Riding the Emotional Roller Coaster

That's right. I am riding this crazy roller coaster of emotions. Last week I was feeling great about where I am at in life. Mr. Relaxasaur and I had a "check in" talk. We like to keep our lines of communication open and every now and then we like to make sure we are both good and happy with our relationship. We went out to a nice dinner and talked about the what ifs of TTC. We said that if we didn't have any kids in the next five years we would move the city and try city life for a while and then consider adoption. I try to tell myself that for me children aren't everything. But I don't think I will know for sure until we are faced with the real possiblity of never.

Source

As we wait for our results from my hubby's sperm analysis I started to worry a little that we can't have kids. The longer we have to wait the more my mind freaks me out. The other day for no reason whatsoever I cried four times about nothing. It was a tough day and then I tell myself not to try to not worry until we get the results. We took the test almost 3 weeks ago and the results have been sitting in my doctor's office for a week and I have been calling everyday and she will not call me back. Her secretary called and asked me to call the place where we got the testing done and get the results from them. So I called them and they said they only conduct the tests and they don't keep the results in the office and to call my doctor for them. So I call my doctor back and of course her assistant said the same thing she has been saying all week that the doctor will call me when she gets a chance. Then last night her assistant calls and says my Dr. wants me to get the results from the lab and I again explain they don't have them and it is really starting to piss me off. So I told her to fax me the results and she said she would tomorrow after the doctor comes in.

I knew this wouldn't happen so I called today and talked to a different woman and asked her to get my file together including the sperm test results because I would be picking them up and switching to a new doctor. I explained that I also have been wanting come in and get tested for PCOS and the other assistant kept telling me to talk to the doctor about it when she called me back, which I didn't understand why she wouldn't just set me up and appointment, plus I wasn't getting called back so how can I talk to the doctor. So this woman asked me when my appointment was with the other doctor and I told her Dec. 31st. She asked me if I wanted to come in on Monday for a consultation for my irregular cycle and get my husbands lab results at the same time. I figure I have nothing to loose. Then she tells me she can't really tell me the results without the doctor signing off but she say that it states Mr. Relaxasaur is advised to see a urologist.

So I am assuming something is wrong. My heart sank. Not for me but for my husband. See he loves children, he works with kids for a living and does want to be a father someday. We don't know what is wrong yet I will find out Monday so until then we are trying to stay positive but it is hard to not wonder about our future. I do know that this is going to be a long weekend. On top of all that I stopped acupuncture. I wasn't seeing any changes in my cycle, my energy is better but I didn't want to continue spending the money until we know for sure that we can have children of our own. I am currently on cycle day 43. Plus, I found someone who specializes in fertility acupuncture and Chinese herbal medicine, and is also an obgyn so when and if I continue I will switch practitioners. That is about all that has been happening my household and I will post an update after I get the results back.

Thanks for reading and have a nice weekend.