Monday, August 31, 2009

Psychic Predictions


Source

My mom and I and a few other ladies went a saw a psychic. She says she can talk to your angels and guides. I don't think she read me very well. She said I would be ready to have children in a year (I am ready now) and she didn't say anything about the situation going on with my body. She told me my husband steals my energy and asked if I was happy with my marriage my response was something like are you kidding me I have one of the greatest most supportive husbands ever. She did touch on a few things but it was pretty much a waste of my money.

Today was great DH and I took our 3 year old niece to the Brookfield Zoo. It was a fun but a tiring experience. Everyone there was either pushing a stroller or was pregnant it was crazy. They had a dinosaur exhibit going on and had the names of the dinosaurs on a plaque and all I could think of was this site and all the women and their names because the dinosaurs had names like Allosaurus and the gift shop was named Shopasaur. At one point our niece was looking a little bored so when the dinosaurs would roar and move I would run and tell her they were chasing us and she got a kick out that. She was standing near one trying to get my attention to play the "run away" game and the dinosaur which was about 3 feet away from the fence roared and moved and she screamed (a real scream) and ran towards the hubby and I. The adults including us were laughing it was too cute. I imagine in her mind she saw something like this.


Source

Anyway, it was great to see DH interacting with our niece holding her on his shoulders and holding her hand as we walked around. I can't wait to see him as a father. Speaking of I am coming on my fertile days according to my chart. It says they started Sat but I think it was more like yesterday (Sunday) according to my CM. I took a OPK but it was negative but looks more dark than it did a couple of days ago so it might be this Tuesday. I can't seem to wake up the same time everyday though to take my temp. This morning I woke up in the middle of a nightmare and took my temp which said 97.9 which was way too high for what its been so I waited ten minutes just laying there and it went down back to 97.1. So we have been doing the baby dance the last few days and will continue for the next few so we'll see what happens.

And the winner of The Belly Book giveaway is...

Random.org gave us the winning number...

And lucky number 10 was...

Congratulations on your BFP and winning the journal, Michelle! Send an email with your full name and address to pregosaur@gmail.com and we'll get your book in the mail to you ASAP.

Thanks to everyone for entering the giveaway!

It's like the 2WW all over again. Arg.

Pregnancy really is all about waiting. Seriously, in the beginning you are waiting to get it on at the right time... Waiting each morning for your thermometer to read your temp. Waiting to ovulate. Waiting until enough days have passed where you can test. WAITING.

Then once you get a BFP, there is more waiting. Waiting to get it confirmed by the doctor. Waiting to hear the heartbeat. Waiting to see if you'll make it out of the 1st Trimester. Waiting to tell people. Waiting to show. Waiting to buy maternity clothes. Waiting for it to be real.

Then you finally can tell the world and shout it out from the rooftops! You are 13-15 weeks along and things have started to be real. But now... Now, you are waiting to feel the baby move. Waiting to find out the gender. Waiting for the Amnio or other tests to make sure everything is OK.


I have to say, end of the 2nd Trimester really is the best. There is the least waiting. You know the gender. You know your baby is doing good. You can feel him or her kicking up a storm in there. You have started to show and are now sporting a cute little bump. You have finally started to wear your maternity clothes, and boy are they cute! You are probably not having to wait to get it on either... And you have energy!

Then comes the end. And, once more, you are WAITING! Waiting for your appointments to be every other week, then weekly, waiting to hear how dilated you are. Waiting to fall asleep. Waiting for the crib to arrive. Waiting for baby to arrive. Waiting. Wondering. Is it cramps or am I about to have a blessed bowel movement? Will I know when labor starts? Will it happen today? Tomorrow? Will this backache ever go away? Will my ankles return? Will this belly ever turn into a real live cuddly baby?

So anyway. Pull up a chair. And a pillow. And prepare for the waiting that is pregnancy.

Btw, still nothing on my front. But I am now not sleeping very well. Tossing all night. Had a backache all day yesterday. Menstrual cramps on and off. Noticed on Saturday that my ankles have disappeared. My bump has moved beyond the "cute" phase and into the OMG YOU ARE HUGE phase. I get alarmed panic-stricken looks when people ask "When are you due?" And I respond blankly: "Wednesday." Yup. This Wednesday. In two days.............

As you were. I'll just go back to waiting................

11 DPO!

...and a BFN. Shock, surprise, not really. Well, actually I thought "maybe just maybe" because my breasts are so tender and my stomach was feeling about like it did for my other pregnancies. But no, nothing at all. I´m not positive that I´m 11dpo, it could only be 10dpo, or I could be 12 dpo and have missed the trying window, but I feel based on my + OPK that I must be 10dpo minimum, and a much more likely 11dpo. You see, I´m one of those weird people who has a 28 day cycle most of the time. I know, hate me for it. I hate myself for it sometimes. Everything is so like clock work except this pregnancy thing. I haven´t quite gotten the hang of the pregnancy thing yet. Guess I´ll have to "work" on that some more.

To that end the DH and I have decided that I should make an appt. with my regular gyno and bring her up to speed on all the tests we´ve had done and then run the lap idea by her and see what she thinks. The more I read about it, the less enthused I am to have it done. Is it really, really the best way? I don´t know, and it never hurts to get a second opinion on it.

In the mean time I´m still hoping that it was just too early to test and that come Friday I´ll be seeing pink.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

And the 2WW begins...possibly!

It's funny how ambiguous everything is about TTC. You can chart your temperatures, test with OPKs, check your cervix position and cervical fluid and so on, but some of the signs still might be inconclusive.

I finally got crosshairs on my chart, but they are dashed lines because my OPKs were all negative around the possible ovulation date. However, the other signs were indicating ovulation, so FF is guessing that it happened on Day 14. I wasn't really good about using the OPKs at the same time each day. I had pretty dramatic differences, like 11 pm one night and 2 pm the next day. It's possible that I might have just missed the LH surge, but there's really no way to know for sure.

It's definitely helpful to chart and learn more about ovulation signs, but it's somewhat frustrating that I'm still not really sure if I have ovulated or not, so we just have to keep doing the BD to make sure!

I'm going to try to add my chart onto this post. I didn't start temping until after my period since I had to wait for the BBT to arrive, so that's why the temps don't start on day 1. What do you guys think? Should we keep trying just in case or does it look like I've ovulated?



