I've held on to this piece for some time now. I always wanted to use it in my personal blog but never had the courage to post it. I feel this is a better place for this post and hope it gives a little better insight as to why having another child is so important to DH & I.
I feel pretty lucky to be the eldest of five children. Sure there were times growing up that I didn't always feel this way. The time my little bothers decided to drive a remote control car through my hair... not so much! The many times people would ask how old my daughter was... never too excited to answer that question. But now that my siblings are all grown up, (almost anyway), I feel truly blessed to have them in my life.
It's hard for me to imagine life w/out siblings. My hubby waited twenty years for a little sister... I'd say it was well worth the wait! DH and I had always said that we would wait till DS turned two and then begin trying for a brother or sister for him. God has had different plans for us and at times that wait has been almost unbearable. Still, we hold out hope that one day it will be the right time for us.
A few months ago I read an article in my Parents magazine about a little boy who was wishing for a brother or sister. The parents had been trying for years to conceive a second child and had almost given up hope. The boy had never mentioned that he secretly longed for a sibling and it was only after a PT conference at his school, that they discovered his wish. The parents were asked to look through a group of drawings done by the boy's classmates and himself. They were to find the picture that their son had drawn... the pictures were family portraits. After looking and looking the mother finally picked a picture of a family consisting of a mom & dad, a little boy and a baby. She had picked right.
When the parents asked their son why he had drawn the baby in their family's portrait he told them he was the only child in his class w/out a sibling and that he hoped someday he'd have one too! The boy got his wish and the article went on to tell about an essay the boy had written about his little brother. It was very moving and as I stood in our kitchen in tears, DS looked at me and asked, "what's wrong Mommy, why are you crying?"
The thought of DS growing up alone breaks my heart! We've asked him several times if he'd like to have a baby brother or sister and he always says yes but he's very young and until we had this conversation, I thought it was just an answer.
I watch a little boy a couple times a month. He has been coming to stay with us since he was only 4 weeks old. DS loves spending time with him! A few months ago, DS and I were busy "talking through the animals", as I like to call it... (it's play that involves the both of us pretending to be an animal and saying the things we think they'd say to one another.) DS was a bee and I was a dragonfly. The bee asked the dragonfly if he had a brother, I answered "yes", (for the dragonfly). The dragonfly asked the bee if he had any brothers or sisters, the bee answered, "Yes, I have a little brother. He doesn't sleep at out house but we take care of him and I wish he lived w/ us."
I went on to explain to DS that "baby boy" would miss his Mommy and his Mommy would miss him. He then asked if we could have a baby come live w/ us... I wasn't sure what to say. I told him that Daddy and I would like that very much and we would try really hard to make that happen for our family. And that's what gets me through all of the frustration and heartache that comes w/ TTC!
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Friday, March 5, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
What a Terrible Week....
This has been the worst week of my life.
I will preface the details with the knowledge that I am very lucky in comparison to many in terms of other terrible experiences they have been through. I do believe, however, that grief and loss is relative and what is devastating for one may be less significant to another. Also, this won't seem very related to pregnancy at first, but I think everything in my life is kind of related to pregnancy in some way or another.
On Sunday morning, my husband and I came home to find my beloved cat extremely sick. He was having a lot of trouble breathing and was peeing blood. I tried to contact our vet, but of course because it was a Sunday (Valentine's day no less) I had to resort to the on call emergency vet. I was frantic, but trying to stay calm for the Mister (Mister Monster is his pet name). We drove straight to the animal hospital, and after a routine check the more specific tests were performed. Mister has always had a heart murmur, but we only found out a few years ago, and he's only five. I have never thought it would be a problem. Mister's breathing was the most important problem and the vet thought x-rays would be best. We agreed, and I told my husband, "He'll be fine, he's always fine." The vet came back minutes later, and Mister was still obviously in distress, but the news was not as I had thought.
The vet said that my precious little guy was in the middle of heart failure. Everything after that happened too fast. I burst into uncontrollable tears. It was awful... we explored his options and at the advice of the vet we decided to have him put to sleep. I was by his side the entire time petting him and trying to keep him calm as he continuously struggled to breathe, and his little head was in my hands. The sedative didn't work because his circulation was so bad and the vet had to put the second needle in while he was still awake. It was the most excruciating experience. I wanted to remember him peaceful and sleeping, but when he died all the sickness that was caught in his lungs came out through his nose and mouth, and I can't stop thinking about it.
The worst part is that my husband is so distraught over it all that he keeps looking it up on the internet to see what we could have done or if the emerg vet could have been wrong. I know it's part of his healing process, but it tears me apart, and now I have begun to question it myself. I even resorted to calling our vet (the one we love) and asking for her to take a second look at the x-ray to give us her opinion. I know that it won't solve anything, and it's totally irrational, but I couldn't help myself. I miss the little guy all the time and I keep thinking I hear him or will reach over to pet him without thinking.
I feel so awful that we weren't home the night before it happened and couldn't even spend his last night with him when I would give anything to have that night now. It makes me question everything to do with becoming a mother and making decisions for a child that will be as helpless and without a voice as my cat at first.
