Bending the rules

I went to go see my doctor today on a matter completely unrelated to my miscarriage and pregnancy. However, the talk did eventually turn to whether or not we would be trying again any time soon.

I told her that we would be TTC as soon as AF has graced me with her presence one more time. And that got us talking about how things are gonna be the next go-around.

Fortunately, Canadian health care is free. Unfortunately, this means that you cannot really dictate things on your terms, or get procedures that you would really like done just because you asked and you have your fat wallet in your hand.

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Case in point? Ultrasounds. In Alberta, the province I live in, you only get one ultrasound. At 18 to 20 weeks. And... that's... it... (Unless of course you have some medical reason for needing one, but apparently anxiety and fear are not medical reasons... I BEG TO DIFFER!)

And, unlike what I seem to understand most American medical clinics to be, doctors here do not have ultrasound machines in their offices. You have to go to special clinics where they hoard all the machines locked away in a vault somewhere. With very tight security and a bouncer named Bubba, I might add. Add a little tequila, and it's a very private and highly coveted hotspot to see and be seen.

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Now, all of this "sit tight and wait" is less than satisfactory to me. I am anxious about getting pregnant again. This time, I want some answers sooner much much much rather than later.

At my doctor's appointment for our first pregnancy, I asked if it's at all possible to get an earlier ultrasound for peace of mind. Nope, not possible. To be honest, the hippy-crunchie in me didn't mind the unnecessary medical intervention. This time around, I have reasons for not being able to wait it out while being so relaxed about it all.

Thankfully, amazingly, and luckily, I will be able to get an earlier ultrasound for our second pregnancy. Because of the hell we had to go through by miscarrying, it is something doctors can approve without getting slapped on the wrist, I suppose. I guess some good has come out of our miscarriage, if nothing else. My doctor said I can go in to get an ultrasound as early as 9 weeks.

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While 9 weeks is a whole lot quicker than the 18-20 week mark, I am still very cognizant of the fact that I will be spending a whole 4 to 5 weeks in purgatory, from the time we get our BFP until we're able to go for the ultrasound. So, I think I'm going to be a bit of a diva and DEMAND that she does betas (hCG levels) for me, so that I can at least get some peace of mind earlier. After all, I had a missed miscarriage, which means my baby died almost 3 weeks before I started spotting. I need a little (or even a lot!) of reassurance, people!!

After the 9 week ultrasound, and if we see a healthy heartbeat, the chance of miscarriage will drop somewhere below 10%, hopefully to around 5% or lower.

Then we play the waiting game once again. Until the doctor can catch the baby's heartbeat on the doppler - which may prove to be somewhat of a challenge.

You see, I have what is called a retroverted uterus, which is just a fancy way of saying it tilts back towards my spine instead of forward towards my belly button.

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But what all this retroverted uterus hoo-ha also means is that it's quite difficult to catch fetal heartbeat with a doppler until about 14 weeks.

I think it may kill me to go to the doctor week after week from about week 11 onwards, only to have her not be able to find the heartbeat. It will be like re-living my miscarriage all over again... But I promise I am going to try to be really, really strong. And let's just hope, when the time comes, that she can find the heartbeat a lot quicker than 14 weeks!