In other news, my FF free VIP trial is ending in 14 days. I'm trying to decide if I should pay for it or not. Hopefully we'll have success this month and I won't need to. Not to mention, I'll be glad to stop waking up at the same time each day to temp! Also, if I did ovulate on Day 14 and it was successful, then the baby would have been conceived on my birthday! :)

Here goes the 2WW!

The Belly Book giveaway is over!

Thanks to everyone who entered our giveaway for The Belly Book - our readers are awesome, and we're now number 36 on Top Baby Blogs! The giveaway has now ended, so make sure you check back in on Monday to see who the lucky winner is!

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Things can always get worse, I guess

I have to warn you now, this post is going to be incredibly long and I apologize for that. But so much has happened since I last posted, and I want to get this all down so, hopefully, I don't drown you with the outpouring of words about to follow this precautionary introduction.

This pregnancy has been, quite possibly, the WORST pregnancy one could ever wish on a woman who has been through a miscarriage. It would be difficult for someone who hasn't been through a miscarriage. I feel like I've been going through emotional hell... and it's only getting more difficult as time goes on.

Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful to be pregnant. I celebrate that my body has the capacity to create and carry life, for whatever length of time. I celebrate that this baby is such a fighter and is still with me (when you read the story below, you'll know what I mean).

But I feel despondent. I am losing hope. I just don't see how I can continue on this path and have a healthy baby at the end of it all. My body is betraying me and failing my baby. I feel like I am fast approaching my wits end with no answers, and I'm just supposed to put on a brave face and pretend like I'm delighted to be expecting right now... when in reality I'm scared shitless that I'm going to fail this baby, fail my husband, fail my family, and fail myself.

When I last posted on this blog, I was having moderate spotting. Which resolved itself and we had a textbook wonderful ultrasound. And I thought things might be looking up.

Well, on Tuesday last week, quite suddenly and overnight, I started bleeding. Bright red. Quite heavy (soaking through an overnight pad one every two hours). No clots, but definitely enough for me to get back on the emotional rollercoaster of worry, tears, and "why me?'s".

So I went and saw my doctor, she found the heartbeat, sent me for yet another ultrasound (this is u/s #4 of this pregnancy, by the way). I had that u/s on Friday, August 21st. The tech didn't really tell me anything. As far as he was concerned, there was no reason for the bleeding.

Slowly, the bleeding dried up. As of the Saturday, there was only dark brown bleeding when I wiped. I was told by my doctor that being on bed rest really won't accomplish anything at this point, and that bed rest is really only appropriate for women in their 20th week and beyond. I was told that it was nothing I did that caused the bleeding, that I should just live my life but try not to do anything too strenuous.

Okay then. They are doctors, you have to trust them.

So, I had a pretty busy day on that Saturday. I didn't do anything strenuous, but I did walk around a fair bit and was out of the house most of the day. I feel into bed exhausted on Saturday night. But grateful that things were looking up and there was barely any spotting anymore.

And I woke up Sunday morning -- August 23, 2009, a day I will never forget-- to, literally, a geyser of bright red blood and clots gushing out of me down there. It was as if somebody severed one of my arteries and it was literally pumping out of me with the same force of my heart beating. This was no ordinary bleeding, this was a full-on hemorrhage.

I wasn't even really awake at this point, but I jumped out of bed and ran for the bathroom, all the while cupping my hands underneath my underwear to catch the blood as it ran down my legs, through my fingers, and spattered all over our bed linens and carpet.

When I made it into the bathroom, I must have let go of my hands because there was blood everywhere. I sat on the toilet while the blood still gushed. And I screamed for Mr. Legalosaur, who had fallen asleep downstairs on the couch.

I can only imagine the scene that greeted him. I'm sure it was like a bad horror movie. I was hysterically numb, if that makes any sense.... I was just sitting on the toilet with blood all over my legs, my hands, the floor, just repeating over and over again "I don't know what happened, what's happening to me." When I tried to stand up, I saw white and almost passed out. I fell back onto the toilet. Mr. Legalosaur told me not to move and called 911.

The ambulance came. They took me to emergency. Except for one slightly hysterical crying fit, I was remarkably calm. I was quite dizzy and faint. I lost, all told, about 500ml (or more) of blood. (I'm sure it was more after seeing the aftermath...)

All the emergency did was give me an IV since I lost so much blood, run some blood tests to see if my hemoglobin was low (which, amazingly, it's not), did an extremely uncomfortable internal exam (yes, my cervix is still closed) and find the baby's heartbeat with the doppler. And that... was... it...

I was told that I'm having a threatened abortion (which means nothing really, because any sort of bleeding during pregnancy is a threatened abortion), to take it easy, and maybe I'll just be one of those women who bleeds throughout her whole pregnancy, or maybe I'll miscarry again. Oh, but don't worry, because miscarriages are common and it's nothing I did wrong. Le sigh.

It took poor DH almost 3 hours to clean our bedroom, hallway and bathroom. The carpets are forever ruined, because the blood dried by the time he was able to get home and scrub and steam-clean them.

I've seen my family doctor twice in the past week - I have low blood pressure and a fast heartrate, due to the blood loss I've had. I was supposed to be in her care until 20 weeks, but being that this pregnancy just got a whole lot more complicated, I'm seeing the OBGYN now in Thursday. I don't know if the OBGYN will be able to give me any more answers, but it will give me some comfort to be in the hands of a specialist. My family doctor is convinced I have placenta previa, because that's the only thing that can cause a hemorrhage of the magnitude that I had on Sunday.

And I had yet another ultrasound this week too (number 5!) just to see if they can figure out what's causing the bleeding. And so far it hasn't told us anything else except that the babe's growth is still very much on target and the heartbeat is nice and strong. I was hoping it would confirm the placenta previa, but so far it hasn't because my family doc hasn't yet gotten the radiologist's report.

Aaaaaand, the kicker, I've been put on bed rest until the end of September, likely longer depending on what's going on. So, no laundry, no vacuuming, no groceries, no walking the dogs... nada. I'm allowed to be up for 15 minutes at a time, but very light activities only and I'm not allowed to break a sweat. It's been one week of bed rest so far, and I'm doing okay. I have a feeling that if I have to stay on bed rest for the rest of this pregnancy, it could get very old, very fast.