My house feels dead, completely void of life, and it's been a week and I just can't stop crying.
On top of all of that the house deal went through so we begin renovations (tearing things down anyway) tomorrow. I should be excited or at least interested and I have no energy for it.
Also, my mother in law is usually amazing, but I can't STAND talking to her about anything baby related. We were there for dinner the other night and I thought I was going to explode with anger. She covered "You are huge!", "That baby is going to be gigantic!", and a story about how I need an OB because I'm "obviously" going to need a c-section since the baby is still breech... I tried to be reasonable and count to ten, but honestly this needs to stop. I finally said something along the lines of I don't think I can talk to you about this anymore because it feels like you are trying to scare me and I still have EIGHT weeks to turn the baby... There are many natural methods that I am using and I feel very confident that I will not have to resort to a c-section. And she wonders why I'm not going to her hospital (she is a mother and babes nurse in a hospital with a super high c-section rate) and that I don't want her in the room! I mean please! She is stressing me out big time right now, and I'm worried about my blood pressure with the way I have been feeling lately. I am really trying to go as natural as possible and I don't think it's fair to have to validate my position on these things especially to someone who is supposed to care about me and the baby. I mean using what I consider "scare tactics" is kind of a low blow if she's actually trying to help. It's incredibly frustrating, and I really hope my midwife can ease my mind about these things. I kind of feel like my birth experience is rapidly being taken out of my hands and I need to start feeling more safe and comfortable with it. I want what will be best for the baby, but I can't help thinking that our bodies were designed to do things, and all these interventions are going to be forced on me in a critical moment of weakness.
I have my appointment on Tuesday, and I'm thankful that my husband will get to come this time, as he hasn't even met my midwife. I am hoping to go over my concerns about interventions and try to work something out with her so that I can remain at home for as long as possible before heading to the hospital when the time comes. I still can't believe it's this close now. One girl I know mildly well had her baby at 33 weeks and I just can't fathom the thought at this point! I am only now getting used to feeling the baby move fairly often.
I am still having intense trouble with my pelvis and it's impossible for me to turn over in bed or even get out of bed in the night without help.... this makes life a bit difficult for my husband....
Sorry for the garbled post, but thank you to anyone who reads and can understand where I am coming from. I feel a bit alone about all of it. It feels good to get it down in black and white to truly understand the overwhelming emotion that I haven't really been able to put into words until now. So, thank you. I hope everyone has a good week, and next week maybe I will be able to stop crying long enough to write about my appointment and maybe some positive things. I hate being such a negative writer.
I will preface the details with the knowledge that I am very lucky in comparison to many in terms of other terrible experiences they have been through. I do believe, however, that grief and loss is relative and what is devastating for one may be less significant to another. Also, this won't seem very related to pregnancy at first, but I think everything in my life is kind of related to pregnancy in some way or another.
On Sunday morning, my husband and I came home to find my beloved cat extremely sick. He was having a lot of trouble breathing and was peeing blood. I tried to contact our vet, but of course because it was a Sunday (Valentine's day no less) I had to resort to the on call emergency vet. I was frantic, but trying to stay calm for the Mister (Mister Monster is his pet name). We drove straight to the animal hospital, and after a routine check the more specific tests were performed. Mister has always had a heart murmur, but we only found out a few years ago, and he's only five. I have never thought it would be a problem. Mister's breathing was the most important problem and the vet thought x-rays would be best. We agreed, and I told my husband, "He'll be fine, he's always fine." The vet came back minutes later, and Mister was still obviously in distress, but the news was not as I had thought.
The vet said that my precious little guy was in the middle of heart failure. Everything after that happened too fast. I burst into uncontrollable tears. It was awful... we explored his options and at the advice of the vet we decided to have him put to sleep. I was by his side the entire time petting him and trying to keep him calm as he continuously struggled to breathe, and his little head was in my hands. The sedative didn't work because his circulation was so bad and the vet had to put the second needle in while he was still awake. It was the most excruciating experience. I wanted to remember him peaceful and sleeping, but when he died all the sickness that was caught in his lungs came out through his nose and mouth, and I can't stop thinking about it.
The worst part is that my husband is so distraught over it all that he keeps looking it up on the internet to see what we could have done or if the emerg vet could have been wrong. I know it's part of his healing process, but it tears me apart, and now I have begun to question it myself. I even resorted to calling our vet (the one we love) and asking for her to take a second look at the x-ray to give us her opinion. I know that it won't solve anything, and it's totally irrational, but I couldn't help myself. I miss the little guy all the time and I keep thinking I hear him or will reach over to pet him without thinking.
I feel so awful that we weren't home the night before it happened and couldn't even spend his last night with him when I would give anything to have that night now. It makes me question everything to do with becoming a mother and making decisions for a child that will be as helpless and without a voice as my cat at first.
My house feels dead, completely void of life, and it's been a week and I just can't stop crying.
On top of all of that the house deal went through so we begin renovations (tearing things down anyway) tomorrow. I should be excited or at least interested and I have no energy for it.
