Made a Decision

I have made a decision. Let me explain. I know most of you are up to date on my status. I have HPV and have been through a procedure earlier in the year to help rid my cervix of the stage 2 (CIN II) cervical dysplasia. My gyn. told me that if I wanted to carry my own child(ren) then I should consider doing it soon. When I asked what she were to do if I were older and had children or never wanted children then she would take out my cervix. So my husband and I decided we would start TTC.

Lately, I have been wondering if having a child now is really what I wanted. It has been 7 months since my surgery and I think I have gotten away from how detrimental HPV has been on my body. I have been wavering in my decision of having a child now or trying to wait to see what happens because I want to go back to school. People keep telling me that giving birth isn't the only way to have a child. I can adopt or I can find a surrogate. I know this and if it came down to me not being able to carry a child then I might lean towards adoption.

Today, I was talking with my girlfriend about different options. Anyway, we were talking about kids and life and it got me thinking. Yes, if my body were not in trouble then I wouldn't be thinking about kids and I would still be on birth control and none of this would be an issue. But that is not how it is and it is an issue, a really important one. So I came home to do some more research on stage 2 (CIN II) cervical dysplasia. I learned that it is a little more serious than I have been thinking it is. I am already in a really small pool of women who are actually affected by HPV and according to http://www.lef.org/protocols/female_reproductive/cervical_dysplasia_01.htm#

• Only 1 percent of women with CIN I who experience progression will progress to severe dysplasia or worse (Holowaty P et al 1999). (I am on my way to severe)
  
• An overall progression rate among patients with CIN II, 16 percent will advance to severe dysplasia within two years and 25 percent within five years.
  
• of severe dysplasia (CIN III) to cervical cancer has been observed in 12 percent to 32 percent of patients (Arends MJ et al 1998; McIndoe WA et al 1984).

This means I could be a part of those people in bullet two but there is really no way to tell and that is something that I have to learn to do deal with. And then on the same site I read this
While it may take years for cervical dysplasia to progress to cancer, the cancer can quickly spread throughout the body once established. If left untreated, cervical cancer has a relatively high mortality rate, although the survival rate for properly treated early-stage cervical dysplasia and cervical cancer is high.
I have read the same on other credible sites and it scared the crap out of me. After learning how serious this is I have decided I really want to be the one to carry my own child and I know that school will always be there while my cervix may not be. So after a very long post my final decision is I'm in. I am going to call my gyn tomorrow and talk about my long cycles and see what can be done. I am also going to order a crap load of ovulation kits but I am not going to temp because I hated setting the alarm and worrying about what kind of sleep I got and it just gave me more anxiety.
As a side note I talked to Josh about wanting a child because his best friend is expecting and he said no but it might fuel his fire more after their child is born. He is just really exciting about starting our own family. I am also going to continue to get ready for the GRE and apply for graduate school next fall. It will be a nice bonus as a distraction for all the waiting that comes along with TTC.
Thank you for reading.