My reasons for TTC part 1

I left off my last post explaining why Mr. Relaxasaur and I were trying for a baby. By the way this post is filled with TMI (just a warning). It all started when I was 19. I was diagnosed with human papillomavirus (HPV). The gyno I was seeing didn't think this was a huge deal and just had me coming in every 3 months for check ups then 6 months and eventually I was able to go to yearly gyno visits. So I never thought it was a big deal. After 7 years (I know I should have left sooner) I got fed up with my doctor office always mixing up my appts and I was mad that I never got to see the Dr. I always saw the nurses. The nurse that I saw didn't really acknowledge my HPV so I left and found another Dr.

I saw this new doc (Dr. Z) one time and she said my cervix was a little red and she wanted to take a closer look so she scheduled me for a colposcopy if you want to know what that is in detail click here. It is a little more invasive than a regular pap. Anyways a week after my first intial meeting I was in her office so she could she perform this procedure which wasn't too painful just a lot of cramping. I had to wait 3 weeks for the results because Dr. Z went out of town. That waiting period was awful. At this point I hadn't told any of my family just DH and a couple of close friends. I didn't want my family to worry if it were nothing.

Finally I was able to get my results. Apparently the HPV had caused cervical dysplasia. See there are many strains of HPV and I had the worse one the cancer causing strain. To learn more about it click here. She wanted me to have another procedure done to see how far these "bad" cells had spread. Best case scenario they were just on the lower half of the cervix and can be removed, worst case scenario would be these cells had spread further onto my cervix past the superficial spot and near my uterus. So we scheduled the surgery called the leep procedure which is where she uses a thin metal loop that uses electrical current to burn off the bad cells. Some women stay awake for this but because she had to scrape cells from further into my cervix she didn't want me having to deal with all the pain and cramping. I was very grateful for that.

Now I had to tell my family. My mom had a hysterectomy a few years earlier because she had some cervical dysplasia and since she is done having children she opted to get everything except her ovaries. So I told her first and it wasn't easy but I told her there still could be good news at the end of all this so no jumping to conclusions. She told the rest of family meaning my dad and my sisters who all called to see if needed anything. Now at this point I called my husband and immediately started crying. I was so mad.

I was mad at myself for allowing myself to have unprotected sex with my first boyfriend who was also my "first". I wanted to go back and slap the earlier version of me. I didn't know it at the time but he cheated on me with lots of different people so I guess I can be happy I didn't get anything else. I was also mad at my previous Dr and her practice for not doing more they chose to do nothing and again I was mad at myself for not doing more research. I took their non-reactive attitude as a sign I shouldn't worry.

I set up the surgery for two weeks out. This is where I will stop because like I said it is a long story. I promise after I get part two out the way my posts will not be so dark. I have since moved past my anger and learned that I can't change what happened and I will not let it ruin my life. I just have to adjust my time table that all. BTW if you have any questions about anything let me know. I am not shy.