Wednesday, January 13, 2010

My mega super long introduction

Thump, thump…is this thing on??

Before I even begin I want to make a disclaimer. I do not consider myself to be witty or eloquent. But I do surprise myself once in a great while. Just didn't want you to get your hopes up too high...

I also have a LONG ttc history, so if you want to stick around and read it, feel free to pull up your easy chair.

Okay, now that I’ve cleared those things up…

Let me formally introduce myself. The name is Shortysaur, betcha can’t guess why I chose that name! Yep, I’m a little vertically challenged, but I don’t let that stand in my way. I embrace it!

So why am I the newbie at Pregosaur? Well, I thought I could add a little something to the prego-pot since I didn’t see anyone else on the roster who has dealt with my situation; I thought I may be able to contribute in a positive way. You see, I already have a little girl who is 5 years old and the sunshine in my life, but my little one wants a sibling ... that’s actually an understatement. She prays for a sibling multiple times a day! My DH and I have had trouble conceiving a second child for quite some time now. You would call what I’m experiencing 'secondary infertility' although I really despise that term. It’s hard to make sense of why we haven't been able to conceive again after we've already had one perfect pregnancy and an even more perfect child. Not to say that conceiving our DD was easy, it did take some time, but soon after I started charting my bbt and getting in tune with my body cycles I got that ever elusive BFP. What an amazing experience that was! I can’t wait to see that again someday (Lord willing, soon!).

Mr. Shortysaur and I have been married since 2002 and our daughter was born in the summer of 2004. We have been ttc off and on since our DD was 18 months old. But there’s a catch. My husband is a former soldier, who has been deployed twice in our daughter’s lifetime. Once to Iraq for a year and the second time to Afghanistan for 15 months.

Talk about throwing a monkey wrench in our ttc efforts! (Hence the reason we've been trying "off and on"). When he returned from his first deployment, we began ttc right away with diligently charting my bbt daily and trying to get that timing just right. We tried for a whole year. What an emotional year that was! One of the most difficult things was that we were book ended by deployments, so the pressure was on! We had a ttc deadline people!

But every month it was the same roller coaster ride of emotions…up, down, up, down…I'd get all emotional right before AF was scheduled to show up, and he'd say things like "is this normal? This can't be normal!" It also didn’t make it any easier on me that my best friend was pregnant with her second child at the time. Talk about a strain on a friendship…if you’ve ever been through that, you know what I mean. (Beware of the green-eyed monster!) My best friend and I are now closer than ever, in part because we went through those trying times together.

So after a long year of ttc and dealing with the stress of another pending deployment, we were still without bun-in-the-oven. And we were without prospects for trying again for another 15 months! (Well, except when he came home for 2 weeks on R&R, but that’s a crap shoot at best trying to time it right). My focus shifted dramatically from “baby on the brain” to “husband is in danger daily” ahhhhhh!!!

Thankfully while he was deployed that second time, we decided that once he returned he would get out of the Army. What a RELIEF!! Wow, I can’t even tell you how big of a weight that was lifted off our shoulders knowing that he would never deploy again. Don’t get me wrong, I grew tremendously through it all and my relationship with DH is stronger than ever because of everything we went through, but thank God it’s in the past!

Once DH returned from Afghanistan we started planning a strategy for ttc again. Our DD was almost 4 at the time, so the space between kids was getting greater and greater. I was not anywhere near too old, but I wasn’t getting any younger either! We decided to take the “chill mode” approach to ttc this time, thinking that it may have been the stress that prevented it before. I wasn’t going to chart my bbt or focus on ttc too much. We were in the category of “whatever happens happens”. Well, you know what happened?

Zip, zero, nada… a whole year later after he got home, we still had no BFP. Hesitantly, I decided to start charting my bbt again. You know when that was? 9 MONTHS AGO! UGH! How frustrating! I’m SO frustrated!! Ok, I’m done venting…sorry. Case in point why I decided to start blogging about my situation, I seriously need an outlet. For real.

You’re probably thinking “Well Shorty, it’s about time you go see a doctor and find out what the heck is going on!” I’m about ten steps ahead of you. Been there, done that. DH and I decided back in October that it was time to find out if there was anything “wrong” with us. He was particularly concerned about his “little swimmers” and if they were performing up to par. He kept saying “what if I’m shooting blanks?” and “it’s probably my fault”. I felt so bad that he was always blaming himself, so I knew it was time to get some answers.

