Another day, another BFN

Yup. Another one.

Yesterday, Mr Bibliosaur went to the store and bought me a pack of uber-sensitive HPTs (isn't he a sweetie?). These suckers detect down to 10mIU - to give you an idea of how low that is, the average "early" tests are normally around 25mIU. I took one yesterday afternoon after holding my pee for an agonizing 4.5 hours to simulate first morning urine, and nothing. Then took another one this morning and STILL nothing. Aunt Flo was due yesterday, and I still have no temp drop, no spotting, and no BFP.

All of this is making me wonder if perhaps my ovulation date is off. Looking at my chart, it's possible that I O'd on CD13 instead of CD10. Most of the signs do point to CD10: the biggest temp spike, the most fertile CM, the positive OPK. But there are some that could indicate CD13 as well: another temp spike (maybe the one on CD10 was a fluke, given the two low temps after it), a little more fertile CM, and theoretically I could have ovulated several days after the hormone surge that the OPK detected. This would explain all of the negative HPTs since it would mean today is only 12dpo and Aunt Flo is still two days away.

So all of you chart stalkers, I need your help. Please take a look at my chart, then vote in the poll below (btw - I've noticed that the polls don't always show up in Google Reader, so if you're reading this there and don't see the poll, I'm not crazy I swear - it really is there!).

Here's how it looks with CD10 as the ovulation date:

I tried discarding that high temp on CD10, just to see what Fertility Friend would do - it then said I O'd on CD11, which I really don't think is right!

And here's how it looks with CD13 as the O-day (note - I didn't change the coverline to a different temp because I have no idea what it should be):


Ugh. I really just want to know one way or the other now - this uncertainty is making me grouchy, haha!

poll by twiigs.com

Finally?

So after months and months of TTC, numerous OPKs, an IF diagnosis of anovulation, two rounds of fertility treatment, multiple dates with the "dildo cam," and dozens of HPTs, I finally saw a second line!!! I have to admit that I was impatient and tested early, even though I wasn't supposed to. You see, when you receive a trigger shot, the hCG slowly leaves your system in the urine. Because a HPT checks for hCG, this can cause false positives. The hCG leaves the body at an averag rate of 1,000 units per day. Most women receive 10,000 units, meaning an average of 10 days before the trigger is gone. My doctor instructed me not to test early to avoid false positives, and told me I could test with FMU 14 days after the trigger.

For those who habitually POAS and are too anxious to wait a full two weeks, you can "test out the trigger," meaning you can POAS daily until the positive line disappears, then continue to POAS until you (hopefully) see another positive pop up. Otherwise, if you POAS early you have no idea if it's a true positive or false positive. I have seen some women report that the trigger is out of their system as early as 3-4 days after the trigger, and others that found it didn't completely leave their body until 13 days later. Hence my doctor's recommendation to wait 14 days.

Of course I decided to be cheap and did not test out the trigger (even though you can get HPTs at the Dollar Tree that are among the most sensitive). If you recall, most women ovulate 24-36 hours after receiving the trigger shot. I thought I felt what might be ovulation 2 days after I received the injection, and then a thermal shift on my chart confirmed it. So when I POAS 10 days after the trigger, it was about 8DPO. That is really, really early to be testing - if you don't believe me, see the stats here. But, I just couldn't resist because during this cycle, I started to feel some mild cramping during the 2ww. I normally only get cramps after AF has showed up, not before, and was wishfully thinking that these cramps could be a sign of implantation. So I POAS at just 8DPO and lo behold, after a few minutes, I saw a line. It was a very very very faint line, so much so that I was squinting and holding it out at arm's length to figure out if it was really a line, or just my eyes fooling me. I've always heard that "a line is a line" and you're PG regardless of how light or dark the line is. There's really no such thing as "sort of" PG; either you're PG or you're not. At this point, I was kicking myself for not testing the trigger out. At 10 days post trigger, this very well could be the last bit of hCG injection leaving my system... or, it could be a sign of pregnancy!!! I had no way of knowing if it was simply wishful thinking or reality, so I put away the pee sticks for a few days and resolved not to test again until 12DPO, 14 days after the trigger, as my doctor had originally instructed me.

Those next 4 days were pure torture!!! I could not stop thinking about it, and almost POAS each subsequent morning. The only thing stopping me was the fact that I only had one HPT left. If I POAS and it was negative, I'd have to either go out and buy more, or wait for AF to show up. So I resolved to wait the full 4 days. That fourth morning I awoke and ran straight to the bathroom and POAS. This time, instead of it taking a few minutes to show up, the beautiful pink line showed up before the control line even popped up! There was no question about it now - I was PG! After countless HPTs, I finally got to see a BFP!!! It was one of the most exciting days of my life, and will probably only be trumped by the day the baby is born.

I called the doctor and came in to get my blood drawn for a beta and found that my beta was 237 at 12DPO and then 735 at 14DPO. Using this beta calculator, the doubling time was 1.22 days, meaning that although rare, my BFP at 8DPO was in fact real and not a false positive from the hCG injection (it was probably about 25 at 8DPO, just high enough to be picked up by most HPTs). Using another beta calculator, I was a bit curious to find out if we were having a singleton, or if we were having twins. Unlike most couples, we had the opportunity to see my follicles before ovulation so we knew I only have one mature follie - or at least one visible follie. Sometimes they can be elusive and missed on u/s, or the embryo could have split after conception, yielding identical twins. There is absolutely no scientific evidence to prove that higher betas correspond to multiples, but I still couldn't help but wonder...

I feel so fortunate that we were able to conceive after just two courses of treatment. When you are first diagnosed as infertile, it's hard not to wonder if you'll ever get PG... and if you do, how far you'll have to go with the treatments to get there. We feel so very blessed with this baby and although it wasn't an easy journey, we know that it will help us appreciate the baby that much more.

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The Great Sperm Race

There's a really interesting (and entertaining) documentary called The Great Sperm Race which discusses conception and all the challenges that sperm face in order to fertilize the egg! It's quite entertaining because it's "upped" everything to human size, with a person representing each sperm and its race to the egg.

Watching this documentary, I'm simply amazed that anyone is able to get pregnant at all. The sperm have HUGE obstables to overcome in order to finally get to the egg and fertilize it. One thing that I didn't realize is actually how few sperm make it into the fallopian tube. I won't ruin the ending for you, but I think you might be surprised too!

If you missed The Great Sperm Race on television, you can also watch it on the internet!! Go to it, and get your learn (and laugh) on.

Waiting

Well, AF came on Sunday. I was actually quite relieved because it was starting to get frustrating having negative HPTs and no AF. Anyway, my DH and I talked and we think we'll give it another two cycles before we start TTC again. Partially because it would be nice to see if my cycles become more regular and also because the timing would be better for me since I'm a teacher. Hopefully if we TTC in September and it works, then the baby would be born next summer. I felt like we would be ready right now, but it makes the most sense to wait. Meanwhile, I haven't decided yet if I will chart the next two cycles on fertility friend, but it might be a good idea.

Waiting isn't fun, but two months isn't too long!

