Sunday, October 11, 2009

Hanging on...

Thank you to everyone for your comments on my last post. As you may remember, Mr. Legalosaur and I made the decision not to terminate our pregnancy and instead we will "wait and see".

And here we are, two weeks after my membranes rupturing. We are still waiting. We are trying to be as strong as we can right now. It still feels like a miracle every time I hear the baby's heartbeat on the Doppler, or feel a particularly strong kick. But I am still leaking amniotic fluid - I feel like every little bit of fluid this baby makes I am letting leak out of me, and it kills me to know this. Tears spring to my eyes so easily these days - tears of relief, fear, happiness and overwhelming emotion.

It is a miracle that we have made it this far. I was terrified of going into labour within a week of my membranes rupturing, as so many women do. I am so grateful and thankful to make it this far. But, I am still only in my 22nd week of pregnancy. We need to make it to at least 24 weeks before the doctors will intervene and give this baby the best chance at life that it can get. While I am desperate to make it to 24 weeks, I'm even more desperate to make it to 28 weeks to give this baby the best chance at life as possible.

So, while I try to take it day-by-day (to make the mountain of time in front of me seem less like an insurmountable mountain) two weeks more to wait does feel like an eternity. Taking it day-by-day makes it easier on me. If I don't let myself think about numbers and statistics and weeks, it is easier to cope.

This weekend is Thanksgiving in Canada. There are moments where I feel extremely bitter and think that I have nothing to be thankful for. However, I know that is not true. Our baby is still alive. Infection has stayed away this far. We have made it to two week post-PPROM. We have the support of so many wonderful family and friends, and even strangers on the internet. These are all things to be thankful for.

Today, as my family brings over Thanksgiving dinner to our house (because I am still on strict bedrest and cannot go anywhere except doctor's appointments), I will try to focus on what I have to be thankful for today, and bury my fears for the future until tomorrow.

6 comments:

  1. I am just catching up on posts to this blog, so I did not see your last post until just now. My heart breaks for you that you have to be in this situation but I am also hopeful for you that you have already made it 2 wks when most women go into labor w/in a week... I pray that your baby stays safe inside your belly for many many more weeks so that he/she can have the best chance of survival. *hugs* hang in there, we are all hoping for the best for you and your family

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  2. Oh sweetie...hang in there! You are so incredibly brave, and your little baby is such a fighter - I'm hoping and praying that you guys can hold on for another few weeks. Big, big hugs for you.

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  3. I am grateful for your update and thankful that so far, the baby is still there and kicking away. You all are in my prayers and I hope you can make it just a few more weeks. Sounds like your LO is a true fighter and I believe it will happen. Hang in there and keep the faith.

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  4. Thanks for your update. I am so glad that you are still feeling the baby kick and that you have not gone into labour yet. I'll continue to pray for you, your DH and your baby. *hugs*

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  5. Thanks so much for the update, I have been constantly checking back to make sure I didn't miss your followup post. I will continue to keep you & your family in my thought & prayers.

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  6. Thank you for the update I have been and will continue praying for you and your famliy.

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