Sunday, May 31, 2009

Five Weeks

Today marks the beginning of week five and the second month of pregnancy. According to Babycenter:

The big development this week: Your baby's brain is beginning to grow! It develops from the neural tube, a structure that will also spawn your baby's spinal cord, nerves, and backbone. Since folic acid helps prevent neural tube defects such as spina bifida, you can see why it's so important to take it while trying to conceive and early in pregnancy. In the meantime, the primitive placenta and umbilical cord, which deliver nourishment and oxygen to your baby, are already on the job.

Deep in your uterus your embryo is growing at a furious pace. At this point, he's about the size of a sesame seed, and he looks more like a tiny tadpole than a human. He's now made up of three layers — the ectoderm, the mesoderm, and the endoderm — which will later form all of his organs and tissues.

The neural tube — from which your baby's brain, spinal cord, nerves, and backbone will sprout — is starting to develop in the top layer, called the ectoderm. This layer will also give rise to his skin, hair, nails, mammary and sweat glands, and tooth enamel.

His heart and circulatory system begin to form in the middle layer, or mesoderm. (This week, in fact, his tiny heart begins to divide into chambers and beat and pump blood.) The mesoderm will also form your baby's muscles, cartilage, bone, and subcutaneous (under skin) tissue.

The third layer, or endoderm, will house his lungs, intestines, and rudimentary urinary system, as well as his thyroid, liver, and pancreas. In the meantime, the primitive placenta and umbilical cord, which deliver nourishment and oxygen to your baby, are already on the job.


My bewbies continue to be sore, but it's less than before (thank goodness). No more contemplation of wearing a bra in the shower! I have been crying spontaneously off and on for the past three days. I don't know why. I am not feeling particularly sad or anxious. It just comes over me and I break down. I feel bad because it happened while I was on the phone this morning with Mr. Divasaur while he was at work. It's hard for him to hear me cry.

Mornings, upon waking and evenings, right before bed are the worst as far as nausea is concerned. It's surprising how a little "seed" can cause so many symptoms! In the mornings it almost feels like a hang over. I have cotton mouth and nausea. I have water and saltines by the bed to help. My appetite was done a completely 180! Two weeks ago I couldn't eat enough! The past few days, nothing is really that appealing and I have to remind myself to eat. I am mostly eating fresh fruit with plain yogurt or cottage cheese and a little flax-pumpkin seed granola. I am loving fresh strawberries, blueberries, peaches and bananas.

I have also discovered that I like V8 vegetable juice (low sodium) which is bizarre to me because I normally cannot stand it. Mr. Divasaur drinks it all the time and I am usually like, "blech!" But I gave it a try since I am not feeling veggies right now and have found that not only can I stand it but I actually like it. Weird. Even though meat and veggies aren't appealing to me right now, I am making myself eat them at least once a day. Mostly grilled chicken or turkey breast and dark, green leafy veggies or a garden salad. I was craving Asian food this weekend so I had a California Roll and Seaweed Salad with Sesame Seeds. YUM! Today it was Thai Spring Rolls with Peanut Sauce and Chinese Lettuce Wraps.

I have been having random sharp, electric pinching pains in my nether regions...some gals call this lightning crotch. Apparently it affects most women in their third trimester. It's not really painful, just more startling than anything. But the time it hits, it's over. I also felt a little sciatica today, but through some stretching I managed to work it out. I had sciatica really badly in my early 20's and through chiropractic care I worked it out. It hasn't really bothered me in ten years or so. So I am hoping it won't flare up as my pregnancy progresses.

Speaking of progress, that's probably what lingers on my mind the most. Will it progress? I am trying to meditate daily and be positive. But there are moments when darker thoughts creep in about the future of this baby and even myself. Life is so fragile and every day on the Internet message boards there is a woman posting about a miscarriage, stillborn or even infant death. It's tragic and reminds me that I cannot take anything for granted. There's so much about TTC and being PG that is beyond my control. I am sure the same can be said for parenting. So I am doing my best to grow and find a way to accept this. It's a challenge for this type-A, plans-everything personality. Everyday I am humbled and amazed by this journey to motherhood.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Hello: An Introduction to Bellesaur

I am so excited to be a part of Pregosaur! I am Bellesaur, and I wanted to tell you a little bit about myself and my TTC journey. I am 26 years old, and live in Mobile, AL with my DH (dear husband) and our two sweet pugs.

DH and I decided to begin TTC in December of 2008. I took my last BCP (birth control pills) on January 9th, 2009. Unfortunately, BCP must have done a number on me, because AF (Aunt Flo) did not show up for 54 days. I began charting around day 30 of that cycle, but was still learning about charting. I was able to confirm ovulation on CD (cycle day) 44 for this cycle. Please feel free to check out my FF (Fertility Friend) chart in the link to the right.

I began to get acupuncture to aid in shortening my cycle lengths. I started seeing Zue, my acupuncturist, twice a week. Along with the treatments and herbs Zue gave me, my next cycle went down to 39 days, and was ovulatory on CD 27. I continued to get treatments, and cycle # 3 was 35 days, and ovulatory on CD 23. I do believe Cycle # 4 will be my most normal yet.

However, DH and I face other issues in our TTC journey. We were afraid DH might be infertile because I had been taking a medication that negated my BCP for several years (had just discovered this in October 2008), and decided to get an SA (sperm analysis) for DH. I know many might think it was too soon, but I don't regret the decision, both of us just had a feeling we needed to do this. Well, DH's SA results came back with high white blood count (WBC) and poor morpholopgy (99% abnormal). The results indicated DH had some sort of infection elevating his WBC. We were very alarmed and were lucky enough to get an appointment with a urologist right away.

At the urologist, it was confirmed that DH was suffering from a prostate infection. The urologist prescribed 2 weeks of Levaquin, a strong antibiotic, and then a low dose of Bactrin for 60 days after that. The urologist felt that once the infection was cleared, that DH's morphology would be normal again and we would have a real shot at TTC. He thought there was a chance that DH would be viable again after the 2 weeks of Levaquin; the Bactrin is more of a just in case to ensure no relapse.

Needless to say, we are excited to know that Cycle #4 could actually be a possible BFP (Big Fat Positive) for us. We are ready to be KU (knocked up)!

I promise to keep everyone updated on my treatments, my chart, and all the emotions we all know are tied to this exciting and sometimes trying time!

I am a charting rebel

As of today, I am 100% temp free. Considering what an vocal advocate I've been of charting, I wouldn't be surprised if this came as quite a shock!

When I started this cycle, I decided that I wouldn't temp the second week of the 2-week wait. It's just too stressful. I'm still going to chart my CM and potential symptoms - if I feel like it - but no temps. During my last cycle, temping stressed me out enough (is it up? is it down? is that a good/bad sign?) that I would wake up multiple times before it was time to take my temperature, which would then make my temp wonky due to lack of sleep, stressing me out further and making me even more anxious to get the temp right the next morning, and then I'd wake up multiple times because of that, and so on and so forth.

And that's why I decided: it doesn't matter. I'm still all for temping for the majority of a cycle in order to pin down your ovulation date and confirm afterward with a series of high temps, and I'd strongly recommend it to anyone who is just starting TTC or has irregular cycles. But the final week? Not so critical. By this point, I'm either going to be pregnant or I'm not. No amount of temping will change that, and stressing over it that much can't be healthy.

Still, this was a surprisingly difficult decision to actually act on. I'm a type A, anal retentive, hypereducated control freak. A Bibliosaur dating profile would read something like:

LIKES
- order
- organization
- planning
- index cards

DISLIKES
- change
- uncertainty
- chaos
- DVD collections that aren't alphabetized (seriously, how do you people find things? can you tell why I work in a library?)
Oh Mr Dewey...how I love your decimal system

So the idea of relinquishing my temp monitoring was easy in theory but rather difficult once it was a reality. After taking this morning's final temp, I had to beat back second thoughts and quickly give my thermometer to Mr Bibliosaur to hide somewhere. I stayed in bed with a pillow firmly over my head and humming to myself so I couldn't tell where he put it; if I knew where it was, I could see that I might crack and start using it again in the last few days of this cycle, leading to the whole messy, sleepless situation yet again.

