Decisions, decisions...

Even though I'm only halfway through this pregnancy, I decided this week that I'd like to get my maternity leave figured out. I knew that by Australian law I'm guaranteed 12 months of unpaid leave, and that my company offers a 6 month leave policy where I can receive half salary for the duration (or 3 months fully paid, but since we can afford it, we're going for the longer time). So yesterday I had a little chat with HR to confirm all of this and to see if there were any other options I should be aware of. And ohhhh yes there were! And I am STOKED!

HR presented me with two basic options; I won't go over the first one, as it's unworkable for us - it gives me 12 months of full leave, but 141 days of that are unpaid (the rest is on part time salary) and unfortunately, we simply can't swing that. So the second option is the clear winner, and here's what I get - the dates are roughly correct, although may be changed:

First, maternity leave (6/4/2010 – 18/10/2010) - 6 months of leave at half salary (this is all I thought I was getting)
Then work part time (19/10/2010 – 11/7/2011) - after the maternity leave is up, I can return to work part time but still be paid my full salary!*
Finally, return to work full time (12/7/2011)

*The length of time I can do this is flexible, and functions on a sliding scale depending on how many days per week I return to work - e.g., if I came back to work for:
3.5 days per week (70%), I'd get full salary for 38 weeks
3 days per week (60%), I'd get full salary for 30 weeks
2.5 days per week (50%), I'd get full salary for 24 weeks
2 days per week (40%), I'd get full salary for 20 weeks

Can you believe that part time option?!? I knew that they had something like this in place, but I had the impression that it was only available if you came back before 12 weeks - apparently not!

As I said earlier, in Australia you are currently granted 52 weeks of unpaid maternity leave. So I'm allowed to be away, with my job protected, for an entire year. Some companies do offer paid leave - and in fact, from next January, they'll be required by law to provide 18 weeks of maternity leave paid at minimum wage, which is much better than the status quo but still not the same level of benefits I'm receiving...and in case you're wondering, I think it's very unlikely that I'd receive these benefits if I worked in the private sector instead of for a large government organization. 

So anyway, Mr Bibliosaur and I basically just need to figure out how long we want me to be home for after the initial 6 month period. Of course it would be nice to take the longest option, but would it be easier/cheaper to arrange childcare for only 3 days per week vs 3.5, thus going with the 3 days per week option? Or would it be nicer to only work 2 days a week and spend more time at home with the twins, even if it was for a shorter duration before starting back to work full time?

My goal is to work this out before Christmas - no real reason why, other than it would be nice to start the New Year with a Super Awesome Maternity Plan in place. And you all know me - I'm a planner!

Of course Mr Bibliosaur and I are going to have a chat (or two...or three...) about this, but since I like polls: what do you think you'd pick in my place?

poll by twiigs.com

A Second Opinion

Yesterday, I met with my former OB-GYN and it was a much more pleasant, positive, and informing experience.

When we first arrived, we sat and talked for a few moments about if we wanted to get pregnant, when I last took birth control, when my last period was, anything that's been going on, the cramps, etc.

He left the room for a few minutes so that I could undress and get ready for an exam.

Mr. Joggersaur insisted on staying in the room with me... just in case anything was wrong.

Part of me was thankful, and part of me was slightly embarassed.

The doctor came back in and performed my exam. It was like a normal pap, except when everything was in place, he says, "Let's get a better look at your cervix." And shoves whatever they use down there even farther up in my cervix causing me to cringe.

He looked around, takes a sample, and feels around.

At this point, I couldn't even look at Mr. Joggersaur, because it's moments like this (when I'm completely uncomfortable) that I'm slightly immature, and would have totally busted out laughing.

When the exam is finished, the doctor leaves so I can get dressed and to put the sample under a microscope.

He returns and we talk for quite awhile.

He said my cervix looked really good. There was no swelling, no abnormalities, and everything felt good. And my cervical mucus sample looked good. He said it was thick.

He suggested that some of my cramping could be trapped air from frequent sex and maybe even changing positions, or it could be from emotions (good or bad stresses), and even bowel obstruction.

I was in with him for almost an hour.

I left with a perscription for progesterone to get things going. Instructions on how to take my basal body temp, because even though my cycles have been regular for awhile, it's only been a year since they were irregular. He suggested taking Citrucel for regular bowel function. And to keep taking my pre-natal vitamin.

After we left the dr's office, we went to the nearest Walgreens to stock up on supplies.

