Well, after my freak out of this past Tuesday, I'm feeling much better. More like a human. More like myself. I think when I hit these milestones they're just going to be hard for me. I just need to expect that they will be, and not beat myself up about it. Easier typed than done sometimes, let me tell you. But, just a little bit of perspective goes a long way.
It's been 43 days since our miscarriage (not that I'm counting or anything) and I'm ovulating again. Unlike some of the girls here on Pregosaur, I don't chart, use ovulation predictor kits, or anything. I can just tell that I'm ovulating from two indicators: (1) the presence of EWCM and (2) that I feel a lot more frisky than normal.
Yes, I'm more of a laid back, hippy-crunchie type when it comes to getting knocked up. I like to let nature take its course. Plus, I know that if I started charting and all that jazz, the freak in me would start obsessing over every little thing. Not good for my psyche, or my marriage. So, instead, I go all Earth Mamma.
And the whole hippy-crunchie thing works for us, I guess. Our first pregnancy we were successful after 2 cycles of trying. So, pretty quick in the grand scheme of things, especially since we weren't charting or anything. We just tried to do the baby-dance once every other day. And we certainly managed that just fine, without tiring out at all.
I'm hoping we'll be as successful, as quickly or quicker (!), this coming round of TTC, which will start sometime in mid-to-late-May, depending on when my 2nd post-miscarriage AF makes her appearance. Time can't pass quickly enough these days, let me tell you...
Mr. Legalosaur and I were talking last night as he held me in bed. I told him that I'm surprised to find that I love our new baby already, even though he or she is not yet conceived. Perhaps that is odd, I don't know. But I can't help how I feel. Part of me wondered if with our subsequent pregnancy I would distance myself initially, so that I don't get hurt as much again. When I told Mr. Legalosaur this, he told me I think too much. That I should just feel what I feel, and not try to predict it, rationalize it, explain it, or feel guilty for it.
Maybe I do think too much... just a little bit too much. But, to our as-of-yet-unconceived-baby-bean, I want to shout from the rooftops... I LOVE YOU. And I love you too, my first baby bean that was too beautiful for this earth. I miss you lots too.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
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"Maybe I do think too much... just a little bit too much. But, to our as-of-yet-unconceived-baby-bean, I want to shout from the rooftops... I LOVE YOU. And I love you too, my first baby bean that was too beautiful for this earth. I miss you lots too."
ReplyDeleteThis. I feel it too. ((hugs))
I loved this post. You're one awesome lady.
ReplyDeleteHurray for granola! I'm taking a very similar approach as you, in fact my next post was going to explain why I don't chart. But you just did it for me! I charted in the beginning and it just made me think about it too much. Since I stopped I've noticed that I'm more in touch with my body and can pick up on the subtle signs of ovulation.
ReplyDeleteGreat post!
I love this post so much - I feel all of this too, the worry about distancing myself, the love I already have for our new baby (even if it's not conceived yet), and missing our first baby. Thank you for writing this!
ReplyDelete"But, to our as-of-yet-unconceived-baby-bean, I want to shout from the rooftops... I LOVE YOU. And I love you too, my first baby bean that was too beautiful for this earth. I miss you lots too."
ReplyDeleteI love this. So sweet and beautiful.
And I just wanted to say that I think it's in our nature as women to think too much. You're definitely not alone there.
Thanks for the feedback ladies!! You're all too sweet.
ReplyDelete@Rockasaur, you should totally still write your post. I just skimmed the surface in mine. *wink*