So take a good look, because these are the last temps of mine you'll see until the beginning of my next cycle (or a BFP!):

For the most part, this decision has made me feel very relieved and free, but there's still a teensy bit that's desperately wanting to ransack the house until I find that thermometer. Wish me luck - and self control!

Last call for giveaway winners!

We've already sent off the book from our Littlesaur giveaway, as well as one book from our Pregosaur contest, but we're still waiting to hear from JBrown15 and kathy pease - make sure you guys send an email with your mailing address to pregosaur@gmail.com so we can get your books sent out to you!

The original post listing the contest results is here - if we can't get in touch with the remaining winners by Friday, June 5, new winners will be randomly selected from the original giveaway post.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Not pregnant anymore. . .

Not sure if this is my last "pregosaur" blog, b/c I don't qualify as TTC or KU anymore! Yep, you heard me. . . as soon as I accepted that Baby Shopasaur would come when she wanted to, she made her arrival the very next day. Ironic, huh? I wish I could tell you which of the many old wives tales we tried actually worked, but I tried so many that it could have been any of them. (Or none of them, for that matter).

Here is a little survey I thought might be interesting-- a recap of my pregnancy
1. Experience any morning sickness? None at all during my pregnancy. Felt like throwing up during labor (after the epidural), but I slept it off. . . and I think the wonderful nurses gave me something to help with nausea
2. The most important question for some women: How much did you gain total? I'll admit, I let myself go. I PROBABLY gained 38-40 pounds. The last appt. I had I gained 37 pounds, and I was supposed to have another doctor's appt. the day that Baby Shopasaur was born, so I'm not sure how much I gained within that week.
3. Exercise? I exercised all the up until about 25 weeks. Mr. Shopasaur and I would walk about a mile 3 times a week, or I would elliptical for 20 minutes. I also walked at the very, very end of my pregnancy, hoping to get the little booger out.
4. Cravings? Nothing specific. When people ask me this, I tell them that I craved everything in sight. I ate ice cream, cake, pie, cookies, poptarts (had a strawberry poptart and milk almost every.single.day since I found out I was KU)
5. Did you take a babymoon? Not officially, but I did fly to Vegas very early into my pregnancy for work and Mr. Shopasaur met up with me. We went to a few bars and I drank soda.
6. Stretch marks? I was relatively lucky and had NO stretch marks until the very last week of pregnancy. . . all around my belly button. Ick. Nothing too severe though.
7. Did you take the epidural? I did. I took it early and didn't feel ANY pain throughout the labor. I didn't like not being able to move my legs (or feel them, for that matter). I couldn't even move myself up or down/side to side, but it's hard to compare because I don't know how painful the actual labor would have been w.o it.
8. How long were you in labor for? My water broke at 4:30 in the morning and Baby Shopasaur came out at 7:35pm. It was a long day of WAITING.
9. What was it like to have your water break? From what I understand, not many women experience their water breaking. I went to use the bathroom in the morning, and while I was washing my hands, felt like I had peed myself all over again. Of course, I thought it was discharge or something, so I put a pad on and went back to bed, but I still felt like I was "leaking." It definitely wasn't a huge gush like they show in the movies.
10. Were you still working? Of course. I was 38 weeks and had gone to work thursday during the day and school at night, then gave birth on friday.
11. Any advice for KU women? Nope. Every pregnancy/labor/birth is different--- nobody's advice applied to me and I wouldn't expect my 'advice' to apply to anyone else!
12. Episiotomy? Totally TMI, but yep. Baby Shopasaur was a whopping 8lbs 6 oz and I'm only 5'2". . . there's no way she would have fit without it! I'd say the episiotomy was one of the worst parts of the birth experience as the epidural had worn off by then. :(
13. What now? I'm left with a jiggly, jello-y stomach. Was told not to exercise for 6 weeks due to the episiotomy, but I'm getting anxious the weight won't come off. Lost about 20ish pounds so far, and still have twenty to go!! (Yikes-- should have watched my weight gain a LITTLE closer, eh?) I'm also left with the most gorgeous baby girl in the entire world (though I am a tad biased), with two dimples and grey eyes (am told they will most likely change over time) who is the absolute love of my life, next to Mr. Shopasaur. [He, incidentally has proven to be the most amazing father and husband over the past two weeks. I know now, more than ever, that I married the right person. Hope every KU lady is as lucky as I am!]

That's it, I think. Unless you ladies have any questions about my own personal experience. . . feel free to email or something! Good luck everyone with your pregnancies and TTC. :)

What's up, doc?

Because I am horribly impatient, I called my doctor's office first thing Tuesday morning to see if there had been any cancellations over the long weekend so I could get in to see her sooner than July. There weren't but the girl said she'd keep an eye out for me and let me know if anything opened up. She called me back the next day and told me there was a cancellation and she scheduled me for Thursday morning. So yesterday, I was able to see my actual OB/GYN to discuss my irregular cycles.

I explained to her pretty much exactly what I told the nurse practitioner and she said what the NP said - that if I'm not menstruating regularly, I'm also not ovulating regularly and it'll make it harder to time intercourse for conception. For now, she ordered lab work (I know, not CD3, but I wasn't thinking about it and forgot to ask) and I have to go back in July to discuss the results. She already mentioned Clomid for helping with ovulation. I'm definitely hoping not to go down that road just yet. If I'm not KU this cycle (I'm 6dpo right now), then I think I'll keep on with the vitex and maybe start acupuncture so that hopefully I'll O at a reasonable time the next couple cycles. (Or at least a few cycles from now, since I know it may take several months to be effective.)

I know it's a long shot (despite pretty good timing), but please send me some baby dust! I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed that Bibliosaur and I will be BFP buddies!

No Answers

Today was my ortho appointment where I was supposed to get a yes or a no to the "Do I need surgery?" question. It didn't happen. I showed up, handed them my CDs with all my scans on them, sat down for 30 minutes, waiting, then got told that they couldn't open the files on the CD.

They are sending for the actual films to get sent down and while they'll get there by Monday, they don't ahve any openings until June 8th (and they had to "squeeze me in" in order to get me in that soon).

I'm CD12 today. On June 8th I'll be CD22 and *should* be long past O day. So it looks like we're out another cycle. :(

Good thing OPKs aren't expensive or else I'd be pissed I wasted my money on them this month. I think I'm going to keep taking them and charting just to see if the whole luteal phase issue from last cycle is resolved/was a fluke/is an issue. Because that keeps lingering in the back of mind and I want to know, even if I can't use it to get PG this cycle.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Feeling Pregnant

Tomorrow marks one week since we found out we're expecting and what a week it's been. It's unbelievable in so many ways! We have now told all of our immediate family members and closest friends. And I have told who knows how many folks in cyberspace! I was almost outed by one of them on Facebook. Not cool. Thankfully I caught the congratulatory wall post before anyone else did. YIKES! I still hope to keep it under wraps at work and I have a lot of colleagues on FB.

My office is 100% female (26 of us) and I am just waiting for someone's intuition to kick in and ask me if I am KU. I am 4w4d today and am definitely feeling pregnant. I actually awoke on Monday (4w) with mild nausea. It has come and gone in waves all week. Surely the frequent trips to the restroom are going to tell on me soon enough. As long as it doesn't develop into trips to vomit, I will be so grateful.

Here's a rundown of my symptoms at 4 weeks pregnant:

BREASTS

In addition, my breasts are incredibly sore and hot. I feel as if they've been used by a heavyweight boxer for sparring practice. I have large bewbies (40DDD/E) and while they're not bigger, they feel heavier and fuller. And sore. It was so bad last night that I actually opted to ice them down with the gel packs I usually use in my soft-side cooler. Ah! Sweet relief! Who knew that icing down my bewbies could feel so good? I did it over the shelf-bra tank that has been my uniform since last weekend (I am sleeping in them these days to help the soreness).

