Breast is Best... Right?!

I'm 34 weeks today and I'm exhausted! I haven't been sleeping well (during the night that is). Naptime seems to be the only restful sleep I can get and unfortunately since DS doesn't nap... I am limited to a catnap after dinner when DH is home.

I find myself awake almost every night at 3 or 4 am researching breastfeeding online. I am trying to do everything in my power to have a positive result with nursing this time. My first experience didn't quite go the way I had planned so this time I am educating myself as much as possible.

I had planned on taking a class but found out last week that the only one offered before
"Baby"comes has been canceled. I have spoke to two women over the phone now who have answered a slue of questions regarding my upcoming challenge. They have given me more insight then I could have possibly imagined and I wish now that I had taken more imitative to get this kind of information before going down that dreaded road with DS!

You see, like most first-time moms, I had it in my head that nursing was going to be so natural and often wondered why more women chose the bottle over the breast. Why would one even consider spending $25 a can on formula when you can supply your baby w/ all he/she needs for free? I obviously had watched way too many Baby Stories on TLC because when it came time to nurse DS, I failed miserably!

I remember thinking that when DS was born, that the Dr. would place him on my chest and he'd latch himself on and take right off... right?! WRONG! After four and a half hours of pushing and with the help of forceps, DS came bouncing into the world. But instead of the Dr. placing him on my chest, they held him up for me to see and placed him on the baby "hot plate" to check him all over. By the time I was able to hold him I was so busy looking at him and watching as our families passed him around the delivery room, that I didn't even think about trying to nurse.

Two hours later, as I was being prepped to move to postpartum I had to ask the nurse, "Should I try breastfeeding him now?" She replied that it'd be a good idea so I tried with all my might to get him to latch on not knowing what the hell I was doing! I was in such a euphoric state and so exhausted I think I actually thought I had gotten him fed since he'd drifted off to sleep.

DH and I had made the choice to have him brought into the room during the night only when he needed to be fed or changed. At midnight the nurse rolled him in and said she'd be back a little later to take him back to the nursery. DH fetched him from the rolly cart and placed him in my arms. I did what I'd seen so many times on Baby Story and again thought I was doing everything right.

The next morning after a very long night I asked for some help from the lactation consultant. She was very helpful and had some really good advice but I just remember thinking this is not something I should have to ask for help with. When she left the room I cried to DH telling him how I felt like a failure for not being able to successfully nurse our newborn son. I didn't' give up though, I wanted to, but I kept on trying for the first 3 or 4 weeks.

My mother-in-law went out and bought me a breast pump the first day we were home. I tried it out and didn't get much milk, no surprise, my milk hadn't even come in yet. I continued trying day after day, night after night to nurse DS but felt he wasn't ever satisfied. At his first appointment after delivery they had me start supplementing because he'd lost so many ounces. The formula would leave him feeling full and the weight was put back on fast so I felt relieved for the first time since bringing him home. No one told me about a little thing called nipple confusion and every time I tried to nurse, he'd not have much of a response. After those first few weeks, I gave up!

This time I am going to try much harder! And while I know it doesn't work for everyone, I plan to do things differently in hopes of having a better experience! What advice can you give me to have that better experience?

Guilt

Last night, I laid in my bed in tears. I’ve mentioned before that I’m fighting allergies, but I don’t know if I really described how severe it is. You know how when you have a really bad cold, your nose gets so stuffed up that your head hurts and your sinuses start screaming at you? It’s like that. Every minute. Every hour. Every day. But in addition to that, my throat feels like it’s closing up, so I can not only not breathe through my nose, but I have difficulty breathing deeply through my mouth as well. I can barely sleep at night because breathing is so difficult, even when I’m propped up on three pillows (which is in turn giving me back and neck aches). I’ve blown my nose so much that I’ve started getting nosebleeds. My eyes are swollen and feel like they’re on fire, even when I use saline eyedrops to try to relieve some of the pain.

And that’s on a good day. I literally cannot be outside for longer than a minute or two or the symptoms instantly grow worse (I’ve actually had to take time off of work because I couldn’t physically cope after having to be outside for a couple of hours the previous night). I can’t step into my yard, can’t play with my dogs outside, can’t go for a walk or a picnic. I live inside a sealed up house, dash to the car to go to work, stay inside a building all day, and then repeat in the opposite order. If my husband opens a window at home to let some of the stale air out, I start gasping within minutes. 

And I still have another 3.5 months to go, as the allergy season for hayfever sufferers in Australia runs from about October to February. It’s going to be a long spring.

This is all worth it, because this is what I need to do to keep these babies healthy. But last night, I woke up at 4am and couldn’t get back to sleep because my allergies were so severe. Today, I’m desperately tired. And when I was lying in bed, watching the light from the dawn creeping through the blinds, I realized: I can’t do this again. I just can’t.

My plan was to breastfeed our babies for the first 12 months, as the AAP recommends. I’ve now cut that down to 5-6 months, depending on when my allergies start up next year. Because next year, I want – no, I need – to be able to take strong allergy medication, and I won’t be able to if I’m breastfeeding.