In other news, my sister is having her big U/S today so I'll find out soon if I'm going to have another niece or another nephew! :)

Nine Weeks

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Today I am nine weeks pregnant. My itchiness is subsiding thanks to the prescribed prednisone, topical cream and the shot of Kenalog I got last week. Cravings for bagels and cream cheese with lox are strong and it seems that my morning sickness has decided to come in the evenings now. I feel queasy from about 7 p.m. onward. So I am sure to get all of my food for the day in before then, which isn't too difficult.

So delish! I am limiting myself to one serving/week though I could probably eat it every day right now!
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I am waking twice a night now to pee and overall, I have lost 7 lbs. since my BFP in May. I am not worried about the weight loss since I am considered obese and pregnant and it's fairly typical for "fluffy" mamas-to-be to drop some weight during the first and sometimes second trimesters. I am eating regularly, so I know I am getting all of the nutrition the baby needs right now. My goal is not to gain more than 20 lbs. during this entire pregnancy (doctor's orders) so I am feeling pretty good about it all. That said, my shape is changing and my waistline is thickening (for a bigger girl, I have always been hourglass shaped). I am starting to feel my waistbands tighten on my pants and capris and know it's mostly bloat since they're tighter at the end of the day. But I anticipate wanting to wear some maternity clothes before the summer is over, so I have been bidding on eBay for some gently used items like capris and slacks.

According to BabyCenter, here's what's happening with the Little Being this week:

Your new resident is nearly an inch long — about the size of a grape — and weighs just a fraction of an ounce. She's starting to look more and more human. Her essential body parts are accounted for, though they'll go through plenty of fine-tuning in the coming months. Other changes abound: Your baby's heart finishes dividing into four chambers, and the valves start to form — as do her tiny teeth. The embryonic "tail" is completely gone. Your baby's organs, muscles, and nerves are kicking into gear. The external sex organs are there but won't be distinguishable as male or female for another few weeks. Her eyes are fully formed, but her eyelids are fused shut and won't open until 27 weeks. She has tiny earlobes, and her mouth, nose, and nostrils are more distinct. The placenta is developed enough now to take over most of the critical job of producing hormones. Now that your baby's basic physiology is in place, she's poised for rapid weight gain.

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14 dpo. No AF. Still BFN.

It's 14dpo.

Temp is still up - a bit higher than yesterday, in fact.

No spotting.

No Aunt Flo - she was due to arrive yesterday or today.

Q-Tip test was totally clean, and it usually gives me a 24-hour warning before Aunt Flo shows.

Another BFN from one of my lucky HPTs this morning - and I mean total BFN, not even a maybe-sorta faint line. Nothing. Zip. Zero. Zilch.

Here's how my chart is looking, for you chart stalkers out there (you know who you are lol!):.

*sigh* This is getting stupid.

So here's the plan. I'm going to the store today and buying the most sensitive test I can find, then I'm using that sucker every day until I either get a BFP or Aunt Flo shows up. I know that sometimes it just takes a while for a positive test to show (when I googled it this morning, I found tons of examples of ladies who didn't get a + until AF was well over a week overdue), but it's still frustrating. I just want to know either way, you know?

Help me stay hopeful - has anyone out there had multiple BFNs before getting a late BFP?

Still trickling...

So I mentioned in my last post that I was still bleeding a little after our trip to the ER. I figured that the brownish blood was related to the initial bleeding episode of Thursday afternoon, so I wasn't too concerned.

After a leisurely weekend of mostly bed rest (I did get up to walk the dogs, but I was told by the doctor that was okay, so long as I took it easy), things looked good and I had no spotting after early Sunday morning.

Enter Monday morning. And I have pinkish spotting. Again. UGH.

More than anything, this is nerve wracking and it makes me panicky. I just wish it would stop.

Yah, yah, I know, everyone is telling me that spotting can be normal and to just relax. Well, you try telling a woman who had a miscarriage just a few months ago to relax when she sees spotting. Not happening, I think, unless she's got nerves of steel. Which I don't.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not sitting there bursting into tears or hysterically wailing when I see the spotting. But I get this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. And then I start - almost unconsciously - resigning myself to what I believe to be the worst case scenario. Another miscarriage.

I want to have faith in this baby. I want to believe in him or her, 100%, like I did with our first baby. I try really hard to do so, and it's easier when I've got my head in the toilet retching from the smell of Mr. Legalosaur's Big Mac meal.

But, sometimes it's just a little harder than usual to believe in miracles...

I've never known so many pregnant women in my life...

Since I found out I was pregnant almost a month ago, I found out that my almost 42 year old cousin is pregnant with her 5th child and two of my friends are pregnant with their 2nd. They are due in October, November, and February (about a week after I'm due). This is in addition to my 4 co-workers who are due between December and February. And another friend who is due in October. Is that crazy, or what?! It's pretty exciting, too, because my baby will have lots of "cousins" to play with.

The best thing about having friends going through their pregnancies along side you is having someone to talk to about how you're feeling because they can totally relate. In fact, one of my pregnant co-workers text messaged me today asking how I was feeling because she dreamt that I was getting really sick. It's just so nice to have people to share the experience with.

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In other news, my nausea has pretty much gone away. It only lasted a few days and I don't expect that it won't come back, but for now, it's nice to feel somewhat normal. Other than being pretty tired all the time. Also, since we've been "on vacation" I swear I've gained 5 lbs and my tummy is getting big! I mean, I've never had a totally flat tummy a la Jennifer Aniston or any other celeb, but it was a couple days of no carbs away from being pretty flat. Not so much anymore. The problem is, it's not even bloat and it's definitely not baby...just a result of eating way too much and not exercising AT ALL. It's way too early (at 7 weeks) for me to be gaining weight! I'm hoping that once I get home and back to reality, the weight will come back off until the end of the first tri. Must. work. out.

What's up with OvWatch?

So, much to my surprise, I awoke on CD 12 to my OVWatch alerting me that my fertile period has begun! Seriously?

I am wondering if this can possibly be correct. I am excited to think it might be! If OvWatch is correct, that means I am expected to ovulate between CD 16-17! Could I seriously be approaching a cycle with on average normal ovulation time!??!?

I have been asked before: which do you hate more, Bellesaur, the weeks before O or the 2 WW? I must say it is the weeks before O, since I am still adjusting to life without BCP. I am still never certain as to when I will O, and I am anxious to get my timing right! As far as the 2 WW, I have come to just accept AF is coming, so no anxiety there.

Well, wish me luck! I think Mr. Bellesaur and I are going to try the every other day approach again, and see what happens.

Well, my temperature rose

Not only did it rise, but it rose by a LOT:

Look at that spike! I was so excited when I got that this morning, and as per my plan from yesterday, I took a pregnancy test.

It was negative. Not even a glimmer of a hint of a notion of a faint line. Nothin'.

*sigh* This is what I get for testing on 12dpo instead of waiting until 14dpo as I was originally planning for this cycle. Although 12dpo is a common test date and fairly accurate, there's still a good chance that it could be a false negative, especially given my temps. That said, I was using an Australian early response test that's supposed to be sensitive to 25mIU*, so it could just as easily be correct that I'm not knocked up, since many pregnant women would have a hCG level of 40-100mIU by this stage (assuming of course that implantation takes place around days 7-9):

Days Past Ovulation	Typical hCG Level
Less than 5 DPO	1-2 mIU
5 DPO	2-5 mIU
6 DPO	4-10 mIU
7 DPO	8-20 mIU
8 DPO	10-25 mIU
9 DPO	15-30 mIU
10 DPO	20-50 mIU
12 DPO	40-100 mIU
16 DPO	200-400 mIU
20 DPO	220-800 mIU

Chart from here.

