

In my previous post I told you how I bought some pregnancy tests from Amazon. I used them to test at day 10 and 11 and wasn't getting the results that I wanted (yes, I know that was really early). I did a little reserach and found that First Response was shown to pick up the lowest amount of HCG. I ran out and bought a box of 2. I used the first test with my FMU on DPO 12. I dipped it and waited. There was something faint that showed up, but DH and I weren't certain that it wasn't an evaporation line. I used the second test the next morning. Again, the same faint line. Yesterday I ran out and picked up another box of First Response tests, a box of 3 this time. I tested again this morning (14 DPO) with my FMU and got the same faint line. Still unconvinced that the faint lines we were seeing were positives and not evaporation lines, DH and I did an experiment of our own (a la Bibliosaur). DH peed on one of the 2 remaining tests so that we could see if he got the "evaporation line" too. Guess what? No evaporation line, absolutely nothing, nada. I think that means they're positive. I still have one more test to use. If I can hold out I may wait a couple days to use it and see if I can get a darker line. What do you all think?

Finally?

So after months and months of TTC, numerous OPKs, an IF diagnosis of anovulation, two rounds of fertility treatment, multiple dates with the "dildo cam," and dozens of HPTs, I finally saw a second line!!! I have to admit that I was impatient and tested early, even though I wasn't supposed to. You see, when you receive a trigger shot, the hCG slowly leaves your system in the urine. Because a HPT checks for hCG, this can cause false positives. The hCG leaves the body at an averag rate of 1,000 units per day. Most women receive 10,000 units, meaning an average of 10 days before the trigger is gone. My doctor instructed me not to test early to avoid false positives, and told me I could test with FMU 14 days after the trigger.

For those who habitually POAS and are too anxious to wait a full two weeks, you can "test out the trigger," meaning you can POAS daily until the positive line disappears, then continue to POAS until you (hopefully) see another positive pop up. Otherwise, if you POAS early you have no idea if it's a true positive or false positive. I have seen some women report that the trigger is out of their system as early as 3-4 days after the trigger, and others that found it didn't completely leave their body until 13 days later. Hence my doctor's recommendation to wait 14 days.

Of course I decided to be cheap and did not test out the trigger (even though you can get HPTs at the Dollar Tree that are among the most sensitive). If you recall, most women ovulate 24-36 hours after receiving the trigger shot. I thought I felt what might be ovulation 2 days after I received the injection, and then a thermal shift on my chart confirmed it. So when I POAS 10 days after the trigger, it was about 8DPO. That is really, really early to be testing - if you don't believe me, see the stats here. But, I just couldn't resist because during this cycle, I started to feel some mild cramping during the 2ww. I normally only get cramps after AF has showed up, not before, and was wishfully thinking that these cramps could be a sign of implantation. So I POAS at just 8DPO and lo behold, after a few minutes, I saw a line. It was a very very very faint line, so much so that I was squinting and holding it out at arm's length to figure out if it was really a line, or just my eyes fooling me. I've always heard that "a line is a line" and you're PG regardless of how light or dark the line is. There's really no such thing as "sort of" PG; either you're PG or you're not. At this point, I was kicking myself for not testing the trigger out. At 10 days post trigger, this very well could be the last bit of hCG injection leaving my system... or, it could be a sign of pregnancy!!! I had no way of knowing if it was simply wishful thinking or reality, so I put away the pee sticks for a few days and resolved not to test again until 12DPO, 14 days after the trigger, as my doctor had originally instructed me.

Those next 4 days were pure torture!!! I could not stop thinking about it, and almost POAS each subsequent morning. The only thing stopping me was the fact that I only had one HPT left. If I POAS and it was negative, I'd have to either go out and buy more, or wait for AF to show up. So I resolved to wait the full 4 days. That fourth morning I awoke and ran straight to the bathroom and POAS. This time, instead of it taking a few minutes to show up, the beautiful pink line showed up before the control line even popped up! There was no question about it now - I was PG! After countless HPTs, I finally got to see a BFP!!! It was one of the most exciting days of my life, and will probably only be trumped by the day the baby is born.

