Friday, July 31, 2009

Things I've learned...

I was sitting here today, thinking about some of the things I've learned since I started TTCing. Honestly, I was pretty naive when we first decided to have baby (you have sex, you make a baby, right?), so the list is pretty long! I've narrowed it down to just a few that are about my personal experience so far:

Charting doesn't make me stressed. A couple of cycles ago, I was super stressed - I had a few people tell me it was probably due to charting, so I stopped temping, thinking that not worrying about my temperature every morning would help. And it didn't change a thing.

Ironically, I think it probably made me more stressed. I'm hypereducated - I like having as much information as I can. Charting gives that to me. This is why I tend to get an annoyed twitch when people tell me to "relax, stop charting, don't worry!" I'm a nerd - I do things like this for fun. That said, I don't regret not charting that 2WW - if nothing else, it clarified for me that it's not the charting that's causing me stress - it's the uncertainty, and there's no way I can escape that! This doesn't mean that charting is for everyone, but it's right for me.

People need to shhhhhhh. Why is it that everyone who knows you are TTCing thinks they know the best way to get pregnant? (No, I'm not talking about the awesome readers we have for this blog, because I value your opinions - I mean the real life busybodies.)

Have lots of sex - every day! No, have sex every other day! Put your feet up! Don't put your feet up! Stop stressing and relax! (Side note: is there a single phrase in the English language that can automatically make you more stressed than that one?) Do it under a full moon! Get drunk! Don't drink! Spread mayonnaise on your stomach and whistle I've Been Working on the Railroad backward while wearing tap shoes! OK...not really on that last one. But you get my point. Everyone has an opinion, and everyone thinks they're right. Depressingly, this will only get worse when we actually have a baby. Not that that's going to stop us from trying, haha!

Symptoms don't mean much. Honestly, unless you're vomiting your head off every day, it's really, really hard to tell if you're knocked up just by your 2WW symptoms (not that that keeps us from obsessing!).

Example: these are the symptoms I had when I got my BFP. Since then, I've had cycles where I had cramps and didn't have them, had gas and didn't have gas, felt fatigued and didn't feel fatigued, had heartburn, had tender boobs, was bloated, etc, etc. Hell, I even get creamy yellow CM every single cycle (yes, every one), and that's supposed to practically be a sure sign. But so far, nothing but BFNs after my at this point, the only symptom I'm going to be believing in is two fat pink lines on a pregnancy test!

Time doesn't heal all wounds. I still think about my miscarriage every single day. I think about what I would have looked like by now, how much my baby would have developed, whether it would have been a boy or a girl.

I miss my baby every day. Some days are easier than others (like when I'm feeling hopeful during the 2WW) and others are devastatingly difficult (like when Aunt Flo shows up and I have to face yet another failed cycle and yet another physical reminder of my miscarriage). It does get easier with time, but I will never forget that first little one - not for as long as I live.

I wouldn't stop trying again for anything in the world. Unless we get to the point where we've been trying for years and discover that we have insurmountable fertility problems, we're going to keep trying. BFN cycles suck, but Mr Bibliosaur and I both want a baby enough that we're not going to let that get us down.

One of the sucky things about TTCing is the disappointment that happens when Aunt Flo shows up...but one of the awesome things is the rush of hope you feel the rest of the time. Hey, you never know - this could be the cycle!


  1. I can't imagine how frustrating this must be for you, month after month, after getting your first BFP so soon after deciding to try. My heart goes out to you, and I'm amazed by your strength, I really am. Hang in there lady, and do whatever YOU need to do to feel good about this TTC journey. People will give you all sorts of advice, just smile and nod. :o)

  2. I share your frustration regading unsolicited advice! Who knew that the general population were all experts on TTC, pregnancy and child rearing?
    You have so many people pulling for you! I really hope this is lucky cycle number 5!!