If someone else says "It will happen" to me I just might lose it!

Lately I feel like this woman. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs when people say things to me in regards to trying to get pregnant.

Things I hear that make me want to scream:

1. "It will happen"
2. "Don't think about it and BAM it will happen"
3. "Stop stressing out about it, that is why it isn't happening"
4. "You're young, don't worry about it"
5. "Have more sex"
6. "Just get drunk and then have sex, that worked for us"
   

What do people say to you that makes you have to bite your tongue?

I had to buy another pack of tampons because AF did in fact come. Although, it wasn't on Day 13 (after O) like I thought it would be, it came the following day. Regardless, the cramps are there as a constant reminder that a new cycle has started. There is nothing I can do about it so I'll just have to suck it up and enjoy the Holidays! We'll be able to start the New Year off with a bang. Literally. ;-)

Oh So Irritable

Uterine irritability: Research suggests that in some women the uterus is particularly irritable, and that this irritability makes it susceptible to untimely contractions. - What to Expect When You're Expecting

After visiting w/ my Dr. last week and again the other day over the phone, I have been doing a little research on this whole irritable uterus mess. I have been experiencing some very uncomfortable symptoms this week which include...

• menstrual-like cramps
• nausea
• lower back pain
• an achiness or feeling of pressure in the groin area
• an overwhelming urge to pee that ends in a trickle
• not as much fetal movement

I know I need to take it easy and I thought I was! Sure there are a few things that maybe I should have avoided doing but this is getting ridiculous! I have been ordered to refrain from lifting anything over 20 pounds, have I mentioned that DS weighs almost 50?!
The last thing I want right now is to be put on bedrest so I guess I will just have to suck it up and stop when I feel I need a break. DH has banned me from using the mower after this morning. I got too hot again and not getting enough water only causes more irritability which in turn causes more discomfort.
"Baby" has been more active over the last couple days which is a relief. Saturday and Sunday were pretty scary, he wasn't nearly as active as usual! That's enough to scare me into sitting for a few hours!
I am currently 27 weeks today and have 13 more weeks of dealing w/ this irritable uterus. I have a feeling that if I make it to 40 weeks, this Mama is going to be a little irritable herself!

14 Weeks Left to Go

I have reached my 26th week of pregnancy. My baby weighs about 1 1/3 pounds and has undergone a growth spurt in the last couple of weeks. This week marks a major milestone in development. His hearing system is now completely formed and over the next few weeks he'll become increasingly sensitive to sound. I've been trying to remind DS that "inside voices" are very important now and especially when the baby comes. "We don't want to scare Baby Brother!"

Being pregnant in the summer time has had it's fair share of challenges. Although I was pregnant w/ DS at the exact same time, I don't remember ever having to deal w/ the heat the way I have this time around. Most days I do what I can to avoid going outdoors altogether but w/ a busy three year old, that's not always possible!

My Dr. scolded me at my appointment yesterday telling me that I need to take it a little easier on myself and reminded me that I am not only responsible for my own health but the health of my baby. I have been experiencing some cramping which she believes is due not only to the heat but my running around like a crazy person! Staying off your feet is definitely easier said than done.

And after a very comfortable 2nd trimester, we are now back to feeling not so comfortable during the third! After a very busy week at our county fair last week, I spent an entire day in bed on Sunday recuperating. Bedtime is back to 8pm (if I make it that late), and the lawn has definitely seen it's better days! Picking up DS has become almost impossible and hanging out the wash requires the use of the big red wagon!

With only 14 weeks left to go, I plan to try harder to relax a bit and take in all the preparation that comes w/ getting a home "baby ready" once again. DS and I have plans to start sorting through baby clothes and washing the newborn duds. I am anxious to pick out some new crib bedding and a to finalize a decision on a name for Baby Brother! And as I've said before, I promise to do better w/ my blogging!

A little reflection & a lot of cramps

I've got the AF blues. Yep, she struck again, and this time has been a doozy! I have cramps like you wouldn't believe & I'm so thankful for extra strength Tylenol. Usually they only last a day, so hopefully I'll be feeling more like myself come tomorrow. The cramps seem much worse this month than normal. I'm not sure if it's because I can usually take a "sick day" and lounge around till they pass, but today I was at church all morning....or if it's one of the effects of being on clomid for the last 3 months that has messed with me.