I called the doctor and came in to get my blood drawn for a beta and found that my beta was 237 at 12DPO and then 735 at 14DPO. Using this beta calculator, the doubling time was 1.22 days, meaning that although rare, my BFP at 8DPO was in fact real and not a false positive from the hCG injection (it was probably about 25 at 8DPO, just high enough to be picked up by most HPTs). Using another beta calculator, I was a bit curious to find out if we were having a singleton, or if we were having twins. Unlike most couples, we had the opportunity to see my follicles before ovulation so we knew I only have one mature follie - or at least one visible follie. Sometimes they can be elusive and missed on u/s, or the embryo could have split after conception, yielding identical twins. There is absolutely no scientific evidence to prove that higher betas correspond to multiples, but I still couldn't help but wonder...

I feel so fortunate that we were able to conceive after just two courses of treatment. When you are first diagnosed as infertile, it's hard not to wonder if you'll ever get PG... and if you do, how far you'll have to go with the treatments to get there. We feel so very blessed with this baby and although it wasn't an easy journey, we know that it will help us appreciate the baby that much more.

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Remember me? I will remember you.

Hello lovelies. Remember me?

I'm the friendly, neighbourhood 'Saur known as Legalosaur... who has been on vacation for most of May and the beginning of this month. First we got back from our "big" trip Stateside which was wonderful and exhausting. And then I got insanely busy at work (perk of being a transactional lawyer) for the one week I was actually in the office at the end of May. Then I went to a conference, where I was madly making contract-drafting-loooooove with my laptop at every available moment, while still schmoozing and attending sessions. Finally, and most recently, Mr. L and I went to a family reunion in a lovely farming community that was a lot of fun... especially when you're trying to make convincing excuses about why you're not drinking and you normally do!

You may remember my last (and no-so-recent, sorry!) post where I was convinced that I was pregnant. I'm not going to lie. My suspicions got stronger as time drew along. The nausea, the fatigue. These past two weeks with work exploding and all the travel have been trying to say the least.

And yet, there was no actual confirmation that I was pregnant. Just my suspicions. And my slightly suspicious husband, who wasn't quite sure if he should dare to hope...

And, finally, on June 4th, at what was 10 DPO if I ovulated on D14, I tested. Because I just had to know.

And it was POSITIVE. Very, very faint, but a pink line was definitely there.

And then, once again, this morning at 13 DPO, I tested again. And it's still POSITIVE. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! This is REAL, y'all! I'm not crazy!!

We are cautiously happy. After our first pregnancy that ended in miscarriage, a new pregnancy will always be tinged with some sadness and anxiety.

But it's also filled with something so much more overwhelming - a huge, awesome LOVE for this baby growing inside of me right now. And hope. Huge hope. This baby who is 3 weeks and 5 days old, due on February 15, 2010, he or she is our second child and we love him or her very, very much. We will always remember these happy days, little one.

And, if any of you internet peeps has some sticky thoughts that you can spare and send our way, I would very much appreciate them. Because I am going to WILL this to be a healthy, happy pregnancy, dammit. Positive thoughts all the way! (And I'm slowing down at work now too, I promise!)

OMG, look what I got!

Thank you for all the baby dust because it worked! It still hasn't really sunk in yet and I'm painfully aware that it is still very early and a lot can happen. But for now, I want to try to stay optimistic and hopeful that baby #1 is really on the way!

Because I'm impatient like that, I tested yesterday at 10DPO, fully expecting to get a BFN. Actually, the reason I decided to test was because DH was going to collect a "specimen" yesterday for SA and I didn't want him to have to do it if by chance I was KU. (I don't think he was so thrilled about doing it mostly because he was wondering "how" he would do it. Meaning, how do you make sure it goes in the cup?) So I just used a cheapy Dollar Tree test first. I put my 4 drops of urine into the well and initally nothing showed up. So I took it downstairs and made myself a bowl of cereal. Then I checked it again. I blinked a few times, not really sure of what I was seeing. I saw something - a very faint line. I had used a Dollar Tree test before where I saw absolutely nothing in the test area, so I knew what a BFN looked like. I took my test to the window to check it out in better light. There was definitely something there. I wasn't convinced that it wasn't an evaporation line, though. I checked on the internet for info on evaportation lines. I couldn't tell if the line was pink, but it definitely wasn't grey or colorless. I decided to go pick up an FRER after my dentist appointment. When I got home, I POAS. Again, super faint line. Again, I wasn't convinced that it was even pink. I thought maybe my eyes were deceiving me. I kept staring at it and by the end of the night I was pretty sure it was pink and pretty convinced I was KU. But DH wasn't convinced. So this morning I used FMU and busted out the digital CBE test. We really just needed it spelled out for us. We can't deny it now - it says "Pregnant"!