Also, my mother in law is usually amazing, but I can't STAND talking to her about anything baby related. We were there for dinner the other night and I thought I was going to explode with anger. She covered "You are huge!", "That baby is going to be gigantic!", and a story about how I need an OB because I'm "obviously" going to need a c-section since the baby is still breech... I tried to be reasonable and count to ten, but honestly this needs to stop. I finally said something along the lines of I don't think I can talk to you about this anymore because it feels like you are trying to scare me and I still have EIGHT weeks to turn the baby... There are many natural methods that I am using and I feel very confident that I will not have to resort to a c-section. And she wonders why I'm not going to her hospital (she is a mother and babes nurse in a hospital with a super high c-section rate) and that I don't want her in the room! I mean please! She is stressing me out big time right now, and I'm worried about my blood pressure with the way I have been feeling lately. I am really trying to go as natural as possible and I don't think it's fair to have to validate my position on these things especially to someone who is supposed to care about me and the baby. I mean using what I consider "scare tactics" is kind of a low blow if she's actually trying to help. It's incredibly frustrating, and I really hope my midwife can ease my mind about these things. I kind of feel like my birth experience is rapidly being taken out of my hands and I need to start feeling more safe and comfortable with it. I want what will be best for the baby, but I can't help thinking that our bodies were designed to do things, and all these interventions are going to be forced on me in a critical moment of weakness.
I have my appointment on Tuesday, and I'm thankful that my husband will get to come this time, as he hasn't even met my midwife. I am hoping to go over my concerns about interventions and try to work something out with her so that I can remain at home for as long as possible before heading to the hospital when the time comes. I still can't believe it's this close now. One girl I know mildly well had her baby at 33 weeks and I just can't fathom the thought at this point! I am only now getting used to feeling the baby move fairly often.
I am still having intense trouble with my pelvis and it's impossible for me to turn over in bed or even get out of bed in the night without help.... this makes life a bit difficult for my husband....
Sorry for the garbled post, but thank you to anyone who reads and can understand where I am coming from. I feel a bit alone about all of it. It feels good to get it down in black and white to truly understand the overwhelming emotion that I haven't really been able to put into words until now. So, thank you. I hope everyone has a good week, and next week maybe I will be able to stop crying long enough to write about my appointment and maybe some positive things. I hate being such a negative writer.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Two months away...
I know I've been a bad 'Saur and haven't posted in a while. Truth be told, it's been difficult thinking of things to post about when everything's been going so well!
So what has been going on? How about a quick wrap-up of baby-related events...
Friday, my sister-in-law (who is 20 weeks pregnant) had her big ultrasound, and we found out she's having another baby girl!
We're so excited for them, and can't wait to meet our new niece, Macy, in June! And I know our 4-year-old niece, Haley, is going to be a wonderful Big Sister.
Yesterday was our first baby shower, hosted by three of my awesome girlfriends. I had such a great time, laughing, visiting, and opening presents. Mr. Citysaur got to come along, and he enjoyed it as well. We got a lot of great stuff, including tons of oh-so-adorable baby boy clothes. I don't have any pictures to share because one of the hostesses was going to town with her super-fancy Nikon camera, so I didn't even bother getting my camera out. I'll just wait for her pictures!
Today is January 24...which means we're exactly two months away from our due date of March 24! Because things don't exactly line up months-to-weeks, I won't be 32 weeks/8 months pregnant until Wednesday...but the reality of being only two months away from the due date is definitely hitting me today!
We still have lots of baby stuff to get done - like painting the nursery (hoping to get that done next weekend), deciding whose insurance he's going to go on, installing the carseat, and packing a bag for the birth center. We still have two Bradley birth classes left. And likely, two more showers to go. I know my mom and aunt are throwing us one in March (I'll be 38 weeks at that shower...hope the baby stays put until after then!)...and there's a good chance I'll get one at work too.
I have a feeling things are going to go fast from now until this baby comes...so I'm just buckling down and getting ready for the ride!
Also, I'm sending out lots of luck and good labor vibes to Divasaur for her induction tomorrow! I know it's not the birth experience you were hoping for, D, but I'm so excited that you'll be meeting Libby in about a day!
So what has been going on? How about a quick wrap-up of baby-related events...
Friday, my sister-in-law (who is 20 weeks pregnant) had her big ultrasound, and we found out she's having another baby girl!
We're so excited for them, and can't wait to meet our new niece, Macy, in June! And I know our 4-year-old niece, Haley, is going to be a wonderful Big Sister.
Yesterday was our first baby shower, hosted by three of my awesome girlfriends. I had such a great time, laughing, visiting, and opening presents. Mr. Citysaur got to come along, and he enjoyed it as well. We got a lot of great stuff, including tons of oh-so-adorable baby boy clothes. I don't have any pictures to share because one of the hostesses was going to town with her super-fancy Nikon camera, so I didn't even bother getting my camera out. I'll just wait for her pictures!
Today is January 24...which means we're exactly two months away from our due date of March 24! Because things don't exactly line up months-to-weeks, I won't be 32 weeks/8 months pregnant until Wednesday...but the reality of being only two months away from the due date is definitely hitting me today!
