Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Things I've learned

I feel like lately I've been focusing a lot on the negative parts of this pregnancy, so today I want to take a minute and talk about some of the good things - the positive things - that I've learned over the last 33 weeks.

I've learned patience.
Not just the patience that comes with time spent trying to conceive or growing a baby (or two) for nine months, but patience with my own limitations. This pregnancy has forced me to slow down and take things as they come. I've never been one for dawdling, but these days I couldn't move quickly even if I wanted to - it's just physically impossible. I'm ponderously slow, to the point that I've started giving myself an extra 10 minutes on top of my usual traveling time, just to accommodate my walking speed. And surprisingly, instead of feeling frustrated, I feel immensely calm about this. There's no need to rush. I'll get there.

I've learned to let go.
I'm a planner. A super planner. It's not that I dislike spontaneity, but I truly enjoy planning. But with any pregnancy, you can only plan so much. I never planned on miscarrying with our first child, and I certainly never planned on having twins! I've learned to be more adaptable, more flexible, more relaxed when things don't go the way I thought they would - or should. A LOT of our plans changed when we found out all those weeks and months ago that we were having twins. Everything changed, from our budget to practical considerations like which bedroom would be converted into a nursery. I've become far more accepting of things that I cannot control.

I've learned that anything is possible.
When we found out we were having twins, I told myself, "Well, that's your thing for this pregnancy. Your unusual thing. Everyone has one, and twins is yours." And then I got gestational diabetes, and I told myself, "OK, it wasn't the twins, it's the GD. That's your thing." And then I got PUPPP and in between bouts of trying not to burst into tears from the itchiness, I tried to figure out just how the hell I managed to beat the odds to get identical twins, GD and PUPPP. None of these things are super common, and the odds of getting them all must be...well, it's got to be ridiculously high! But it's not just that kind of thing that I've learned is possible. I didn't know I could ever feel so strongly about one little person, let alone two, that I've never met,  so ferociously loving and protective that it catches me off guard sometimes. I'd wrestle a tiger for these babies - these precious, amazing little people that I've yet to meet face to face - if I needed to. I cannot begin to describe the pure depth of emotion that I feel toward them, and it surprises me sometimes...after all, this is me, the baby hater. I never would have thought this was possible.

2 comments:

  1. I think pregnancy is a road of discovery. And then it leads to the other road of discover which is parenthood. What a journey.. but a great one (most of the time!). This week's Pregnancy Round Up is up on my blog. I'd love you to come over a link up!

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  2. I agree, pregnancy and parenthood is a transformative process...just when you think you've got a handle on things something new presents itself. It's an amazing journey of self-discovery and growth if you let it be.

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