Bed Rest Is For the Birds

The one thing I have been trying to avoid more than anything else this entire pregnancy has been the dreaded... BED REST! Who has time for laying in bed all day?! Not this Mama... especially not this week! During my pregnancy with DS I would have loved to have been told to go home and go to bed. Work was making me crazy and all I wanted was an excuse to get away a little early, but that never happened! This time around I have (an almost) four year old to keep up with... that doesn't leave much time for just laying around! And... it's the week of his birthday!

My appointments have been all over the place the past couple of weeks. There have been so many changes I have had to call before going in to make sure I have the right date and time. After a small get together with DS's school friends yesterday I had an appointment. Now, I will admit that I may have overdone it a touch on Tuesday. I mowed the lawn, made and decorated cupcakes for PreSchool and kind of cleaned the house (from top to bottom)! Nesting never felt so good, that is until it was time for bed! I vowed to never do that again and went on with my day yesterday.

I have been feeling a little nauseous, a lot tired, kinda sore and really weepy the last couple weeks. My hand, (you know, the one infested with carpal tunnel syndrome), has been really giving me fits lately and my back has never felt so sore. But other than that, I have felt great! When I got to my appointment yesterday the first thing I noticed that seemed a little off was my weight. I had gained 5 pounds in a week... WHAT?! How is that even possible, I've barely been able to eat anything because I've been so nauseous!

Moving on... my blood pressure was a little higher than normal. I thought nothing of this because I had just finished entertaining 7 four year olds before I got there. I even joked with the nurse about it, who said they'd just go ahead and check it again before I left. When the Dr. came in she asked how I'd been feeling, I told her and mentioned that peeing was becoming a real pain in the you-know-what. I went on to explain that it's not painful but uncomfortable because of the intense amount of pressure I feel every time I try and go.

She measured me and began trying to find "Baby's" heartbeat. Normally "Baby" has a very loud, very distinct heartbeat, but yesterday the Dr. was having a heard time even finding it! When she finally did it wasn't real loud. I got real nervous at that point and asked if everything was OK. She went on to explain that because of his position it was hard for her to get a very good listen, he had his back to my stomach. She then asked when I had had my last sonogram, I told her it was done at 21 weeks. She handed me my paper towel skirt and said she'd be back to check me to see if I had dilated.

I had started to dilate and was already at a two. This really came as no surprise to me because I knew he had dropped at least 2 weeks ago and when I had DS, I was at a 2-3 for 2-3 weeks before he was born. The nurse took my blood pressure again and asked if I could stick around awhile, I said that'd be fine and she asked me to lie down on my left side for 20 minutes. This happened two more times before the Dr. came in again.

When she came back in I could tell she didn't want to tell me whatever it was she had to say. She looked at me and said, "I don't know how to tell you this, but I have to put you on BED REST!" After a few tears I was released and asked to come back on Tuesday. They had found protein in my urine, my blood pressure was elevated and I had some pretty significant swelling ... all signs of preeclampsia!

I am on strict BED REST until Tuesday when I go back. If everything is back to normal I should be able to stay pregnant a few weeks longer, if not, they will then decide whether or not to induce labor. I have to check my blood pressure twice a day, stay off my feet unless it's to get up and go to the bathroom or get something to eat or drink and collect my urine for 24 hours on Monday. I have already had to miss DS's Pumpkin Patch Field Trip and am not going to be able to help my Mom and sister decorate and make ready for his party this weekend. BED REST IS FOR THE BIRDS!!!

I know I need to do whatever I can to stay pregnant for at least another week, but this SUCKS! Not only am I not ready, but now I can't even get ready without the help of my family and friends and I feel really bad about that! I would love to hear from anyone who has had to go through this... what did you do to keep from going insane?!

Peerific

I did´t mean for it to be such a long time between posts, really. I was very excited about making the 31week post and including info from my Dr.´s visit that day. That was until I spent the rest of that day running around trying to get a urologist appt., going to said urologist, getting referal to hospital urology clinic, packing bag, taking care of dog, going to clinic, being admitted to said clinic, have a "procedure" and then being put in the ob/gyn ward at the hospital for women that they don´t want to see in L&D for a few more weeks...