We still have lots of baby stuff to get done - like painting the nursery (hoping to get that done next weekend), deciding whose insurance he's going to go on, installing the carseat, and packing a bag for the birth center. We still have two Bradley birth classes left. And likely, two more showers to go. I know my mom and aunt are throwing us one in March (I'll be 38 weeks at that shower...hope the baby stays put until after then!)...and there's a good chance I'll get one at work too.
I have a feeling things are going to go fast from now until this baby comes...so I'm just buckling down and getting ready for the ride!
Also, I'm sending out lots of luck and good labor vibes to Divasaur for her induction tomorrow! I know it's not the birth experience you were hoping for, D, but I'm so excited that you'll be meeting Libby in about a day!
Friday, December 11, 2009
Reflecting
As if the holidays aren't naturally a time of reflection, Mr. Citysaur and I are coming up on our one-year anniversary, which is causing me to reflect back and think on where I was this time last year, and everything that has happened in the year since.
One year ago today, I was finishing up my last day of work before my long vacation for the wedding and honeymoon.
I was anxious and excited, and could hardly focus on work at all.
One year ago this coming Monday, I married the love of my live. December 14, 2008 was one of the most wonderful days I've had the pleasure of experiencing.
One year ago today, we were both excited about our upcoming honeymoon to New York City. We hadn't yet visited Central Park, or walked the Brooklyn Bridge...
hadn't fallen in love with the City of our dreams, and we didn't know for sure that one day we'd end up there. It hasn't happened yet, but we know it will. And we still miss that city every single day.
One year ago today, I had no idea my father had lung cancer. He was about to walk me down the aisle, and dance with me to What a Wonderful World. We had no idea that he wouldn't live to see the one-year anniversary of that day.
One year ago today, I knew I wanted to start a family, and hopefully soon. I had no idea just how soon we would actually get that joyous news that we were going to be parents. And I certainly didn't imagine that while celebrating our one-year anniversary, I would be six months pregnant.
A lot has happened in the last year. It's been full of the highest highs and the lowest lows. I've tried my best to take everything in stride and remain grounded and stable. I know with a baby on the way, 2010 promises to be full of plenty more surprises. Here's to the next year!
And to my wonderful, amazing husband - thank you so very much for being by my side throughout this tumultuous year. I know it hasn't always been easy, but I am so proud of us and how we've grown even closer because of everything. I cannot wait to raise our son together. I know you are going to be the best daddy ever!
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Circle of Life
On Monday the 26th, we found out we were having a boy.By the end of the day, our little boy had a name. Baby Citysaur will be Benjamin James.
On Thursday the 29th, I got a message from my mom while I was at work that my stepdad only had a few more days at most. I broke down, I sobbed. My coworkers picked up the pieces of me and one of them drove me to my parents' house.
For two nights I slept on a spare bed at my parents' house...waiting.
At 6:12 AM on Saturday, October 31st, the hospice nurse woke me up and I went into my father's room. My mom was by his side, and he had already taken his last breath. She said it was peaceful, and we know that he was never in pain.
Within an hour, the house was filled with family members, there to pay last respects before his body was taken to the funeral home.
My heart hurts, more than I could ever imagine.
But I am also comforted. Outside of any religious beliefs, I just know that a part of my father will live on in our son. I believe that in this Circle of Life, my son has been chosen to take his place on this earth, to carry on his legacy.
My task is to teach Ben all about his grandfather, and how to honor his legacy and live up to the huge shadow that has been left behind. To teach him to honor and respect and most of all love the way that my father did.
May you rest with the Angels, Wayne. I will always love you.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
18 weeks? No way!
Every week that goes by, this pregnancy thing becomes more and more incredible to me. For years, I have dreamed about being pregnant - and it's simultaneously better than and nothing like what I thought it would be!
I am very blessed to be having a fairly easy pregnancy, so far. No spotting, no morning sickness (except that one episode around 6 or 7 weeks), no major problems thus far. I am so very grateful for this. I have plenty of other stuff going on in my life, so it's a huge relief not to be dealing with pregnancy-related issues on top of that. What I have been dealing with so far are the very normal pregnancy side effects - having trouble finding a comfortable sleeping position, getting up at least twice a night to pee, and a relatively new symptom that popped up within the last week - heartburn! Tums used to make me gag, but they're already becoming my friend.
The other big issue I've been dealing with is emotions and mood swings. I'm trying my best to keep it under control, but I know Mr. Citysaur has been putting up with a lot more than normal lately. I was in the middle of a rant a couple of days ago, and he interrupted me (kindly) and asked (sweetly) if this was my crazy hormones talking. I proceeded to tell him that yes, it was, but I just couldn't help it! I was already an emotional person before becoming pregnant - I've always worn my emotions on my sleeve - so between that, the pregnancy hormones, and the emotional baggage I've got right now - I'm kind of a mess. I'm very lucky that my wonderful husband is so understanding of this. He has been my rock during this whole process. I don't know where I'd be without him by my side.