We bought a good themometer, a can of Citrucel, and ibuprofin.

I immediately popped in a couple of ibuprofin. The dr said I could take up to 2400 mg a day. The dr I saw the other day told me not to take anything!

After the pills were down, I started playing with the themometer on the long drive back "to the city".

Once home, I read all the instructions for the Citrucel and proceeded to take my first dose.

It said it would take 12-72 hours to take effect.

Let me tell you, it did not take that long.

Less than two before I was in the potty.

The first trip wasn't too bad. The second trip was only slightly painful. But the third trip was excrutiating!

I was completely drained after so much pooping. And I hurt in the same spot I had been hurting for weeks.

I told Mr. Joggersaur I wouldn't be taking that any more because there couldn't be anything left in me. He said you are taking it every single day, just like the dr said.

But I did get him to agree to taking just 1/2 a scoop instead of 1.

I took my temperature this morning and marked it down on the charts the dr gave me, but I will probably be setting up a fertility friend chart in the near future.

Nursery Inspiration

Well the nesting mode has kicked in full force. This weekend it continues with finishing up some DIY craft projects (will post pics soon) and getting some more furniture in place. I've score an awesome antique iron and brass day bed with pop up trundle on Craigslist for a steal. I am so excited! It will go in the nursery and provide a place for mommy or daddy to sleep with baby, if/when the need arises down the road and she's no longer in her co-sleeper. We also can use it to free up our room for guests who come to visit (since we no longer have a guest room with my mom living with us).

We've put the nursery together on a budget with lots of consignment finds, Craigslist purchases, and repurposing/refurbishing items we already have. I have created this mood board to get a better idea of how it's all coming together:



The first two colors at the top (white and toasted almond) are the trim and wall colors of the room. We don't plan to paint since we're renting and the space is shared with my husband's study (he's a full-time nursing student) and we like it the way it is.

We have ice blue curtains up already, which led to my decision to incorporate the blue into our little girl's nursery. The pink chair is a swivel/rocker/recliner that we got for $50 and is a dusty rose color. And the apple green we are pulling in to balance the pink and blue we have going on in the room. I am calling this sort a of Shabby Chic meets Woodland Animal themed nursery. The cube shelving we already have so we're repurposing it for storage (using line storage baskets that I made new liners for that coordinate with the lampshade that I also DIY'd) and will add a changing pad to the top along with storage bins that have our cloth diapers and supplies in them.

The bird mobile is half done...I have sewn and stuffed all of the little birdies and just need to get some branches for them. The pillow with the dingle-ball trim I found at Target as part of their Simply Shabby line. And the wall decals are made of fabric and sold on Etsy. Those will transform the space into one that is truly for a little child, I think. We're still awaiting the arrival of our crib, but as soon as all of this is in place I will post pictures of the actual room....hopefully by the New Year.

Grief

Grief is really an odd thing, because just when you think you´re past it, it comes back to haunt you. I´ve been rocking along so well since we got the dog. I have not felt the need to cry for weeks now, but today is different. Today the tears just keep coming and coming and coming. A year ago today I found out I was pregnant. I was terrified, excited, nervous and everything else when I saw the faint, faint pink line show up on my el cheapo test. I peed on two more el cheapo tests before running to the drugstore to pick up "a good one" and try it out. They all came back positive. I plotted how to tell my DH who was out of town. I went to the bookstore and found a pregnancy book especially for daddys and got it for him. When he came home on the sixth of December I put it in his shoe for Nikolaus. We hugged and cried, hoping and praying that this would be our sticky baby. Alas, this was not to be.

And so here I sit a whole year later. No new pregnancy, no new baby to hold, but a heart suddenly heavy again with grief. Mourning what could have been. I was sure our baby would be a girl. "Her" due date was August 15th. I planned and plotted in my head that maybe she would come early and be born on my birthday, or maybe a bit later and be born on Mr. Lillysaur´s birthday. I prayed that she would not be born on my mother-in-law´s birthday.....Our joy was short-lived. A week before Christmas I started to bleed. The doctor gave me progesterone to try and help it, if possible. But Christmas Eve the inevitable happened and we lost our baby.

This Christmas season is full of those memories and of our empty nest. I know Ralphie would love to have a little Lillysaur to herd and watch out for, but for now he will have to put up with just me.