Maybe I need to get some of these?!

image source

APPETITE
Last week I had a raging appetite and this week? Not so much. I am sure the nausea has a lot to do with it. So I am eating small meals 5-6 times a day. Oddly, white carbs are almost repulsive to me (they're normally my craving during AF)! I cannot even think about eating rice or pasta or cereal. Lean protein and fresh fruit are what I crave. Gimme some plain yogurt and sliced strawberries, please! Or hard boiled eggs and a peach. I am not much of a juice drinker, but I have to admit that I am loving my pulp-free, calcium-and-D-enhanced OJ in the mornings. I remember last year when my BFF was pregnant...she was addicted to fruit smoothies. Now I know why! I have managed to avoid them this week, but they're sounding super yummy right about now.

JOINTS
My hips, knees and ankles are achy like right before I get the flu. In fact my ankle has been rolling so easily that I have relegated myself to flats this week after nearly killing myself by stumbling in the parking lot at work. I have a repaired anterior-cruciate ligament on my left knee and it feels particularly achy. I cannot help but worry that if it's feeling like this at just 4 weeks what 36 more are going to do to it! On top of that, my wrists are also sore and Doctor Google led me to resources that say carpal tunnel is more prevalent in pregnant women. Great! Now I am going to have to curb my online habit.

THIRST
I am drinking 3 liters of filtered water each day with ease. I am so thirsty! It's the only way I can keep my mouth from feeling dry.

BATHROOM
Lots of water means lots of pee! I am officially heading to the restroom about every 90 minutes. And my usual confidence in feeling that "I can hold it" is beginning to leave me. It has made my meetings at work quite interesting. And I am not getting up in the night to pee, but I know that day is coming. One the other end of things, I have to say that despite my perchance for fruit it's not helping in the regularity department. I used to rely upon coffee to help that situation, but since that's out I have got to figure something out that works. Prunes, perhaps?

FATIGUE
Speaking of work, I did spill the beans to one coworker. She and I are on the executive team together and were traveling overseas together last week. She commented on how she thought she was still jet lagged and asked if I had still been feeling tired since getting back. I said, "Yes, but it's probably because I am pregnant." She was so happy. And I am glad to have told her. She's my mom's age and has three daughters my age. She knew we were TTC and I trust her. Plus I am glad I've told her because we have two more business trips before the end of my first trimester and I feel relieved knowing that she knows.

I am trying really hard not too come home and crash on the couch. It's so difficult! Yesterday I manged to pull it off but then passed out at 9 p.m. I slept hard too. Thankfully I awoke feeling energetic and was able to walk a mile on the treadmill this morning (I had meant to do it yesterday after work but was so dragging)! I hope to walk everyday and start some pregnancy yoga classes a couple times of week too.


MOODINESS

My emotions have been swinging from irritable to weepy to happy to impatient. I cried while watching "So You Think You Can Dance" last night. How lame is that? (That I cried, not that I watched it. I know that's pretty lame.) I also find myself getting short with my dogs if they're being needy or even my hubby. That makes me feel bad. So I am trying my best to check myself when I am feeling cranky.

SKIN
My face looks worse than it did when I was teenager. I was lucky back then...narry a pimple, except under major stress and then it was a teeny, tiny thing. In my 20's I would get the one big, scary zit right before AF. Now that I am KU my face is just going nuts! I am so sad...I feel ugly. On top of it, my cheeks are flush. Is that the glow everyone talks about? It looks more like embarrassment over having a face that looks like a 17-year-old fast food fry basket worker.

HAIR
Maybe it's just me, but I swear my hair is growing faster. I already have roots even though my hair was cut and colored just about two weeks ago. On top of that, I am having to shave my underarms and legs everyday! Are they sprouting overnight? I normally only need to shave every other day or every two days. WTF? I have been sporting a short, post-wedding 'do for almost a year now (my hair used to be long) and now I am wondering if I should grow it out while I am pg. No matter, I know I will need to embrace my gray hair that loves to sparkle at my temples. I am so desperate to cover it, but know I need to wait until the second trimester. To cap it off, I have naturally curly hair and it's being really wacky right now. I hope a new, more humectant conditioner will tame it's wild and unruly ways.

GAS/BLOAT

The silver lining in all of this is that, happily, both my gassiness and bloat have left me for now. What a blessing, considering everything else that I am dealing with in the bodily functions department.

Two things

First, I'd like to take a moment to be a big ole attention whore about our F*k With Purpose efforts this cycle:

How's THAT for some superstardom in the sack, eh? Ahem. Sorry for scarring you. I'm just proud of the big effort we made this time around! We weren't taking ANY risks about catching that egg!

Second, I just realized something. Because my ovulation date keeps moving up, it's making my cycles shorter - even with a 14 day luteal phase, I'm still only looking at a 26 day cycle this time around; remember it's the length of time before ovulation that varies - the luteal phase stays pretty much the same, so counting down to the day Aunt Flo is due to arrive is quite accurate.

Anyway, I know this is probably boring as hell, but the point is this: when I started this cycle, I vaguely assumed my testing date would be around June 12 or so. But because I ovulated on CD12 (yes CD12 and I don't care what you say, Fertility Friend!) instead of my original, longer dates of CD16-17, that means my testing date has moved up as well, to June 7!

I know it's obvious, but this has totally stunned me, since I wasn't even thinking of testing until a week later. It seems so close now! Eeek!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Shiver me timbers!

Odd tidbit for the day: did you know that you can change your Facebook language to PIRATE? Give it a whirl, you won't regret it. However, I must warn you that you may adopt some Pirate-speak in your every day conversations... And it can be a little embarrassing to say the least. (ARRRRRRRRG, MATEY!)



So, we're back from our vacation. It was nice to get away from home and reconnect as a couple. You know what I mean. Reconnect. (Bow chica wow wow!)

It's funny how much more enjoyable baby-making sex is as opposed to just regular-old sex. Am I the only one out there who feels the same way? I just get so much more out of it. I feel like there's a purpose to it all. Baby-making sex... well, it just turns me on. Forget the headache. Or the fact that I'm tired. LET'S FWP! And - oh man - is it ever GOOD.

I'm past my O-date now, and I'm in the dreaded 2WW. And I don't know if my brain is tricking me or not... But I feel pregnant. Just like with our first pregnancy (which ended in a miscarriage this past March).



Case in point? I'm thirsty again. All the diggity dang time. I've got a mild backache. My brain feels fluffy and I feel totally worn out. Plus, I've got those tell-tale uterine cramps that I had last time. And I'm having mild nausea, just like I did last time. These last two symptoms - cramps and nausea - are the most convincing to me.

But, then, I think part of me is tricking myself. I would be so very, very early along if I were prego, unless I ovulated around day 10 or so (which is possible, I suppose! I guess there are merits to charting, although I'm still not ready to go there.). I couldn't possibly be feeling all these symptoms yet, could I? Probably phantom symptoms, I tell myself. Yessss, just phantom symptoms.

But I'm not going to lie to you. A huge part of me is convinced I'm pregnant right now. If I'm not KU? Well then, shiver me timbers. Arrrrrrrg!

Sleepiness, I haz it

I am exhausted. I'd being feeling a bit better lately, but today the m/s and exhaustion is back with a vengeance. I came home early today (shh, don't tell my work) after a conference and tried to take a nap, but mostly just laid there.

I've been camped out on the couch ever since. I got up and made a giant bowl of guacamole and ate that with some tortilla chips and munched them on my makeshift couch bed.

The idea of attempting to take a bath makes me want to cry; besides I've got a sleepy puppy on my foot now too. I guess she's tired, too.