And lastly, I'm trying to prepare myself mentally and emotionally for the impending death of my father. He told us last Friday that he's ready to go - and though I knew he was probably feeling that way, it was still a blow to hear him say it. And it looks like he's developing pneumonia and an infection - which will likely speed up the end of his life. But I think I'm as ready as I'll ever be to face it and get on with the grieving process. I love my father dearly, but I know he doesn't want to live like this, and I respect the fact that he is ready to move on. I'm going over to my parents' house tonight to spend some time with him, and in the mean time, I keep my cell phone next to me at all times, just waiting for the inevitable phone call from my mom.
However, I just can't end a post that way...so I have to pull it back around to the positive. Five more days until our big ultrasound! And three more days until my birthday! It should be a fun day of celebrating - an official scavenger hunt sponsored by our local downtown business group in the afternoon, a late dinner with friends, followed by an improv comedy show. I'll try to remember to take pictures and post about it after. And of course there will be a follow-up post on Monday's big ultrasound!
Monday, October 19, 2009
For Mr Bibliosaur, with love
Dear Mr Bibliosaur,
I feel like I'm always writing about myself - how I'm feeling, how I'm doing, what I'm thinking, all that stuff. Which makes sense, because I'm the one this is physically happening to, but sometimes I forget that there's someone else involved with all of this, too: you, my wonderful husband.
You been amazing during this pregnancy, and I can't begin to say how grateful I am. You're always there to give me an outlet for my fears and hopes, to take care of the house and our pets when I'm too exhausted to even think about moving from the couch, to patiently weather my constantly changing food cravings and aversions, and to encourage me when I'm feeling worried or overwhelmed with symptoms. I'm so touched by your thoughtfulness, like when you went on an interstate trip and returned with a present of some super sour handmade candy from a boutique candy store, just to help with my constant nausea. You have been so thoughtful and caring, and I honestly don't know what I'd do without your love and support.
So I just want to say - thank you, Mr Bibliosaur. I am SO lucky to have met and married you, and I wouldn't want to be doing this with anyone else in the world.
With all my love,
your Bibliosaur
(and the two little Bibliosaurs-on-the-way, too)
I feel like I'm always writing about myself - how I'm feeling, how I'm doing, what I'm thinking, all that stuff. Which makes sense, because I'm the one this is physically happening to, but sometimes I forget that there's someone else involved with all of this, too: you, my wonderful husband.
You been amazing during this pregnancy, and I can't begin to say how grateful I am. You're always there to give me an outlet for my fears and hopes, to take care of the house and our pets when I'm too exhausted to even think about moving from the couch, to patiently weather my constantly changing food cravings and aversions, and to encourage me when I'm feeling worried or overwhelmed with symptoms. I'm so touched by your thoughtfulness, like when you went on an interstate trip and returned with a present of some super sour handmade candy from a boutique candy store, just to help with my constant nausea. You have been so thoughtful and caring, and I honestly don't know what I'd do without your love and support.
So I just want to say - thank you, Mr Bibliosaur. I am SO lucky to have met and married you, and I wouldn't want to be doing this with anyone else in the world.
With all my love,
your Bibliosaur
(and the two little Bibliosaurs-on-the-way, too)
Saturday, October 10, 2009
The Mean Aunt?
Today I became the mean Aunt. I didn't want to and I didn't think I had it in me. I mean I have a hard time saying no to children especially the young ones. Today was a different story. My BIL and SIL stopped by to collect some money we owed them for my BIL doing some work around the house. I was taking a nap when they arrived and I was groggy but excited to see my niece who came running out of the car very excited not to see me but see my ferrets. Yes, I have ferrets - 3 of them.
She loves to play with them but they don't really like when she comes around because, well, she is 3 years old and doesn't really know how not to squeeze them or how not to stuff them in holes. In fact, two visits ago she made one of them puke (my sister was supposed to keep any eye on her). When she is around they hide in holes where she can't get to them. The last time she came over I let her in the room when I was in there, but I don't like seeing them tortured so the visit was cut short and she started bawling and throwing a fit. Her mom did nothing.
She loves to play with them but they don't really like when she comes around because, well, she is 3 years old and doesn't really know how not to squeeze them or how not to stuff them in holes. In fact, two visits ago she made one of them puke (my sister was supposed to keep any eye on her). When she is around they hide in holes where she can't get to them. The last time she came over I let her in the room when I was in there, but I don't like seeing them tortured so the visit was cut short and she started bawling and throwing a fit. Her mom did nothing.
These are not mine but look like my guys source
So today when they came she wanted to see the ferrets and I really wasn't in the mood, plus they were sleeping. So she started throwing a fit and not listening. She asked me every 30 seconds if she could see the ferrets. Usually I would give in because, like I said earlier, I have a hard time saying no - especially to the ones I am related to (that will not be a problem when I have my own child though). Her mom wasn't really saying anything and I could tell she was a little annoyed that I would say no even though she had warned me months ago that if I don't stand strong she will walk on me. My niece was over for a total of 10 minutes and she had to have asked at least 30 times if she could see the ferrets; when I said, she no stared at me like I was the devil.
