It's a strange feeling, in a way - to be pregnant but not that pregnant. To not have to wonder when I'd go into labor (now? how about now?) or when our baby would come (today? tomorrow? last week?). To not have a nursery finished, not have felt any kicks, not have picked a name, not have planned and prepared to the best of my ability for our baby's imminent arrival. It is a surreal feeling to know that I could have already given birth to and held that first baby lovingly in my arms.
None of this makes me any less grateful for the startling, stunning, terrifyingly wonderful miracle that we have now, with our two beautiful children on the way. But I still feel a sadness when I think about my first pregnancy, and I will never, ever forget what that baby meant in our lives - you are always and forever in my heart, my little one.
I've been thinking of you as this date approaches and I know it's so hard and probably won't get any easier. Just know that you are in my thoughts *hugs*
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your loss. It really strikes me though how similar our two circumstances are, and it's nice to know I'm not the only one. We lost a baby boy at 14 weeks in July (he was due Dec 2) and I'm now pregnant and due May 5th. I will certainly be keeping up with your pregnancy :)
ReplyDelete