A little pampering...

Today, I'm sitting on the couch with a laptop while I have a cleaning service scrubbing, dusting, vacuuming and steam cleaning my house. YAH BABY!

Image source.

I actually feel pretty good today, so I'm a little guilty that I'm splurging to pay a cleaning service to give the house a good once over. But I figure I deserve it today. After all, today we're 11 weeks, little baby bean! I hope you're fist pumping and flipping about in my tummy enjoying our down-time.

Reaching the 11th week is both happy and terrifying for me.

I think I'll get into the terrifying bit first, and end on a happier note. This week is terrifying because in the 11th week with our last pregnancy, that's when I started spotting. And that's when we had an ultrasound that gave us the devastating news that our baby had stopped developing and had died. It was a really, really difficult week. Especially when we were so close to our first prenatal appointment, and we were so excited to share our news with everyone. The pain was crushing, although with time it feels more like a distant memory and something I can talk about without crying now.

I have had stabs of fear that this week a similar traumatic event will happen, even though there's really no reason for it. I just try to push these thoughts out of my mind. No point on dwelling on things that are beyond my control. After all, I still have fairly strong all-day-sickness and fatigue. However, things are changing these days which is a new development. Now I have times where I feel completely human again, like my "old self". And that's a little scary for me, because that's how I felt last time (although I never had awful morning sickness last time like I do this time).

However, this week is happy too. I'm super excited about my first prenatal appointment (two days!). I cannot wait to hear our baby's heartbeat on a doppler, it's an experience I've been waiting for. Waiting for a very long time, it feels like. And I'm excited to start showing, which I think it not too far away. I have a pretty swollen belly as it is (bloat!), but I don't think that I'm truly "showing" yet. It's more a factor of my inner organs getting smooshed up to accommodate my growing uterus. But I don't think my uterus has popped out of the pelvic cavity yet, at least I can't feel it. And I'm pretty stoked about feeling better again, being able to eat like a normal, healthy human being (yes, I still have wicked food aversions), and getting my energy back. At least until the third trimester.

Yes, there's a lot to look forward to. But there's still quite a bit that I need to get past first. I think I will start to stop worrying so much about the baby and his/her development once I'm past the 12th week, into the second trimester.

Maybe it's not such a bad thing to pamper myself a little bit, since I'm still not feeling 100% and I have a lot on my mind. In fact, I made a little promise with myself, if we can hear the baby's heartbeat on Monday. I will treat myself to a pedicure, FINALLY. I haven't gotten one yet this summer, and my feet are dying for it.

Image source.

I'm not going to lie, though, part of me wants to continue the pampering today and just go get that pedicure NOW! (And no, my feet don't look that bad, PROMISE.) However, I'm a little superstitious and so I think I'll wait.