I've been terrified to go to sleep at night, because my bleeding always seems to happen when I go to sleep. I was terrified that something like this would happen at work, or while I'm driving, so at least the bed rest is bringing some comfort. How would I deal with all the blood? I didn't know it was possible to bleed as much as I did... And what if I pass out while driving?

Mostly I'm just so worried that I'm depriving our baby and he/she won't make it. Like I said, that fact that he/she is still with us is a testament to what a fighter our baby is... but I wish it could be an easier road for all involved.

After our miscarriage, however, I simply cherish each and every day that this little babe and I get to spend together. It's something special to me, and each day gets us closer to viability. And that's a very good thing.

Getting it on for the first time

Today was the first time since I got the BFP that we've had sex. Actually, now that I think about it, it's the first time we've done it since I ovulated. There was no reason that we held off between my O-date and the BFP, but there was after I got that first (yes, first - I'll post about the rest later) positive pregnancy test. And it's all due to me.

When I miscarried, it happened the day after we had sex for the first time following my BFP. We weren't getting it on very much because I felt so exhausted - my sex drive was nonexistent - so it was a pretty good day when we finally did the deed. And then I miscarried.

Now, I know that the two things had nothing to do with each other. I absolutely, positively, 100% know that sex didn't cause the miscarriage. Whatever went wrong had already happened before that night. But it still left me feeling frightened and wary this time around; even though I intellectually understood that sex would not cause a miscarriage, emotionally I was far less secure. It was irrational and I knew that, but I couldn't help it. And since I've read that some pregnant women spot after sex, I was even more nervous - even if the spotting was harmless, seeing that blood would have freaked me out.

Mr Bibliosaur was very supporting, encouraging me to take all the time I needed to feel confident enough to give it a try. So today, after sleeping in for a loooooong time (it's amazing how much the fatigue wipes your libido!), I told him I was ready. And it was fine! We went slow and there wasn't any spotting, so I'm feeling far more confident about getting it on in the future.

People keep telling me to enjoy the first trimester sex now, before the morning sickness hits - but honestly, I'm having a hard time getting in the mood because I'm just so tired all the time. Am I alone in this? Is everyone else getting it on all the time in the first month or two? I miss having regular sex, but how do you get past the fatigue?

Friday, August 28, 2009

Last chance to enter The Belly Book giveaway!

Hey guys, there is only one day left for our current giveaway - so if you haven't entered yet, click here to be in the running for this awesome pregnancy journal!

Good luck!

Results

Mr. Lillysaur and I ventured to the RE today for our follow-up appt. It turns out that Mr. Lillysaur has great sperm, I have great CM, and Mr. Lillysaur´s sperm really like my CM and can swim around in it for hours....yes, someone got to watch the little buggers swim around for four hours under a microscope. I´m glad that´s not my job.

My hormone tests came back normal. Nothing there. So where do we go from here? Apparently we move on to having a laprascope. I was thinking HSG, but the doctor said only in combo with said laprascope. So I will have to venture to a clinic that specializes in this procedure for out-patient purposes. The test must be done sometime after you stop bleeding and before you ovulate...ok. So on Monday I´m going to make the call and see if we can get in for the procedure in a couple of weeks. I´m a little nervous. No, I am nervous. But I want to know if everything is ok, or if there is any scarring from the D&E I had last year. The RE said after this test we will know more and can go from there.

I am hoping, praying that by some miracle I am pregnant with my sticky baby and that I won´t have to go for the procedure. I know it´s a long shot, but a girl can hope and dream right?

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Birth Control

Birth control was such a big part of my life from 19 up until this past May which comes to about 6 1/2 years. I have tried them all well maybe not all but I have tried quite a few of them. First, I used birth control pills which lasted all of two months because three days would go by and I would not take a single pill. Yep I am that spacey sometimes. Then I tried the patch. I stuck it right above my butt and it I wore it for 2 weeks before I noticed I had developed a fun rash back there. Next, I tried the shots (depo provera). I actually liked this one and used it for a few years. It took away my periods so I liked that aspect of it. I also liked that I only had to think about it every three months. After a while though I noticed it made me super emotional which I am already and when added to it I cried at the most ridiculous things included commercials and no not the sad hallmark commercials. Then I discovered the ring. I fell in love. It was easy (I made my husband take it out and put it in) it went in for three weeks and then out for a week when my period would come.

I only had one problem for the three years I was on it but this problem landed me in the ER on the day we were celebrating Thanksgiving with DH's family. I woke up one morning and I was bleeding and heavy not just spotting. It wasn't near my time of the month so I woke up Mr Relaxasaur and we went to the ER. After being there for about an hour the doc informed me that the bleeding seemed to be menstrual. I didn't even ask him to check for my ring although he should have knowing I was using it. Anyway, after we got home I asked DH to check for it and he couldn't find it so I realized I must have lost it somewhere a few days earlier hence bringing on my period. Then the hubb has this OMG moment he tells me he had found my Nuva Ring in his car (don't ask) and had thrown it away not realizing what it was. Good times. When it came to start TTC I took the ring out and had not given any thought to side effects. I should have though because they hit me like a ton of bricks.

- I had constant cramping in my uterus for 3 weeks.

- I was bloated

- I felt exhausted

- I had the most sensitive nipples

- my period was delayed for over 3 months

Some of these sound like pregnancy symptoms so I started doing some research and found over 100 threads from women all going through the same thing. I had felt better knowing I wasn't alone but at the same time I was a little nervous because some of those women had not started any new cycles for 6 to 9 months. I was lucky and ovulated on August 4. I just happened to buy some pregnancy and ovulation tests from the dollar store. I was down to one of each test and I figured why not test because my period still hadn't shown up. So I set the tests down and walked away knowing the pregnancy test would come back negative. But the ovulation test came back positive. I was very excited and in shock so I ran to the store and bought a pack of 7.

I came home to test again and sure enough it was positive. So I began running/dancing around the house in excitement. One problem though the DH was at work and by the time he would have been home I would be at work. So I called him to see if I could get him to come home for a bit and turns out he was right down the road! Later that night at work I knew I was ovulating because my ovary felt as it was going to burst through my skin. I am on my feet all night walking around (I bartend) and I must have looked so funny because at some points I was half hunched over and still trying to walk. We continued to the baby dance as often as we could the next few of days. The 2 week wait was terrible. I analyzed every little cramp and feeling my body had. When it came time I tested and sure enough a BFN. A day later my period came and now I am back in the game. My chart says my predicted fertile days are this weekend which sucks because DH and I are both so busy. I told him we will just have to find time whether we stay up late or get up early. I will pee more OPKs in the next couple of days and see what happens. I do have a question though maybe some of you may know the answer. I read that short periods can be a problem for ovulation. Is that true? I had my period for only about 2 full days and 1 day spotting I wasn't sure if that was something to be worried about because on B.C. they usually lasted a little longer.