I was more annoyed that her parents would let her get away with this. Not that her incessant questioning was the end of the world, but you would think her parents would at least try to stop her from crying and throwing a fit? Finally my BIL couldn't take the questioning and the whining anymore, so he was ready to get a move on and I was a little relieved. Maybe I was out of line for not letting her see the ferrets but how would you like to be woken up just to be played with for 10 minutes - or more like 10 minutes of torture? I know I would hate it. I just hope that when its my turn to be a parent I wont let my kids go on whining without trying to stop it before it becomes a way of getting things.
On a baby note, I am still somewhere in my cycle with no clue as to where I am at. DH came home the other day and said that one of his friends became pregnant by using ovulation tests. He asked if I was doing that which I thought was cute. Also, sometimes after we are intimate he proclaims we made a baby. I know that he is joking around but secretly hopes that its true. I can't wait until I can actually tell him when I do become knocked up. Currently I am on cycle day 61 and I am somewhat annoyed. This is a long cycle. Does anybody out there know if there is anything I can do to shorten my cycle days?
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Telling the family
For my last pregnancy, Mr Bibliosaur and I decided not to tell anyone - not even our parents - until 8 or 9 weeks. That didn't work out so well. The only thing worse than having to tell your parents that you miscarried is having to tell them that they were going to be grandparents...but not anymore. Those were the most heartbreaking conversations I have ever had in my entire life. So this time around, Mr Bibliosaur and I decided to tell our families immediately - the general public will have to wait, but our parents and siblings know now.
Yesterday we went out to dinner to celebrate Mr Bibliosaur's father's birthday, so we took the opportunity to tell his parents then - his mother was so happy she started crying in the restaurant, and his dad hugged me and said that we'd given him the best birthday present ever.
My family was a little trickier - we live in Australia and they're all in the USA, so a face to face conversation was out. The phone was the next option, but honestly, I'm feeling pretty emotionally overwhelmed right now and I just didn't think I could have that conversation five times in a row without completely breaking down. So I opted for email - less personal, I know, but it's how we communicate 99% of the time anyway so I hoped they wouldn't mind.
We love our pets to a ridiculous degree, so I decided to enlist their help to announce the good news:
What do you think? Pretty goofy, I know!
Yesterday we went out to dinner to celebrate Mr Bibliosaur's father's birthday, so we took the opportunity to tell his parents then - his mother was so happy she started crying in the restaurant, and his dad hugged me and said that we'd given him the best birthday present ever.
My family was a little trickier - we live in Australia and they're all in the USA, so a face to face conversation was out. The phone was the next option, but honestly, I'm feeling pretty emotionally overwhelmed right now and I just didn't think I could have that conversation five times in a row without completely breaking down. So I opted for email - less personal, I know, but it's how we communicate 99% of the time anyway so I hoped they wouldn't mind.
We love our pets to a ridiculous degree, so I decided to enlist their help to announce the good news:
What do you think? Pretty goofy, I know!
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Zzzzzzzzzz....
Sorry about the lack of posting lately. I've been more sleepy than normal and it seems like it takes much more energy to everything than it did pre-pregnancy.
Mr. Luckysaur and I broke the news to our parents last week. We went to the beach with Mr. Luckysaur's parents so we told them in person. They were so excited and hugged us. His mom and dad have already offered to baby sit for us even though they live about 1000 miles away. We may have to take them up on that later on!
My mom was the first one that we told on my side of the family. It was her 60th birthday on Sunday so we sent her a gift. We framed and wrapped this and sent it to her. (FYI- my brothers daughters call her Granny.)
Yep...that's us. It's not the best picture. We were in a hurry that night to get the picture taken and the bubbles on there so that we could get it in the frame and sent out the next day.
My mom called and kept saying "tell me it's true, tell me it's true." Yes Mom it's true! My sister was there with my mom when she opened her present so she found out the same time my mom did. After I got off the phone with my mom, I called my dad to let him know that he was going to be a grandpa again. He told me that our news was the best thing that he's heard in a really long time. How sweet! I then called my brother and sister-in-law to let them know. My sister-in-law told my nieces (2 and 4 years old) that they were going to have a cousin. In the background I could hear them running around singing "I'm going to have a cousin." Of course I don't think they have any idea what a cousin is, but it was so cute. Needless to say everyone was beyond thrilled for us. It's so wonderful to have them as excited about the baby as we are. I can't even begin to describe the feeling.
Mr. Luckysaur and I broke the news to our parents last week. We went to the beach with Mr. Luckysaur's parents so we told them in person. They were so excited and hugged us. His mom and dad have already offered to baby sit for us even though they live about 1000 miles away. We may have to take them up on that later on!
My mom was the first one that we told on my side of the family. It was her 60th birthday on Sunday so we sent her a gift. We framed and wrapped this and sent it to her. (FYI- my brothers daughters call her Granny.)
Yep...that's us. It's not the best picture. We were in a hurry that night to get the picture taken and the bubbles on there so that we could get it in the frame and sent out the next day.
