Announcements, Baby Showers, and the 2WW

So lately I find myself getting phone calls, text messages, or announcements on facebook from someone telling me they are expecting. I am certainly excited for their new journey to parenthood but I find that I can't muster up any truly excited congratulatory voice in which to respond. It is quite frustrating when there is something you want so badly but have no control over and everyone else around you seems to be achieving just that.

I'm feeling annoyed at my body. I don't understand what is going on, what is preventing me from getting pregnant, and how to fix it. I plan on seeing my OB soon because I have a past history of cysts... who knows what role that might be playing in this unsolvable equation. I have been working really hard to stay positive and maintain hope. Some days it is just really hard.

There are a few baby showers coming up and I don't want to go them. Period. Of course, I feel terrible because I feel selfish and I want to celebrate with the mom-to-be, but there is no way I can sit there and feel joyous about the numerous cute outfits or bibs for a baby that takes the same amount to cook as it is taking us to try to get pregnant. Would I be a horrible person if I don't go? I would plan to give a gift regardless.

Here is a blurry picture of my current chart. I am only 6dpo. Fingers are crossed. Toes are crossed. Eyes are crossed and so are my butt-cheeks.... if that is possible. :-)