Have a great weekend!

All my bags are packed, ready to go ...

Just got back from a Mexican restaurant! I ordered enchiladas and the waitress asked me if I wanted green, red or sour cream sauce.
Huge Watermelon-resembling pregnant woman: Which one is the spiciest?

Bewildered young blonde waitress: Green! Definitely! (Nodding, big smile)

Watermelon farm with a head and two legs somewhat resembling a person: (Without batting an eye) Let's go with GREEN. And lots of it.
Sadly, I couldn't even finish my meal. Arg. No room for food in this belly! However, I did manage to find some room for gelato. Mohito gelato. Just because I couldn't have a margarita and virgin margaritas suck. Trust me on that one!

So now I am back home and just in case I pop tonight, I figured I should post my hospital bag list... Just in case anyone wants to know! I poured over books and Google for days to put together what quite possibly is the BEST HOSPITAL BAG LIST EVER. In my humble opinion.



So, FWIW, here is my list, in random order (retyped since my version is in Excel, because sometimes I'm kind of a dork):
  • Laptop with iTunes, complete with DH-created baby playlists (Also: charger! laptop bag!)
  • DVDs to watch on laptop
  • Magazines (US, People) and easy reading books ("Lipstick Jungle")
  • Baby Name Books ("Beyond Ava & Aiden," "Cool Names for Babies")
  • "Breastfeeding Made Simple" & "What to Expect" books
  • Pen & notebook to write stuff down on
  • Baby book with sheets for the baby's footprint (hospital told us to bring)
  • Camera & charger
  • Video camera & charger
  • Cell phones & chargers
  • Printed out Birth Plan with extra copies
  • List of numbers to call after birth: Insurance to add the baby, HR number to start maternity benefits, pediatrician number to make sure they check out baby; photographers to book newborn session asap...
  • Printed out call list: Who to call when we head to hospital; Who to call right after
  • E-mail lists have already been created and saved so DH can send out the news afterward
  • Snacks for DH (and me after labor): Water, granola bars, cereal, nuts, chocolate, popcorn (there is a kitchen with microwave and fridge we can use)
  • Snacks for me during labor: Popsicles, caramel candy (my Dr said OK)
  • Hot/cold packs (right now they are stored in freezer)
  • Electric heating pad
  • Hot water bottle
  • 2 wooden massage things
  • Tennis balls
  • Exercise ball
  • Lip balm
  • Hair ties
  • My own pillow(s) in bright red pillow cases so hospital won't take mine (not white pillowcases)
  • Socks that I don't mind getting yucky, think ones with rubber on bottom
  • House shoes to walk around the halls in
  • Phone card to call my sister in Spain
  • Kleenex so I'll have the soft kind because DH is a crier. Heck, we all might cry...
  • DH has a stopwatch on his iPhone
  • Our wallets with health insurance cards & keys (this is on the list so we don't run out with our heads cut off and forget)
  • Directions to the hospital (already saved as a "favorite" on our car's GPS system!)
  • Chicken Out Menu (it's close to the hospital)
  • Toiletries: toothbrush/paste; yummy Aveda shampoo/cond; razer; soap; lotion; hair brush; hand lotion; face lotion; body lotion (unscented); make-up; q-tips; hair dryer
  • My own bath and hand towel (hospital ones are thin and yucky) & bath robe
  • Plastic flip-flops for shower (lots of yucky stuff have been in those showers!)
  • Nursing bra (from Motherhood Maternity)
  • Sleep bra (from Motherhood Maternity)
  • Nursing gown & robe OR Nursing top, with pj pants & robe (from Motherhood Maternity)
  • Boppy nursing pillow (already washed slipcover)
  • Lanolin, nursing pads, maxi pads (just in case I don't like the hospital brand stuff)
  • Granny panties (I actually really like the Medala ones...)
  • Comfy clothes to wear home (black yoga pants, black nursing top: theory is that black makes you look thin... And baby's outfit is all white)
  • Baby outfit to wear home: kimono top, matching pants, hat, blanket, mitts (Margery Ellen -- already washed)
  • Swaddle blanket & receiving blanket (already washed)
  • Pacifier & clip (optional)
  • Burp cloths (already washed)
  • Diaper bag & some extra diapers, wipes, etc.
  • Car seat (already installed in car)
  • Neck pillow for car seat (or use swaddle blankets, which is actually what the car seat police told us to do)
  • Mirror in car to see baby (installed)
  • Sunshade in car next to car seat (installed)
  • DH bag (he should bring his own towel too, and pillow and change of clothes...)

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Houston, We Have A Problem!

I'm having an issue. I can't seem to get started. Mr. Rockasaur and I were doing great with the whole TTC journey before the accident. Since then if it isn't one thing, it's another. And it's all getting in our way. We have only had a couple of "on" months since February. Then just when I thought we were good to go again, I get another bomb shell dropped on me.
The latest bombshell is doozy. Starting next week...


Do you see the issue? I'm not sure yet, but I imagine that try to conceive a child will be an issue when we will be living over three hours away from each other. Yes, that's right. DH is moving out.

No, no, no. We're not having martial problems. Quite the opposite, actually! We've been very happy lately. But that's besides the point. The point is, after several months of unemployment Mr. Rockasaur got a job! Unfortunately, that job is in Burbank. Which is near Los Angeles. Which is three hours away from where we live now. And it starts next week.

I'm stuck in San Diego for several reasons. 1) I'm still undergoing treatment for my arm, which will most likely mean surgery sooner or later. 2) In theory I still have my job. A job I love and adore. 3) Mr. Rockasaur will be living in a 17 foot trailer in an RV park, and there is no room for me. :(
Also, we won't know for another two months if this job is going to be long term or short term. For all we know, Mr. Rockasaur will be back here in three months, once again unemployed. Now, this isn't a huge deal. In the industry he (we) work in it's very common to be "unemployed" (we like to use the term "on hiatus", though) for at least 3 months a year. It just means we won't know if his next job will be in San Diego or in Los Angeles. It's a gamble we're not ready to make yet.