To make a long story short, the kidney problem that put me in the hospital the first time, it got worse. A lot worse. My Ob/gyn took one look at the ultrasound pic and said "you NEED to see a urologist about this asap." I called and told the urologist´s nurse what the doctor said, she put the urologist on the phone and he asked a few questions, asked if I could be there in 15 minutes, that he could see me today. I went. He looked. He wrinkled his brow and said "not great for 31 weeks. Too long to go." Wrote out the referal for the hospital urology clinic to put in a stent and sent me on my way with the instructions to go TODAY.

I went. First I called Mr. Lillysaur who had to take off work and come home to get me and drive me there. I was sure I was going to come home after they did whatever they did. It is an out-patient procedure usually. Well, usually does not include pregnant women or people who have them put in as an emergency at 5.30 in the afternoon. The head doctor diagnosed me with hydrophrenosis of pregnancy in the 3rd degree. I signed lots of papers, met with the anesthesiologist for the just in case the stent doesn´t work, can we put in a tube from outside...

I got changed into my special gown, put the special shoes on waited for the Dr. and his assistent Dr. and yet another assistent and then the nurse. The nurse scrubbed me down, she was very nice and very reassuring, calmed my nerves, told me she´d had some of the same procedure done and that it´s really, really not bad. A bit uncomfortable, but not bad, and short and sweet. The anesthesiologist gave me a shot of something to sedate me since they couldn´t do any local anesthesia given that I´m pregnant. The procedure was relatively short, I think. Maybe about 15 minutes? It wasn´t terrible, but it was a bit uncomfortable when the shoved the stent up there. But then it was over, and then came the catheter....

I was rushed off to the ob/gyn ward for them to put me on the monitor and make sure that things were ok with baby and that this little procedure hadn´t caused any contractions...I was beginning to feel the pain, so they hooked me up to an IV with perfalgan (Tylenol) which was only midly useful. But hey, when you are pregnant there isn´t a whole lot that they can give you.
I began having contractions and was given nifidipine to stop them. It worked. I was very, very thankful, but I spent the next five days with a catheter stuffed up my whoo haa and being hooked up to a monitor 2-3 times a day. The stent improved things slightly, but only slightly so I was given antibiotics to take and told to come back for close monitoring...

I am at the Dr.´s every week now, and when I am not at the Dr.´s then I am at home resting. I was told that bed rest wasn´t necessary, but resting and putting my feet up at home were. So that is what is "new" with me at 32w5d.

Status quo

I've been meaning to post an update, not that I have much of an update to provide since my last post.

Image source.

I'm still bleeding (more like spotting, but it hasn't let up in about a month and a half now).

I'm still on bed rest.

I outed my pregnancy on my personal blog, finally.

I am 18 weeks and 2 days pregnant. Almost half-way there.

I've been catching up on a lot of reading and watching a lot of tennis on the telly.

I don't miss work at all. Not one bit.

And that's my update. Not very exciting, I know, but I'm just glad that the bleeding is not getting any worse than it is now, my belly is popping, and I *hope* that this baby is still thriving.

This week, I've got an OBGYN appointment on Thursday. Hopefully she'll have the results from my last ultrasound by now...

Aaaaaaaaaaaand, on FRIDAY, we have our "big ultrasound".

Image source.

I'm excited to see our little babe on the ultrasound screen again. See how s/he has grown and how his/her movements are different from our last ultrasound. Mr. Legalosaur and I are fairly certain that we will not be finding out the sex (I think the temptation might be too much for me to bear, because I really want to know, but I also really want the surprise...!).

In other news, how EXCITING is Bibliosaur's news!!?!? Woman, you have no idea how happy I am for you. How excited... How TERRIFIED! You are a beautiful mommy already, in my eyes.

No answers, more waiting...

Well, I had my OBGYN appointment. My first meeting with this doctor, who will take over my prenatal care from this point forward.

Aaaaaaaaaaaand she didn't have a copy of my latest ultrasound report. And for some reason, couldn't get it while I was there. Which means... no answers. And more waiting.

So totally anti-climactic. I was really hoping for some answers. She made me feel a little silly by saying that even if they were able to pinpoint a reason for the bleeding, I wouldn't be treated any differently. The commonly accepted treatment for bleeding is bed rest. Which is what I continue to do.