Too Freakin' Cute

This just made me smile today and I wanted to share:
I definitely have BOTB! Don't even let me near the newborn section of Target or Ross! EEK!

I faked an ovulation

Not really. But kinda.

This morning I woke up, took my temperature, and cheerfully proceeded to Fertility Friend to enter in my third day of high temps, knowing ovulation would be confirmed and I'd get crosshairs. Which I did. But instead of placing them on CD12 as I expected, Fertility Friend decided to put them on CD10:

Now, I can see why FF was confused. Trying to analyze this mess probably nearly broke Fertility Friend's processor. I have a positive OPK on that day, and the most fertile CM. The dashed crosshairs are due to conflicting data, which is because my temps look like I clearly ovulated two days later. Very confusing. Although when I discussed this with the chart guru Divasaur, she pointed out that if you use this O-date, the rise and fall in the days following ovulation somewhat resembles the pattern on my BFP chart:

Sorry it's in Centigrade. No idea why. Up until now it's always been in Farenheit. Go figure.

But here's the thing...I know I ovulated on CD12. Know it. Without a doubt. And it's all due to #8 on the list of symptoms in my chart up above: ovulation pain. I don't get it as badly as Divasaur or Rockasaur do, but I do still feel it either the day before or the day of ovulation. It's similar to cramps, but as anyone who gets ovulation pains can tell you, it's very distinct. There is absolutely no way I mistook a common cramp for O-pains, or that they occurred two days after I ovulated, no matter what a computer program says.

Which is what led me to force Fertility Friend to do this:

I made it move the crosshairs two days down, to CD12. This is NOT something I'd recommend doing if you've just started charting or are unfamiliar with how your body works. However, I've been doing this long enough now that I was confident enough to disagree strongly with FF and make it change the date.

That said, I didn't want to just tick the date myself, mostly because Fertility Friend sometimes won't give you a coverline if you do. I tinkered with adding a few high temps for the next few days, just to see if that would push FF along, but no luck - the dashed crosshairs stayed firmly fixed on CD10. So instead, I added a second positive OPK.

Women very seldom ovulate on the same day they get a positive OPK (athough that's what FF was trying to do before I changed my chart); this is because the hormone that the tests sense precedes ovulation by anywhere from 12-48 hours. My hormonal surge seems to be fairly short, but on this occasion I strongly believe I probably just caught it at the very beginning, and would likely have gotten a second positive had I tested the next day (many women do, although once you get a positive you can stop testing).

At any rate, by adding in the second - albeit fake - positive, Fertility Friend realized I couldn't possibly have ovulated on CD10 and bumped my crosshairs up to the next likely date: CD12. As you can see, it also changed my crosshairs to a solid line since the data now all works together nicely. Silly Fertility Friend!

I also noticed that although the temp rises on my former chart kinda sorta matched up with my BFP chart, once the ovulation date is pushed along to CD12, it lines up remarkably well with the chart for my last cycle, far closer than the other two charts do:

This makes me confident that I made the right choice in changing the date, and it also shows that my cycles have become quite stable after the miscarriage, which is a relief.

And now, just for fun, how about a clicky poll:

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Doing Bad Things in Vegas!

Everyone talks about babymoons, and I suppose that's what I just took. Except it wasn't with my darling husband, it was a full on GIRLS TRIP! My last blast! Or, maybe not last, but certainly a great trip for my 2nd Trimester (I'm 26 Weeks). 

TEN girls converged upon the Wynn in Las Vegas for the weekend, filled with long lazy days at the European pool, swank dinners, exclusive nightclubs, some gambling and more limo rides than I can count. Oh yeah, we did Vegas in STYLE! 

And, true to Vegas fashion, I broke a few rules. And I loved every second of it! With my doctor's permission, of course... So don't try this at home. Ask your doctor first. But just so you know, there ARE some taboo things that you CAN do once... 

(1) I drank WINE! I didn't even ask, but my doctor voluntarily told me at my appointment last week -- in front of DH -- that since I was going to Vegas, I could have one glass of wine. On Friday night, I tasted my friend's red wine, which was delish! So I had two more sips. Then on Saturday night, I ORDERED my very own glass of Chardonnay! 


And that leads me to the second taboo thing I did... Because I loooooove to have wine with SUSHI! 

(2) Yes, that's right, I ate SUSHI! Again, I asked my doctor about this and she said that my this point in my pregnancy, it would be fine to have a few pieces. We were going to Nobu, after all! So I ordered a shrimp tempura roll -- shrimp is OK in limited amounts, so I've had shrimp twice before while pregnant. But then I also ordered a SPICEY AHI roll! That's right, I ate tuna. My doctor said it was OK! Of the 6 pieces in the roll, I ate 4. They were small. And it was YUMMY! 


(3) I bared my belly and laid out in the SUN! I don't think this is really taboo, actually. But it seemed a little crazy to me. I asked my doctor and she said that as long as I wore a high SPF sunscreen, drank plenty of water and watched the color of my pee to make sure I was not dehydrated, took frequent dips in the cool pool and breaks in the shade, that sun tanning was perfectly OK and even healthy for the baby! 


I figured since we were at a EUROPEAN pool and some girls were topless, that I could put away my tent-like maternity swimming costumes and wear bikinis! I did get a few strange looks, but I also got a ton of compliments! And when my girlfriends ordered mixed drinks, I sipped on banana coladas and berry smoothies. 

It was a fabulous weekend. It just goes to show that being pregnant does NOT mean the end of all fun. And, with your doctor's permission, there are a few rules that, if you are far enough along in your pregnancy (I was 26 Weeks), you can break. 

Viva Las Vegas! 

First Appointment

I had my first doctor's appointment today, although I only saw the nurse, not the doctor. They confirmed my pregnancy with a urine test and ordered blood tests (for hGC quantity, STDs, blood type, etc.) and another urine test (for proteins, etc.). I should have the results in a couple of days.

I was worried because most doctors date the pregnancy according to the last menstrual period (LMP) which would put me at nearly 6 weeks pregnant, rather than 4 weeks and 2 days. I brought out my printed FF chart and convinced her that there's no way I am that far along and that I know that I ovulated around May 10th. So she put that down on my chart instead. Thank goodness for charting! I cannot imagine going through the first trimester and being told that my baby was measuring slow/under expected growth just because they'd mis-dated conception.

My next appointment is June 17th and I will have a vaginal ultrasound (u/s) as well as my annual exam (Pap and breast exam). They should be able to specifically date the baby then too. Turns out that my doc does u/s at every exam, so we'll get lots of peeks at Baby Divasaur!

We've told our immediate families and best friends the big news and it's slowly starting to sink in that we're having a baby! I am already starting to formulate when/how I will tell my staff at work (I am one of the big bosses) and how I will delegate the work load during my mat leave. Luckily, it will be a slow(ish) time for my department. I hope to hold out until 13 weeks to announce my pregnancy, but we have a huge board meeting just before my 8th week (a few days before) and part of me feels like I should do it before that meeting since decisions for the next 12 months get made at that meeting. We shall see about that. One coworker just had a baby and told everyone when she was only 5 weeks along. I work with all women, so they are more intuitive and family friendly. I won't be surprised if someone guesses I am KU before I tell. They already have noticed that I have given up coffee and have drastically changed my eating habits.



Speaking of which, the nausea kicked in full force today (I woke up feeling queasy and it has come in waves all day) so my appetite is severely stunted. Basically anything lemon is making me feel better. So I am loving my sparkling lemon water (La Croix) and sucking on lemon drops (hard candies). No-salt Saltine crackers are helping too. I am trying to take in some protein at each meal...but it's a challenge. Egg whites, grilled chicken breast and fat free Greek yogurt are my go-to right now. My sense of smell is heightened and the odors wafting from the work lunch room today made me feel very ill. Here's hoping I can keep this all under wraps for 8 more weeks!