So, for now, we will live apart. I hate this thought, but I know professionally it's for the best. Then, in two months if we find out the job is going to be long term, we will start looking for a house in Los Angeles/San Bernardino/Ventura/Wherever and probably move up there in 6-8 months. That means we have, potentially, 6-8 months where we will be living apart.

Now, I don't intend on NOT TTC for 6-8 months! Oh no! I've waited and have been trying for too long for that! We can financially afford a child now more than ever and I am not letting that get by me. If it means having to drive 3 hours in the middle of the night to BD on my most fertile days I will do it! But it does mean we will TTA for a couple of month. My main reason for TTA now is that I can't imagine moving and switching care givers in my third trimester, especially since we are planning a home birth (assuming my pregnancy is considered low risk) and trying to find a Midwife I am comfortable while in the third tri is not something I want to be worrying about.
And so I'm out. And out. And out. I think you could call this "failure to launch". We just can't seem to get started. I'm the worst Pregosaur ever! But since I keep "prepping" myself for pregnancy I will just keep doing what I've been doing. Reading books, collecting baby items, spoiling my soon-to-be-born nephew, and keeping working on a healthy body so that when the time comes- we'll REALLY be ready to go! And I'll share that with you along the way. :)

My. Big. Belly.

I am 39 Weeks today... All I can say is, yeowza! I am HUGE! For the record, I am up 34 pounds since my first appointment. And my doctor said today that I am 1 cm dilated and 25% effaced, which was what I was last week, so NO CHANGE! Arg. Possible induction dates are Sept. 8, 9 or 10. But I really hope Baby Lima Bean comes before then! Pleeeeeeeeeease!

My reasons for TTC part 2

OK this is the last part of my story. When I left off I was talking about having a surgery to take parts of my cervix and scrape the upper part of my cervix. The process only took about a half an hour. I was in the hospital for about 4 hours which came to a total of 12,000 dollars thank goodness for insurance. I was told to go home and sit on the couch for the next week. I would normally enjoy that but when someone tells me I can't do anything then I want to do everything. I was good for the first couple of days. We just had the closing on our house and I had stuff that I wanted to do it like paint, and rip up carpeting, and tear down doors and trim. I spent one day painting which was 4 days after the surgery and by the end of the day I was bleeding.

I went in for my check up a week later and the Dr. yelled at me for being active but also said that the bleeding was normal. To make matters worse I wasn't allowed to have sex or use a tampon until she gave me clearance(which ended up being 7 weeks). It was awful having to wear a pad and not be able to intimate with my husband. The no sex was the worse part. I don't think I have ever felt as disconnected from him because of the intimacy that sex allows us to have wasn't there. Plus I wasn't in the best of moods.

After my second post-op check up the doc asked me to come into her office so she could go through my results with me. I knew that wasn't a good sign. She informed that cervical dysplasia comes in 3 stages with the third stage being cancer. I am in stage two and the cells had spread exactly where we didn't want them to. I asked what this meant and she said if I were older and done having children she would recommend I get my cervix removed. She then informed me that I might not have much time before that is the case and that I should start considering the possibility of children.

She couldn't give me a time frame but said that if anything develops when I am pregnant then it might mean a c-section. I think at this point my mind went numb. I thought this is not my plan. I thought I would have another four years before I had to think about a kid. I left and went to our new house which we were not living in yet and talked to Mr. Relaxasur. He was quiet for a while. I think he was trying to figure out what I was thinking later he told me he was afraid I would not want to have children at all. On the drive over there I came the realization that I do want to become a mom and if it has to happen sooner than later than oh well.

We decided to would wait until the end of this year to start TTC because we had a couple of vacations coming up and we wanted to spend some more time together just the two of us. So we made the announcement to our families that in Dec we would start trying. This was back in May and come July I was ready to start trying. I had gone off birth control back on May 3 and we had been using other protection up until that point. I thought about it and I wanted to keep it a secret from my family. If everyone knows when we are trying they will just bother us all the time about when is it going to happen and if they think we are TTC in DEC there will be no pressure and it will be a surprise at the same time.

Thanks for reading!

Booo...

I'm out this round. I took a HPT before we left for Paris and got a BFN. I also took another one while there and got another BFN. Booooooo......


Luckily, Aunt Flo didn't start until the day I got home. Talk about perfect timing :-) I'm a little disappointed but not too surprised. I honestly didn't expect it to happen the first cycle.

I'm also considering starting to chart. I know I said I was going to try not to, but I've been thinking about it more and more.

So, any tips? What should I do first if I decide to go for it?

Telling the World


I'm thinking maybe I should've just hired this guy to come to work with me this morning!

So today I'm 10 weeks pregnant, and I chose that day to reveal to the world that we're having a baby!

I was really nervous about it...though I don't know why! Everyone has been overjoyed. Of course, we've already told close friends and family, a couple of co-workers each...even our City Council representative (to be fair, she's also a friend of ours). But today, we made it public. I started out by uploading a bunch of pictures of all the onesies and baby clothes we've collected so far (not a ton, but enough to get excited about!). I put those pics on Facebook a couple of days ago, but kept the album private and viewable only by me. I also prepared a blog entry for my personal blog, but waited to publish it. So this morning, before heading to work, I pulled the plug - I published the album on Facebook, posted a comment announcing the pregnancy, and published the blog entry.

When I got to work, I just started telling people. I wasn't sure how to go about it at first, but once I got the ball rolling, it was pretty easy. I work in an office with 50-something other people, and 95% of our staff is women - so you can imagine it's been a pretty fun environment for this kind of news! We have one other co-worker who's already pregnant, and she's due any day - so I'll just take over for her as the office Pregnant Lady.

I've had lots of smiles and hugs and happy conversations, and no less than three people told me that I'd made their day! Not to mention all the fun comments I've gotten on Facebook. Pregnancy announcements must've been must more sedate...and taken longer to spread...before the advent of the internet.

I've got another blog entry in me later on...we're currently searching for the right provider/delivery facility. But that's an entry for another day. For now, I'm just one smiley gal!

4 more days to enter the giveaway!

There are only four more days left to enter our giveaway of The Belly Book!

Click here to enter!

Be careful what you wish for!