For the past few cycles, I've started spotting on 12dpo before Aunt Flo shows up in full force on 14dpo, so we'll see what happens for the next couple of days. If I see any spotting today (no matter how tiny), I'm declaring myself out for this cycle. If I don't, well...I have eight lucky HPTs that I can try in a couple days!

* You can check out how low your HPT can test here.

So AF did go on vacation too!

Well, AF is still not here. According to the date of my last period, 5/20, AF should have been here around 6/17 but she still hasn't come. I took another HPT a few days ago and it was negative, so I really don't understand what's going on here. What I'm wondering is how long I should wait before calling the doctor? Since it is my first month off BCP, I'm not surprised she's acting up, but how long is too long?

Any thoughts?

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pee Sticks

Early this year, a friend of mine bought a pack of HPTs. As luck would have it, she became pregnant quite quickly and didn't need to use them - so she sent them to a mutual friend of ours, who was also trying to conceive. Amazingly, that friend also became pregnant and didn't need to use the sticks. And now that sweet friend has sent them to me, hoping the same thing will happen yet again.

I'm not a superstitious person, but I'll take whatever luck I can get, whether that's in the form of a four-leaf clover, a horseshoe or a pack of HPTs that have never needed to be used.

Heh, when Mr Bibliosaur saw this illustration, he got a confused expression and asked, "You have to pee...in a BOWL?" Apparently he'd never heard of HPTs where you pee in a cup instead of directly on the stick.

My earliest potential test date is tomorrow, 12dpo, although I'm thinking of waiting another couple days past that since my luteal phase is generally 14 days long. For the chart stalkers out there, here's how things are looking so far this cycle (remember that I'm not charting symptoms):

My temps are a bit up/down, but the general trend is upward, which is a good thing - keep in mind that charting is all about trends, not specific temperatures.

I normally get a temperature drop on 12dpo - sometimes it's big, sometimes it's small, but it's always there, so tomorrow is the day of truth. If I get a drop, I'll know that Aunt Flo is probably on her way in a couple of days and I won't bother testing. If I get a temp that is the same as or higher than today's, then I may use the last (non-lucky) HPT in my bathroom cupboard.

Cross your fingers for me!

Our trip to the ER yesterday

I was sitting at my desk yesterday before lunch, just minding my own business and doing a little bit of work.

All of a sudden, I felt a bit of a "gush" and wetness down there. At first I thought maybe I had leaked somehow, but that didn't make much sense since I hadn't sneezed or even coughed.

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So I got up and ran to the bathroom. I sat on the toilet and bent down to pee. What I saw freaked the HECK outta me! A rush of pinky-red blood came gushing out with my pee.

All I could think was oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god! When I wiped, there was even more pinky-red blood on the toilet paper. The water in the toilet bowl was pink with blood. I was in shock, just numb, and I basically froze. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. Memories of my miscarriage from March came rushing back to me.

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I went back to my office, and the first thing I did was phone Mr. Legalosaur. He asked me what I wanted to do, but I didn't really know what to do.

My first instinct was to run to the ER, but I wondered if that was a bit of overkill. I had been to the doctor with our first pregnancy after bleeding, and I knew there was nothing she could do except check the cervix to see if it was closed or not. Which really means nothing at all. I needed some proof NOW that everything was okay... or that all was lost.

I hung up on Mr. Legalosaur and phoned the stupid ultrasound lab to see if they had any cancellations that afternoon or the day after. The first appointment they had was still the end of August, so there was no point in holding out any hope for them.

At that point I decided that the ER was probably the best way to go, although I was not looking forward to sitting in the waiting room all afternoon... And I did feel like it was a bit of an overreaction, but I had never bled this much even when I first found out we had miscarried, so I was worried.

I phoned Mr. Legalosaur and he came to get me from work. We drove to the ER. I went pee when we first got there, and there was still quite a bit of pink blood.

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The ER was actually very amazing. Within 30 minutes of me walking in there, we had a room. The ER doc didn't really think an ultrasound was warranted, being that I'm "only 6 weeks along" and "early miscarriages are very common". However, after explaining that we had a missed miscarriage in March, and assuring him that I *knew* the ultrasound might not show us anything, he decided to let us have the ultrasound.

So, I got a ride on my wheelie bed over to the radiology department. (I thought it strange that they wouldn't let me walk, but I wasn't complaining.) They took me into an ultrasound room within 10 minutes of arriving. The dildo-cam was primed and we were good to go.

The ultrasound tech, well, she was AMAZING. I loved her. She was so good with me, especially with my nerves because of our last horrible ultrasound experience (where we found out our baby had died weeks earlier, and the radiologist was quite callous about the miscarriage diagnosis). She wouldn't let Mr. Legalosaur in at first, but she did tell me in a whispered voice that "I'm not allowed to tell you anything, so you never heard this from me, but I see a heart beat. Your baby is alive right now."

You don't understand how I cried when I heard those words. From relief, mostly. And a little from fear, because I wish they could tell me everything would be okay, but I know nobody has a crystal ball...

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The ultrasound tech left to talk to the radiologist, but not before letting Mr. Legalosaur in to be with me. I told him what she had told me. He almost didn't believe me, I think. I know at the ultrasound with our first pregnancy, he thought everything was just fine, and he was blindsided from the bad news just as much as I was. This time, I'm pretty sure he was prepared for bad news, but was surprised by good news. Poor guy, it's not been easy on him, for either of us.

After a couple of minutes, the tech came back. She said the radiologist didn't feel the need to speak with us, so we were done and the ER doc would explain the results with us. But before we went back to the ER, she would let us see the heart beat even though she wasn't supposed to, and only if we wanted to.

Wanted to? UM HECK YA!

So we got to watch our baby's flickering heart beat for about a minute. It was amazing, just beautiful. She told us that the rate was 139 beats per minute, which is wonderful for how far along we are. She also said that we were measuring about 3 days ahead, so that we were measuring at 6 weeks 5 days. Mr. Legalosaur and I just grasped each others' hands, and the tears were running down my cheeks.

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I asked for a picture of our little blob, but they don't give pictures in the hospital labs, so we walked away empty-handed. But I don't care, because I GOT TO SEE MY LIVE BABY and that's enough for me.

When we got back to the ER, we found out that I have what is called a "subchorionic hemorrhage" and that's what is causing the bleeding. Apparently it's quite common, and it doesn't increase your risk of miscarriage. The vast majority of the time, it just resolves itself. So, basically, I'm just monitoring the bleeding and if it gets much worse or tissue is passed, then I need to go back to the ER.

All in all, we were in and out of the ER in about 4 hours, which is super amazing. I thought we would be sitting in the waiting room for about 4 hours, not be in an out in that time. I am so grateful that they were so efficient.

Today, there's still some bleeding, but it's brown and much less than yesterday. I'm on bed rest until the end of the weekend, at least until the bleeding stops.