Monday, May 25, 2009

I Gave In

I've always been really in tuned with my body, at least when ovulation was concerned. I had very obvious signs that I was ovulating and never really saw the need to chart. But when my last cycle got so screwed up I thought maybe it would be best to chart a cycle or two to see exactly how long my luteal phase is and if I'm really ovulating, etc. So I got myself a Fertility Friend account. I also bought some OPKs, if for no other reason but I want to see a BFP, even if it is just an ovulation stick!

So I've now been temping and charting for four days. And I SUCK! Seriously, I'm horrible. You're supposed to wake up and temp at the same time every day. Well, since I don't work I don't have any schedule so I made a time of 9:30 to wake up and temp. That worked out great... the first day! The second day I got woken up around 8:30 because I had to go to the bathroom and just decided to stay up. The next day I had to get up at 9 for an appointment. Then today I woke up feeling sick and was unable to go back to sleep at 6:45. Tomorrow won't be much better since I still feel sick and plan to knock myself out with Niquil and sleep until I wake up. The result is the most pathetic looking chart ever:



Not a single closed circle. I think it's a good thing I'm supplementing with OPKs this cycle because FF just seems really confused by me.

So if my cycle this month follows my cycle last month I should be ovulating in 3-4 days. I'll start doing daily OPKs tomorrow (I did one yesterday just to learn how to do them) and keep you all updated. Hopefully I get a BFP on those and get a normal, regular luteal phase and last month was just a fluke!

First Time's the Charm???

Sorry about the lack of posts on my end - my husband and I took a much needed vacation, and then I needed some time to catch up on things. But I'm back, and ready to start blogging again...

It took some time, but I eventually came to terms with my infertility, and became more hopeful as we got closer to starting our first medicated cycle. If we could just get my follicles to grow and release some mature eggs, then we'd be back on track. I was to call the doctor on CD1, to let her know we were ready to start our next cycle. The doctor had suggested starting with clomid first, but I opted to try femara instead. It isn't FDA approved for the treatment of IF, but it is commonly used by many doctors for that purpose. We chose to try femara because it is generally known to have fewer side effects than clomid. I was scared of the "clomid crazies" I had heard about - apparently clomid can cause some pretty intense mood swings - and I figured I could do without those! Clomid can also cause cysts, dry out your CM, and thin your uterine lining, and since I already had a thin lining to begin with, I didn't think we needed to make matters worse.

As an aside - many ob/gyn's will prescribe clomid to women who are having trouble TTC but will not monitor them via u/s during the process. They will hand out a prescription for 3 months of clomid and say, "If you're not PG in 3 months, come back and see me." This is very very dangerous and I would caution anyone who is in this situation to consider seeing another doctor (like an RE - reproductive endocrinologist). If you fail to get PG during a cycle, you won't know if it's because of bad luck or if it's because (1) the clomid dose was too low and it did not stimulate any of your follies (2) you had a cyst and the clomid only stimulated the cyst, not the follies or (3) clomid thinned your lining to the point where implantation was next to impossible. Without this crucial information, the doctor cannot increase your clomid dose for the next month or put you on estrogen to counteract the thin lining if needed. If you have a cyst (either naturally or caused by clomid) and stimulate it with clomid, it could rupture and be quite painful. So please please please do not take clomid (or any other follicle stimulating drug) without proper monitoring. Ok, *stepping off soap box now*



In all our months TTC, I always hoped that AF would be late and stop visiting. During each and every 2ww, I'd will for her to not show up. Like clockwork, she'd always show up 14 DPO. Of course the one time I really wanted her to show up so we could "get the show on the road," she refused to show up. During this particular cycle, I had a 20 day LP for a total of 41 days in my cycle. I don't know why she always has to be so cruel. I knew that scientifically speaking, there was no possible way for me to be pregnant - we saw with our own eyes on the ultrasound that my follicle had not matured like it was supposed to. Yet here I was, with the longest LP ever, wondering if I might miraculously be pregnant. Was it possible that despite NO growth in 4 days, my follicle suddenly had a "growth spurt" after we stopped the monitoring appointments? I knew it was stupid to get my hopes up, but somehow I did. Only to be let down, of course. I took a HPT at 17 DPO only to see a BFN.



It seems that this is always the general rule when you're dealing with IF. When you're TTC and you want AF to stay away, she always shows up. Then when you actually want her to pay you a visit, she takes her sweet time making an appearance. I had looked at the calendar and planned everything out. If I got AF on "X" date, then I'd be able to start the meds CD3-7 and then go in on CD12 for a follie scan and hopefully trigger shortly thereafter. We were working with a very tight schedule and I needed AF to show up on certain dates. You see, DH had a series of interviews he had to fly to, and there obviously wasn't going to be any baby making when he was out of town. So if the stars didn't align just right, we'd have to skip this cycle and wait until the next one. And that was the last thing I wanted to do.





Image Source

By the time AF finally showed up after a 41 day cycle, I was relieved we could finally get started with my first medicated cycle. Looking at the calendar, however, I could tell that it could get very tricky. Depending on how I responded to the meds, it looked like I might end up O'ing while DH was out of town. I talked to my doctor about this and we decided to just push forward and see what happens. If nothing else, we could see how I respond to the meds.

Due to some scheduling conflicts, I ended up going in for my first follie scan on CD 11 instead of of CD12. That morning I was so excited and nervous at the same time. DH was slated to go out of town from CD15-17, so I was really hoping my follies were already mature and we could trigger O and BD before he left for his trip (the trigger usually induces O 36 hours later). Ideally, the meds should stimulate the develop of 2-3 follies, but in my case I only had one. It only takes one, though, right? That's what I kept trying to remind myself. My follie was measuring at 15mm, not quite mature yet, and my lining was 8mm. I was disappointed that I hadn't responded better to the meds, but I was at least glad to see that my lining was already 1mm thicker on CD11 than it had been on CD20 the last cycle. At least it was looking like implantation would be more favorable this time.

So then I was scheduled to come back for another follie check on CD14. I had my fingers crossed that my follie had continued to develop over the last few days. I was even hoping that I had already spontaneously O'd since we had BD'd the day before just in case. The u/s showed that my follie had grown from 15mm to 18mm in 3 days. This is about average, as follies tend to grow 1-2mm/day. At 18mm, the odds of that follie containing a mature egg were high, and the doctor said she would have given me the trigger shot to induce O if it weren't for the fact that DH was going out of town. So instead we were given instructions to BD that day and then as soon as he got back from his trip, hoping that I would either O that day (CD14), or that my body would wait until CD17 when DH returned. The good news was that my lining was nice and thick. It had gone from 8mm to a whopping 12.5mm, perfect for implantation!

So, I found myself with mixed emotions going in the 2ww. I was thrilled that my lining responded very well to the meds, but a little disappointed that my body only produced one follie this time. Add to that the fact that we had less than ideal timing due to DH having to go out of town for interviews. We probably ended up with one or two BD sessions within my fertile window, so the odds of conceiving during this cycle were just "ok." We were only beginning the 2ww and I had already started to think about the next cycle and how the timing might or might not work out around our previously planned vacation. I was hoping that we'd get PG this cycle (could we be so lucky as to get PG on our first medicated cycle?!) but deep down I just didn't have a good feeling about it, so I tried to mentally prepare myself for the "failure" and plan for the next cycle. And so the dreaded 2ww began...


Giveaway winners!

Thanks to everyone who participated in our book giveaway last week!

To celebrate the official debut of our sister site Littlesaur, we decided to give three lucky winners each a copy of their choice of Taking Charge of Your Fertility, Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy or Baby Bargains (8th ed.).

To choose a winner, we visited random.org to generate three random numbers between 1 and 47 (since we had 47 entries)...

...and random.org gave us these winning numbers:

Lucky commenter #31 was ekwilliams!
#16 was JBrown15!
And #46 was kathy pease!
Thanks you guys! Drop us an email at pregosaur@gmail.com and we'll get your book sent out to you!