My mom called and kept saying "tell me it's true, tell me it's true." Yes Mom it's true! My sister was there with my mom when she opened her present so she found out the same time my mom did. After I got off the phone with my mom, I called my dad to let him know that he was going to be a grandpa again. He told me that our news was the best thing that he's heard in a really long time. How sweet! I then called my brother and sister-in-law to let them know. My sister-in-law told my nieces (2 and 4 years old) that they were going to have a cousin. In the background I could hear them running around singing "I'm going to have a cousin." Of course I don't think they have any idea what a cousin is, but it was so cute. Needless to say everyone was beyond thrilled for us. It's so wonderful to have them as excited about the baby as we are. I can't even begin to describe the feeling.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
A Happy Day
It's been a bit of a rough week. For starters, I've just been completely and totally exhausted - an exhaustion like I have never known before. I'm not sleeping well at night - tossing and turning, vivid dreams and nightmares, the whole lot. So I've felt behind on my sleep all week. Add to that the emotional fallout from last Sunday, which I blogged about in my last entry, and a husband who's been on my case to tell the whole world we're pregnant, and it's been a rather rough past few days.
Today, however, has been a fabulous day. I'm so happy my face hurts from smiling so much. Why am I so happy? It's an accumulation of good things that've been building up to the phone call I received from my father today. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's start with Monday, and the beautiful flowers that were delivered to me at work from a good friend who knew I was upset. Funnily enough, she doesn't even know we're pregnant yet!
Tuesday, we got a card in the mail from my best friend, congratulating us on our pregnancy - with our first baby gift inside! She sent us a $25 gift card to Babies R Us, which we're already itching to spend.
Today was the cherry on top of my happiness sundae. It began with a team celebration at work, a Fun Day we have once a year to get the 14 of us out of the office to promote team bonding. This year, we went to a local dive bar for drinks and lots of fried foods and then across the street to another bar with a collection of vintage arcade games. Only one coworker knows so far, and I was rather proud of myself. When the waitress came to take our drink orders, I whispered to her to get me a vodka/cranberry without the liquor, and told her that my coworkers "didn't know I'm not drinking yet." That and a wink definitely conveyed my message, and it felt kinda cool being conspiratorial like that. So that was a nice feeling.
But the piece de resistance was the phone call I received from my father this evening, a few minutes after I got home from the bar. He's been keeping a journal to record his thoughts on his cancer journey, and he wanted to read us the entry from Sunday. It was the most beautiful and comforting thing I've ever heard.
He wrote about how his initial reaction was one of overwhelming sadness...finally feeling the world whizzing past him and seeing real evidence of what he'll be missing out on. But after he gathered his thoughts, he realized what a wonderful gift this new baby will be. He told me that seeing my mom bounce off the walls and buzz with excitement this week has been fabulous. She's already talking about needing another new sewing machine for all the embroidery she'll have to do for the baby (as if the two top-of-the-line machines she already has aren't enough!). My father said this was the best gift we could've possibly given her. He finally feels completely at peace knowing that she has something to look forward to, something to keep her from feeling lonely after he's gone. And he's so excited about experiencing the pregnancy with us.
What a wonderful, incredible feeling of happiness I have in my heart now. This baby, our baby, is already doing amazing things, and he or she is barely an embryo yet.
Edited to add: I just had to put a tag on about how wonderful Mr. Citysaur has been through all this. Yes, he's itching to tell the world we're pregnant, but only because he's So Incredibly Excited that we're expecting. Last night, I went out with a friend to see her husband in a musical...and Mr. Citysaur stayed home and cleaned the house, did the dishes, and did my laundry, among other things. He's just been amazing to me, and he's another very good reason why this week has made a turn for the better. I feel very blessed right now!
Today, however, has been a fabulous day. I'm so happy my face hurts from smiling so much. Why am I so happy? It's an accumulation of good things that've been building up to the phone call I received from my father today. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's start with Monday, and the beautiful flowers that were delivered to me at work from a good friend who knew I was upset. Funnily enough, she doesn't even know we're pregnant yet!
Tuesday, we got a card in the mail from my best friend, congratulating us on our pregnancy - with our first baby gift inside! She sent us a $25 gift card to Babies R Us, which we're already itching to spend.
Today was the cherry on top of my happiness sundae. It began with a team celebration at work, a Fun Day we have once a year to get the 14 of us out of the office to promote team bonding. This year, we went to a local dive bar for drinks and lots of fried foods and then across the street to another bar with a collection of vintage arcade games. Only one coworker knows so far, and I was rather proud of myself. When the waitress came to take our drink orders, I whispered to her to get me a vodka/cranberry without the liquor, and told her that my coworkers "didn't know I'm not drinking yet." That and a wink definitely conveyed my message, and it felt kinda cool being conspiratorial like that. So that was a nice feeling.
But the piece de resistance was the phone call I received from my father this evening, a few minutes after I got home from the bar. He's been keeping a journal to record his thoughts on his cancer journey, and he wanted to read us the entry from Sunday. It was the most beautiful and comforting thing I've ever heard.