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No matter what the outcome, I'm just so glad I got to see our baby, live on the ultrasound screen. I will cherish that memory for the rest of my life. Of course, I really hope that everything will be okay this time around. But I know how fleeting human life can be... All I know is that today I am pregnant and I love my baby more than ever before.

So Itchy

After 6 hours of travel delays I finally made it home from my business trip to D.C. While I was there I was so tired, especially in the late afternoons. It didn't help that I was fighting some sort of rash that started behind my right knee with a bug bite. I scratched it and it became inflamed. My OB/GYN looked at it at my appointment last week and told me I needed to call my primary care physician, but I didn't have the time to get in before I left. So I armed myself with Benadryl 1% topical cream and hoped for the best.

I was miserable. The heat has not helped and suddenly, I was itchy all over! Two days ago, I developed some sort of rash on my upper arms and back. Desperate, I called the doctor everyday until they could see me. I got the call today at 9:30 a.m. to come in at 10:45 a.m. They saw me and confirmed that yes, my body was reacting to the bug bite. To top it off, the rash on my shoulders is contact dermatitis, most likely poisonous sumac. How I got it, I have no idea. Since it didn't start until I was already in D.C. for a day it could have been on a chair or something that I touched. Weird.

Seventy-five dollars and three prescriptions later, I should be on my way to not wanting to rip off my skin! I was given a shot in the hip of Kenalog at the office, prescribed four days of Prednisone pills (3 a day for the next two days and 2 a day for two days after that) and Elidel topical cream for the itching. All of this is supposed to be pregnancy safe. I sure hope so. I will be just devastated if, somehow, this causes any distress to my baby. The doctor assured and reassured both me and Mr. Divasaur (he met me at the appointment...he's awesome like that), so we chose to trust her on this. After all, she's the the professional. I hate second guessing my doctor's, but it's so not my nature to be a lemming about stuff. So far, I am already feeling a little less itchy (although ice packs and Aveeno Colloidal Oatmeal baths are also involved) and hope that in a couple of days the redness and rashiness disappears.

In the eight weeks I have been pregnant I have had more prescriptions and more doctor's office visits than I have had in the last year! My body is not my own! It's somewhat frustrating, really. I just hope that since things come in threes, this is the last of it for me. Most of all, I just hope my body starts to cope better with being pregnant. The fatigue is still overwhelming. I am very grateful though that the nausea and breast tenderness seems to have subsided. Food aversions and enhanced sense of smell have not, however, and that has led to a serious lack of appetite. The only thing that appeals to my palate these days is bread and cheese. In some fashion. Like a margherita pizza or bagel with cream cheese. Or, sometimes, eggs. But not alone. They have to be accompanied by toast or something. I always try to add in some fruit, but veggies seem to elude me as of late. I get a salad in when I can but steamed and sauteed is out for now. I usually love them, but the smell alone turns my stomach. That said, I am two-thirds the way through then first trimester and one-fifth the way through this pregnancy. I have not vomited once. For that I am extremely thankful.

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Acupuncture decision

I have decided to go ahead and go to acupuncture this cycle. I am too afraid that my cycle will get screwed up if I do not continue to use the herbs prescribed to me. I know that may be crazy, but all I know is acupuncture has worked for me, and it is some sort of a security blanket in TTC for me that I am unwilling to let go of at this point.

To compromise, I will be only going once a week to ease up on the financial constraints. I will keep you posted on my progress this month. My next appointment is tomorrow.

I'm Out... And Out... And Out...

Well, AF came a couple of days ago. I am VERY happy to announce that she came after giving me a full 13 day Luteal Phase, so no LPD issues there. I'm going to keep taking the Vitex and B6 for another month and then go off of it and see what happens.

So I am out this cycle. And I'm also out next cycle because I'm scheduled to get a cortisone shot on the 8th which is 6 days after I'm scheduled to ovulate. And I don't want to hold out for another month because of bad timing on my part so we are going to TTA this month.

Then I'm out for another cycle because there's this thing you need to do in order to get pregnant. There are a lot of names for it: BD, FWP, sex, etc. Whatever you call it, it requires two people to do. And in July we're going to have some issues with that because I am going out of town to visit family in July/August, and will be gone for about 9 days before scheduled O day and 4 days after. So the soonest I will get back on the horse (bwhahaha!) will be for my August cycle. Which will then depend on how well the cortisone shot is working and if my doctor will officially take surgery off the table.

So that's my update! Sorry it's not more excited like happy girl squealing and a BFP. But it's good, I can get things moving along with my shoulder and then be 100% ready to go when the time comes. And I'm still planning to resume my preperations by reading my books, learning everything I can about everything baby related before I get PG, etc. So I should still have somethings to contribute. I've been working on some book reviews that I'll share with you when I finish reading them. :)

In just 14 short days...

I can do it. I can wait just 14 more days until my first ultrasound. I really can.

However, I think the waiting might just kill me.

Okay, okay, so I'm being a bit dramatic. But a 6w0d (woooooooo!) pregnant woman is allowed to be a bit diva-esque from time-to-time, don't you think?

I'm totally thrilled that after phoning twice a day for a little less than 2 weeks, I was able to snag a cancellation and move my ultrasound date from July 21st to July 7th. SCORE!

The only problem? Mr. Legalosaur cannot make the appointment on July 7th. ARGH!! So now I've been phoning twice a day again for almost a week, to see if they can fit me in any other day in the first 14 days of July.

So far, no luck. They're booking into the end of August, people. It's insane.

And I'm getting sick of whispering "obstetrical ultrasound" into my phone at work over and over. It's only a matter of time before I get caught or overheard!

Being the proactive girl that I am, I have already booked our 18 week ultrasound, which is scheduled for mid-September. I then let Mr. Legalosaur know with PLENTY of advance notice, so I don't have to play this stupid phone game again. It's annoying.

So, just 14 more days (give or take a few days, depending if I can score a re-schedule) and we'll hopefully have some confirmation that all is well! *fingers crossed*

I am impatient. I hope they really, truly are 14 short days.

Eight Weeks

image source

Today marks my eigth week of pregancy (since getting a new EDD of 02.02.10 last week). Here's what the Little Being looks like:

image source

New this week: Webbed fingers and toes are poking out from your baby's hands and feet, his eyelids practically cover his eyes, breathing tubes extend from his throat to the branches of his developing lungs, and his "tail" is just about gone. In his brain, nerve cells are branching out to connect with one another, forming primitive neural pathways. You may be daydreaming about your baby as one sex or the other, but the external genitals still haven't developed enough to reveal whether you're having a boy or a girl. Either way, your baby — about the size of a kidney bean — is constantly moving and shifting, though you still can't feel it.

After seeing our baby on the ultrasound last week it's all the more real. Mr. Divasaur is hilarious, he keeps the u/s pic with him and looks at it daily. Sort of a replacement for the HPT+'s that he looked at daily until now. I think it's really cute. He's wanted to become a daddy for a while and he's SO excited that we're on our way to becoming parents.

After 8 Weeks my breasts are less tender and I haven't had any morning sickness in about a week and no nausea for about 5 days. I am hoping that sticks! I have developed some weird itchy patches behind my knees that I am treating with topical Benadryl Cream and hoping to get an appointment to see my GP for it ASAP. That said, I am still having food adversions and my fatigue has been overwhelming. In fact, part of my job requires me to to represent our company at national seminars and conferences for musicians and music educators. They happen about once or twice a quarter. This week I am in D.C. for "Music Week in Washington" and I am just wiped out.