Sunday, May 24, 2009

8 weeks


Your baby is growing like mad, putting on about a millimeter every day and continuing to straighten out in the trunk. Though you can't feel it yet, baby is moving those little arms, legs and (now only slightly) webbed fingers and toes like crazy.
New this week: Webbed fingers and toes are poking out from your baby's hands and feet, his eyelids practically cover his eyes, breathing tubes extend from his throat to the branches of his developing lungs, and his "tail" is just about gone. In his brain, nerve cells are branching out to connect with one another, forming primitive neural pathways. You may be daydreaming about your baby as one sex or the other, but the external genitals still haven't developed enough to reveal whether you're having a boy or a girl. Either way, your baby — about the size of a kidney bean — is constantly moving and shifting, though you still can't feel it.

Information from BabyCentre and The Bump.

Happy (Late) Mother's Day

Today is 14DPO and I got confirmation with a CBE Digital HPT this morning. Seems the CBEFM helped me get KU so I wanted to be loyal to the brand and use their digital HPT. Mr. Divasaur is hilarious about the +HPTs. He's storing them in a drawer and pulls them out a few times a day to make sure they're still positive. I love this man! Well, he wanted a fancy digital read out that says pregnant so we picked up a two pack yesterday while running errands. I am not sure what he plans to do with these, but for now, he's just storing them up and checking on them. It's slowly starting to sink in that we're expecting.


My first positive digital gave me the idea that to tell my mom I think I will wrap it in a little jewelry box (the kind meant to hold bracelets) and tell her it's a belated Mother's Day gift since I didn't see her on Mother's Day (she has been out of town since May 8th and won't return until June 9th). My mom currently lives with us so she knows that we've been TTC and when I've been ovulating and probably even when we've been FWP! Come to think of it, I am pretty sure we got KU'd on Mother's Day. That's when I ovulated at least. So happy late Mother's Day to me too.

To tell our long-distance friends and family I think we should take a photo of Mr. Divasaur with the digital and send an email from him saying, "Look what Divasaur got me for my birthday!" We shall see if I can talk him into that one. Turns our Mr. Divasaur has been doing his homework. While I took a power nap yesterday he plowed through most of WTEWYE. I am impressed. On top of that, apparently while I was out of town he was all over the internet finding out about early signs of pregnancy and pregnancy in general.

We had lunch yesterday and he was telling me all about it. And how this is my fourth week of pregnancy and the baby is now developing its three layers of cells that will become its skin, internal organs and skeletal system (he's in nursing school right now so all of this truly fascinates him). I am so proud of him! He's already an informed daddy! He told me that if we have a son he doesn't want to circumcise him and if at all possible, he hopes that I will try to go for an unmedicated childbirth. We are on the same page with that and we plan to hire a doula to help us labor at home before heading to the hospital (which is 5 minutes away). I expressed my fears about all of the unknowns and he reminded me that it is normal to be worried and that whatever shall come to pass, we will go through it together.

It's truly amazing all of the worries and fears that can come to the forefront as soon as you see those two little pink lines. Will it stick? Will it develop properly? Will I be a miserable pregnant lady? Will I be able to find maternity clothes that fit? Will I be a good mother? Will our childcare plan really work? What if we have ice on the roads the day I go into labor? And on and on and on. Right now, I am trying to acknowledge each one as it comes up and not dwell on it too long. It seems to me that it's every parent's lot to worry like mad about their child...even it it's just a collection of cells the size of a poppyseed.

image source

And so our pregnancy journey has begun. I bought the WTEWYE Pregnancy Journal and Organizer and have yet to pen a note for fear that it's too early, even though it starts on week one (which is, technically, the week you O and therefore two weeks before you're actually KU)! I know I am not alone in this thought, but at the same time, right now, today, I am pregnant. And I love this baby. And whether I am lucky enough to bring this little being into the world nine months from now or not, I want to document this process. So today, I think I will put pen to paper and fill in the blanks on the first few pages of the journal. I think it will make it feel more real for me. At least I hope it will. And only time will tell whether or not this journal is to become a family heirloom to be tucked away with bronzed booties and a lock of fine baby hair. I am praying that it will.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

What a difference a day makes

I finally got a BFP today! On my OPK, that is. CD 43, 13 negative OPKs so far this cycle, 57 days since my last O. And it couldn't have come at a better time.

Yesterday, I went to the OB/GYN but was only able to be seen by the nurse practitioner because the doctors are booked up for two months. When I told her about my history of long, irregular cycles and my current cycle status, she told me I'd have to see the doctor and that she couldn't do anything for me because she doesn't deal with infertility. She said that since I'm irregular I'm not ovulating regularly and that although they usually tell people to try for a year, that would be a waste of time for me. I was glad she didn't just try to play it off and tell me to keep trying, but I was also surprised that she was so ready to label me infertile so soon. I made an appointment to see my regular OB/GYN in July, which was her first available appointment. For someone who is as impatient as I am, two months seems like an eternity. I went home feeling pretty defeated and cried to my husband.

Then, a few hours later I noticed EWCM and told him we had to BD! Just in case. Because I know pregnancy is less likely when you ovulate late, but it's still possible. I didn't use an OPK yesterday because I didn't have time. But this morning I POAS and it was finally positive. I POAS again when I woke up later, just for good measure. So now I'm just waiting, hoping my temps rise in the next few days.

Whether or not I get a BFP this cycle, I'll be happy that I ovulated at all. Actually, at this point I'd just be happy to see AF because it would mean a fresh start. I finally found my silver lining.

Sur{reality}

Have you noticed my cute little cracked egg icon? I did. And it made me smile. Yesterday, I found out that I am pregnant. Knocked up. In a family way. A bun in the oven. It hasn't even begun to sink in at all. I feel like I have dreamt it all up. Seeing those two pink lines....did I really? I did.

By the way, Mr. Divasaur is hilarious...I moved the positive FRER off his nightstand to avoid any curiosity on the part of our puppy and he freaked. "Where's the stick?" he asked. It was too funny. I've stored it away in our bathroom for now. We plan to purchase a digital today that I will use tomorrow when I am 15DPO, my originally slated test date. I also called my doctor's office and have a blood test scheduled for Tuesday afternoon.

It was weird when I spoke to the receptionist. I told her I had POAS twice and had positive results and wanted to schedule an appointment. She said, "We don't recognize urine tests. You'll have to come into our lab for blood work first. If you are pregnant, we'll schedule you to meet with the doctor and she'll go over everything with you like getting started on prenatals." I just found all of her comments very odd, but was like whatever, I have an appointment for a blood test to confirm my pregnancy.

To celebrate DH's birthday we caught a movie and had a nice dinner. Figuring out what to order was interesting. Caesar salad? No...it has raw eggs. House salad? Nope, blue cheese. Okay, spinach salad. Lots of spinach which is great for vitamins including folate and a hard boiled egg for protein. Perfect! Until it arrived and DH pointed out that it had bacon on it, which is a no-no, right? I have no idea. So I ate it and figured I'd get a book and find out all of the do's and don'ts of being knocked up. Some are obvious, like don't smoke or drink alcohol. Others are a little more elusive...like sushi...obviously pregnant Japanese women have eaten it for centuries, right?

So, after dinner, we headed to the bookstore to purchase some sort of pregnancy guide. I thought for sure I knew what I wanted, but then, standing there in front of all of my options, I felt very overwhelmed. I finally decided upon "What To Expect When You're Expecting" since they had the most copies (it's only section, really) and I know that my friends all swear by it. I do, however, want to get a copy of the Mayo Clinic's Guide to Pregnancy at some point. I also bought the companion journal to WTEWYE since I am a sentimental type that wants to record everything! Kind of ironic considering this is my BFP cycle and I didn't chart the 2WW. Last cycle I noted every twinge or feeling. This time, not so much.