I'm ready to be done with this medication, that's for sure. My cycles have evened out a bit since the first couple of crazy ones when I started clomid. The meds seem to be hindering me more than helping. My CM is not normal at all, so FF has a hard time registering that I've ovulated. I've never had that problem before I started the meds. I decided awhile ago that clomid was as far as I would go with any medical help in ttc. From now on, I just want to be my normal self, pregnancy or no pregnancy.

I've been going through some different emotions lately when it comes to ttc. I've been reflecting on my life this past week for a couple of reasons. First of all, it's been almost 2 years since my husband returned from Afghanistan. Back then I thought for sure by now we'd have another child...boy was I wrong. We've had 23 months of this roller coaster, and as I'm sure you realize, it doesn't get easier the longer you try. The other aspect of life that I've been reflecting on is that I'm getting ready to turn 30 next month. Thinking back to when my daughter was an infant & toddler, I thought for sure I'd have at least one more child by the time I reached 30. My thoughts about what size our family would be have shifted dramatically since I was 25 years old. It makes me wonder where I'll be at 35, and whether it's worth it to keep up with ttc or if we should focus on life as a family of 3 for the long term. I just don't know...

To top it all off, I'm surrounded by pregnant ladies, babies, and baby stuff regularly...so it's difficult to get this off my mind. It's hard to just not think about it, when that's the stage of life that I'm in. I don't work outside the home, so I don't have anything to distract me from home and family life. Not that I want anything to distract me from my primary job, but thinking of having more children seems to come along with the territory.

I'm hoping & praying for consistent peace in this arena of my life soon. One thing I do know is that it's possible. Lord have mercy on me.

A Second Opinion

Yesterday, I met with my former OB-GYN and it was a much more pleasant, positive, and informing experience.

When we first arrived, we sat and talked for a few moments about if we wanted to get pregnant, when I last took birth control, when my last period was, anything that's been going on, the cramps, etc.

He left the room for a few minutes so that I could undress and get ready for an exam.

Mr. Joggersaur insisted on staying in the room with me... just in case anything was wrong.

Part of me was thankful, and part of me was slightly embarassed.

The doctor came back in and performed my exam. It was like a normal pap, except when everything was in place, he says, "Let's get a better look at your cervix." And shoves whatever they use down there even farther up in my cervix causing me to cringe.

He looked around, takes a sample, and feels around.

At this point, I couldn't even look at Mr. Joggersaur, because it's moments like this (when I'm completely uncomfortable) that I'm slightly immature, and would have totally busted out laughing.

When the exam is finished, the doctor leaves so I can get dressed and to put the sample under a microscope.

He returns and we talk for quite awhile.

He said my cervix looked really good. There was no swelling, no abnormalities, and everything felt good. And my cervical mucus sample looked good. He said it was thick.

He suggested that some of my cramping could be trapped air from frequent sex and maybe even changing positions, or it could be from emotions (good or bad stresses), and even bowel obstruction.

I was in with him for almost an hour.

I left with a perscription for progesterone to get things going. Instructions on how to take my basal body temp, because even though my cycles have been regular for awhile, it's only been a year since they were irregular. He suggested taking Citrucel for regular bowel function. And to keep taking my pre-natal vitamin.

After we left the dr's office, we went to the nearest Walgreens to stock up on supplies.

We bought a good themometer, a can of Citrucel, and ibuprofin.

I immediately popped in a couple of ibuprofin. The dr said I could take up to 2400 mg a day. The dr I saw the other day told me not to take anything!

After the pills were down, I started playing with the themometer on the long drive back "to the city".

Once home, I read all the instructions for the Citrucel and proceeded to take my first dose.

It said it would take 12-72 hours to take effect.

Let me tell you, it did not take that long.

Less than two before I was in the potty.

The first trip wasn't too bad. The second trip was only slightly painful. But the third trip was excrutiating!

I was completely drained after so much pooping. And I hurt in the same spot I had been hurting for weeks.