Yesterday I had plans to meet some of the girls from an online chat board I visit and felt so bad that I needed to cancel our plans at the last minute. That is very unlike me. But I had gotten to my room to change and get ready to head out to meet them and just felt like I had been hit by a truck. I could barely stay awake. I tried to rest up for 30 minutes and it only progressed. So I had to cancel and felt just awful about it. I ordered up some room service (begged them to deliver items off the kids menu since I didn't want "adult" hotel-style sauced up food)...I got chicken fingers, french fries and a lemonade. I was starving but was almost too tired to eat.

One thing I have learned on this trip is that I need to prepare better now that I am pregnant. When I was out of the country last month for work I didn't know I was pregnant. But I remember feeling tired and hungry all the time. Some of that I chalked up to jet lag and being "off" my regular schedule. But in retrospect, some of that may be due to being knocked up. Lately I am used to snacking about every 3 hours and being on the road makes that really difficult. Case in point, I had breakfast at 6 a.m., lunch as Noon and dinner at 6:00 p.m. No snacks in between. So I guess that's part of my energy drain. Add that to this being my ninth straight day of work in a row. And an hour time difference between here and my home town. And just the energy drain of being "on" for a conference. Sunday night I couldn't sleep until Midnight and last night I made up for it by sacking out at 7:30 p.m.!

So I have to have a better plan for next month when I have a training seminar in Detroit. Unfortunately most hotels attached to conference centers don't have grocery or even convenience stores nearby for guests. So it's either vending machine snacks or restaurant food. I have to be sure I bring some granola bars, trail mix and find some fresh fruit on-site. Normally, I just power through these events, eat on the fly, rest when I can and recover once I get home. But now that I am pregnant that strategy just won't work. I have a month to come up with a new one. Until then, I plan to just do the minimum I can, eat as well as possible and rest up this coming weekend when I get home.

Peter Piper picked a peck of [roasted] peppers...

Last night I was dead tired and didn't feel like eating much of anything, let alone getting up and making something.

Mr. Legalosaur had a salmon and potato salad wrap left over from his dinner, as his eyes were bigger than his stomach. I asked if I could just eat his leftovers, and he said sure - but there were roasted red peppers on there, and for some reason any kind of slimy pepper has been majorly grossing me out in the past week.

Image Source.

So he opened up the wrap to pick the peppers out for me. And just the sight of them on the potato salad and clinging the wrap caused me to jump off the couch, run to the bathroom, and begin wretching in the toilet. It took everything in me not to puke.

And the icing on the cake? Because my bladder was so full, I leaked a little from the wretching. Oh the joys. Who knew it would start this early!? I won't even be six weeks until tomorrow.

Needless to say, I didn't eat the wrap. I had toast with peanut butter and honey instead.

I've been majorly struggling to find food that doesn't disgust me, and most of the stuff that doesn't isn't very healthy. I figure eating something is better than not eating anything at all... But what's a girl to do?

It's a well known fact...

...that if you stare at your chart long enough (about 50 obsessive checks per day should do it), eventually it will become textbook perfect, all of the rest of your temps will magically fill in until the end of the cycle, and you’ll see a BFP awaiting you like the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.

Remember my decision not to chart potential symptoms this time around? I think I like it better than not charting temps.

Or maybe that’s just what I wish as I compulsively check my chart for the 37th time today, giving the stink eye to the wonky CM, ugly erratic temps and testing time that’s still eight days away.

*le sigh*

Another reason to love The March of Dimes

I was flipping back through some of my old posts and discovered this comment on my first post about the miscarriage. It's from MoDLin, a contributor for The March of Dimes's New Moms Need blog:

"The March of Dimes has created a Bereavement Kit for families who have suffered a loss. It contains fact sheets on reasons for loss and booklets that deal with the issues From Hurt to Healing; What Do You Say?; When You're Ready to Try Again; and Resources. You can read about it at this link: http://www.marchofdimes.com/pnhec/572.asp. If you would like to have one of these helpful and free kits, please send an email requesting it to the following address: bkit@marchofdimes.com.* We will gladly put one in the mail for you."

How cool is that?! I had no idea those kits were available. Obviously it's too late in the process for me, but I hope this is of some use to someone else - a reader going through a miscarriage, or maybe something you could give to a close friend to help them through their loss.

*There is also an online form here.

Leaving on a Jet Plane

So far the Poptart has made two return trips to London, but today if it's first big flight. We are flying from Scotland to Dubai to Bangkok, a total airtime of about 15 hours.

Hopefully all these inutero flights will prepare Poptart for the many transatlantic flights in his/her future! I will try to post, but if not see y'all in July!

To acupuncture or not acupuncture; that is the question...

So, as I have mentioned before, I have been seeing an acupuncturist since March 2009 to treat my long cycles. My cycles have gone from 54 days to 32 days in a matter of 4 months. I do believe acupuncture aided in this, and I am a huge advocate.

Here's my dilemna. Acupuncture is not covered in our insurance, so I have been paying a nice $45 a pop each time I go in, which has added up quickly. Mr. Bellesaur and I feel like perhaps I need to take a break to save money, since we may be TTC for much longer than originally anticipated. Don't get me wrong, we will be ok financially if I continue to go, but it might be wiser to spend that money on other TTC related things, perhaps future treatments for Mr. Bellesaur, since he seems to be the one with the infertility issues.

Plus, we are not even 100% that Mr. Bellesaur is healthy yet, and if he is not, then what is the point? Without healthy sperm, all the acupuncture in the world can't get me KU.

I have fears about quitting acupuncture. What if my cycles go right back to being outrageously long once I quit? What if acupuncture was the only reason I was beginning to be regular again?

I am confused as to what the best thing to do. I would love to hear your opinions on what I should do.

First Ultrasound

Lil' Divasaur at 7w2d - hb 182
He/She is on her back with his/her head toward the middle of the pic. The yolk sac sort of looks like a halo!

Yesterday I had my first ultrasound. It was actually scheduled for Wednesday, but in the morning I got a call that doc wasn't feeling well and rescheduled our appointment for yesterday. I had a hard time concentrating all day at work and my emotions felt raw. My worries from a few weeks ago had subsided some, but I still had that nagging, anxious little voice running in the background. I came home to pick up Mr. Divasaur and had a mini-meltdown! He just let me cry and asked if there was anything he could do. He knew I was just feeling overwhelmed. I got myself together and we headed to the doc's office.

Once there, they had us meet with their insurance billing specialist to tell us how much the Little Being is going to cost us. The final amount? A whopping $15.00! Yep, you're reading that correctly. Yay for wonderful insurance! We settled our account with cash. It was awesome.