Now I have to figure out whether or not to tell people at work or lie and say I'm not pregnant when they ask. Because they will ask. In fact, someone asked me the other day. And since a lot of people know that we're trying, I'm sure someone will ask me again soon. There are already 3 people at work who have announced pregnancies in the last month! Part of me really wants to wait until the second trimester. I'll tell a few close friends, but honestly, I don't even know if I want to tell our families yet. Not until I know things are going well, at least.

As far as symptoms, so far I don't really have any. I have been a lot hungrier in the past week and my nipples were a bit more sensitive than normal until a couple days ago. (They usually are around when I O, but this time it continued longer than normal.) I've also been bloated and gassy, but that's not really unusual for me because I have a pretty sensitive stomach and am lactose and sorbitol intolerant.

Anyways...time for me to sit back and soak it all in. It totally doesn't feel real to me and it probably won't until we at least hear a heartbeat. Of course, I'll keep you all updated on my progress. And please send lots of sticky baby dust my way!

Bibliosaur - I'm thinking about you and hoping you get your BFP, too! Sorry if my impatience makes you even more impatient! Obviously, I have way less self control than you do.

Happy (Late) Mother's Day

Today is 14DPO and I got confirmation with a CBE Digital HPT this morning. Seems the CBEFM helped me get KU so I wanted to be loyal to the brand and use their digital HPT. Mr. Divasaur is hilarious about the +HPTs. He's storing them in a drawer and pulls them out a few times a day to make sure they're still positive. I love this man! Well, he wanted a fancy digital read out that says pregnant so we picked up a two pack yesterday while running errands. I am not sure what he plans to do with these, but for now, he's just storing them up and checking on them. It's slowly starting to sink in that we're expecting.

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My first positive digital gave me the idea that to tell my mom I think I will wrap it in a little jewelry box (the kind meant to hold bracelets) and tell her it's a belated Mother's Day gift since I didn't see her on Mother's Day (she has been out of town since May 8th and won't return until June 9th). My mom currently lives with us so she knows that we've been TTC and when I've been ovulating and probably even when we've been FWP! Come to think of it, I am pretty sure we got KU'd on Mother's Day. That's when I ovulated at least. So happy late Mother's Day to me too.

To tell our long-distance friends and family I think we should take a photo of Mr. Divasaur with the digital and send an email from him saying, "Look what Divasaur got me for my birthday!" We shall see if I can talk him into that one. Turns our Mr. Divasaur has been doing his homework. While I took a power nap yesterday he plowed through most of WTEWYE. I am impressed. On top of that, apparently while I was out of town he was all over the internet finding out about early signs of pregnancy and pregnancy in general.

We had lunch yesterday and he was telling me all about it. And how this is my fourth week of pregnancy and the baby is now developing its three layers of cells that will become its skin, internal organs and skeletal system (he's in nursing school right now so all of this truly fascinates him). I am so proud of him! He's already an informed daddy! He told me that if we have a son he doesn't want to circumcise him and if at all possible, he hopes that I will try to go for an unmedicated childbirth. We are on the same page with that and we plan to hire a doula to help us labor at home before heading to the hospital (which is 5 minutes away). I expressed my fears about all of the unknowns and he reminded me that it is normal to be worried and that whatever shall come to pass, we will go through it together.

It's truly amazing all of the worries and fears that can come to the forefront as soon as you see those two little pink lines. Will it stick? Will it develop properly? Will I be a miserable pregnant lady? Will I be able to find maternity clothes that fit? Will I be a good mother? Will our childcare plan really work? What if we have ice on the roads the day I go into labor? And on and on and on. Right now, I am trying to acknowledge each one as it comes up and not dwell on it too long. It seems to me that it's every parent's lot to worry like mad about their child...even it it's just a collection of cells the size of a poppyseed.

