Thursday, October 15, 2009

Waiting for the 2ww to begin...as usual...

I'm on cycle day 19 and as far as I know I haven't ovulated yet. To be honest, I'm not surprised at all considering that my cycle was 44 days long last time. DH and I haven't even really BD'd much or worried about it at all. He's off for a week long business trip today, so if I ovulate sometime within the next week, then this cycle's out. If I haven't ovulated by the time he gets back, then we'll start trying again. I haven't yet tried Pre-Seed, so we'll probably use that soon.

The truth is, the longer it's taking us to get pregnant, the more unsure I'm becoming. Not that I don't want a baby, but sometimes I just feel tired of the whole process. I'm also suddenly starting to freak out about our lives changing so dramatically. I hadn't felt this way at all since we started trying in May and now suddenly I'm scared. It's really strange and I don't know what has brought it on. DH is ready and we have everything in place to save money and so on, but somehow I just keep questioning it. I guess I kind of feel like I haven't been able to get pregnant yet because maybe I'm not meant to be right now. We are both only 25 and we really do have a lot of time if we decide to wait. But then when I think about waiting, it makes me feel disappointed. I guess I had my hopes up that it would happen and since it hasn't happened, I just kind of feel like I don't care anymore.

Sorry to be so depressing, it's just that I really can't articulate how I feel right now. Maybe it's for the best that he'll be gone for a week and I can think a little more. It just seems like everywhere I go someone is pregnant or has a new baby and I can't help wishing I were in their place. Seriously, when is it going to happen for us? I know it takes many people a long time, but why did I ever take birth control to begin with if it would be so hard!

I think only time will tell...

4 comments:

  1. Don't stress. You still have so much time to get preggers! Enjoy your life. You are not up against a biological clock yet. Breathe. Smile. It will happen when it is meant to. Meanwhile, live and enjoy your alone time with your man. (my 2-cents)

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  2. If it makes you feel any better, I felt the same way. The cycle before I got knocked up, I was actually thinking of stopping TTCing for a while. It's not that I didn't want a baby, but I was just so TIRED...tired of waiting, tired of planning, tired of having my life revolve in four-week cycles. You're not alone!

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  3. I think we are in the same boat again. I know how you feel and I think its normal to feel this way while TTC. It is hard to focus on something else but when you can it does help.

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  4. The waiting part is rough!!! I've had to keep myself busy so that I don't go crazy, because I waiver on my thoughts if I want to or not, if it's the right time, can we afford it, etc, etc.

    Hang in there!

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