Back in the saddle

Well, Mr Bibliosaur and I are back from our vacation, and I have to say it was exactly what we needed. Time for ourselves, time to relax, time away from everything - all the stresses, all the emotions, time to heal. It was also a pressure-free chance to get...reacquainted...with each other.

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Legalosaur wrote a post last month about having sex for the first time after a miscarriage. For me, it was simultaneously one of the best and worst moments during this healing time. Best because it reaffirmed our bond, that closeness and trust you feel with someone you love. Worst because I was so full of conflicting emotions - it drove home the knowledge of what we had lost. I was fine up until about 2 seconds after we finished, and then I burst into tears; I'm glad that first time was when we were still at home, in familiar surroundings - while getting away was great, sometimes home is better.

T0 make matters more complicated, when you have sex after a miscarriage, you need to use birth control. This is for a variety of reasons, from preventing infection (the cervix and uterus are more susceptible than usual) to preventing immediate pregnancy; not only will your body probably not be ready for a baby again so soon, but if the pregnancy sticks it can also make initial dating difficult since there won't be a clear cycle to count from. Condoms are the obvious method of control, since you want to avoid anything hormone-based if you plan on trying again in the near future.

You might laugh, but buying condoms was salt in the wound for me. Since I used one of the most effective birth control methods around, we didn't need them to prevent pregnancy and never worried about a backup method, meaning that it's literally been years since either of us purchased them. I didn't even know what brand to buy. I just stood there in the store, staring at the selection and making passerby think I was weird. So obviously, using them has taken some adjustment as well.

I'm happy to say that since that first time, things have smoothed out. Just like every other part of dealing with a miscarriage, you just have to take it day by day, and eventually things get better. I'm not going to lie - it was difficult at first, and I'll be glad when we can ditch the condoms, but for now I just feel happy to experience the closeness of that bond with my husband again and enjoy the intimacy.