I told Mr. Joggersaur I wouldn't be taking that any more because there couldn't be anything left in me. He said you are taking it every single day, just like the dr said.

But I did get him to agree to taking just 1/2 a scoop instead of 1.

I took my temperature this morning and marked it down on the charts the dr gave me, but I will probably be setting up a fertility friend chart in the near future.

Dr Appt

I broke down and called my doctor last Tuesday.

They were able to get me in.

I took a urine test, and to no surprise to me, it was negative.

I expressed to my doctor, I'm not worried about if I am pregnant, I'm worried about my cycle, and the fact my last period was Sept 27, and that I have been having cramps for SIX weeks!

He wasn't concerned at all.

He kept trying to tell me it was ovulation. FOR SIX WEEKS?!!?

Come on!

Mr. Joggersaur went with me, and was not impressed at all.

I repeated myself like three times about the cramps, and it didn't even phase him.

He wants me to come back in TWO WEEKS for a blood test. Not sure why they couldn't do it while I was there...

So, I have made an appt with my former ob-gyn that I only left because we moved.

I'm hoping to get a more thorough check up, and know more this Thursday.

And in the future, I plan to make that drive to see him. It's definitely worth it!

A Little Update on Me

I'm not even sure what to post...

I have not had a period since we started trying the first of October.
I have had negative results on about half a dozen home pregnancy tests.
I have had no symptoms of AF or pregnancy, except cramps and lots of them.
I have gotten kind of depressed because nothing is going on, which makes it hard to keep at it.
I have gained about 5lbs.
I have cut way back on workouts, down to like 2 a week.

The most frustrating part of all of this, is I was having regular periods before we started trying. All I can think of, is what if we missed our chance!??!

Six week wait??!?!

It looks like I will have six week wait!

Yes, six weeks.

What the mess? I'm usually a regular gal, well, I have been for about the last year.

I don't know why AF has yet to show...Well, I didn't until this weekend.

Last week, I was completely under the weather. I mean, complete and total exhaustion set in every other day. I was having tons of EWCM and crazy dreams every night since around the 30th of October. I thought for sure, I must be. I even had cramps for four weeks. Little sporadic ones, something was going on down there. I was TWO WEEKS LATE and everything.

So, I tested Saturday morning.

BIG. FAT. NEGATIVE.

I went to my parent's house that day to help get ready for an upcoming family get together, and cramps kicked in full swing.

This is so weird. So Mr. Joggersaur wouldn't let me lift anything, "just in case".

Later that day, it happened.

No, not AF, a change in my CM... FINALLY! It was finally that cloudy gunky stuff, instead of the EWCM.

The only charting I have been doing was my CM, moods, etc. And this was the first time I had a change since my last period in September. And then none Sunday or Monday, which means, I probably ovulated this weekend.

I told Mr. Joggersaur, and he was like, "So we have to wait TWO MORE WEEKS?!!?"

I went back over the last month, and tried to figure out what could have tied things up...
A flu shot just a couple of days before I was supposed to "O".
A cold I got after a race the weekend before I was supposed to "O".
I had horrible mood swings due to stress at work, causing the Mr and I to argue.
Being overly anxious about TTC.

Really, it all seems pretty petty in comparison to other things going on... but at least now I know.

Thinking of Legalosaur and her little one!!

Frustrated

AF was due to arrive Oct 24th - Oct 25th. She usually fluctuates a day.

So, overly eager to test, waiting two weeks has been so stinking hard, I tested after work.

BIG. FAT. NEGATIVE.

Granted, I hadn't planned to test until Halloween, and it could be because I tested in the afternoon and I drink tons of water all day long...

But I am frustrated.

Not with the fact it was negative, I didn't expect to get a BFP the first month we tried, but with the fact AF hasn't come yet.

Nor have I had ANY regular symptoms of her arrival.

No sore breasts, no mood swings, no cravings... but I have had very low backpain (almost like a pain in the butt), TONS of EWCM, sporadic light cramps for the past week and a half, and acne, which I haven't had in ages!

I haven't had anything going on that should alter her arrival (that I know of!)... grrrr!

