Thursday, March 11, 2010

The girl who knew too much

The first few days after my new niece was born were fairly rough on me. My husband has definitely noticed this in me and instead of our usual plans to BD, we had a heart to heart.

He was pretty worried about me and how I get so emotional about ttc sometimes. Usually it's just before I "find out my fate" each month but I've also been greatly affected by this new baby too.

I told my DH that I just wished there was a way to stop getting so emotional about ttc and thinking about it all the time. I know that it's a matter of me just choosing to stop feeling sorry for myself or worrying about the future or being jealous or whatever it is that is causing my pain. We talked about how everyone has a cross to bear in their lives, and no ones cross is exactly the same as someone elses. We both feel that God is using this situation to help me learn and grow in my relationship with Him.

DH has been feeling like things were becoming too mechanical in our approach to ttc. Honestly, I had been thinking about this for a little while now, and the new baby situation has simply been the catalyst for us to sit down and talk things through. He thinks that ttc is coming between us in our relationship, and that something has to change. That I need to start focusing on the familiy we DO have instead of dreaming about the family that MIGHT be.

He really cut to the heart of the matter...

We decided after our talk that it's time to stop ttc. It's been a year since I started temping my bbt again, and it's been a good thing since it prompted me to go see the doctor and get some answers. Then after that I was on clomid for those 3 months, so I needed to track my bbt and ovulation date etc. But now, we're done with that chapter of our lives and it's time to get back to basics.

I need to feel spontaneous again when it comes to intimacy. No more focusing on timing and the infamous 'fertile window.' I refuse to let that get in the way of the closeness I share with my husband.

It's time to move on and focus on my family 'as is'.

I threw my thermometer in a drawer and was done with it. It was such a relief...a breath of fresh air. Freedom!

3 comments:

  1. Good for you about tossing the thermometer! I too feel like this ttc thing has gotten to be so mechanical. Good luck focusing on your family "as is"--I think you´ve hit the nail on the head there.

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  2. I am glad you are feeling freedom now! Sounds like you are making the right choice for you and your family.

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  3. I feel the same as you...I too know too much. I think no matter what when you are TTC it's hard to control what you are feeling. I mean its your body..how are you not supposed to think about it. I tried a few months of "not trying" but no matter what I could "feel" when I ovulate. There is no way for me to just let it go. I hope letting go of the temping is a good thing for you. I have yet to give that a try cause it freaks me out.

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