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And so our pregnancy journey has begun. I bought the WTEWYE Pregnancy Journal and Organizer and have yet to pen a note for fear that it's too early, even though it starts on week one (which is, technically, the week you O and therefore two weeks before you're actually KU)! I know I am not alone in this thought, but at the same time, right now, today, I am pregnant. And I love this baby. And whether I am lucky enough to bring this little being into the world nine months from now or not, I want to document this process. So today, I think I will put pen to paper and fill in the blanks on the first few pages of the journal. I think it will make it feel more real for me. At least I hope it will. And only time will tell whether or not this journal is to become a family heirloom to be tucked away with bronzed booties and a lock of fine baby hair. I am praying that it will.

Sur{reality}

Have you noticed my cute little cracked egg icon? I did. And it made me smile. Yesterday, I found out that I am pregnant. Knocked up. In a family way. A bun in the oven. It hasn't even begun to sink in at all. I feel like I have dreamt it all up. Seeing those two pink lines....did I really? I did.

By the way, Mr. Divasaur is hilarious...I moved the positive FRER off his nightstand to avoid any curiosity on the part of our puppy and he freaked. "Where's the stick?" he asked. It was too funny. I've stored it away in our bathroom for now. We plan to purchase a digital today that I will use tomorrow when I am 15DPO, my originally slated test date. I also called my doctor's office and have a blood test scheduled for Tuesday afternoon.

It was weird when I spoke to the receptionist. I told her I had POAS twice and had positive results and wanted to schedule an appointment. She said, "We don't recognize urine tests. You'll have to come into our lab for blood work first. If you are pregnant, we'll schedule you to meet with the doctor and she'll go over everything with you like getting started on prenatals." I just found all of her comments very odd, but was like whatever, I have an appointment for a blood test to confirm my pregnancy.

To celebrate DH's birthday we caught a movie and had a nice dinner. Figuring out what to order was interesting. Caesar salad? No...it has raw eggs. House salad? Nope, blue cheese. Okay, spinach salad. Lots of spinach which is great for vitamins including folate and a hard boiled egg for protein. Perfect! Until it arrived and DH pointed out that it had bacon on it, which is a no-no, right? I have no idea. So I ate it and figured I'd get a book and find out all of the do's and don'ts of being knocked up. Some are obvious, like don't smoke or drink alcohol. Others are a little more elusive...like sushi...obviously pregnant Japanese women have eaten it for centuries, right?

So, after dinner, we headed to the bookstore to purchase some sort of pregnancy guide. I thought for sure I knew what I wanted, but then, standing there in front of all of my options, I felt very overwhelmed. I finally decided upon "What To Expect When You're Expecting" since they had the most copies (it's only section, really) and I know that my friends all swear by it. I do, however, want to get a copy of the Mayo Clinic's Guide to Pregnancy at some point. I also bought the companion journal to WTEWYE since I am a sentimental type that wants to record everything! Kind of ironic considering this is my BFP cycle and I didn't chart the 2WW. Last cycle I noted every twinge or feeling. This time, not so much.

Looking back over my chart and symptoms, here's what sticks out in my mind:

