Oh the waiting

I managed to pass the time until my doctor´s appt. ok. My doctor did an ultrasound to see if she could see anything, which she couldn´t. But I don´t think that´s too surprising at 4weeks. She said my lining looked good, but didn´t measure it. I guess there wasn´t a need for that. She made me take another hpt so she could see the result. It came back positive. She gave me a presciption for progesterone to take before bed, but she didn´t do any bloodwork. She tried to call the University Clinic, but it was too late and nobody was there, so she gave me the number and told me to call and make an appointment.

I haven´t called yet. I visited my dermatologist yesterday to get some different acne creams that can be used in the first trimester. The dermatologist urged me to go ahead and make the call, and she urged me to find someone to talk to. As she put it, 40 weeks is a long, long time to be pregnant under normal circumstances, and after multiple losses it must seem like an eternity.

I haven´t had many symptoms really. Just sore breasts and some serious bloating, gas, etc. The bloat and burping seems to come and go. It´s hard not to over analyze what´s going on. Every little twinge, cramp and pain seems to let doubt and fear creep in. I wish I could find a way to just not think about it. I got out a book about pregnancy and started to read about what was going on for my stage, but then I began to wonder if it was really happening. It´s so hard to believe that I am really pregnant and that there is really a baby in there. Is there really a baby in there? I know that only time will tell, and that there is nothing for me to do except try and relax and sit tight. It´s out of my hands, and the only thing left for me to do is wait, and wait and wait.