Then the nurse came and got me, took my blood pressure (117/72) and my weight (I have lost 5 lbs. since my BFP). Then she settled us into one of the u/s rooms. We are extremely lucky that my doc does a u/s every appointment because they have the machines in-house. I changed into the little robe (they had cloth ones...SO much nicer than the dreaded paper ones) and first she did a breast exam and pap smear (I was due for my annual) and then a transvaginal u/s. There we saw the Little Being and heard the heart beat clear and strong going 182 beats per minute! Mr. Divasaur and I both welled up with tears when we heard it. It is the most amazing sound.
She snapped the pic you see above, gave us a new EDD of February 2, 2010 and that was it. After I dressed she came back and asked if we had any questions. We went over a few and we were done. I'll see her again in four weeks on July 16. I forgot to ask if that's when we'll do an NT Scan, so I'll need to call her office.

The whole thing made it feel so much more "real." It's bizarre to be growing another person inside of you but not feel it (other than symptoms) and not really know what is going on in there. Mr. Divasaur tucked the pic of our Little Being into his shirt pocket and was so proud. It was too cute. To celebrate we went to sushi. I have been enjoying non-raw items about once a week and they are SO good. Especially on a hot day...yesterday was near 100 degrees here! Ooh! I also have a new favorite treat for when I am feeling queasy and cannot eat anything. Jamba Juice's Strawberry Surfrider! Oh so delish! It's a smoothie made with fresh lemonade, lime sherbet, frozen peaches and frozen strawberries. YUM! I add a little protein and fiber boost and it hits the spot and calms my nausea. I think I'll get one today!

We have a heartbeat!

I went in for my first ultrasound today. The tech did an external first and took pictures of my uterus and ovaries. She wasn't able to see the baby on the external because I'm still so early so she did an internal (aka transvaginal ultrasound, aka dildo cam). She really didn't say much during the exam until the end when she said I'm measuring about 6 weeks (right on since according to FF I'm 5w5d). She turned the screen toward me and she showed us the little flickering heartbeat, which she measured at 104 bpm. We only got to see it for a few seconds so I didn't really have time to soak it all in. I wish I had asked her to let us watch it for a little longer.


I'm so excited that there's a heartbeat because that means that my chances of m/c are down to 4%! It's starting to really hit me that this is real. I'm really gonna be a mom! There's really a little human being growing inside me. It's crazy.

The morning sickness has started in the past couple days, too, which I think also helps make it feel more real. The other day my oatmeal made me want to gag. And last night, nothing at dinner looked appetizing so I just had chicken noodle soup and crackers. I started wearing my sea bands today and I bought ginger capsules. I'm going to be proactive about the nausea because I'm a total wimp and totally miserable when I'm nauseous. I always use the sea bands when traveling because I get motion sickness really easily. So far they seem to be helping.

In other news, I'm on vacation from work for a couple weeks and heading out of town for a funeral and a wedding. And to see friends and family. I'm so excited and relieved to not have to work for a while! Work has been super stressful for me lately and I know my vacation is just going to make me never want to go back. I'm already considering looking for a new job (part-time) after my maternity leave. As long as I can get medical benefits, I'll be all set, since DH is self-employed and on my insurance. Oh how I wish I could be a SAHM!

Did AF go on a vacation too?

Well, still no sign of AF at all and I took another HPT today that was negative. Since this is technically day 29, I guess AF could still come late, but it's just frustrating. After researching online, it seems that the most probable scenario is that my cycles might be messed up for a while since I was on BCP for so long. Now I almost wish I had never started taking BCP, since it's most likely the reason for my lateness. I'm going on vacation to the beach tomorrow, so I bet AF will decide to show up while I'm sitting on the beach in my bathing suit, she likes surprises!

I weighed myself this morning and somehow I've gained two pounds in the last three weeks, which may or may not be a side effect of going off the pill. It's funny because I plan on going back on a diet and trying to exercise more since this two pounds makes a total of 9 pounds I've gained back since my wedding. However, there's this little voice in the back of my head that says I shouldn't worry since I'm TTC!

According to ivillage.com:

If you are already fit, and exercise regularly, then you should be able to safely continue with your exercise routine. A study at Columbia University School of Public Health found that fit women in healthy, low-risk pregnancies, who exercised at least an hour a day, three days a week, improved their pregnancy outcome and increased the birth weight of their baby by about five percent. Studies also show that women who exercise before and during pregnancy have half the risk of delivering prematurely. They are also able to more easily handle the stress that pregnancy puts on their body, have less excess weight gain, less constipation and do better emotionally and physically than those who don't exercise.

Recently, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists set out guidelines for exercise during pregnancy. The following is a synopsis of those guidelines:

1. Regular exercise (at least three times per week) is preferable to intermittent activity.
2. Vigorous exercise should not be performed when mom-to-be is ill, or during hot, humid weather.
3. Jerky, bouncy motions should be avoided. Exercise on a wooden floor or a tightly carpeted surface.
4. Because of the relaxation of connective tissue, pregnant women should avoid extreme stretching exercises.
5. Vigorous exercise should be preceded by a five-minute warm-up, such as slow walking.
6. Strenuous exercise should be followed by a period of gradually declining activity that includes gentle stretching.
7. Heart rate should be measured at times of peak activity and probably should not exceed a maximum of 150 beats per minute. (There are reports of pregnant, high-level competitive athletes who approached and even exceeded the recommended maximum heart rate without any apparent harmful effects on the fetus, but consult with your care provider if you have concerns.)
8. Care should be taken to rise gradually from the floor to avoid an episode of dizziness (from low blood pressure) related to changes in position. Some form of activity involving the legs should be continued for a brief period.
9. Liquids should be taken liberally before and after exercise to prevent dehydration. If necessary, activity should be interrupted to replenish fluids.
10. Women who have led sedentary lifestyles should begin with physical activity of very low intensity and advance activity levels very gradually.
11. Activity should be stopped and a care provider notified if any unusual symptoms appear.

It seems to me that it would make the most sense to get into an exercise routine now that I can continue when I get pregnant, there certainly seem to be a lot of benefits as well. I've always loved exercise and fitness, so it's good to hear that exercise is useful during pregnancy and before pregnancy.

Well, tomorrow I'll be right back in this spot (this is me in the picture) and hopefully the stress of TTC will leave me alone for a while, let's just hope AF doesn't decide to join me on vacation!

Wanting to up-chuck

Oh my word. Since yesterday evening, and all of today so far, I've been suffering from some major food aversions and nausea. Major, I tell you!

Did you know it took me 30 minutes to eat my cereal this morning? Ridiculous. But every time I put a bit in my mouth, I'd have to force myself to chew and swallow. That's how unappealing it has become in the course of a day.

I cannot possibly think about any type of food without feeling completely sick to my stomach, and I have to hold back the nausea because I really could up-chuck if I let myself.

The worst offender right now? Raw meat. Just looking at this picture makes me want to throw up:

Image source.

Hopefully it didn't make you want to toss your cookies either...

Actually, I lied when I types that ALL food is making be completely sick to my stomach. There is one particular thing that actually sounds appealing at the moment: butter chicken with rice, cooked by someone else other than myself thank-you-very-much.

Image source. Mmmmm, butter chicken!

But, it's 9:41 am at the moment, and I don't think butter chicken is the best choice for second breakfast. (Another great thing about the first trimester - second breakfast, just like a Hobbit!)

Even though the nausea and the food aversion thang is quite annoying, I am so very very happy to be experiencing these symptoms. To me it means our little baby-boo is growing. And that's a very good thing. (5 weeks and 2 days today! To some that might seem like nothing, but that's one-eigth of the way there. WOOOOO!)