WHAT IS GOING ON??!?!?

I haven't done a test with the FMU yet, because Mr. Joggersaur and I are on different schedules, and I would hate to wake him up with good news to have to dart out the door, because I know him, and he'll want to enjoy the moment for awhile, and then call his parents. I am off work Friday morning, and will test again if she hasn't shown up.

Advice? Thoughts? Suggestions?

Bad blogger

I have been such a bad blogger! I apologize. Life has been a little hectic lately, and I can't believe I'm so close to the end of the second trimester. I'm 24w5d today, so about 2 weeks from entering the third tri. Time to start nesting!

I've had a rough few weeks and I'm ready for a break. It started about a week before our "babymoon". The friends we were supposed to go to London with found out they couldn't go because of work scheduling issues. Two days before we left, I got a flat tire after running over a HUGE screw. I fried my flat iron in London because my converter wasn't working. (Bad hair makes for a very unhappy pregnant chick!) When we got back, we found out DH's car had been towed from his dad's condo and it cost $650 to get it back because it had been there for over a week. That same night, I went to pick the dog up from boarding and when I got back to my car it wouldn't start - my battery was dead! The next day I came down with a sinus infection, which is just now going away after almost 2 weeks. I had a bit of a scare about a week ago where I was having menstrual-type cramps. I ended up going to L&D to get checked and everything was fine - no contractions, probably just GI upset. And finally, I got my first ever speeding ticket a few nights ago. I once heard that pregnant women are supposed to be good luck. Not so much!

But enough of that. Let's discuss my L&D experience for a second. I was at work when my tummy started to feel upset. At first, I figured it was just something I ate, but then the menstrual-type cramps started. It was a dull, achy kind of pain. I started to do some research online and everything I read pointed to getting checked out.

Here's what I found on the March of Dimes website regarding preterm labor:

Warning Signs
Here are the warning signs:

• Contractions (your abdomen tightens like a fist) every 10 minutes or more often
• Change in vaginal discharge (leaking fluid or bleeding from your vagina)
• Pelvic pressure—the feeling that your baby is pushing down
• Low, dull backache
• Cramps that feel like your period
• Abdominal cramps with or without diarrhea

What Should I Do If I Think I'm Having Preterm Labor?
Call your health care provider (nurse, doctor or midwife) or go to the hospital right away if you think you're having preterm labor, or if you have any of the warning signs. Call even if you have only one sign.
Your health care provider may tell you to:

• Come into the office or go to the hospital for a checkup.
• Stop what you're doing. Rest on your left side for one hour.
• Drink 2-3 glasses of water or juice (not coffee or soda).

If the symptoms get worse or do not go away after one hour, call your provider again or go to the hospital. If the symptoms get better, relax for the rest of the day.

After work, I went home and showered, then I laid down for a little while. The cramps didn't let up. Since it was Saturday and my doctor's office was closed, I decided it was better to be safe than sorry and I went to the hospital to make sure everything was okay. I felt a little unsure about going, but I'm glad I did. They put me on a monitor to check the baby's heart rate (which was fine), and another to check for contractions. I was there for a couple hours and was relieved to find out that I wasn't contracting. The nurses and my doctor (who happened to be on call that day) assured me that I did the right thing by coming in. So if any of you experience any symptoms, don't be afraid to go to the hospital (or your doctor's office if they're open), to make sure that you're not in preterm labor.

It's Not A Baby

My mysterious cramping and spotting from earlier this week wasn't implantation bleeding- it was a full blown period coming on. And not to be too TMI, but it was the heaviest and most painful I've had in probably 10 years.

Image Source

So I inquired about this sudden odd period (luteal phase was only 8 days long) and my doctor said I probably had a Luteal Phase Defect (LPD) this past month. Luteal Phase (LP) is the time between ovulation and when AF shows up. LPD is usually any LP shorter then 10 days, though some doctors think anything shorter then 12 days qualifies as LPD. If your LP is shorter then 10 days your body cannot support pregnancy, even if the egg is fertilized. Your uterus just doesn't give it enough time to "stick" to the uterus and get cozy enough to start releasing the pregnancy hormones that let's your body know to stay pregnant.

