Breasfeeding - at home - at work

So this is my third full week back to work and I am somewhat struggling with keeping my supply. I don't have a huge supply to begin with, we have been supplementing since day one. As she grows she obviously wants more, I am not making more but I want to at least keep giving her what I have since the beginning.

At nighttime she was exclusively breast-feeding until about a week ago, when she would get up at 3 (which was new) and was hungry. Well I just had fed her an hour or two before so I didn't have much more to give. And then a few nights later I realized I was not leaking at all, which during the night feedings I would leak from the other breast. So it seems like my supply is diminishing. I feel like I have not perfected the pumping and that may have something to do with it. Its slightly frustrating but I keep remembering what my pediatrician said, that any breast-milk is better than none. She has had my milk every day of her life.

Other than that, I am really getting into the swing of things and it feels good. I am working from home two days and drive to the office the remaining three. I am really grateful to have that flexibility because the nights I come home from the office she is already asleep so I do not get quality time. The days I am home we get to bond and play and smile. I am very thankful.

The hubs and I also started weight watchers (I have yet to wear non-maternity pants) last week, with success! I am down two and he is down 5! We are both heading in the right direction. Our weigh in day is Saturday and this week I had to go all by myself, well me and the baby. I had a full day packed for the two of us. It was different running errands with her. My mind gets a little full trying to remember my things and her things. We weighed in, went to the bank, went home to get the dog and then to the vet. I do not envy those with two children. By the time we got to the vet the baby was sleeping and our dog Stella was excited. By the end of her visit, I was sweating and ready to go home. I did come out of the morning feeling quite accomplished though. I like being a mom.

The vet also said Stella needed to lose 20 pounds so now its a whole family affair!

I also feel like I am having pediatrician withdrawal, I mean I saw the lady what 15 times in the first month. Its been three weeks or something since her last checkup. Weird. She had a little cold a week ago which has cleared up nicely. Poor thing had snot all over and I had baby boogers all over. I didn't mind. It was such a mom thing.

Developmentally its amazing to watch her learn, she loves to watch the ceiling fan and smiles when you sing or talk to her. I just want to eat her up! She also slept all night in her own room last night. She is getting a little big and squirmy to stay in our bed after I feed her so when she woke last night, I got up went to her room, scooped her up, fed her and put her back in her own crib. It was a milestone night.

This mom thing is pretty cool and very tiring. Very very tiring.

Post Partum Body

Of all the things you read about pregnancy, I don't know how much people talk about the after. Or at least I haven't been on the look out for it. The first few weeks after her birth I could not believe my body. I have been amazed by it the whole time, its simply amazing. It still is amazing its just so different. My stomach was deflated and my skin was red with stretchmarks and towards the end I got so big my skin started stretching left to right.

Two months later my stomach has gone down further, its very soft and the stretchmarks are softening but still quite noticeable. My whole life I haven't been the kindest to myself about body image and this makes it hard for me to think and feel good. I felt the most beautiful when I had the biggest belly circumference, and now I don't feel pretty at all. My hair has been so thick and it starting to fall out. I just noticed a few days ago more and more strands were coming out.

My hubs has been wonderful, not in any way making me not feel beautiful. I do it all myself. I just have a significantly different body than I ever have. Its not just weight gain or a slow progressive change at that. This is one day you have a rock hard belly that's really kind of cute to an over-deflated balloon tummy and skin that hangs.

 A girl friend of mine was saying that I just have to remember its still me and that I can look like I did before the whole 'trying to have a baby' game started. The hubs and I are starting weight watchers on Saturday and to be honest I am really excited. I can use some accountability and want to feel pretty again. I am still in maternity clothes, partially because I am afraid to try pants with a button just yet, but I am ready to be healthy and be the best me.

I also have to remember that I just had a baby two months ago and to not be so hard on myself. My body is amazing and I just made a baby. 

Two months - back on track

Wow so its been two months already. That went really quickly. I seriously did not wake up from a crazy haze for at least a month after she was born. That said its been another month already! We went to the doctor today for her two month check up and the dreaded shots! She took them great, it was sad for both of us. Right now she is sleeping it off, I asked the doctor about Tylenol and she said if needed. My poor baby girl was good for a few hours then all of a sudden gave me the saddest cry, I knew right away it was pain because the boobie juice wasn't even helping.

Last week was my first full week back at work and I am so exhausted. I am really trying, we have made dinner every night. Ok not a 4 course meal but a meal none-the-less. I am ready to get the weight off and work and be a great mom and wife. That's a lot of responsibilities. But I am a women right?! We are in a league of their own, I am a mom now, I just have to get it all done.

I am working really hard at maintaining a schedule, a know this little baby of mine needs some structure and I need to make it all work. Of course I had to come down with some sort of snotty, sneezing cold thing and I am not taking any medicine because I would surely love for this yucky snot to dry up I am really working hard at making more milk so I don't want to chance my milk supply. Suffering thru it. Let see how this week goes, my first paycheck back from maternity leave comes this week. WAHOO! I am a little excited about that. And tomorrows Valentines Day, I was not shy about requesting a box of chocolate. Good thing I am starting Weight Watchers this Saturday.

Well hoping to have an equally amazing week and getting more smiles!

2 month old smile