So, what about you other 1st TM ladies out there? Any food aversions? Any food you just *gotta* have?

Hello Cycle # 5

Well, I didn't even get the opportunity to test this week. AF came in the wee hours of 12 DPO with a screaming vengeance. I was woken up by my cramps, and was curled in the fetus position begging for relief for about 2 hours.

I am not crushed; as you know from my previous posts, I was expecting this to a degree. I am going to use my OVWatch again this month. I used it in Cycle # 3, but forgot to order a new sensor in time to use for Cycle # 4. Since my cycles seem to be getting closer to normal (32 days total for # 4), I am hoping it won't be off like it was for Cycle # 3. I also will begin taking Red Raspberry Leaf tablets in conjunction with my B-6 and Chinese herbs, to try and further regulate my cycle. Adding these new things each month gives me hope, something to experiment with and look forward to seeing the results.

On one hand, I am trying to stay positive. However, don't be fooled. There is a voice in the back of mind that is saying, what if Mr. Bellesaur is not well? What if his morphology is abnormal still? While I know there was only a 20% chance of getting KU even with well timed intercourse, it is still hard not to wonder if my odds are even slimmer than that. Mr. Bellesaur goes back for his SA next week, and I am terrified. I am afraid to hear the results. I am scared that the morphology will be bad still, and it won't be something we can treat. I have many unfounded fears, but I am trying to keep them at bay.

So, here's to my new cycle. Let's hope my fears are ridiculous and unfounded.

Bust

I´ve been MIA because last cycle was a bust. I don´t know why, but I thought it had real potential. Guess not. I´ve pondered the reasons it might not have worked out, and all I can come up with is that about three months ago Mr. Lillysaur was sick with Bronchitis and on antibiotics. According to the Mayo Clinic website : Fact: The flu slows sperm production. An illness that causes a fever can affect sperm production and sperm quality. But it won't affect fertility for two to three months, since it takes sperm 75 days to mature. So for the time being I´ll blame it on Mr. Lillysaur and not me. Very mature, I know.

Speaking of Mr. Lillysaur, we were all geared up to go in next week for Mr. Lillysaur´s SA and a mucos penetration test only to find out that the Dr. is on vacation and there is no one else in the practice of endocrinologists who can do those tests. Fabulous. I was crushed to hear that yet another cycle will go to waste. In fact, two or three cycles because I´ll be on vacation in July and August and will miss the July window, and possibly the August window. Sigh. I don´t really think the tests will turn up much, but it´s the last step in testing for us. After that it´s try, try again.

I´ve been reading up on Amazon about new books to read on the subject of miscarriage and trying after miscarriage. I think I´ve found three to get. I´ll let you know what I think of them once I´ve read them. Until then I can recommend Coming to Term: Uncovering the Truth about Miscarriage by Jon Cohen.

Introductions

Hello! I'm so excited to be posting my first blog here on Pregosaur.

My husband and I are TTC for the first time and today is actually day 28 of my first cycle. This has been the first month off BCP, so AF might magically appear today or later! I have been testing for the past couple of days, but so far no positives. I'm not surprised, especially since my cycles could take a while to get back on track, but I can't say I'm not just a little disappointed... I'm still holding out some hope since AF is still not here.

Let's hope AF comes soon or that I get a positive test because I'll be off to the beach with my family in two days, wouldn't that just be the perfect father's day suprise? I guess you really can't expect your life to always work out the way you plan though. :::sigh:::

Anyway, I'm looking forward to posting on here and let's hope a BFP comes soon!! :)

Miss Scarlett isn't behaving herself

First up, some of these euphemisms for getting your period are hilarious! Second, yes, that's what I'm talking about today: my period.

I guess that might be a little strange considering this is CD10 and Aunt Flo is still a good 2+ weeks away, but I've been having a problem with my periods since the miscarriage. No, it's not what you're thinking. They're not irregular or crazy heavy or anything like that. Instead, they've been getting shorter. And lighter. My periods are starting to disappear.

Now, it's normal for your period to be a bit wonky after a miscarriage - they can take several cycles to really stabilize - and they also often change as you get older. So under normal circumstances, I wouldn't be worried...but mine is getting progressively shorter and lighter. If I had a normal period, then a light one, then a normal one again, I wouldn't think twice about it, but it is literally a day shorter and significantly lighter every single time.* If they keep going the way they are, in a few cycles I'm not going to have a period at all - a bit of a problem when you're trying to make a baby!
So today I went to see my doctor and discuss the situation with her. I was a little worried that she'd dismiss it as me just being overly concerned, but she agreed that because it's steadily shortening and growing lighter, it could definitely become a problem in the future. She decided to do a PCOS screen and to check my progesterone levels - I have to go back in 11 days to get the bloodwork done, as the bloodtest is done on CD21, aiming for the midway point between ovulation and the start of a new cycle.

When I was searching online before my doctor visit, Google had come up with the idea of taking baby aspirin to help with short/light periods while TTC, so I asked my doc about that as well; she said that it's really only helpful if you either have multiple early miscarriages or have clotting issues. Taking aspirin can be problematic for a pregnancy, so she really only recommends it for women where the potential benefits - like not miscarrying early - outweigh the potential risks. I just thought I'd mention it in case anyone else is going through something similar and is considering the aspirin as a solution - it's not suitable for everyone, so make sure you talk to your doctor before you start taking it, OK?

Image Source

My doc also encouraged me to shed some pounds, as the heavier you get the lighter periods often tend to be - while I fully admit to being a chubster, I'm certainly not overweight enough to actually prevent me from getting knocked up, but every little bit that I can do might help. To that end, in addition to taking our two dogs for longer walks every day, and Mr Bibliosaur and I are embarking on a somewhat stricter diet; we eat pretty healthy food in general, but I suspect our portions are oversized, so that's the main focus of the changes we'll be making.

So while there were no quick fixes on offer, I'm glad I visited my doc to talk about it, and happy that we'll be able to either identify or rule out any potential problems (like PCOS). In the meantime, it's day three of FWP week, and the Bibliosaurs are going strong...so wish us luck that something will happen this cycle and all of this testing will be a moot point!

* If you're stalking my Fertility Friend chart, you're probably a bit confused by this, since it looks like this cycle had the same number of days as last cycle - however, the chart is a bit misleading since on the two days where I marked a light flow, it actually only lasted for half of each day - meaning that on the whole, the entire flow was only two days long.

12 weeks

As you move into the second trimester, baby shifts into the growth and maturation stage. After weeks in the critical development stage, almost all of baby's systems are fully formed.

How your baby's growing:

The most dramatic development this week: reflexes. Your baby's fingers will soon begin to open and close, their toes will curl, their eye muscles will clench, and their mouth will make sucking movements. In fact, if you prod your abdomen, your baby will squirm in response, although you won't be able to feel it.

Their intestines, which have grown so fast that they protrude into the umbilical cord, will start to move into their abdominal cavity about now, and his kidneys will begin excreting urine into their bladder. Meanwhile, nerve cells are multiplying rapidly, and in your baby's brain, synapses are forming furiously.