I dunno, am I silly for wanting to know what's causing this bleeding? Especially the hemorrhage I had that sent me to the Emerg in an ambulance??

The silver lining is that she seemed really nice (if not a little rushed, but I think I was her last appointment before lunch) and she didn't mention the dreaded word "miscarriage", not once. In fact, she seemed quite positive this pregnancy can and will progress normally since the baby has been growing on target to date and his/her heartbeat is nice and strong. I feel so relieved every time I hear our baby's heartbeat on the Doppler...

And so, I wait. For another two weeks until I have to see her again.

Fingers crossed the bleeding stops!!

Like a fat kid in front of a donut...

Today, I am excited. Yup, I'm like a fat kid in front of a donut, just waiting for the green light to eat it.

Image source.

Okay, okay, so maybe my analogy doesn't really work all that well, but it's all that's popping into my head at the moment.

You see, today is my much awaited for OBGYN appointment. I'm still bleeding, and I'm totally anxious for some answers. In fact, I've bled pretty much every day of this 4th month of pregnancy... and some women enjoy not getting their period while pregnant... BAH!

I had stress dreams all night about this OBGYN appointment. I don't know if I'm going to get any answers (like, can they confirm that I do indeed have placenta previa), or if I'm going to be sorely disappointed and not get any comfort. Will I stay on bed rest, or will it be back to work for me? Will she be nice, or will she be pretty much like every other medical professional I've seen (with the exception of my family doctor) who will utter the dreaded words... "miscarriage"?

I'm 17 weeks pregnant on Saturday people. The most pregnant I have ever been. I love this baby. Mr. Legalosaur loves this baby. If I have to hear the word "miscarriage" one more time flippantly flying out of a doctor's mouth without a second thought, I will SCREAM.

I don't know how today's appointment will go, but I will find out in two hours. And I think I'll procure my-bed-rested-self a donut afterward, somehow, because I've never met a donut that I didn't really enjoy. Donuts make everything better.

Things can always get worse, I guess

I have to warn you now, this post is going to be incredibly long and I apologize for that. But so much has happened since I last posted, and I want to get this all down so, hopefully, I don't drown you with the outpouring of words about to follow this precautionary introduction.

This pregnancy has been, quite possibly, the WORST pregnancy one could ever wish on a woman who has been through a miscarriage. It would be difficult for someone who hasn't been through a miscarriage. I feel like I've been going through emotional hell... and it's only getting more difficult as time goes on.

Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful to be pregnant. I celebrate that my body has the capacity to create and carry life, for whatever length of time. I celebrate that this baby is such a fighter and is still with me (when you read the story below, you'll know what I mean).

But I feel despondent. I am losing hope. I just don't see how I can continue on this path and have a healthy baby at the end of it all. My body is betraying me and failing my baby. I feel like I am fast approaching my wits end with no answers, and I'm just supposed to put on a brave face and pretend like I'm delighted to be expecting right now... when in reality I'm scared shitless that I'm going to fail this baby, fail my husband, fail my family, and fail myself.

When I last posted on this blog, I was having moderate spotting. Which resolved itself and we had a textbook wonderful ultrasound. And I thought things might be looking up.

Well, on Tuesday last week, quite suddenly and overnight, I started bleeding. Bright red. Quite heavy (soaking through an overnight pad one every two hours). No clots, but definitely enough for me to get back on the emotional rollercoaster of worry, tears, and "why me?'s".

So I went and saw my doctor, she found the heartbeat, sent me for yet another ultrasound (this is u/s #4 of this pregnancy, by the way). I had that u/s on Friday, August 21st. The tech didn't really tell me anything. As far as he was concerned, there was no reason for the bleeding.

Slowly, the bleeding dried up. As of the Saturday, there was only dark brown bleeding when I wiped. I was told by my doctor that being on bed rest really won't accomplish anything at this point, and that bed rest is really only appropriate for women in their 20th week and beyond. I was told that it was nothing I did that caused the bleeding, that I should just live my life but try not to do anything too strenuous.

Okay then. They are doctors, you have to trust them.