And I feel unbelievably guilty. How many times have I had it drummed into my head that breast is best, that if you don’t breastfeed your child for at least a year, you’re doing them a disservice. I don’t want to be a bad mother! But then I remind myself: there is nothing wrong with formula. Formula is not bad. Formula is not evil. It may not quite be the naturally perfect baby food that breastmilk is, but it’s absolutely the best substitute in the world. Women who are unable to produce enough milk to feed their child - and you never know, I could be one of them and then all of this would be a moot point - are not abusing their children by giving them formula, and I won’t be abusing our children either. I've read that most of the benefits of breastfeeding are in the first 6 months, so hopefully I'll be able to breastfeed for that long - but if not, it won't be the end of the world.

I want to be able to breathe freely and play with my children. I want to be able to get whatever sleep I can, instead of gasping for air at night. I want them to have nice, fresh air in our home. I want to be able to take them out in the stroller for a walk instead of being trapped inside a sealed house for five months. Yes, breastfeeding is a wonderful thing, but so is quality of life – not just for myself, but for my children. I know this decision might open me up to some judgment (especially since I'm making it so far in advance), but I'm OK with that. Because if this is what I have to do to be happy and healthy so I can make our children happy and healthy, then it's the right choice for our family.

Classes, classes, which classes to take?

I'm about 18 weeks along now, so I've started to think about which childbirth classes we need to sign up for. And, honestly, it's a little overwhelming! I mean, oh boy, the choices!

So, to narrow down the choices, I have devised three simple questions that should help:

(Note, the questions may be simple, but the answers are not! So, for those of you who are TTC, start thinking about these basic things now so that you'll be ahead of the game when you get to this point!)

(1) The first thing to decide is where to deliver... Hopsital? Birthing center? At home? There is an endless array of options. And where you decide to deliver will impact who your doctor is as well as what kind of education you need to prepare for birth. (This might also be a good time to think about whether you'll want a doula, but that could really be another post altogether!)

OR

The pregnancy books all say that if it's your first child, then you are better off at the hospital. Then, once you know what you are in for, or know that you won't have complications, you can consider options like delivering at your home or having a water birth.

I also know that my good friend who just gave birth in January toiled for 40+ hours because she wanted to deliver naturally at a birthing center, but wasn't progressing. Then her water broke and she had to be taken to the hospital and deliver by an emergency c-section. Oy vey!

My birth plan?

It's simple: Get the baby out alive - and fast! That's it. Really, what more is there to say?

In my case, I chose my doctor first. It's actually a practice of several doctors. And they deliver at a hospital, so we pretty much just decided to go the easy route and deliver at the hospital.

Most hospitals offer a wide array of choices for you in terms of classes that you can take. Birthing centers also offer classes. So depending on where you deliver, that should be the first place you look when deciding which classes to take.

We settled on a Childbirth Preparation Class offered at our hospital by a nurse who works with my doctor's practice. Her classes are smaller than the regular hospital ones. In that class, we'll get to tour the maternity ward of the hospital, and learn other things, such as signs and symptoms of labor, medications during labor, relaxation and distraction techniques, stages of labor, vaginal delivery, vacuum, forceps and c-section details, newborn care, infant feeding, etc. Cost is $180 for the 5-hour class.

Whew! Done. Signed up for the July 12th class! I'll report back on how it goes...

2. The second decision that you need to consider: Will you be attempting a natural delivery, i.e., no drugs and baby will come out vaginally? Or, will you be accepting an epidural to dull the pain, and is a c-section an option or preference?

Again, many pregnancy books say that it's easier to deliver naturally for your 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc., child because by then your body is used to it and you also know what you're in for.

But for your first? Take the drugs. Be prepared for anything, including a c-section, if it's deemed medically necessary. At least that's what I plan to do. Refer back to my birth plan.

That said, some women really want to do it naturally, and that's fine. More power to them. These women would be better off investing in classes that would help them achieve that result, such as The Bradley Method, and getting a doctor that supports their decision. If you don't care so much, then you don't really need to spend the money ($400 for Bradley Method classes) or time (we're talking months) to master a method that will help you deliver naturally. Capish?

In our case, I don't think that a time-intensive and expensive class like the Bradley Method was right for us. But I did want to take some class that teaches relaxation techniques, so I am considering signing us up for a Lamaze class ($75 for two full Sundays of instruction).

3. The third question to consider really could wait a while. No need to decide this one right away. You have time. But, basically, it's this: Do you plan to breastfeed?

If you do, there are classes that you can take to prepare for that. Because word is that it's not as easy as you would think. You'll want to check with your hospital, birthing center, etc., to see if there will be any lactatian consultants available for you after you deliver. You might want to hire one ahead of time who can come to your room after you deliver and give you some help.

As for me, I have decided that I will try it. I don't know if it'll work or if I'll stick with it for very long. But I will give it a go. There is a nonprofit Breastfeeding Center in my city that offers FREE breastfeeding classes! I have been talking to another woman in my prenatal yoga class about going to a class in July or August together.

Whew! That sums up a lot! I may need to revisit parts of this post as I progress. But with classes filling up very early, I needed to make these decisions and reserve my space ASAP! Hopefully this post will help others figure out how to navigate the overwhelming array of birthing choices out there!