Their face looks unquestionably human: His eyes have moved from the sides to the front of their head, and their ears are right where they should be. From crown to rump, your baby-to-be is just over 2 inches long and weighs half an ounce.

Information from BabyCentre and The Bump.

My Two Week Wait...

...is really a TWO week wait! Check it out:


Because I don't have a fancy pro account, you can't see without counting the little dots that I am 12DPO! And despite that dip today, no AF yet. Which means my LP is at least 12 days which is already a 3 day improvement over last month and it means I'm NORMAL AGAIN! Haha, OK, as normal as I can get, anyway. :) I don't know if I should credit the B6, the Vitex, or a combo of the two. Whatever it was that worked, I'm grateful it was this easy!
The three BFNs are a little sad, but I'm happy that I am at least having a normal cycle again. And I could still get a BFP but I don't feel like this is the month. So I will probably enter my next cycle soon, but at least I'm doing so knowing the LPD isn't (hopefully) an issue anymore. We're still not 100% sure what we are going to be doing this cycle (TTC or TTA). Mr. Rockasaur is currently 100 miles out at sea tuna fishing. We'll discuss it when he gets back.
Until then, anyone want to place bets on how much longer I can get my LP to go? :)

I can breathe a little easier now...

Finally, finally, finally! Today the doctor called with my HCG levels. The weight that has been pressing down on my chest since getting our BFP has been lifted a little bit now.

My levels jumped from 702 to 2223 in a 72 hour period. This is GOOD, very good. That means it's taking about 1.8 days for my levels to double, which is perfect.

I know it's not a guarantee that everything will be okay in the future. But at least it's a little bit of comfort today, to know that today everything is okay with our baby. That he or she is thriving, growing, and his or her heart has started beating this week, in almost-week-5.

And I needed this reassurance, as my nausea has dropped off significantly in the past few days. I'm still dead tired and my boobs still hurt, but the loss of nausea worries me because that's exactly what happened when I had my miscarriage in March.

So, I'm working on taking it day by day. By focusing on the positive. By loving our little baby every day, because I regret not focusing on loving our first baby enough when he or she was actually alive (if that makes, sense...??? It does to me).

And hopefully everything will be okay this time. Hopefully.

11w to 12w in 2 days

We had our first antenatal appointment today and found out that I'm measuring 11w6d! My new EDD is December 29, 2009. I think Poptart just might take after their Dad and is just really tall!

Those bright white spots on the top picture are bones; that's why it looks like a creepy skull!

Poptart looked much more baby-esque this time and looked like they were trying to bite their fingernails. We were at the hospital for 3 hours and I'd say 80% of that was waiting. I also found out that my scan today is the ONLY scan I get for my entire pregnancy. WTF! I may lose my mind!

My next appointment is July 23rd and the midwife says she'll try to get me an appt. with the consultant and I can plead with him for a second scan. If not, we've decided to pay out of pocket for a private one.

So when you see a twelve week update tomorrow, only two days after my 11 week, you'll know why :)

More Waiting...

Before we started our first medicated cycle, I had already mapped out how I thought things would proceed over the next few months. According to my calculations, if we were unsuccessful the first time, then we would have to sit it out the next cycle due to a vacation we had already planned. After all the waiting we had been through, the last thing I wanted to do was sit through a break cycle. So I prayed and prayed that my 2ww would end with good news.



Image Source
In a way, it did, just not how I imagined. The femara seemed to have regulated my cycle pretty well, because instead of the usual 35+ day cycles that I typically have, AF showed up and I ended up with a 29 day cycle. Even though I had tried to mentally prepare myself for this, as with every cycle, I could not help but feel extreme disappointment that yet again we were without a baby. The good news was that between getting AF really late the last time, combined with the fact that I had a shorter 29 day cycle this time, we wouldn't have to sit the next cycle out. We could go on our vacation and do my first follie scan after we got back. I was sad, but at least we could do another medicated cycle immediately without any further waiting.
Getting disheartened of failing cycle after cycle, I asked the doctor about the possibility of doing an IUI (intrauterine insemination) instead of just timed intercourse. Some women have what's called "hostile" CM that kills the majority of the sperm before they get to the uterus. A post-coital test can be done to determine if you have hostile CM, or you can simply do an IUI and have the sperm injected directly into the uterus to bypass the CM. An IUI also allows a higher number of sperm to be in the uterus, whereas with TI only the best and strongest swimmers make it through. The doctor said that all things being equal, doing an IUI would increase our chances of conception by 6% with each cycle. With the procedure costing about $300-400 and us having to pay OOP (out of pocket) for fertility treatments, we opted to try one or two more TI cycles before moving on to IUIs.

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Before starting our next cycle, the doctor had me come in for a baseline ultrasound to check for cysts that may have developed during the previous cycle. This is typically done on CD3, but due to my schedule I came in on CD2. A lot of women wonder what it's going to be like getting a transvaginal ultrasound during your period. Thankfully, it's all in a day's work for the doctors, so it's more awkward for you than anyone else. It's like getting your first pap smear - the doctor doesn't even think twice about it, but for you, you're nervous/anxious and aren't sure what to expect. Rest assured that no one (except you) is even thinking twice about the fact that you are bleeding. The nurse puts an absorbent sheet under you before the doctor comes in, so you don't have to worry about bleeding on anything. I had already talked to some other women who had been through this, so I knew what to expect. The ultrasound took all of one minute, but all I could think about was whether I was leaking onto the pad and what the ultrasound wand would look like when she pulled it out. She was so quick about it, though, that I didn't even really get a chance to see the probe cover before she threw it away. The good news was that all looked normal on my scan and I did not have any cysts. So we had a green light to move forward with the cycle and start meds.



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We ended up having a great vacation, which helped take my mind off the wait until my next ultrasound. I was supposed to go in on CD12, but did not get back from my trip until CD13. I felt pretty good going into this appointment because I knew I had responded fairly well the last time. The only change I was hoping for was a few more follies. Last time, I only had one mature follie, and if we could stimulate two or three to develop, I figured I might have a better chance of conceiving this time. The five minutes I spent waiting in the exam room for the doctor to come in seemed like an eternity. When she finally came in, I so anxious to find out what was "brewing" inside me! She scanned my ovaries and again I had just one lonely follie developing. The big shocker this time, though, was the fact that my follie was already 24mm! I was surprised I hadn't already ovulated on my own (though if I had, we would have been ok because we starting BD'ing during our trip just in case). My lining was a nice, thick 13mm so the stage was set and perfect for implantation. Without any scheduling conflicts this go around, the doctor went ahead and gave me an injection of Novarel (hCG) to trigger ovulation. 95% of women will ovulate when given this injection, usually between 24-36 hours after the injection (though some women ovulate earlier and some a little later). The doctor said that she normally instructs her patients to BD every other night after the trigger, but I had such a nice, large follie that she wanted us to BD every night for the next 3 nights. We diligently followed doctor's orders, but just to be on the safe side, we BD'ed for the next 4 nights instead of just 3. In all our months TTC, I had never ever felt myself ovulate before, but this time I swore I felt a mildly painful twinge in the area of my ovary two days after the trigger. Was that really ovulation? I'm not entirely sure. What I was sure about was how torturous this 2ww, like all the previous ones, was going to be...


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