Monday, October 12, 2009

Not a good night

Angry! That is the way I feel right now. I went to my work tonight to play in the bag league. It was fun and I won the first round but lost in the second round. Then I went in for some drinks with some ladies from work and to hang out with the regulars. There are 2 girls from work that I am really close to (both were there tonight) and one of them tells me she needs to talk to me and that I can't say a thing about what she is about to tell me. So we go in the bathroom and she tells me that our other friend is pregnant. The other girl got drunk and told her a couple of days ago. So they went out and bought five tests and they came out postive. There are lots of reasons of why it is not a good thing so my friend wants me to help her talk our pregant friend into an abortion. I, who have been drinking now has to go back out into the bar and act like I know nothing (in front of our new pregant friend) and I am upset probably more than I should be but I had been drinking but do my best to hide what I know. Finally after a lifetime my husband came and got me because I do not drink and drive.

We are driving home and I lost it. I just started balling. I have a friend who is pregant and instead of instantly becoming happy for her I was mad that it wasn't me. So now I am feeling terrible and I am not even suppose to know. It was really hard to look her in the face or in the stomach. And that may make me immature but that is how I feel. Then my husband tells me that our other close friends think they are pregnant. At this point I just lost it. He found out about them last Wed and again was not supposed to tell me because they wanted to tell us together. I got pissed at my husband for keeping it a secret and pissed off because the other girl doesn't even want to be pregant. So now I am laying here feeling like a failure and can't even talk to my husband about it because we are fighting which never happens so I have no one to talk to. And this post may make me out to be a total bitch but right now I don't care. I just need to get it out. I wish that it didn't make me so angry but it does and I can't change that.

4 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry your night was so terrible. That sounds like a lot to deal with. Sending you feel-better vibes and hoping your own little miracle finds you soon!

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  2. I don't normally leave comments here, but I have been following ya'll for months now. I really know how you feel. We started TTC Nov 09. since then one of the chics I work with, one of my closest friends, and 2 friends from church(1 of which REALLY didn't want to be preg) all got preg. Only the one who didn't want to be preg is still preg at this point, the others have healthy babies.
    But that is not my point. My point is to give you hope. We just found out a few days ago that the Clomid worked :D. So after 11 months we're finally gonna get our little one. Maybe you will be able to help your friend appreciate her pregnancy. The one that didn't want to be preg said that everytime she got depressed she would just think of me and think of how badly I wanted to be preg and it helped her get through it.

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  3. Thanks guys. There is no way I could ever try to talk to anyone into abortion all I can do is tell her both sides and then be there for her. Same for other girl who doesn't want to be pregnant. Its definetly better finding out this way so I can hide my jealousy and just be supportive.

    Krysta, thank you for leaving a comment I thought maybe I was just being a little harsh about the whole thing but its probably a fairly common feeling for all us women TTC. Congrats on the pregnancy I wish you the best!

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  4. I understand how you feel too. I found out a co-worker is due about a week after my due date before the miscarriage and I was so upset.

    I hope it gets easier for you to deal with this. All the best for a BFP soon!

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