Friday, January 29, 2010

Mixed Bag of Complaints...

It is starting to feel as though the countdown is amping up... I didn't think it would happen this soon, but I feel as though I can't get enough done and the list is ever growing!

My husband and I met with our Doula who is providing her services for free because she is a friend of his family and also because she needs to attend a number of births for her training. I love the idea of free, but I'm having a little bit of trouble feeling comfortable with the idea of someone I don't know very well having so much participation in this experience. I wanted to limit the number of people in the room during the whole thing period, and it seems a bit strange to start inviting people in even when they are there specifically to help me...

In my defense, I didn't know what accepting her offer to be a Doula meant at the time I said yes, and now I kind of feel like it's too late to back out. Especially if it could end up being a good thing.... I think it will definitely help my husband to have someone he knows making sure that we are both doing ok, but I feel weird! I just wanted as quiet an experience with my lady bits as less-on-display as possible... but everyone always says it never goes the way you envision it anyway... The thing is that she lives fairly far away and who knows fate may intervene and maybe she won't make it on time anyway who knows.

In other news, I feel so relieved to say that my test was negative for gestational diabetes, and although I am so happy for myself I am feeling Bibliosaur's pain as she goes through it all! I feel like it was more likely for me to have tested positive though as I feel like I just can not control the amount of weight I'm gaining... I'm scared to death to step on the scale again next month! Ah well, there is only so much you can worry about...

We are talking to our landlords tonight about our living situation and we hope to be able to get out of our lease two months early in order to move for March 1 into our new house! Although, it won't be very much fun for at least a month or so as we will be extensively renovating.... I am looking forward to the move though as I love the clean and purge that comes with packing. Also, it will be pretty neat to set all the baby's things up where they should go in the new nursery etc. There is a sold sign on the house, so although the closing date isn't until Feb 18th I believe it's a done deal. Yay! It feels as though we are rapidly becoming adults!

News just in... I just had the awkward "I can be there" when the time comes conversation with my MIL just now... I'm pretty sure my temperature went up. I love her to absolute bits and pieces, and she has a medical background that is going to be amazing, but I just can't fathom the thought of how many people are going to be milling around in a time that I would honestly pretty much prefer to be alone.... If that were a safe option obviously.... How do you respond to that offer? I mean I pretty much just said I'd rather have as few people as possible and we'll see when the time comes... but, oh jeeze... at least it wasn't in person! I really didn't want to offend her... I guess we will really see what happens closer to the date anyway....

Anyway, we are starting to feel the baby from the outside, and it makes the experience so much more real for me! It's turning into more of a thudding feeling rather than the muscle spasm or twitchy feeling. Sometimes my whole belly moves and it makes the room feel like it has moved! I'm excited to start being able to see little body parts moving in there :)

I experienced my first influx of hormones last night.... I was perfectly fine, tired, but fine, and watching a movie with my husband when it turned into crying and being intensely annoyed that the phone would not stop ringing. Not only would it NOT stop, but there was not a single call for me! He was busy planning his weekend meanwhile I feel like I've dropped off the face of the earth with my friends. I haven't seen most of them in ages... I acknowledge that my friendships are going to change, but I didn't think it would be this obvious... Anyway, I went to sleep annoyed and angry, but when I woke up this morning I was ok again thank goodness. I have been trying really hard to avoid making my husband uncomfortable and he's been so great to me (most of the time) that I don't want to be mean, but sometimes it's just so hard to pretend that I'm not upset about other stuff. Nothing about his life has changed and my entire life HAS. He still gets to do whatever he wants on Saturday nights and I guess I'm starting to feel like we have a limited time together to do fun things before baby and it would be nice if he could stay home on the weekend once in a while.... But, alas, I know what the next three weekends entail, and I'm pretty sure there is no hope for that at all....

Also, I'm planning his birthday party, and I asked his friends to pick a place he would like to go after dinner, and the only thing they could come up with..... was the strippers! Normally, I honestly wouldn't even care, but I'm fairly vulnerable feeling right now about my own size and the thought of him ogling perfect little young things is almost too much for me to bear. I don't even think I should feel bad about that... to me it makes sense that I feel that way, but good grief try explaining that to a bunch of twenty something boys. Gah!

Well, I hope to write again soon, and I hope everyone's week goes well!

2 comments:

  1. I think giving birth must be such a personal thing, that if you don´t feel comfortable having people around, you shouldn´t have to! Could you meet with the doula and discuss her concerns with her, ie what kind of role should would play, your feelings about not wanting lots of people in the delivery room? I´m sure she would understand, and she might be able to dispell some of your fears, give you good tips on how to keep the MIL out of there (I can´t even imagine having mine within a 10 mile radius of the hospital during delivery? GL!

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  2. I think lilysaur is right. You should feel as comfortable as possible while giving birth. Good Luck with the move and renovations.

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