1-5DPO : Ate pineapple core (1/5 of a whole one) each morning, 30 minutes before breakfast I also was thirty, gassy and had heartburn all 5 days.
1DPO: I also had some slight cramping on the lower right side. I was a little weepy all day long as well.
2DPO: I had a dull backache and slight cramps on the lower left side. Still weepy.
3 DPO: Still very emotional. Cried several times throughout the day. Also added constipation, tender breasts and increased appetite to the mix. I am thinking that all of this is stress (preparing to fly overseas for work) + PMS. I also had bizarre dreams that night.
4DPO: This was the first day I thought, "hm, could I be pregnant?" I was majorly bloated in a way that I never get bloated. Up high. And it hurt. Or at least my pants did.
5DPO: More bizarre dreams. Bloat continued and I was majorly gassy!
6DPO: Huge temp drop (this was the last morning I temped before departing on my trip). I wondered if it could be the implantation dip.
7DPO-11DPO: Traveling overseas. I didn't chart, but I did pay attention to CM and CP. My CM was really creamy and yellow and my CP was still fairly high, medium-soft and medium-open. I was gassy, thirty, and tired, all of which I chalked up to jet lag. My breasts were increasingly tender and my appetite was voracious. Again, I was thinking PMS + stress. I was pretty sure that my temps were up because despite keeping the room at a constant temperature all night I awoke in the mornings hot and sweaty and without wearing my pjs.
9DPO: Stands out in my mind since I awoke to faint, pale pink spotting only when I wiped and only for about 2 hours. I cried actually. I thought my period my coming really early. Only hours later did I begin to wonder if I was perhaps having the elusive implantation spotting. My CM was really watery for the rest of the day.
10-11DPO: Still increased appetite, bloating, gassy, constipation, skin breakout, fatigued and thirty. I did feel a little queasy/dizzy at the airport and on the plane. All of this I essentially attributed to jet lag, traveling and PMS.
12DPO: PIAC and dipped two sticks...BFPs! Lines came up pretty quickly although they were not as dark as the control lines.
13DPO: Bloat is gone, skin has cleared up, but I am still thirsty and my boobs are killing me! Tender does not describe it. They are sore. All day yesterday while in the car I literally held onto them so they wouldn't jiggle while riding down the road. And I have been sleeping with a shelf-bra tank to help support them. They're not bigger (yet) but they feel heavy and sore, especially on the sides near my underarms. My nipples are tingly too.

image source

So...there you have it. My "symptoms." If I had to pinpoint two that fall into the "never had that before..." category it would be the bloat way up high and the implantation spotting. Overall this was just one wacky cycle from start to finish! And to think we initially considered TTA this cycle. Boy! Am I glad we just went for it...got it on like bunnies and ended up with a BFP! I do think going doggy style and using the Instead soft cups afterwards really helped, especially since I have a tilted cervix. I also don't discount the pineapple core...it certainly didn't hurt. And of course charting and using my CBEFM were essential to discovering how late I O'd this cycle. Finally, from a mental/emotional perspective, using guided meditation and not charting the 2WW really helped my stress levels. A complete turn around from my last cycle when I was just a wreck!

Now begins the next phase. I will journal daily and hopefully not worry to much about all of the "what ifs" that are ahead of me. For today, I am pregnant and I love my baby. Baby?! OMG! I am pregnant and we're having a baby! I am not sure when this will sink in, actually.

Happy Birthday Mr. Divasaur!

Today is my husband's 32nd birthday. I made it home from abroad just in time to celebrate. Yesterday, May 21, 2009 goes on record as one of the longest days of my life, literally. I awoke at 6:00 a.m. in a city thousands of miles away and 18 hours ahead of my home time zone. The day was not with out its challenges. Firstly, the flight we were scheduled to take at back to the U.S. at 6:00 p.m. was severely delayed. Thankfully, my colleague was contacted on her cell phone by the air carrier and she managed to rebook us onto a different airline altogether. That plane was jam packed and departed at 7:30 p.m. therefore causing us also to rebook all of our connections in the U.S. I am so grateful that the original airline contacted her, because they didn't call me nor did they originally know I was also on the same itinerary until she mentioned it to them. Yay for having lovely coworkers!

Thank goodness we had also secured a late check-out from the hotel so we weren't forced to kill time all morning. I actually ended up catching that psychedelic Beatles musical "Across the Universe" on T.V. as I dozed in and out of a nap. I think it made me have some trippy dreams of my own. Off to breakfast and I was starving, despite having had a nice steak dinner the night before...a rarity for me...I am not much of a beef eater, but it sounded really good at the time. At breakfast I had yogurt, prunes, dates, fresh fruit, eggs Benedict and hash browns. That's a lot! But I was hungry and knew it might be my last decent meal for the next 24 hours.

