Friday, May 8, 2009
Keeping it on the DL
Other than my co-workers and a few close friends, I haven't told many people that we're TTC. It's not something I really want to disclose and I made the mistake of failing to tell DH to keep it on the DL. Tonight we went out to dinner with some friends and one asked when we were planning to have kids. DH and I looked at each other and I answered, "Whenever it happens." He didn't catch on to my evasiveness and went on to mention that I'm charting and explained a little bit about it. In other words, he spilled the beans.
There are a couple reasons I don't want many people to know. Remember that co-worker I mentioned who announced she was pregnant? I found out 3 days ago that she lost the baby. Everyone at work knew she was pregnant and now she had to tell everyone that she miscarried. She called work to let them know and told them to spread the word so that no one would come up to her without knowing and congratulate her or ask her about her pregnancy. I do not want to have to go through that. So even though it'll be hard, when I do get my BFP, I'm keeping it to myself until the second trimester. Of course, I'll tell a few friends and maybe our immediate family. But seeing how common miscarriages are, especially with first pregnancies, I don't want to have to put myself or anyone else in an awkward situation.
The other reason is that I don't want people asking me if I'm pregnant yet all the time. I know I'm already dealing with this because I made the mistake of telling people at work. I'm really starting to regret that. But I don't need to add to the list of people who know. In fact, we haven't even told any family members that we're TTC yet. Plus, if it ends up taking us a long time to conceive, or we end up having fertility issues, I don't want to have to explain that to everyone who knows we were trying in the first place. I should have just kept my mouth shut to begin with, but I tend to be an open book. When will I learn my lesson?
For those of you who already got your BFP, when did you announce your pregnancy?
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We haven't announced it yet. We didn't announce that we were TTC, either.
ReplyDeleteWe had decided to be cautious before the m/c and now we are even more so. We'd said we'd tell our parents after we saw a H/B and everyone else after 12 weeks.
Ideally we'd like to wait to 12 weeks for everyone, but we are travelly internationallay at 11 weeks for a family function and it's not fair to announce there.
So *hopefully* we will be announcing after my next scan, even though I already sorta saw a h/b.
We found out we lost our baby at 11w 4d, and at that point we had only told a couple close friends and no one else. Not even our parents. We were waiting to hear a healthy heartbeat at our 12 week appointment before sharing the news.
ReplyDeleteThis go around, I will tell my parents as soon as we get the BFP. They were an invaluable source of support through the miscarriage. His parents still don't know about our loss, and we won't tell them until we're in our 2TM. Same for the rest of our world except for those few close friends. That's just what works for us!
We didn't tell anyone IRL before the miscarriage - we were waiting until I hit 12 weeks to tell anyone.
ReplyDeleteHowever, like Legalosaur, we are going to tell our parents as soon as we get a BFP this time around. They were such wonderful support, and it was SO hard to have to tell them, "Hey, you would have been grandparents...but now you're not going to be." So we're telling them earlier next time!
We told our parents right after getting our BFP. However, I didn't know that miscarriages were so common. Now that I know what I know, if we ever get KU again, we might weight until 12 weeks or after. . .
ReplyDeleteWe told our parents and immediate family after we heard the heartbeat at 7 weeks. I ended up telling 2 close girlfriends around 9-10 weeks because they kind of guessed since I wasn't drinking. We told our offices and other close friends at 13 weeks after having the NT Scan and receiving positive results. So that was when the news was "out." I did not announce it on Facebook until Week 20 when I posted that "It's a Girl." By now it's a little obvious, what with my belly and all, so everyone who didn't know is rapidly finding out as soon as they get a glimpse of me. HTH!
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