Looking back over my chart and symptoms, here's what sticks out in my mind:

1-5DPO : Ate pineapple core (1/5 of a whole one) each morning, 30 minutes before breakfast I also was thirty, gassy and had heartburn all 5 days.
1DPO: I also had some slight cramping on the lower right side. I was a little weepy all day long as well.
2DPO: I had a dull backache and slight cramps on the lower left side. Still weepy.
3 DPO: Still very emotional. Cried several times throughout the day. Also added constipation, tender breasts and increased appetite to the mix. I am thinking that all of this is stress (preparing to fly overseas for work) + PMS. I also had bizarre dreams that night.
4DPO: This was the first day I thought, "hm, could I be pregnant?" I was majorly bloated in a way that I never get bloated. Up high. And it hurt. Or at least my pants did.
5DPO: More bizarre dreams. Bloat continued and I was majorly gassy!
6DPO: Huge temp drop (this was the last morning I temped before departing on my trip). I wondered if it could be the implantation dip.
7DPO-11DPO: Traveling overseas. I didn't chart, but I did pay attention to CM and CP. My CM was really creamy and yellow and my CP was still fairly high, medium-soft and medium-open. I was gassy, thirty, and tired, all of which I chalked up to jet lag. My breasts were increasingly tender and my appetite was voracious. Again, I was thinking PMS + stress. I was pretty sure that my temps were up because despite keeping the room at a constant temperature all night I awoke in the mornings hot and sweaty and without wearing my pjs.
9DPO: Stands out in my mind since I awoke to faint, pale pink spotting only when I wiped and only for about 2 hours. I cried actually. I thought my period my coming really early. Only hours later did I begin to wonder if I was perhaps having the elusive implantation spotting. My CM was really watery for the rest of the day.
10-11DPO: Still increased appetite, bloating, gassy, constipation, skin breakout, fatigued and thirty. I did feel a little queasy/dizzy at the airport and on the plane. All of this I essentially attributed to jet lag, traveling and PMS.
12DPO: PIAC and dipped two sticks...BFPs! Lines came up pretty quickly although they were not as dark as the control lines.
13DPO: Bloat is gone, skin has cleared up, but I am still thirsty and my boobs are killing me! Tender does not describe it. They are sore. All day yesterday while in the car I literally held onto them so they wouldn't jiggle while riding down the road. And I have been sleeping with a shelf-bra tank to help support them. They're not bigger (yet) but they feel heavy and sore, especially on the sides near my underarms. My nipples are tingly too.


So...there you have it. My "symptoms." If I had to pinpoint two that fall into the "never had that before..." category it would be the bloat way up high and the implantation spotting. Overall this was just one wacky cycle from start to finish! And to think we initially considered TTA this cycle. Boy! Am I glad we just went for it...got it on like bunnies and ended up with a BFP! I do think going doggy style and using the Instead soft cups afterwards really helped, especially since I have a tilted cervix. I also don't discount the pineapple core...it certainly didn't hurt. And of course charting and using my CBEFM were essential to discovering how late I O'd this cycle. Finally, from a mental/emotional perspective, using guided meditation and not charting the 2WW really helped my stress levels. A complete turn around from my last cycle when I was just a wreck!

Now begins the next phase. I will journal daily and hopefully not worry to much about all of the "what ifs" that are ahead of me. For today, I am pregnant and I love my baby. Baby?! OMG! I am pregnant and we're having a baby! I am not sure when this will sink in, actually.

The Poptart is out of the Toaster

That's my feeble attempt to personalize the phrase "the cat is out of the bag." In other words our parents and sisters know we are pregnant.

Mr. Blondiesaur and I went yesterday and I had my first "regular" through the stomach ultrasound. The tech said everything was looking great and we could see a strong heartbeat, although she said at this stage they don't say what the heartbeat is in numbers. She also said you could see the brain developing; Mr. Blondiesaur said he saw that, I honestly didn't.
We are keeping it just to parents and our sisters for now and have put everyone on a strict gag order until after 12 weeks. I tried sending my parents and sister u/s pics and then calling and saying "did you get my email" but it totally didn't work and I just told them anyway. Mr. Blondiesaur told his sister over the phone and we told his Mom and Dad in person.

Next scan is June 5th, so 9w4d, hopefully it will look more baby-esque. It's starting to sink in a little more since we've now told people, but still not 100% real. You may have noticed that I kept updating my FF chart after my BFP. I wanted to see how many DPO I am just so I know when I'm past the day I got my first negative test with my m/c. I know that wasn't they day I miscarried, but it is still nice to feel like I've passed that time.

The giveaway is over!

The book giveaway is officially closed! Thanks for participating, everyone - we're announcing the winners on Monday, so make sure you check back in then!

Friday, May 22, 2009

Happy Birthday Mr. Divasaur!

Today is my husband's 32nd birthday. I made it home from abroad just in time to celebrate. Yesterday, May 21, 2009 goes on record as one of the longest days of my life, literally. I awoke at 6:00 a.m. in a city thousands of miles away and 18 hours ahead of my home time zone. The day was not with out its challenges. Firstly, the flight we were scheduled to take at back to the U.S. at 6:00 p.m. was severely delayed. Thankfully, my colleague was contacted on her cell phone by the air carrier and she managed to rebook us onto a different airline altogether. That plane was jam packed and departed at 7:30 p.m. therefore causing us also to rebook all of our connections in the U.S. I am so grateful that the original airline contacted her, because they didn't call me nor did they originally know I was also on the same itinerary until she mentioned it to them. Yay for having lovely coworkers!

Thank goodness we had also secured a late check-out from the hotel so we weren't forced to kill time all morning. I actually ended up catching that psychedelic Beatles musical "Across the Universe" on T.V. as I dozed in and out of a nap. I think it made me have some trippy dreams of my own. Off to breakfast and I was starving, despite having had a nice steak dinner the night before...a rarity for me...I am not much of a beef eater, but it sounded really good at the time. At breakfast I had yogurt, prunes, dates, fresh fruit, eggs Benedict and hash browns. That's a lot! But I was hungry and knew it might be my last decent meal for the next 24 hours.

We checked out at 2 p.m. and took a cab to the airport. Tried to check-in as the woman over the phone had told my colleague to do: "take your itinerary to the new airline carrier's desk and they'll have all of your information." Not. As if it could be as simple as that. After much run around, three different service desks between two companies, we finally made our way through travel security and to the international gate. By this time it was 5:00 p.m. and we were hungry for some lunch. Our only option? Burger King! In a foreign country no less! I never eat fast food. So this was a double disappointment for me. I ordered the least offensive item on the menu... chicken tenders with BBQ sauce and made the most of it.

We killed time and were thrilled to load onto the plane at 7:00 p.m. Less than thrilling was that it was completely packed (having since acquired additional passengers from our originally booked flight) and I was relegated to the center seat in the center of the plane. Never in my life have I sat in the center seat. In 30 years of travel! At 5'9" and on the amazonian side of female proportions, this was sight to be seen, I am sure. Not to mention that my colleague to my right and the unknown stranger on my left immediately sacked out leaving me essentially trapped in the middle for the duration of the 12 hour flight! The seat in front of me reclined so sharply and violently (at least 80 degrees) that the mini-LCD screen that was embedded in the back of it nearly clipped me in the nose! Misery definitely was re-defined for me in that 12 hours. For a moment I almost entertained an anxiety attack. This must of been some odd repayment of the extraordinary trip over which included an entire row of seats to myself, across which I spread out and slept 8 hours! I didn't sleep at all on this trip home and the movie menu was the only thing that kept me sane. I watched "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" and "The Other Boleyn Girl" and read OK! Magazine which a nice young lady had offered me.


