The rollercoaster that is my life

Well, it's been 10 days since the very happy and celebratory post where I finally let my guard down and allowed myself to say "We're having a baby".

And so the gods decided to smack me back on my ass and make me pay for those 4 little words. After three blissful days of finally enjoying this pregnancy and believing that everything is going to be okay, I awoke to pink spotting and major cramps on Sunday morning.

I read my trusty Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy, which said any spotting that continued for 24h or more in the 13th week is cause for concern. In fact, any duration of spotting accompanied by cramps was cause for concern. And so I was concerned.

My doctor was able to squeeze me in on Monday afternoon, just so we could hear the heartbeat and put myself at ease. However, it didn't work out that way. She pulled out the Doppler and searched and searched for the heartbeat, but was unsuccessful. Being that I had heard it at her office not even a week earlier, I was really expecting to hear it.

I walked out of the office numb, to be honest. I had flashbacks to our miscarriage all over again, but rather than let myself freak out I just went numb. The silver lining is that the doctor's office was able to phone and pull some strings (or perhaps it was just pure luck on the timing of the call), and get me an ultrasound for the next afternoon, on the Tuesday. Being that ultrasounds are extremely difficult to get where I live, I was so thankful that I didn't have to wait that long to know what was going on.

The 24 hour wait for my ultrasound was difficult. I really only cried once, when I spoke to Mr. Legalosaur on the phone to explain what was going on. I don't think he appreciates how I feel when I explain to him how I feel like a failure when I contemplate the fact that we might be facing a miscarriage again, but he is wonderful and supportive. And I need him for this, and couldn't ask for more.

I showed up at the ultrasound place with a knot in my stomach. Mr. Legalosaur was there to be my chauffeur and hold my hand. When my name was called, I was whisked away to the back, while he had to wait out in the front. I was told to change into a gown and then wait in a second waiting room. Finally the tech came and got me, and we went into the ultrasound suite.

After explaining my history, especially emphasizing the miscarriage, she took a quick peek and immediately told me that there was a healthy heartbeat. I was so relieved. I wanted to rush out and tell Mr. Legalosaur that everything was okay, because I didn't want him sitting out there worrying for any longer than necessary. But the tech took her sweet time getting all the measurements. She said that the baby was extremely active so it was making it hard for her to get all the measurements she needed.

Finally, after a grand total of about 30 minutes after being taken to the back, the tech went and got Mr. Legalosaur from the waiting area. I knew from how long he had been waiting out there, that he would think the worst because he had to wait similarly long for the ultrasound confirming out miscarriage. When he came in, I could see the worry on his face. I told him immediately that the baby was okay.

The tech gave us a peek of our babe, and here he/she is:



It's amazing what our baby was doing. The babe was kicking, jerking like it had the hiccups, moving its arms around, and even sucking a thumb at one point. The ultrasound report said the baby is actually measuring ahead by about 4 days, looking to be at 14 weeks at that point.

What a sigh of relief. Because my placenta is anterior, it's actually very easy for the baby to hide from the Doppler, which is why we were not able to find the heartbeat at the doctor's office. Although the doctor couldn't find a source of the bleeding, it's still a relief to know that it was "normal" pregnancy bleeding, and there's nothing to worry about.

My spotting continued for about 4 days, at which point it began to decrease and then disappear altogether. Let's hope that it stays away, but I don't like seeing the blood, not at all!!

In other news, I'm 14 weeks, 2 days today (although, the babe is growing a bit bigger than that) and I'm showing. My bump is obvious now to strangers and friends alike. I'm loving sporting the bump, although I'm not loving all the stretching pain that is accompanied with this growth. Or the wicked heartburn that has been rearing its ugly head today. UGH. But, I figure since I'm petite, there's nowhere for the baby to go but out, so that's why I'm sporting the bump so soon.

And after this marathon of a post, I'm ready to sign off. And take a nap. Because I can!