I posted before that I was a little worried about my lack of symptoms when I got my BFP - I felt fine. Normal. Nothing like how I felt with my last pregnancy. Until now.

In the last two days, there has been a sudden onslaught of symptoms. First and formost - FATIGUE.

I typed "fatigue" in caps for a reason. I'm so exhausted that I literally want to burst into tears half the time - it doesn't help that my job can be physically demanding at times, which makes it even worse.

Second, the girls are getting pretty tender. In fact, they're downright painful!
I'm actually taking this as a good thing - they never really got sore last time, so I'm viewing this as a sign that my little one is nestled in firmly and my hormone levels are skyrocketing.

And just like last time, I'm burping like a mofo.

Sexy!!! Most pregnant women fart. I seem to burp. Classy, I know.

Out of these three, it's the fatigue that's really knocking me around - I'm desperately struggling just to make it through the workday. For the pregnant readers out there: how bad was your fatigue? Is there any chance this will wear off before the second trimester begins? Give me some hope!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

My Baby Gear 101

I am still here! Still pregnant! I am 38 weeks and 6 days. Tomorrow (Wednesday) I clock 39 weeks and head in for my weekly doctor's appointment. Plus, our crib will *finally* be delivered tomorrow! Yay!

So, in honor of our crib being delivered, I decided to blog today about baby gear. I admit, I became a little bit obsessed about researching and selecting the best baby gear ever. But, it wasn't me. It was the crazy nesting instinct taking over! I swear!

First, a few good resources:
  • Baby Bargains. Buy it. (On Amazon for the best deal.) It was my Bible. But don't be afraid to disagree with it. And check out their blog also. Good recall and industry info. Make sure you get the latest edition of the book. The 2009 one has a green cover.
  • I have heard good things about Consumer Reports, signing up for an account and also their baby gear book. I kept meaning to check that out but never did. It also came out in 2009 though, so it'd be worth checking out. If you do buy it, let us know what you think!
  • Also, love this Baby Gear 101 site that Shopasaur turned me onto. But be careful, if you are like me, when I read about cool baby stuff, I Must Buy It. It's a crazy urge. I blame not being able to shop for cute shoes right now.
  • And if you like coupons and daily temptations, sign up for e-mails from BabySteals.com and GreenBabyBargains.com. I discovered these sites only a few weeks ago and I am already one of their beeeeeeest customers.
  • Also, my name is Politisaur and I am an Etsy addict. Browse the baby gift guide. Or baby toys. Or do a search for anything "Amy Butler." I swear I have decorated my entire nursery on Etsy. Oh, and yes by all means JEWELRY counts as maternity clothes. When you are feeling fat, a new necklace can really brighten your day. Or take the attention off your belly.
  • Finally, I am all about a good deal. So you should know a few things: Buy Buy Baby takes Bed, Bath & Beyond unexpired coupons. Score! But most items (baby monitors, breast pumps, Baby Bjorn, etc.) are MUCH cheaper on Amazon than at BBB or Babies 'R Us. You can also find great deals at Target, Walmart, Diapers.com and BabyCatalog.com. Plus, just Google the product name and check out the Shopping Results. Oh, and don't forget Craigslist! You can also check out this coupon article from Parenting magazine.
Whew! And I am just getting started!

Here, now, are our baby gear choices -- and a random assortment of other purchases and gifts. You will find that moms are very opinionated on what they chose and why. We each like to believe that we chose the BEST in every category for the BEST reasons. So just be careful about asking moms for advice. And know that if you disagree with any of my choices, that's OK. Just don't tell me because I might freak out and go into labor.

Big Ticket baby gear items first, grouped in random but sort of organized order:
  • Best Chairs Upholstered Glider Rocker in espresso -- $700, from BBB (gift)
  • Nursing stool -- $15, from Craigslist ($34.99 at BBB)
  • Exercise ball (for labor) -- $19.99, from Amazon
  • Hot/cold packs (for labor) -- $15.95 + shipping, Etsy
  • Sleep bras, nursing bra, nursing tops, nursing gowns and robes -- Motherhood Maternity
  • House shoes (for hospital) -- $40, Restoration Hardware Outlet
Sorry, that was kind of a long list... Hopefully it'll be a good resource. And before you say that I am crazy, obsessed mother to be who has fallen victim to buying everything under the sun, may I point out that I held my ground and did NOT buy a wipe warmer. Or a bottle warmer. Or a pretty bumper. And I am holding off on the breast pump until I know for sure that I'll be pumping when I go back to work.

So there.

Oh, and happy shopping everyone!

Seventeen Weeks

I am seventeen weeks pregnant and in full nest mode! This week I am working with my mom on getting the baby's room ready. Right now it's used as our office. But soon it will be ready for baby (although one side of the room will still be used as an office until next summer). I have made some more decisions about the gear we need and have updated my registry with Amazon.com .

We're going with BabyMod Cadence 4-in-1 crib in Honey Oak and Colgate Classica I Foam Crib Mattress in White. Both are rated well for safety and fit our budget. Now the question is...do we order them soon? I chose Honey Oak for the crib since it matches some other furniture we already own that we're re-purposing for the nursery. I also like that it is non-drop side...safer for baby and fine for us...we're tall (I am 5'9" and Mr. Divasaur is 6'3").

What's super cool about the Amazon Registry is this Universal Wish Registry application that allows you to add any item, from any retail web site to your registry at Amazon! So I've used it to add Indian Cotton Prefolds from CottonBabies.com to my registry. Too cool!

And here's my first bump pic (since "popping" last week):

I am rocking the glasses 24/7 now because my eyeballs are rejecting my contact lenses.

Good thing I got some great deals on gently used maternity wear from eBay and last weekend at the Just Between Friends event. While there, I picked up two pairs of jeans, a pair of black slacks for work and 3 work tops for $65! Once the weather cools off a bit I will definitely be sporting it all. Let's just say that Politisaur's last post has scared the hell out of me! Thankfully, I am feeling more energized and have no more nausea, so I can get on my treadmill. My goal is to do 20-30 minutes at a moderate pace (about 2 miles/hour) at least 3-4 times a week. Oddly enough, even though my belly has expanded, I am still three pounds lighter than my pre-pregnancy weight.