The meals came and went and were uneventful aside from the fact that smell of them almost got the best of me. I stuck to the dry roll with a bit of cheese and the juice offered. The rest went untouched. Thankfully I had tucked some dried fruit and nut mix into my carry-on and with the act of a Chinese contortionist I managed to retrieve to from the space beneath the seat in front of me. We arrived in our first U.S. point of transfer 11 hours and 45 minutes after our departure. We cleared customs rather swiftly, the only delay being the wait to locate my second bag, which someone had pulled off the carousel and conveniently forgot to place it back on again. We made our way to the Domestic terminal and found a palatable lunch along the way. We boarded the plane for our 4 p.m. departure back towards the middle of the country. Another transfer and a short flight north and we touched down at 11:05 p.m. back in my city. My exhaustion was overcome by elation and in no time I could spot my dear hubby waiting for me just behind the security gates.

We got home just before midnight and fell into bed soon after that. Home just in time for my sweetheart's 32nd birthday. I was glad to be in my own bed, next to my man. I slept a good five hours before our menace of a cat awoke me in her usual fashion. I stumbled out of bed, found my way in the dark to feed her (which is customary at 5:00 a.m. regardless of how many time zones I have just traveled through that day) and made my way to the bathroom. Something came over me and I decided to PIAC. I had an internet cheapie since ordering PreSeed and because I hadn't charted this 2WW since the morning I had left for my trip around the world, I was curious. Or perhaps it was women's intuition? Because within seconds I saw two pink lines. One much fainter than the other, but it was there! I was thankful that I had PIAC because I then ripped open the foil on the remaining FRER I had left over from last cycle and dipped it in the cup. Within seconds, the two pink lines came up! Success! I am pregnant! I capped the FRER and made my way back into bed. I placed it in my honey's hand and whispered, "Happy birthday Daddy." After the longest day of my life, I am now having one of the best and most unforgettable.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Bring on the FWP!

Look! Look at what I just got!

That's a positive OPK, folks! I know it's just an ovulation test and not a BFP or anything else to get excited over, but after the debacle that was OPK testing last cycle, I was ridiculously happy to see that little smiley face!

I'm also incredibly glad that I decided to start OPK testing a day before I thought I really needed to, because otherwise I probably would have missed this completely. My temps were dropping suspiciously (I'm one of those women who gets a dip right before ovulation), so I thought I'd go ahead and waste a test, fully expecting it to be negative until at least tomorrow or the next day. But voila! Positive!

Since I seem to have a short LH surge, this means I will probably ovulate either tomorrow (CD11) or the next day (CD12), which then means my ovulation day will have moved up yet again - interesting, to say the least.

It also means that my grand plans for another entire week of FWP-ing have yet again been brought to a grinding halt, since my seven day gettin' busy plan for this cycle was scheduled to start tomorrow in order to cover all potential fertile days based on my past ovulation dates. Good thing we've already been working on an every-other-day schedule since Aunt Flo left town, eh? And now, how about one more look at that cheerful little face:

I love you, little smiley face!

And now if you'll excuse me, I need to go do a couple more victory laps around the house. Woohooooooooo!!!

Last chance to enter!

Just a quick reminder that our giveaway ends at midnight tomorrow!

There are some fantastic books up for grabs: Pregosaur is giving three lucky readers their choice of Taking Charge of Your Fertility, Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy or Baby Bargains (8th ed.), while Littlesaur is giving away one copy of Happiest Baby on the Block.

So if you haven't entered yet (and feel free to enter both contests!), now's the time!

Clicky to enter the Pregosaur giveaway

Clicky to enter the Littlesaur giveaway

It's Not A Baby

My mysterious cramping and spotting from earlier this week wasn't implantation bleeding- it was a full blown period coming on. And not to be too TMI, but it was the heaviest and most painful I've had in probably 10 years.

So I inquired about this sudden odd period (luteal phase was only 8 days long) and my doctor said I probably had a Luteal Phase Defect (LPD) this past month. Luteal Phase (LP) is the time between ovulation and when AF shows up. LPD is usually any LP shorter then 10 days, though some doctors think anything shorter then 12 days qualifies as LPD. If your LP is shorter then 10 days your body cannot support pregnancy, even if the egg is fertilized. Your uterus just doesn't give it enough time to "stick" to the uterus and get cozy enough to start releasing the pregnancy hormones that let's your body know to stay pregnant.

The Dr. then asked me to sit there and try to remember when my periods were the past 4 months. Since I haven't been tracking it due to the injury I let all that fall by the wayside. I eventually figured it out and we realized that my Luteal phase has most likely been short for at least 3 months since my cycles have only been 23-24 days long each. Though since I didn't track ovulation I have no idea how short/long it really was. She suggested Clomid, which I think was a bit of a rush. Instead I'm taking some B6 and Vitex and hoping my body just had to regulate. Since the short Luteal Phase thing started after the injury I'm hoping the strain it put on my body affected my cycles and I just need to give it time.

So, no baby. I thought I would be really happy when AF came in full force. I really wanted to do this the right way and wait until after my appointment on the 29th, but at the same time the thought of being pregnant made me REALLY excited. I guess I never got to that point even when we were TTC before the injury. I knew what I had to do to get pregnant, and I've been reading books about labor and delivery, but I've sort of ignored everything in between. This past week has opened that up to me, and now I want it more than ever.

I've jumped the gun a bit and ordered OPKs and some cheapy pregnancy tests so that if we get the green light on the 29th I will be good to go! I do experience Mittleschmerz and know pretty much when I O, I just want the OPKs to confirm this (to track the LPD) and also to know a few days BEFORE I O. Since, you know, those are actually the important days! I just have to hope the LPD was just a fluke this month and works itself out by O time in June!

Though, I only had a 1 DAY wait this time around. I'm going to be a wreck when it's really a 2WW!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Rock bottom

Warning: this post contains some spoilers about The Office's season finale - if you haven't watched it yet, don't read!

Last week, we sat down to watch the season final of The Office. I was feeling a bit low on that particular day, discouraged about TTC and just looking forward to laughing a bit. And then IT happened. Jim had taken Pam to the hospital to get a sprained ankle checked out, and then there is a period of silence where you can see them through a window but not hear what's being said. Jim and Pam starts beaming while the doctor talks, then Jim briefly panics, and then a lot more beaming and some happy tears, like so:
And although it's not confirmed - nothing like a cliffhanger to reel you into the next season, eh? - it's pretty obvious that Pam is pregnant.

My first reaction was a flash of happiness (they're so freaking cute together, I don't care if they're just TV actors), followed by sadness (does everyone have to be pregnant?) followed by...jealousy.

Yes. Jealousy. I was - OK fine, I am - jealous of a fictional character in a TV sitcom. I think this is quite possibly as low as I can go in terms of irrational feelings about pregnancy. I am jealous of a made up person in a comedy show. And I totally don't blame you if you're doing this right now:

I know I'm being totally irrational right now. Even I'm reading this and going, "WTF Bibliosaur? Have you completely lost your grip on reality?"

Trying to conceive is always an emotional experience - all the more so if you've encountered difficulties such as infertility or a miscarriage. Sometimes it feels like every single person on the planet (including TV characters) is either knocked up or already has a baby, and you're just this loser that can't seem to make or keep a baby of your own.

There's so much frustration - why is it SO easy for so many people? How does this happen by accident? Why isn't it happening for me? I know that realistically, we haven't been trying that long - we're under the six month mark - but it's still difficult to deal with sometimes. It didn't much help that last week I also accidentally stumbled across a reminder of how far along I'd be now (into the second trimester!) if I hadn't miscarried. That didn't feel particularly great.

People have commented on several of my previous posts (like this one) at what a great attitude I have about events that seem like failures - BFNs, whackadoo things on my chart, etc. And the truth is...I do have a positive outlook. I have to. Because honestly, if I didn't look for the silver lining, I'd be a very depressed TTCer, and I don't know how I would cope with that. But there are still times when I feel discouraged and upset, times when a TV show can make me cry for all the wrong reasons. And that's OK too - as long as I start looking for that silver lining again right away.

Last week, The Office made me cry. Today, I'm excited because I get to start using my OPKs again tomorrow (I'm determined to catch that surge this time), and y'all know how much fun it is to pee on a stick!

Silver lining = found...again.