Le Sigh...

I have such a range of emotions happening right now and I can't seem to sort them all out..

I don't know if you remember, but I posted earlier about my plans to be there to help my sister-in-law when she delivers her 3rd baby. Well, that didn't happen...for a few good reasons. And I'm thinking, it was better this way.

Here's the story...

Dear sis-in-law (SIL) was due sometime between March 2nd and March 9th. (You know, the whole cycle vs. ultrasound due date thing?) March 2nd (ultrasound DD) came and went and I was on stand by to race to the hospital at any moment. We waited and waited (nothing new when it comes to having babies, of course) and it was getting closer to the weekend. The monkey wrench in the plans were that my family and friends had planned a 30th birthday bash for me on Sunday, so obviously wouldn't be able to make it on that day. We had different back up plans for if it happened on the weekend, so it was totally fine, but I was hoping it wouldn't happen while I was gone.

Of course, SIL started having regular contractions on Sunday morning. I conceded to the fact that I wasn't going to be there for the birth. So I went on with the day, excited about the b-day plans that my wonderful DH and best friends had put together. It was a fabulous day full of great famiily, great friends, and great food and gifts.

We got periodic updates throughout the day on SIL's situation. She never actually checked into the hospital, because she wanted to labor without being hooked up to machines laying on a bed. She wandered the hospital all day long...poor thing. Finally, that night when her contractions started getting further apart they told her she should go home. (Keep in mind that we live 30 minutes from the nearest hospital) So she and my brother-in-law went home for the night, taking the big walk of shame out of the hospital.

To make a long story short, she was laboring throughout the night and then decided at about 6am yesterday morning that they needed to start heading back to the hospital. Her hubby was determined to wait until her water broke, but that still hadn't happened. She was having a lot of back labor and knew she needed to go back. Well, they did make it to the hospital...the hospital parking garage, that is. Baby decided to make her grand entrance in the car inside the hospital parking garage!!! Oh.my.word. Craziness.

Baby girl and mama are perfectly healthy and happy, thank the Lord!! I went and saw them yesterday afternoon and she is as cute as can be...all 8 lbs & 21 1/4 inches of her.

Now that it's all said and done things are starting to hit me. I am so happy for them...but I'm on the verge of tears at any moment. I knew back when I found out that she was pregnant that it would be pretty tough on me to see her with brand new baby in hand, especially if I still didn't have any prospects for a new baby of my own. And of course, that's the situation I find myself in...

Like I said earlier, I really don't know how to sort it all out. For now I keep this dream close to my heart and I continue to pray that it becomes a reality.

WHISPER
by A Fine Frenzy

Running the race
Like a mouse in a cage getting nowhere
but I'm trying
Forging ahead
But I'm stuck in the bed that I made
so I'm lying

But if you keep real close
Yeah, you stay real close
I will reach you

I'm down to a whisper
In a daydream on a hill
Shut down to a whisper
Can you hear me still

Eager to please,
Trying to be what they need
But I'm so very tired
I've stopped trying to find
Any peace in my mind
Because it tangles the wires

But if you keep real close
Yeah, you stay real close
I will reach you

I'm down to a whisper
In a daydream on a hill
Shut down to a whisper
Can you hear me
Can you hear me still

The sound tires on my lips
To fade away into forgetting

I'm down to a whisper
In a daydream on a hill
Shut down to a whisper
Can you hear me
Can you hear me

I'm down to a whisper
In a daydream on a hill
Shut down to a whisper
Can you hear me
Can you hear me still