By the way, I highly recommend Just Between Friends. It was very cool...I got in early as a first-time mom and took my mom with me. We were there for three hours! The first hour I swore off all things "girlie" but by the end I had broken down and did get some newborn and 0-3 outfits that are definitely for a girl. The prices were so good (many items were lots of 2-3 things for $4-$5) I figured if, by chance, it turns out that we're not having a girl (we should know for sure at our Big U/S on 09.11.09) that I could always resell them at the next JBF event. Oh and I got the cutest little boots that look like pale pink Ugg Boots! What else?

A red snowsuit from the Gap (can be used for a girl or a boy and a must-have for our chilly February and March weather here); a Boppy Pillow; a My Brest Friend Nursing Pillow; a bunch of crib sheets, swaddling blankets and blanket sleepers; a Lionheart Wipes Warmer (still in the box); baby bath towels; lap pads (waterproof); five footed sleepers; and about eight one-piece daytime outfits and a couple of two-piece outfits. All for about $150! So I am set when it comes to the baby's newborn layette. No clothing needed until 3-6 months and beyond! This Saturday is the last day and everything will be 50% off so we may go back and try to snag a bottle warmer for cheap and a car seat stroller frame. They had them there for as little as $25!

While researching baby gear, it also dawned on me that I would like a collection of books for our children that include our favorites but that also include some stories with characters/families that look like us (interracial). Sadly, there's not a ton out there! But I did find this:

Black, White, Just Right! by Marguerite W. Davol

I added it to our registry, along with some other books that I like. I want our kids to love books and reading and we plan to ready to them every night as part of their bedtime routine. We'll utilize the local public library too, but I would like a small collection of books that we own at home.

So our Little Being is all set! Here's what's happening with her this week:


image source
Your baby's skeleton is changing from soft cartilage to bone, and the umbilical cord — her lifeline to the placenta — is growing stronger and thicker. Your baby weighs 5 ounces now (about as much as a turnip), and she's around 5 inches long from head to bottom. She can move her joints, and her sweat glands are starting to develop.

My reasons for TTC part 1

I left off my last post explaining why Mr. Relaxasaur and I were trying for a baby. By the way this post is filled with TMI (just a warning). It all started when I was 19. I was diagnosed with human papillomavirus (HPV). The gyno I was seeing didn't think this was a huge deal and just had me coming in every 3 months for check ups then 6 months and eventually I was able to go to yearly gyno visits. So I never thought it was a big deal. After 7 years (I know I should have left sooner) I got fed up with my doctor office always mixing up my appts and I was mad that I never got to see the Dr. I always saw the nurses. The nurse that I saw didn't really acknowledge my HPV so I left and found another Dr.

I saw this new doc (Dr. Z) one time and she said my cervix was a little red and she wanted to take a closer look so she scheduled me for a colposcopy if you want to know what that is in detail click here. It is a little more invasive than a regular pap. Anyways a week after my first intial meeting I was in her office so she could she perform this procedure which wasn't too painful just a lot of cramping. I had to wait 3 weeks for the results because Dr. Z went out of town. That waiting period was awful. At this point I hadn't told any of my family just DH and a couple of close friends. I didn't want my family to worry if it were nothing.

Finally I was able to get my results. Apparently the HPV had caused cervical dysplasia. See there are many strains of HPV and I had the worse one the cancer causing strain. To learn more about it click here. She wanted me to have another procedure done to see how far these "bad" cells had spread. Best case scenario they were just on the lower half of the cervix and can be removed, worst case scenario would be these cells had spread further onto my cervix past the superficial spot and near my uterus. So we scheduled the surgery called the leep procedure which is where she uses a thin metal loop that uses electrical current to burn off the bad cells. Some women stay awake for this but because she had to scrape cells from further into my cervix she didn't want me having to deal with all the pain and cramping. I was very grateful for that.

Now I had to tell my family. My mom had a hysterectomy a few years earlier because she had some cervical dysplasia and since she is done having children she opted to get everything except her ovaries. So I told her first and it wasn't easy but I told her there still could be good news at the end of all this so no jumping to conclusions. She told the rest of family meaning my dad and my sisters who all called to see if needed anything. Now at this point I called my husband and immediately started crying. I was so mad.

I was mad at myself for allowing myself to have unprotected sex with my first boyfriend who was also my "first". I wanted to go back and slap the earlier version of me. I didn't know it at the time but he cheated on me with lots of different people so I guess I can be happy I didn't get anything else. I was also mad at my previous Dr and her practice for not doing more they chose to do nothing and again I was mad at myself for not doing more research. I took their non-reactive attitude as a sign I shouldn't worry.

I set up the surgery for two weeks out. This is where I will stop because like I said it is a long story. I promise after I get part two out the way my posts will not be so dark. I have since moved past my anger and learned that I can't change what happened and I will not let it ruin my life. I just have to adjust my time table that all. BTW if you have any questions about anything let me know. I am not shy.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Hello! This is my intro

Hi there my name is Relaxasaur. This is my first post on Pregosaur. I am very excited to be a part of the group. Let me tell you a little bit about myself. I am 26 years old I have been married for 2 years. My husband and I just bought our first home (a townhouse) in April we live in the Chicago suburbs. I have my BA in Sociology and I have been considering go back to school for my masters so I can become a professor, although I do not know what I want to teach. I am the oldest of three girls (I know my poor dad). My youngest sister turns 21 in November and they have been bugging me to have a baby. My answer is always don't hold your breath......until now.

See I never really wanted children at least not in the near future. My husband was a different story. He thought we should be married for a year and then start TTC. I told him that it is not my plan and after we lived with our niece for the first year of her life and that seemed to change his mind. He said we can wait until we are both ready. See Mr Relaxasaur is around kids all day for work. He coaches kids sports classes at park districts with ages ranging from 3 to 11 so he gets his kid fixes. I on the other hand have never really been kid friendly. I am just not that comfortable around children. Living with my niece has helped me a little bit but I still prefer adult company.

Lately I have had some issues with my body, specifically my cervix, which I will go into next time because that is a long story so we have been TTC since the beginning of July. I was on birth control for 7 years so it may take some trying which I think my DH (dear husband) is OK with.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Giveaway - win a copy of The Belly Book!

We've just joined the fabulous Top Baby Blogs! I absolutely love this site - it's a great place to discover new baby and parenting blogs (I've been reading new blogs all weekend!) and is a sister site to the famous Posh Little community.

To celebrate, we're giving one lucky winner a copy of The Belly Book!