Personal Boundaries and Pregnancy/Birth

I was going to wait for another day or so to write so that I could tell about the ultrasound I'm having tomorrow, but I couldn't wait to get these thoughts on "paper", in hopes that seeing it in black and white will make it more manageable in my mind, and maybe other peoples stories and comments will help too.

I can't remember how much I've related about me personally, but I am a pretty "personal" person. In terms of personal space especially. I do not like to be touched in crowds, and in fact Disney World was one of the worst experiences for me because of how much I detest being crowded! Now in relation to pregnancy- I'm sure you can see where this is headed- the concept of being touched without warning, and by strangers no less, gives me the heebie jeebies, big time! I have thought about this quite a bit, and I have decided for my own sanity I will have to politely step back and decline the touches from anyone I don't feel comfortable with, whether it looks rude or not. The people who know me WILL ask first, if they know me at all, and I'll be more than willing to abide.

The other thing that has come up in the same vein as the touching is the idea of personal boundaries during labour. This is actually even hard for me to talk about, so rather than assure me that "I won't care about this at the time" or "the pain will be a distraction from any other concern" et cetera please just think about it like this.... I still have twentyish weeks to worry about this particular concern, and have never experienced labour and delivery before so I have no idea what to believe will happen during that time regardless of what people assure me.

I think I need to backtrack for a minute and explain that this came up because I happened upon a site for a book I am interested in "Your best birth" and may have watched a video of a woman in labour while the baby was having a hard time crowning. It. Was. A. Bad. Idea. I thought it would be educational, but good grief it was terrifying. The woman had about ten people crowded around her nether region touching her whenever they felt like it... and wherever they felt like it. Now I am not so naive as to think that some touching is not necessary, but it was a shock to my system to see how involved it actually gets! One person practically had their hand in her butt for goodness sakes! Not only that, but her entire vaginal area didn't even look remotely familiar to me, it was swollen and.... different. I'm not judging at all and I must admit it is commendable to have the guts to put a birth video on the internet, but having never seen anything like it before it was pretty alarming.

I need to know that I will have some control over what is going to go on during this experience. I am thinking that it might have been either too soon for me to watch something like that, or that maybe I shouldn't have watched it at all. I think I have to watch more during prenatal classes and I'm even more scared of what is going to happen in those videos!

I should have maybe prefaced this post with the fact that I'm not normally queasy or grossed out easily, but this experience has rocked me to my core, and I'm not even sure I can do this anymore. I was actually looking forward to the experience to some extent to live up to the challenge that is presented to us as women. I felt confident that I could come out of this like a warrior!

I know I'm just talking out loud, but I haven't heard anyone else talk about these fears before and now I feel like I'm the only one. Maybe this will go away as I learn more about the experience, and maybe my discomfort over being "unneccessarily touched" will go away as well. Who knows. All I do know at this point is that my blood pressure is raised every time I even think about that video.

So, I have to stop thinking about it, and on to happier subjects! I have my BIG ultrasound tomorrow and I have decided to bring a small token in for the ultrasound tech in hopes that they will tell me the gender at the time rather than waiting for the stupid report! So wish me luck!

Thirty-One Weeks

Today I am thirty-one weeks pregnant. I cannot believe that very soon I will be meeting my precious baby girl. She has been kicking up a storm lately and I am starting to see BIG movements on the outside, it's very surreal. I try to guess which body part it may be or what she might be doing in there! I have also had my first Braxton Hicks contractions. Some people call this false labor but in the Bradley Birthing Method they call it practice labor because your body is practicing for the real deal. They don't hurt (at least not yet), but they do feel strange and sort of take my breath away. It's another reminder that very soon I will be delivering this baby!

Realizing that in two months or less we'll have a baby at home with us, my husband and I used the long holiday weekend to get organized. We cleaned out closets, moved items into storage and generally just got our home more ready for a baby. We did four loads of laundry...baby blankets, booties, socks, onsies, jammies, clothes, cloth baby wipes, you name it! It was fun sorting through each size and wondering how a certain outfit might look on her. Will the turquoise one look good with her skin tone? Will the teeny newborn onsie even fit?

I also took advantage of Black Friday sales at JoAnn's Fabrics and bought fabric to finally sew the little stuffed Spool birdies for her mobile (still need to find some cool twigs), make new liners for baskets we have in shelving in her room and have enough left over to possibly make her a quilt. I also got some 4.5 inch balsa wood letters to spell her nickname, LIBBY, and decoupaged them with scrapbook paper that coordinates with the soft aqua, apple green and pink room we're pulling together for her. As soon as it's all done, I'll be sure to post photos of the shabby-chic-meets-woodland-animal-themed room we're doing for her.

