One Year

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May 17, 2009, one year ago today, Mr. Pharmasaur and I decided to try to have a baby. I remember how excited we were while we were on our walk to the drugstore to pick up prenatal vitamins. Of course, we had no idea how our TTC journey would unfold.

We actually started to try on May 22nd, as AF was visiting when we made our decision. I wish I could go back to those first few weeks - the hope, anticipation and excitement we felt was wonderful.

We were also cautious however. We were both 39 years old then and we knew that it could take a long time to conceive, if we could conceive at all.

Mr. Pharmasaur and I were very shocked and excited to get a BFP on June 15, 2009. We felt truly blessed. Sadly, the miscarriage on July 24, 2009 ended our hopes and dreams for that pregnancy.

Originally, Mr. Pharmasaur and I had agreed to TTC for one year. After that time, we agreed that we would let go of our TTC efforts and accept our child-free family as it is. However, the pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage changed these plans. We were not able to actively start TTC again until near the end of September when AF finally returned.

Since we did achieve one pregnancy, we were hopeful that this might happen again. So we tried on our own for several months. Then I started to use digital and then Internet strip OPKs. Then I started to chart my BBT and use Fertility Friend. After that, I got a ClearBlue Easy Fertility monitor. Unfortunately, TTC was not turning out to be easy for us this time.

Then in March 2010, we went to a fertility clinic and a naturopath. I have had problems with my FSH being too high and my thyroid hormones being out of balance. I am now on thyroid medication and have just finished my first Clomid cycle. This is cycle number 9 of TTC since our miscarriage.

Mr. Pharmasaur and I are going to see the fertility specialist today. We will see what she suggests as our next option. Perhaps another cycle or two of Clomid? I am concerned that it is thinning out my endometrial lining which will not bode well for the chances of a pregnancy. I am also going to ask about taking progesterone as both I and my naturopath suspect I may have a deficiency of this hormone. Mr. Pharmasaur and I have agreed we are willing to continue for 2 more cycles of Clomid. We don't really feel comfortable using Femara but we are willing to ask the doctor for her opinion on it's use in fertility medicine. We do not want to go through IVF . We are considering IUI as one of our options.

It looks like, however, that our time of TTC may be coming to a close. We are both 40 now and as time goes on, the likely hood of our conceiving a child keeps plummeting. I think that a lot depends on our fertility doctor appointment today. I am also well aware of the fact that at my age, my chances of a miscarriage are higher than for a live birth.

This week is of great significance in my TTC journey and it is also the 4th Annual Canadian Infertility Awareness Week.

It feels like we may be getting close to letting go of our dream of having our own child.

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