When do you become a mom?

A few days ago, I read a debate about when you become a mother. Is it when you're pregnant? When your child is born? A few months after birth? When your child is a year old? Does babysitting or nannying someone else's children qualify you? What do you have to experience to truly become a mom?


I've been thinking about this since then, trying to work out my thoughts. If you're not a mom until you give birth, what does that mean for women who suffer miscarriages? Are you less of a mother if you adopt or have a stepchild, especially if they're not a newborn when you become a family?

After a lot of internal debate, this is the conclusion I finally reached: you become a mother when you are willing to put the needs and care of your child before yourself. Not coerced or guilted into this behavior, but when you willingly sacrifice your wants and desires for your child's needs and best interests.


Yes, all the things like caring for them when they're sick or kissing it to make it better are very important and I'm not denying that, but I think that motherhood is more of an emotional and mental state than a physical one. And the timing for this is probably different for different people; for some women, they might feel that dedication and love the moment they find out they're pregnant. For others, it might not be genuine until they hold their baby in their arms or give their new stepchild a hug.

Am I a mother? I find it kind of funny now that for so long I was worried that because I don't like children, I might not be able to love my own. But I love this baby. I love it with all my heart. No, I'm not wiping their nose or putting them to bed yet, but I will give up whatever I need to, do whatever I have to, pray and beg for this child to stay with me. I would do anything - anything - within my power to ensure their future. So although I don't yet describe myself as a mom, I would say yes - at heart, I am.