Sunday, October 25, 2009

Cycle #2 - Last update this cycle?

It has been a difficult week for me. My PMS has been pretty extreme. I've been experiencing some wild mood swings; irritability, anger and tearfulness. The physical symptoms have been frustrating - bloating, cramping, backache and swollen, tender breasts. This two week wait is seeming longer and longer each month. I was feeling really down on Wednesday so I decided to try to focus on the positive. I vowed to let go of thinking about my impending AF and to do my best to enjoy the rest of the day. I wouldn't obsess over each PMS symptom and hope it really meant that a BFP was coming my way. The evening started to get better and I started to feel more optimistic.

Then we watched a show which had pregnancy and miscarriage as major themes in the episode. That led to a bit of a meltdown for me. I went to bed feeling a bit better after getting the emotions out.

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I got a voice mail message on Thursday during my lunch hour that started the waterworks again. The Midwives Clinic was calling to see if my partner and I were coming in to the home birthing session next Wednesday. That really hurt. I had left a voice mail message for the clinic telling them about my miscarriage but I hadn't thought of cancelling that reservation. I reached out and called my Mom for support. It really does help to talk about it. I felt like fate was conspiring against my new resolve to stay positive and let go of the results of our TTC this cycle.

This Saturday was the three month mark since the miscarriage. I thought about it and tried not to dwell on the past too much. I fought jealousy as I saw other women getting BFPs on another web board. It was really time for me to let go.

I bought some place mats this weekend for my kitchen table. They have important messages for me.



Tomorrow is CD25 - the day AF is due. I will try to keep the faith, experience the joy in my life, hold onto hope, strive for patience, reach out for serenity and believe that anything is possible. Who knew a place mat could be so helpful?


2 comments:

  1. I really love that last part with your inspirations from the place mat. I know its not always easy to keep those feelings up but thats what makes up human.

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  2. I'm sorry it's been such a difficult week. (((hugs)))

    Love the inspiration place mats!

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