We made an appointment with an OB/GYN who also deals with infertility. (Truth be told, I chose this clinic because they have a midwife on staff *wink, wink*) The doctor was very nice and very thorough in explaining to us the battery of tests we would have to go through to diagnose if anything was wrong. Needless to say I was a bit intimidated, but knew at the same time that I needed some peace-of-mind.

The very first test we underwent was the good old 'semen analysis'. DH was thankful that we were able to get that over and done with right away. Guys have it so easy when it comes to this stuff, don't they? I was very pleased that the doctor had our test results within 24 hours, so I didn't have to wait long at all. The results: DH has abundant, very motile spermies. Woohooo!!

About a week after that, I found myself lying on the x-ray table getting an HSG, which stands for hysterosalpingogram (what a mouthful! I might as well have just said it’s a supercalifragilisticexpialidocious). For those of you who have never heard of this lovely test, it’s where they use our favorite instrument, the speculum to go inside your who-ha and then they open up your cervix just a bit (you’ll feel a pinch and some cramping…ya, you betcha!). Then they squirt a sticky glucose solution through your uterus and blow up a little balloon thingy (sorry I don’t know techy-term). All this is happening while they are looking at the x-ray video on a screen to see if the fluid will flow freely through your fallopian tubes. The test is ultimately to see if you have open tubes and that there are no obstructions. First test complete. Results: normal.

I was actually very hopeful that we would conceive after I got the HSG because it’s also been known to increase fertility for the first 3 months after the test. Bonus! But alas, that didn’t happen. Moving on to the next fun test….this one was called the “clomid challenge test.” I’m sure the word “clomid” made your ears (or actually, your eyes) perk up. They had to give me fertility medication for this test!

This was a bit of a reality check for me because the way you take clomid for this test is the same way you take it to try and get pregnant. Up until this point, I had never actually pictured myself taking fertility meds. My reality was quickly shifting. The process for this test was to give me a blood test, then I took clomid from days 5-9 of my cycle and then tested my blood again. The test is specifically to look at hormone levels, namely estrodiol (estrogen) and FSH (follicle stimulating hormone). Second test complete. Results: normal.

The doctor did say that they didn’t give me clomid specifically to help me get pregnant then, it was just for the test, but sometimes that can be a side effect. Bonus #2! So I was hopeful that maybe the medication would do the trick. Nope. I got my hopes up, and then crushed…again. The last test I had to undergo was called a Hysteroscopy. (No, not a hysterectomy, lol.) The process for this one is similar to the HSG, but this time they put a camera through my who-ha to see my womb real time on the big screen. They were looking for any fibroids and things of that nature that would prevent pregnancy. Third test complete. Results: normal, once again.

Yes people, I’m NORMAL, totally normal. Don’t get me wrong, I am so thankful! But it’s also a bit confusing, as I’m sure you can imagine. The doctor told me the next step is to go on clomid for 4-5 months and see if anything happens. Wait and see. Sounds like fun, huh?

Now I sit here on my couch next to my 5 year old who is trying to tickle my neck, and I'm baring my soul to this online community. Here’s my status today: second round of clomid, cycle day 27, 5 DPO (O was totally ambiguous this month...ugh!) waiting to see if AF will rear her oh-so ugly head in a day or two.

I’m looking forward to sharing my continued journey (and hopefully, success!) with you all. Let’s ride this lovely roller-coaster together, shall we?


  1. Thanks for sharing your TTC journey with us. All the best for your BFP soon! How are you feeling on the Clomid? I haven't tried it (yet) and I'm wondering what side effects women experience.

  2. I appreciate your comment Pharmasaur. I'm planning on blogging next about being on clomid. Be watching for that one :) I've also enjoyed reading about your ttc experience. I hope that one of these days I'll see a BFP post from you!

  3. Welcome Shortysaur! I enjoyed reading your post. I too am going through the first and hopefully only round of tests ya know the blood an ultrasounds. My hubby is going through the sperm analysis but we didn't get the great results we were hoping for. I hope your BFP comes to you real soon!

  4. Welcome to the blog, Shorty! It sounds like you've had quite a ride so far...hopefully you'll get your BFP soon!

  5. Wow! Sounds like you've been on the roller coaster so far. Being pregnant and single (hence the name) I really like reading about other pregnant gals. I hope to read about you being a pregnant gal soon enough! ;)

  6. Thanks for all the wonderful welcomes! I'm so glad to be here with you all!