Anxiously Awaiting the BIG Ultrasound!

Hi Everyone,

I called my midwife today for two reasons. The first was to find out what she thought about getting the H1n1 vaccine, but I got so preoccupied with my second question that i FORGOT to even ask! I accidentally mentioned wanting to find out an ultrasound appointment before the vaccine, and her response made me lose my train of thought completely. Apparently in my area the only hospital that I can go to (to find out the gender) refuses to do ultrasounds before twenty weeks, and even then they will only put the gender in the report if the baby happens to expose itself. So not only do I have to wait for what seems like forever, but I won't find out at the time for sure, and might not even find out at all! I guess whatever happens, happens, but now that I have finally decided that I DO want to know I REALLY want to know! I would love to find out tomorrow if I could! My girlfriend in the next province found out at eighteen weeks!

Anyway, I am still curious to know what my midwife thinks about this flu vaccine, and then I'm going to phone my family doctor and see what she thinks as well. I can't believe I forgot to ask when I had her on the phone!

I am getting very concerned about my lack of appetite. I am sixteen weeks now, and sometimes I just plain forget to eat! I had a third attack of almost fainting on Halloween, and had to force crackers down my throat just to get something in there. I am trying so hard to make sure the baby is getting some nutrients, but I think I'm doing a bad job. I can't stand the thought of cooking, and eating is almost as bad. I truly thought the "honeymoon period" was right around the corner, but good grief, this is almost as bad as I felt in the first couple of weeks! Not only am I not hungry, but the fatigue hasn't let up either, and I am trying to keep my spirits up but it feels like there is no end in sight. I need at least one day without a ridiculous headache.

I have had the first accusation of being moody as well. One of my husbands close friends informed me, after he had a couple of drinks, that I was being bitchy to his girlfriend. Oh goodness, and I didn't even know. I felt awful right away, and embarrassed too, as I am usually very careful not hurt people's feelings. I asked my husband how bad I have been, but sometimes I think he's almost a bit scared of me, so I can't take him saying I've "been pretty good" too seriously. I could tell he wanted me to ask him something else like how helpful I have been or something like that so he could tell me that I need to starting cooking and cleaning more. What a great man he is, but I just can't help myself being this tired and miserable, no matter how much I want to help him out. Working more than forty hours a week and trying to do school work is taking all the extra life I have at this point!

I want to be in love with this pregnancy and the whole experience SO badly. I have thought about the experience for so long and have always thought pregnancy is so beautiful, but wow what happens along with that miracle is taking alot to get used to. I would give anything just to feel normal for even a day again. I feel like the negative stuff is affecting how much I want to love this little life; which is totally unfair to it.

I despise being negative so I am going to end this positively! My adorable mother in law dropped off a whole bag of maternity clothes and some new (hopefully better) prenatal vitamins for me! What a cutie! I have been trying not to spend too much right away but apparently one pair of pants isn't enough. When she heard that she must have thought I was having financial problems or something. Haha she's so great!

I apologize if there are mistakes in this, but I don't have time to double check right now:)

Have a great day everyone!