Double thoughts

It's been four days since we found out that we were having twins. It feels like four years. Maybe even four decades.

It's amazing how news like this can change everything. When we first started trying to conceive, it changed the way I looked at the world. Even though I didn't have a child of my own, I became more aware of the parents around me - how they interacted with their kids, how they dealt with everyday problems, how lives change when a child is born.

And now my outlook has changed again. Twins are an unbelievable blessing, and we're astounded and amazed at our luck...but also terrified. Because everything has changed.

Things have changed financially - we had planned and prepared a comfortable post-baby budget for one child, and while twins won't put us out on the street, it will be a lot tighter. Buying baby furniture for one is expensive, but outfitting a nursery for two is very expensive...especially in Australia where everything costs more than it does in the States, and decent quality secondhand items are hard to find in my small town. A single stroller becomes a pricier double or tandem model. Diaper costs, whether you're planning to cloth diaper or use disposables, suddenly skyrocket. Daycare expenses become double what you expected them to be (I investigatee what a nanny would cost, but in my area it would be twice as much as daycare for both babies!).

Things have changed health-wise. After my miscarriage, I was looking forward to a nice, low risk pregnancy. But with twins, the risks rise both before and during birth. And with identical twins (which is what it looks like we're having), they're higher yet again. Speaking of birth, there are also much higher odds that I'll need a Cesarean section. It's not my preference, but I've come to accept that this may be necessary - it may not, but I need to be prepared that it will. Since the ultimate goal is two healthy babies, I won't mind giving up what I thought I wanted to make sure that our twins are delivered as safely as possible - but it's still an unexpected mental adjustment that has to be made.

Things have changed in terms of practicality. I never thought I'd have to research how to breastfeed two babies at the same time! What about comforting two crying babies? Bathing and dressing them? And what about their nursery? We're currently buying a house, and the sweet, cozy little room that we originally planned to use for a nursery is suddenly far too small - there's absolutely no way we can fit two cribs and the rest of the furniture that we'll need in there. So our former guest bedroom will become the nursery, and our guest bed will be downgraded from a queen to a single bed or a daybed in order to fit in the new, smaller space. Again, it's not anything that's insurmountable - but it's another change that has to be considered and made.

I'm not trying to be negative right now - I'm just trying to explain some of the thought processes you go through when you're suddenly surprised with this kind of news. I think a lot of people have the same response that I did before we discovered we were having twins (i.e., before I had to deal with this myself!), which is to just react, "Oh twins! Cool!" You don't realize all of the issues that the prospective parents instantly have to wrestle with - the fears, the practical issues, the change in finances.

When you're expecting twins, you're suddenly, inescapably aware that everything doubles. Double trouble. Double tantrums in the grocery store. Double dirty diapers. Double fears and worries.

But then you realize...everything doubles. Double blessings. Double hugs. Double joy. Double love. We are so very lucky.