The Dr. then asked me to sit there and try to remember when my periods were the past 4 months. Since I haven't been tracking it due to the injury I let all that fall by the wayside. I eventually figured it out and we realized that my Luteal phase has most likely been short for at least 3 months since my cycles have only been 23-24 days long each. Though since I didn't track ovulation I have no idea how short/long it really was. She suggested Clomid, which I think was a bit of a rush. Instead I'm taking some B6 and Vitex and hoping my body just had to regulate. Since the short Luteal Phase thing started after the injury I'm hoping the strain it put on my body affected my cycles and I just need to give it time.

So, no baby. I thought I would be really happy when AF came in full force. I really wanted to do this the right way and wait until after my appointment on the 29th, but at the same time the thought of being pregnant made me REALLY excited. I guess I never got to that point even when we were TTC before the injury. I knew what I had to do to get pregnant, and I've been reading books about labor and delivery, but I've sort of ignored everything in between. This past week has opened that up to me, and now I want it more than ever.

I've jumped the gun a bit and ordered OPKs and some cheapy pregnancy tests so that if we get the green light on the 29th I will be good to go! I do experience Mittleschmerz and know pretty much when I O, I just want the OPKs to confirm this (to track the LPD) and also to know a few days BEFORE I O. Since, you know, those are actually the important days! I just have to hope the LPD was just a fluke this month and works itself out by O time in June!

Though, I only had a 1 DAY wait this time around. I'm going to be a wreck when it's really a 2WW!

Mittelschmerz

image source

Mittel=middle and schmerzen=pain in German and mittelschmerz is the term used to describe ovulation pain. I have been having them since Tuesday. And I am supposed to O today or tomorrow.

My ovulation pains come on a couple of days before O, persist and increase before O day. Once I do ovulate, they subside completely. Mine are deep, pinchy cramps on one side, about an inch or two from my hip bones. They come in waves and last only seconds. Nothing too excruciating or anything.
It's weird because when I have AF cramps, they are usually in my low back and never in the front. They are also really intense, sharp, sustained and frequent. By contrast, my O cramps are always in the front, short and more like a deep, dull, aching pinch.
According to this article, Mittelschmerz, or ovulation pain, has four primary causes:
1) Pain can occur at the exact moment of ovulation when the follicle ruptures and the egg is release. It is usually sharp, localized, occurs on only one side and lasts for a few seconds to a minute.
2) Some discomfort may occur from blood and fluid that is released by the follicle at the time of ovulation that irritates the pelvic lining. This pain is generally a dull cramping sensation that can last for several hours to a day. It can be felt on one or both sides.
3) When ovulation occurs, the finger-like ends of the fallopian tube contracts around the ovary, essentially grabbing on to it, in order to receive the egg. This contraction and subsequent stretching of the ligaments around the uterus can cause a general cramping feeling that can last several hours to a day.
4) Each month as the follicles develop before ovulation, they swell on the surface of the ovaries. This swelling can cause a general achy feeling in the lower abdomen that is usually felt on both sides and can last several days, although some women experience it on and off during the entire pre-ovulatory phase of their cycle. Several consistent days of dull, non-localized lower abdominal aching is usually a sign that ovulation will be occurring soon.
Not all women experience mittelschmerz, and those who do may not experience it every month. It is estimated that approximately 1 in 5 women experience mid-cycle pain associated with ovulation. Usually it is mild and lasts only a few minutes to a couple of hours. There is no special treatment suggested for mittelschmerz although if the discomfort is persistent, some doctors recommend over-the-counter analgesics, just as you would use for menstrual cramps.
I welcome the pinchiness because it means my ovaries are getting ready to release an egg and that's key to getting KU. With my weight battles, wonky cycles back in my 20's and unwanted hair growth in certain places, I have always worried that I might have PCOS. I have been tested by an RE (long before we were TTC) and everything came back normal. And now that we're TTC and charting, I realize that my cycles weren't that wonky in my 20's (between 31-34 days), my unwanted hair growth is hereditary as is my propensity to be fluffy. Seems that my ovaries are just fine. Bring on the egg and let's get the party started!