Infertility

It's so exciting when you first start TTC. Learning so many new things about your body you never knew you didn't know, thinking of creative ways to make the baby making fun, etc. It's exciting... and then some. The 2ww is nerve wracking - you try not to get your hopes up because you don't want to be disappointed. Deep down, though, with each cycle you're so hopeful that "this is it." It's hard. Every BFN you get is painfully disappointing, and you find yourself horribly saddened each time AF visits.

Soon you start to realize that unless you're really lucky and you're successful the first month or two (like Bibliosaur!), your baby is not going to be conceived during an Oscar-winning passionate love scene. Often you're busy, or tired, or you just aren't in the mood. But either you or your DH (or both) just suck it up and for the sake of making a baby, you do the deed. Sadly, it's not the romantic idea many of us have envisioned for ourselves... but in the end, if you get a BFP, none of that seems to matter anymore. As Politisaur points out, it's sometimes harder than you think it will be!

If you're charting, using OPKs, etc. and you're pretty in tune with your body you can figure out when you're most likely to ovulate and when your fertile window is. This is usually a few days before ovulation and the day of ovulation itself. While sperm can survive in the female reproductive tract with good CM for up to 3-5 days, an egg is only viable for 24 hours after ovulation. If you're in your early 20s, your chances of conception during each cycle are around 25% As you enter your late 20s, your fertility starts to decline and that number approaches something closer to 20%. After you hit age 35, it drops dramatically. So while most people say that "the average, normal couple takes one year to conceive," if you have a 25% chance each cycle and you're timing everything well, it shouldn't take 12 tries. My suspicion is that the "average" statistic must take into account those couples who are TTC, but have not yet taken it to the level of charting, OPKs, etc. They probably try casually, stopping any form of birth control for several months to "see what happens." Once they do not get PG, they probably start charting and tracking ovulation and within a few months, they are successful... bringing them to the "average" one year mark. According to my OB, if you're able to time your intercourse within your fertile window, more likely than not, you'll conceive within 6 cycles.

Unfortunately, for a small group of women, conceiving isn't quite so easy as having sex at the right times. There isn't a lot of information out there about how many couples deal with infertility (IF), in part because either some never try to conceive, and others happen to get PG despite the odds. However, estimates suggest that 1 in 8 couples experience problems with IF (some even state that it is as many as 1 in 6 couples). The problem can be female IF, male factor infertility (MFI), or a combination of both. Sometimes, even after an extensive diagnostic workup, they still can't figure out what's wrong and then you get labeled with the "diagnosis" of "unexplained IF." If you think you might be dealing with IF, or if you've just started your IF journey, you can get some good basic information at FertilityJourney.com. It's designed by one of the drug companies that manufactures fertility drugs so it may be slightly biased, but for the most part, the information on there is good. A more unbiased source of information would be the American Pregnancy Association.

I never thought in a million years that I would be dealing with IF. I come from an extremely fertile family, with only one aunt who had trouble TTC (due to diminished ovarian reserve). My grandmother had a whopping 11 children in her youth. My mom had two children, and my other three aunts had 2, 3, and 4 children each. My other grandmother had 5 children. All of them went on to have children of their own, with the exception of one aunt who has not - but that is because she remains unmarried. So I had no reason to believe that we would have any problems of our own.

We started our IF journey at the end of 2008. It's been a bumpy ride, but I've learned so much and I believe that I am stronger person because of it. The online community I've met has been a wonderful resource and an invaluable support system.

Coming to terms with IF can be hard, but there is an amazing online community of women who support each other. For general help, TheBump.com (a site designed for all things baby-related) has a forum called the Trouble TTC board. For women suffering from PCOS, there is SoulCysters.com. Fertility Community is another good resource, and also has message board forums. Then there are a myriad of bloggers who have blogged about their IF journeys - with one of the most notable being Melissa, author of Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters.

I'll be posting more about our journey soon, but I just wanted to start out and say that if you are on this path, know that you are not alone.