Some pregnancy books are like guides, others are more like daily planners - The Belly Book was designed to be a keepsake for you and your baby on the way. It's organized by trimester and includes places for ultrasound photos and belly pictures, with plenty of room to write your thoughts and feelings during your pregnancy - along with musings about morning sickness, food cravings and more!

To enter, all you need to do is click the Top Baby Blogs button to vote for Pregosaur as an awesome baby blog (it's also in the sidebar on the right - all you have to do is click, you don't have to do anything else once the Top Baby Blogs website loads), and then leave a comment telling us that you did it - that's it!

Vote For Us @ PoshLittle.Com
The Rules...
  • only one entry per person, please
  • the contest will end this Saturday, August 29 at midnight (Pacific Time)
  • the winners will be announced in a new post on the following Monday - so make sure you check back in!
Good luck, everyone!

THE GIVEAWAY IS OVER! THANKS EVERYONE FOR ENTERING!

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Telling the family

For my last pregnancy, Mr Bibliosaur and I decided not to tell anyone - not even our parents - until 8 or 9 weeks. That didn't work out so well. The only thing worse than having to tell your parents that you miscarried is having to tell them that they were going to be grandparents...but not anymore. Those were the most heartbreaking conversations I have ever had in my entire life. So this time around, Mr Bibliosaur and I decided to tell our families immediately - the general public will have to wait, but our parents and siblings know now.

Yesterday we went out to dinner to celebrate Mr Bibliosaur's father's birthday, so we took the opportunity to tell his parents then - his mother was so happy she started crying in the restaurant, and his dad hugged me and said that we'd given him the best birthday present ever.

My family was a little trickier - we live in Australia and they're all in the USA, so a face to face conversation was out. The phone was the next option, but honestly, I'm feeling pretty emotionally overwhelmed right now and I just didn't think I could have that conversation five times in a row without completely breaking down. So I opted for email - less personal, I know, but it's how we communicate 99% of the time anyway so I hoped they wouldn't mind.

We love our pets to a ridiculous degree, so I decided to enlist their help to announce the good news:

What do you think? Pretty goofy, I know!

Friday, August 21, 2009

A line is a line

It's faint, but it's there. A second line.

Even though I'm 13dpo, it's pretty faint...do you see it? Poor Mr Bibliosaur kept squinting and anxiously asking me if it was OK that the line was so light. I explained that any line means a positive, and if I keep taking tests, the line will keep getting darker (my last positive was on 16dpo, so the second line was pretty dark by that point). I think he felt a bit better after that.

How about a closer look?

Closer again?

I'm feeling happy, but pretty nervous and a bit wary as well after how things turned out last time - I don't have a lot of symptoms (I'm a little tired and bloated, have been cramping for several days and my nips are a bit sensitive, but that's it), so I'm really hoping this isn't a chemical pregnancy...only time will tell, but I'm going to be peeing on sticks every day until I can get in to see my doctor.

So for now, I'm going to just keep looking at this:

Because a line is a line, and today is a good day.

Psssssst... Divasaur!

Just wait until your little avocado turns into a WATERMELON!

Blondiesaur, Chocosaur, Citysaur, Luckysaur, Photosaur and Legalosaur... You all will soon be watermelons too! Bwahahahaha!


P.S. The swelling is real. Forget putting your own shoes on. Have fun trying to get your underwear on without falling over. Or shaving your legs. Forget about trimming your "hedges." And don't expect maternity clothes to fit you all nine (10) months... They won't.

But... Having a big belly with a constantly active baby sloshing around is... pretty darn cool.

Best wishes to everyone!

Baby Names

I just thought I'd share some of the names that my 4-year old niece thought of for her soon-to-be born baby brother. My sister recently emailed them to me and they're hilarious!

Liam Sheriff
Liampse
Logan Larem
Johns (yes, it's plural!)
Nike
Luppy Sheriff
Fraw
Lorcan Lover
Alistair Sampson
Angel Love
Ribber
Daily Day

Apparently, she mentioned these in all seriousness over dinner.

Just a little humor for the day! :)

Down to the final weeks!

This past Wednesday, I hit 38 weeks! Eeeeek! That means that I have only two weeks left. Or three. Or two days. It's really hard to say, and I think that this uncertainty is what the hardest for me! Every day I get this excited feeling. Like the night before a big race. Or the first day or school.

My husband keeps saying... This could be our last drive to work! This could be our last dinner just the two of us! Or this could be our last weekend alone! It could be... And that is kind of cool.



Up until this point, every weekend has been a mad rush to get things done. So it's been a while since I posted on Pregosaur, and I apologize for my absence!

We sold our downtown Washington, D.C., condo, bought a house in Maryland, bought a car, ordered furniture, painted the downstairs and nursery... We've become regular customers at Target, IKEA, Wal-Mart, the Restoration Hardware and Pottery Barn outlets, Bed, Bath & Beyond, and Buy, Buy Baby. I've had two showers, one thrown by my friends and one by my office mates. I registered at Buy Buy Baby and Amazon.com... Took our hospital tour.

I discovered BabySteals.com, GreenBabyBargains.com and MamaBargains.com. I also have found some great deals on Amazon.com, Diapers.com, BabyCatalog.com and Craigslist.com. And we are still trying to decide on a name... A favorite Web site for name choices is Nameberry.com

There are only a few things left to do:
  • Like I said, finalize a name!
  • We still have not decided for sure on cord blood banking.
  • I have started packing my bags...
  • I have sorted the baby bedding and clothes but still need to wash it all (tonight!)
  • Still waiting on our CRIB!
Although, actually, we don't really NEED a crib since we have a bassinet that we are planning to use for the first month or so. We also have our Graco Pack 'n Play, which has a bassinet feature, all set up with batteries installed. And we just set up our Boppy swing last night!

So anyway, that's where we are.

The frantic rushing about seems to have subsided. We are now checking one thing off at a time: Installed a dimmer in the nursery Sunday night; Got our car seat installed Tuesday morning; Painted the laundry hamper dark brown to match the other nursery furniture Tuesday night; Nailed together stacking cubes to use in the nursery for toys and books Wednesday night; Screwed in some hooks on the nursery closet door last night... Our nursery:



One thing at a time. Before we know it, baby Lima Bean will be here!

But before she arrives, I hope to be back to share with you all our birth plan, hospital bag checklist and some symptoms to look forward to. In the meantime, have a great weekend!