I also finally gave my maternity leave proposal to my management team (we are 5 executive directors that function as one) and I should know later this week what they think of it and if they'll approve it. Basically I am proposing to take 8 full weeks off and then transition back to full time over the next 9 weeks...starting with working from home 4 hours/day for 2 weeks and then doing 4 hours/day from home, 3 days a week and coming into the office twice a week for 6 hours each time for another 3 weeks. Then finally, the last 4 weeks coming into the office every day but only for 6 hours each time rather than a full 8. I have 502 hours of leave time saved up and I hope they'll let me budget accordingly. That way I can transition back to working full time and have as much time at home with the baby as possible. Wish me luck, we discuss it at our weekly meeting tomorrow morning!

Finally, I am continuing to try to cope with my Gestational Diabetes. The insulin shots seemto be working fairly well, although I've noticed that if I have a restless night (less than 6 hours of sleep and getting up more than once) that my fasting number in the morning is still elevated. I don't know how to remedy that. I sleep really well (at least 8 hours and only up once in the night for the bathroom) about once or twice a week! I see the GD Counselor on Thursday morning and will ask her about this. Otherwise, the food and exercise plan with the added doses of insulin are not impossible, although I do find that if I am super busy at work I have a hard time remembering to test exactly two hours after breakfast or lunch. I have started setting an alarm on my cellphone to remember!

So, I am in the home stretch. Three quarters of the way done with this pregnancy! Knowing that some babies come as early as 35 weeks and others wait until past 40 I have no idea how soon I'll be meeting my little one. I know it won't be much past 40 weeks since my doctor has said that with GD she will induce before letting me get to 41 weeks. I post on the Third Trimester Board on The Bump and it's scary reading all of the varied birth stories. The ones that go well are totally inspiring, especially those that chose to go natural all the way. But there are many more of inductions, pre-term labor, babies being delivered by emergency c-section and having to spend time in the NICU as well as a few stories that don't end so happily that it makes me really nervous about what these next 8-9 weeks may hold. For now, I am trying to stay positive and think happy thoughts and prepare mentally, physically and emotionally for whatever make come

That said, according to BabyCenter, here's what Miss Libby is up to this week:

image source

This week, your baby measures over 16 inches long. He weighs about 3.3 pounds (try carrying four navel oranges) and is heading into a growth spurt. He can turn his head from side to side, and his arms, legs, and body are beginning to plump out as needed fat accumulates underneath his skin. He's probably moving a lot, too, so you may have trouble sleeping because your baby's kicks and somersaults keep you up. Take comfort: All this moving is a sign that your baby is active and healthy.

image source

Butterflies in my stomach

For the last few weeks, I've been waiting impatiently to feel our twins move. I knew that for most women it happens between weeks 16-20, and I thought I had a good chance of feeling it earlier since we're having twins. But week 16 passed uneventfully. Week 17, more of the same. But this week...well, this week is different!

Yesterday was the start of week 18, and yesterday, I felt our babies move for the very first time! At first I wasn't sure that what I was feeling was really movement, but this pregnancy has given me enough gas that I was pretty positive it was something different. And then I felt it again. A flutter, low in my belly.

I've read that for some people it feels like bubbles or a goldfish flitting around. For me, it feels like butterflies - the nervous kind you get in your stomach when you're about to make a speech in front of a large group. A nervous, fluttery feeling, but without the anxiety - just the lightly flipping sensation in my stomach.

After I realized what I was feeling, it now seems like I suddenly feel it a lot more (although I've probably actually been feeling it for longer than I knew, but simply didn't know what to feel for). It's not constant, but sometimes when I'm quiet and still, I feel the gentle fluttering.

And then, earlier today, low on my right side...a soft flick. Flick. Flickflickflick. FLICK. Now THAT was a kick for sure! There is absolutely no way it could be mistaken for anything else.

Feeling them move is the most incredible thing - it's extraordinary to actually feel new lives inside me! Mr Bibliosaur is beyond thrilled with this new development - he keeps eagerly asking me if I'm feeling them move again: "Can you feel them now?" "No, not right now." "Oh. Well how about now?" I can't wait until he can feel them kicking from the outside so he can experience this too!