So, I had a pretty busy day on that Saturday. I didn't do anything strenuous, but I did walk around a fair bit and was out of the house most of the day. I feel into bed exhausted on Saturday night. But grateful that things were looking up and there was barely any spotting anymore.

And I woke up Sunday morning -- August 23, 2009, a day I will never forget-- to, literally, a geyser of bright red blood and clots gushing out of me down there. It was as if somebody severed one of my arteries and it was literally pumping out of me with the same force of my heart beating. This was no ordinary bleeding, this was a full-on hemorrhage.

I wasn't even really awake at this point, but I jumped out of bed and ran for the bathroom, all the while cupping my hands underneath my underwear to catch the blood as it ran down my legs, through my fingers, and spattered all over our bed linens and carpet.

When I made it into the bathroom, I must have let go of my hands because there was blood everywhere. I sat on the toilet while the blood still gushed. And I screamed for Mr. Legalosaur, who had fallen asleep downstairs on the couch.

I can only imagine the scene that greeted him. I'm sure it was like a bad horror movie. I was hysterically numb, if that makes any sense.... I was just sitting on the toilet with blood all over my legs, my hands, the floor, just repeating over and over again "I don't know what happened, what's happening to me." When I tried to stand up, I saw white and almost passed out. I fell back onto the toilet. Mr. Legalosaur told me not to move and called 911.

The ambulance came. They took me to emergency. Except for one slightly hysterical crying fit, I was remarkably calm. I was quite dizzy and faint. I lost, all told, about 500ml (or more) of blood. (I'm sure it was more after seeing the aftermath...)

All the emergency did was give me an IV since I lost so much blood, run some blood tests to see if my hemoglobin was low (which, amazingly, it's not), did an extremely uncomfortable internal exam (yes, my cervix is still closed) and find the baby's heartbeat with the doppler. And that... was... it...

I was told that I'm having a threatened abortion (which means nothing really, because any sort of bleeding during pregnancy is a threatened abortion), to take it easy, and maybe I'll just be one of those women who bleeds throughout her whole pregnancy, or maybe I'll miscarry again. Oh, but don't worry, because miscarriages are common and it's nothing I did wrong. Le sigh.

It took poor DH almost 3 hours to clean our bedroom, hallway and bathroom. The carpets are forever ruined, because the blood dried by the time he was able to get home and scrub and steam-clean them.

I've seen my family doctor twice in the past week - I have low blood pressure and a fast heartrate, due to the blood loss I've had. I was supposed to be in her care until 20 weeks, but being that this pregnancy just got a whole lot more complicated, I'm seeing the OBGYN now in Thursday. I don't know if the OBGYN will be able to give me any more answers, but it will give me some comfort to be in the hands of a specialist. My family doctor is convinced I have placenta previa, because that's the only thing that can cause a hemorrhage of the magnitude that I had on Sunday.

And I had yet another ultrasound this week too (number 5!) just to see if they can figure out what's causing the bleeding. And so far it hasn't told us anything else except that the babe's growth is still very much on target and the heartbeat is nice and strong. I was hoping it would confirm the placenta previa, but so far it hasn't because my family doc hasn't yet gotten the radiologist's report.

Aaaaaand, the kicker, I've been put on bed rest until the end of September, likely longer depending on what's going on. So, no laundry, no vacuuming, no groceries, no walking the dogs... nada. I'm allowed to be up for 15 minutes at a time, but very light activities only and I'm not allowed to break a sweat. It's been one week of bed rest so far, and I'm doing okay. I have a feeling that if I have to stay on bed rest for the rest of this pregnancy, it could get very old, very fast.

I've been terrified to go to sleep at night, because my bleeding always seems to happen when I go to sleep. I was terrified that something like this would happen at work, or while I'm driving, so at least the bed rest is bringing some comfort. How would I deal with all the blood? I didn't know it was possible to bleed as much as I did... And what if I pass out while driving?

Mostly I'm just so worried that I'm depriving our baby and he/she won't make it. Like I said, that fact that he/she is still with us is a testament to what a fighter our baby is... but I wish it could be an easier road for all involved.

After our miscarriage, however, I simply cherish each and every day that this little babe and I get to spend together. It's something special to me, and each day gets us closer to viability. And that's a very good thing.