Wednesday, August 26, 2009

My reasons for TTC part 2

OK this is the last part of my story. When I left off I was talking about having a surgery to take parts of my cervix and scrape the upper part of my cervix. The process only took about a half an hour. I was in the hospital for about 4 hours which came to a total of 12,000 dollars thank goodness for insurance. I was told to go home and sit on the couch for the next week. I would normally enjoy that but when someone tells me I can't do anything then I want to do everything. I was good for the first couple of days. We just had the closing on our house and I had stuff that I wanted to do it like paint, and rip up carpeting, and tear down doors and trim. I spent one day painting which was 4 days after the surgery and by the end of the day I was bleeding.

I went in for my check up a week later and the Dr. yelled at me for being active but also said that the bleeding was normal. To make matters worse I wasn't allowed to have sex or use a tampon until she gave me clearance(which ended up being 7 weeks). It was awful having to wear a pad and not be able to intimate with my husband. The no sex was the worse part. I don't think I have ever felt as disconnected from him because of the intimacy that sex allows us to have wasn't there. Plus I wasn't in the best of moods.

After my second post-op check up the doc asked me to come into her office so she could go through my results with me. I knew that wasn't a good sign. She informed that cervical dysplasia comes in 3 stages with the third stage being cancer. I am in stage two and the cells had spread exactly where we didn't want them to. I asked what this meant and she said if I were older and done having children she would recommend I get my cervix removed. She then informed me that I might not have much time before that is the case and that I should start considering the possibility of children.

She couldn't give me a time frame but said that if anything develops when I am pregnant then it might mean a c-section. I think at this point my mind went numb. I thought this is not my plan. I thought I would have another four years before I had to think about a kid. I left and went to our new house which we were not living in yet and talked to Mr. Relaxasur. He was quiet for a while. I think he was trying to figure out what I was thinking later he told me he was afraid I would not want to have children at all. On the drive over there I came the realization that I do want to become a mom and if it has to happen sooner than later than oh well.

We decided to would wait until the end of this year to start TTC because we had a couple of vacations coming up and we wanted to spend some more time together just the two of us. So we made the announcement to our families that in Dec we would start trying. This was back in May and come July I was ready to start trying. I had gone off birth control back on May 3 and we had been using other protection up until that point. I thought about it and I wanted to keep it a secret from my family. If everyone knows when we are trying they will just bother us all the time about when is it going to happen and if they think we are TTC in DEC there will be no pressure and it will be a surprise at the same time.

Thanks for reading!

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