Saturday, May 28, 2011

All leading up to our consult

The last few weeks as I waited impatiently for our consult appointment, I have been reflecting on our lives up to this point. I remember prior to being married having a conversation with a friend about not knowing what I would do if it wasn't easy for me to get pregnant, I would be heartbroken and I was. The emotions are never ending and that is how I was the past two weeks. I looked at my sweet brown-eyed girl and I felt love like I have never loved before and I thought about what would our lives be like with more children and how would my brow-eyed girl be affected. I know I was meant to be a mom, my husband tells me that all the time, I've felt that all my life. I couldn't wait to be a mom, I just didn't think it would be this hard. I didn't think it would be this hard to conceive and this hard to look at my sweet brown eyed girl and not know if she will have a brother or sister to grow up with.

I anxiously hoped maybe this month it will work:), maybe we won't have to go through all this again, but I am ready to go through it again. As we drove to our appointment I was excited and I was sad. After checking in and waiting a bit, we went in to our doctor's office. This was the man who we owed so much to, he gave us the chance to become parents. I walked in and shook his hand and he looked at my sweet brown-eyed girl and she just smiled. He asked how my pregnancy was and tears started.

I'm not sure why I started crying, well I do know I cry so much more than I have ever before since going through all this fertility. It's not tears of pain or sadness, it's tears or happiness. After talking about where we were and what we had to do, we decided that we needed to have some tests taken, he wanted a semen analysis from my husband and then some blood work for ovarian reserve and an ultrasound of my uterus and then we can decided where we would go from there. I have to wait til the start of my next period before I can go in for my tests and when we have the results we will look at where we should go, IUI or IVF. We thanked him for his time and shook hands and walked out of his office only to see my sweet brown-eyed girl's picture up in his office hallway from her birth announcement and the tears came again. and now we wait...

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Next appointment scheduled

It's been awhile since I last posted..... mostly because there is nothing new going on. Each month passes with no second line showing up on the pregnancy test. The days seem to blend into each other and before I know it weeks have passed without a post from me!

We have another appointment scheduled for early June to visit with the doctor to talk about the next steps. I'll update after that appointment!

Until then, I wish those of you trying for a baby luck! :-)

Monday, May 9, 2011

we had to cancel our appointment

Saturday morning we had an appointment at our Fertility doctor and unfortunatley we were under the weather. I had really hoped my husband would have been able to "suck it up" so we didn't have to reschedule the appoinment, but he was really sick so I rescheduled it. I was upset because it meant waiting another 3 weeks (which was the earliest weekend appointment I could get) and then moving forward from there. I had hoped to schedule a semen analysis too but the nurse said we couldn't do that until we saw the doctor first. I will keep you posted as we find out more and as another month passes (each month I hope it will happen naturally on it's own:))

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

I am so excited!

I am so excited to be a "Saur" I have been reading this Blog as I struggled with our infertility story. I married my best friend and we always knew we would have a family. We started right away and after 6 months nothing was happening, as everyone around me was getting pregnant and having babies, we weren't. We gave it a few more months and then I asked my OB/GYN and she gave me the number to a fertility doctor to go see. I was nervous, I was confused, I was overwhelmed. Why me? Why us? We take for granted how easy it is to get pregnant and many didn't speak of their struggles if they were having any. I remember my mom and friends telling me to "stop thinking about it so much and it will happen on it's own" How frustrating was that, though they weren't trying to be, but how do you stop thinking about it? I couldn't.

So we scheduled an appointment after giving it a few more shots:) When we met with the doctor I was immediately relieved as he went through everything and what our next steps were. I knew we would have our family eventually. We did some testing, HSG test for me (which came back all clear) and then the semen analysis for my husband. We found out that my husband's sperm was low in morphology and motility and that we needed some help in order to conceive. Our choices were AI or IVF, he looked at it as the less aggressive and the aggressive methods and told us that it would be better to take the aggressive method which was IVF. So we scheduled everything to start the IVF process. I remember reading as much as I could about what the medications could do to me, emotionally and physically. We were ready and in September '08 we did IVF#1 (yup it's #1 because it didn't work). To explain what it felt like to go through that was very difficult. To tell people (who knew and supported us) each time that it didn't work was so hard. It was going through it all over again.

So then the question came would we do it again. It was physically, emotionally and financially draining. It brought my husband and I closer, but further apart, if that makes sense. We decided to change a few things when it was time to do IVF#2. We decided we would do acupuncture this time. A friend told me about it and I did some reading and both my husband and I went weekly to see our acupuncturist. We also decided that this time around we wouldn't tell anyone that we were going to do it again. It was too hard the first time and if IVF#2 didn't work it would just be us who would know. We did IVF #2 in April =09 and in May '09 we found out we were pregnant:) It was the most unbelievable feeling. In January '10 we had our sweet blessing, our baby girl. Our lives were filled with joy, tears, stress:), sleep depravation, LOVE and so much more.

Here we are 15 months later back to the drawing board, since we haven't been able to conceive naturally. I kept hoping it was because I was pumping and not because we couldn't. We are meeting with our fertility doctor this weekend to discuss where we are at and what we should do. Once again I am nervous and stressed and this time because scheduling things with a 15 month old is so much harder. I haven't been able to make as many of my acupuncture appointments because things come up. I am looking forward to this journey because we want a bigger family and I am hoping being part of this wonderful blogging community will help me get everything out and possibly help others going through the same thing.