He wrote about how his initial reaction was one of overwhelming sadness...finally feeling the world whizzing past him and seeing real evidence of what he'll be missing out on. But after he gathered his thoughts, he realized what a wonderful gift this new baby will be. He told me that seeing my mom bounce off the walls and buzz with excitement this week has been fabulous. She's already talking about needing another new sewing machine for all the embroidery she'll have to do for the baby (as if the two top-of-the-line machines she already has aren't enough!). My father said this was the best gift we could've possibly given her. He finally feels completely at peace knowing that she has something to look forward to, something to keep her from feeling lonely after he's gone. And he's so excited about experiencing the pregnancy with us.What a wonderful, incredible feeling of happiness I have in my heart now. This baby, our baby, is already doing amazing things, and he or she is barely an embryo yet.
Edited to add: I just had to put a tag on about how wonderful Mr. Citysaur has been through all this. Yes, he's itching to tell the world we're pregnant, but only because he's So Incredibly Excited that we're expecting. Last night, I went out with a friend to see her husband in a musical...and Mr. Citysaur stayed home and cleaned the house, did the dishes, and did my laundry, among other things. He's just been amazing to me, and he's another very good reason why this week has made a turn for the better. I feel very blessed right now!
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Telling the parents...
If I have learned anything about my husband and myself in the week since we found out we were pregnant, it is that neither of us is very good at keeping secrets!
Realizing full well how early it is, Mr. Citysaur and I decided to go ahead and tell both sets of parents this weekend. Since his parents are five hours away, we had to do that reveal over the phone. It ended up being an elaborate set up that he cooked up with his sister and she carried out with the help of her three-year-old daughter. The two of them went over to my in-laws' house, and DH planned it out so that he called just after they showed up. After both parents were on the line, DH's sister gave her daughter the signal, and she told her grandparents "I'm gonna be a cousin!" My mother-in-law's first reaction was "What? You're going to do what with the carseat?" After saying it a second time, we got a "Congrats, guys!" from DH's dad, and a "Who's pregnant?" from DH's mom. THEN she caught on! To be fair, DH's brother-in-law has other siblings, so it could've been a cousin on her other side...and I just don't think she was expecting a pregnancy announcement from us just yet. So we definitely surprised them.
For my parents, since they're in town, we decided to do the big reveal in person. I browsed CafePress and ordered them each a button, which I then put inside a card for them.
Realizing full well how early it is, Mr. Citysaur and I decided to go ahead and tell both sets of parents this weekend. Since his parents are five hours away, we had to do that reveal over the phone. It ended up being an elaborate set up that he cooked up with his sister and she carried out with the help of her three-year-old daughter. The two of them went over to my in-laws' house, and DH planned it out so that he called just after they showed up. After both parents were on the line, DH's sister gave her daughter the signal, and she told her grandparents "I'm gonna be a cousin!" My mother-in-law's first reaction was "What? You're going to do what with the carseat?" After saying it a second time, we got a "Congrats, guys!" from DH's dad, and a "Who's pregnant?" from DH's mom. THEN she caught on! To be fair, DH's brother-in-law has other siblings, so it could've been a cousin on her other side...and I just don't think she was expecting a pregnancy announcement from us just yet. So we definitely surprised them.
For my parents, since they're in town, we decided to do the big reveal in person. I browsed CafePress and ordered them each a button, which I then put inside a card for them.
The package from CafePress barely made it to me in time...in fact, it took our mailman an extra trip to the package center and a special delivery to me to get it in my hands in time. Two thumbs up to the USPS in this case!
So I had it all planned out. We arrived at their house super early to catch the first showing of Harry Potter with them. I wanted to wait until after, so we could have plenty of time to talk. After turned out to be almost 2 PM, once we were all finished with lunch at their house. The waiting was torture! I was nervous all morning, all during the movie, and even while eating lunch. Poor Mr. Citysaur didn't help either. My mom noticed a change in his behavior almost as soon as we got to their house, and even called him out on it on the way to the movie! We tried to play it off, but she never bought it, not really.
So I finally handed her the card, and her very first reaction was "I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!" Then I got a huge hug and she said "My baby's having a baby!" She is thrilled for her first grandchild, and wanted to wear the button to work tomorrow! I asked her to hold off for a while, until we're ready to announce it to the world, and she reluctantly agreed.
Things were a little different with my father. I know in my heart of hearts that he is thrilled for us. But I think it was difficult for him to share in this happy announcement with us, not knowing whether he will actually get to meet our baby or not. After listening to us talk for a while, he went to his room and napped for a bit. Before we left, he made sure and told me that he's really, really happy for us, even if it didn't seem like it. I know he's telling the truth.
It is such a strange mix of emotions - the highest highs and the lowest lows. The joy of a new life mixed in with the last months of another. At times, I wonder what I've gotten myself into. I'm already seeing that I'm now not only going to lose my father soon, but I'm going to be doing it with the crazy hormones of a pregnant woman. I ended up leaving my parents' house in kind of a funk, and it's been a down day since then. I know that's just the life of someone affected by cancer...and the raging hormones certainly don't help.
The good news is that Mr. Citysaur has been absolutely beyond amazing through all of this. If I could've imagined exactly what I wanted in a husband/father of my children - even that wouldn't have come close to him. I know it sounds cheesy, but he has shown his true colors through all of this, and I know he will be my rock, no matter what happens. For now, I'm just going to try to revel in the still-new fact that we are PREGNANT! and not dwell too much on the other things.
