Thursday, October 15, 2009

Focus on the Positive

Focus on the positive. That's my new mantra. I've had too much bad news recently (all related to my father, who is dying of lung cancer) - and I decided that the only way I could go through all this and keep my sanity was to focus on the positive.

The latest bad news came about a week ago. My mom called while Mr. Citysaur was in class for the evening, and told me that my father is now officially bedridden. He had been rapidly losing strength, and he finally just didn't have it in him to get out of bed anymore. This news came as a shock to me, since I had just been over there the previous weekend, and I was able to wheel him into the living room without much difficulty. The next day, hospice ordered a hospital bed for his room, and that's where he's been ever since. I don't know why this news hit me so hard, but it did. I broke down that night and cried my eyes out. My dogs comforted me, and I got over the worst of it, but I was still a mess the next day at work.

Mr. Citysaur and I spent the day at my parents house last weekend, and though it was good to see my family, I didn't spend much time with my father, because we had other relatives in from out of town, and I wanted to give them a chance to visit. It was the first time where he really looked like a cancer patient to me. I can tell his body is starting to give out, and though he swears he wants to hang on until March to "meet our baby", as he said on Saturday, I must admit I have my doubts.

But as I said, I've been focusing on the positive. So ever since I got over the emotional shock of the latest news, I haven't been crying. I've been excited, and happy, and reveling in the fact that I'm having a great time in my second trimester.

Tomorrow, I'm taking the day off work and spending it with my mom. We're going to the Just Between Friends sale in the town where my parents live. Thank you, Divasaur, for telling me about JBF! After that, we're going home to check on my father, then out to lunch. My mom never gets to go out to eat anymore, and since I'm saving my pennies for baby Citysaur, neither do I - so we're both pretty excited about it! And if we're up for it, we're going to catch an afternoon showing of Where the Wild Things Are. This has special meaning, as my mom used to read it to me when I was a little girl. I'm excited to share the experience with her.

Oh, and as if that's not enough to look forward to...my birthday is in 9 days, and our big ultrasound is in 11 days!! Focusing on the positive sure is easier when you have so many positives to focus on!

1 comment:

  1. Oh hon, I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with all of this. I think you're immensely strong, and that you definitely have the right attitude in focusing on the positive. (((hugs)))

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