We checked out at 2 p.m. and took a cab to the airport. Tried to check-in as the woman over the phone had told my colleague to do: "take your itinerary to the new airline carrier's desk and they'll have all of your information." Not. As if it could be as simple as that. After much run around, three different service desks between two companies, we finally made our way through travel security and to the international gate. By this time it was 5:00 p.m. and we were hungry for some lunch. Our only option? Burger King! In a foreign country no less! I never eat fast food. So this was a double disappointment for me. I ordered the least offensive item on the menu... chicken tenders with BBQ sauce and made the most of it.

We killed time and were thrilled to load onto the plane at 7:00 p.m. Less than thrilling was that it was completely packed (having since acquired additional passengers from our originally booked flight) and I was relegated to the center seat in the center of the plane. Never in my life have I sat in the center seat. In 30 years of travel! At 5'9" and on the amazonian side of female proportions, this was sight to be seen, I am sure. Not to mention that my colleague to my right and the unknown stranger on my left immediately sacked out leaving me essentially trapped in the middle for the duration of the 12 hour flight! The seat in front of me reclined so sharply and violently (at least 80 degrees) that the mini-LCD screen that was embedded in the back of it nearly clipped me in the nose! Misery definitely was re-defined for me in that 12 hours. For a moment I almost entertained an anxiety attack. This must of been some odd repayment of the extraordinary trip over which included an entire row of seats to myself, across which I spread out and slept 8 hours! I didn't sleep at all on this trip home and the movie menu was the only thing that kept me sane. I watched "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" and "The Other Boleyn Girl" and read OK! Magazine which a nice young lady had offered me.

image source

The meals came and went and were uneventful aside from the fact that smell of them almost got the best of me. I stuck to the dry roll with a bit of cheese and the juice offered. The rest went untouched. Thankfully I had tucked some dried fruit and nut mix into my carry-on and with the act of a Chinese contortionist I managed to retrieve to from the space beneath the seat in front of me. We arrived in our first U.S. point of transfer 11 hours and 45 minutes after our departure. We cleared customs rather swiftly, the only delay being the wait to locate my second bag, which someone had pulled off the carousel and conveniently forgot to place it back on again. We made our way to the Domestic terminal and found a palatable lunch along the way. We boarded the plane for our 4 p.m. departure back towards the middle of the country. Another transfer and a short flight north and we touched down at 11:05 p.m. back in my city. My exhaustion was overcome by elation and in no time I could spot my dear hubby waiting for me just behind the security gates.

We got home just before midnight and fell into bed soon after that. Home just in time for my sweetheart's 32nd birthday. I was glad to be in my own bed, next to my man. I slept a good five hours before our menace of a cat awoke me in her usual fashion. I stumbled out of bed, found my way in the dark to feed her (which is customary at 5:00 a.m. regardless of how many time zones I have just traveled through that day) and made my way to the bathroom. Something came over me and I decided to PIAC. I had an internet cheapie since ordering PreSeed and because I hadn't charted this 2WW since the morning I had left for my trip around the world, I was curious. Or perhaps it was women's intuition? Because within seconds I saw two pink lines. One much fainter than the other, but it was there! I was thankful that I had PIAC because I then ripped open the foil on the remaining FRER I had left over from last cycle and dipped it in the cup. Within seconds, the two pink lines came up! Success! I am pregnant! I capped the FRER and made my way back into bed. I placed it in my honey's hand and whispered, "Happy birthday Daddy." After the longest day of my life, I am now having one of the best and most unforgettable.

M.I.A.

So, I admit I've been missing in action for the past few days, but things have gotten a little crazy for Blondiesaur & company. I've neglected you all, but here is a quick photographic recap of what's been going on:

(10 mlu test, 11DPO)

(1 10mlu, 1 25mlu, 12 DPO)

(1 25mlu, 1 Superdrug test 13DPO)

(Pregnancy Sac, 17DPO or 4w3d)

Yes, I know that looks like a donut, but hey it's my donut :) After POAS I went straight to the doctor to have bloodwork done. So far my betas (or HCG levels) have been 250 at 11DPO and 886 at 14DPO. Doctors look for your betas to double every 36-48 hours, so mine are looking good! I will get my third and final beta results back tomorrow.
I have another scan booked in from a week from today and this is how they will measure that everything is growing as it should be. We are excited, but very cautious. Hopefully third time is the charm!